I’m taking a stand.

take a stand

My daughter is 5 years old. She loves to play with her imaginary friends, ‘do’ fashion, swing as high as possible on the swings at the park and make a mess whenever possible. She is happy, stress-free and safe.

When I was 5 I was carrying around a dirty secret. It was horrible. When I look at my daughter now, and then reflect back on the child I was, our lives couldn’t be more different. I was filled with anxiety and guilt, every single day.

I was sexually abused over a period of time from 4 years of age. At around age 5 I revealed the secret to my sister, and she told my parents. I was mortified, but partially relieved. I’ll forever have a special bond with her, because she saved me. She stopped the pattern of it all happening ever again. I was finally safe. A 5 year old shouldn’t even know those emotions, should they? Mortified. Anxious. Scared. Guilty. It should be all about rainbows and unicorns, surely.

Being a victim survivor of child sexual assault isn’t something that is fleeting. It’s something you carry around with you for your whole life. As a child it was a heavy burden to carry around, sitting on my shoulders weighing my tiny little frame down. My teen years were hard, perhaps the hardest. Processing it all was really difficult, especially when being a teen is hard enough as it is. There were times when I didn’t think that it was all worth it.

And just when I thought I was through the hardest parts, the counseling, moving past the anger and betrayal, and then rejoicing when he died of cancer… came another hurdle; parenting a daughter the same age that I was when it happened to me. Realising that I missed out on so much childhood. Seeing the joy and freedom exude from within her, and knowing at that age I was anything but free. Trying to keep her safe, without her missing out on the good bits of life, or sharing my burden with her in any way.

This isn’t my dirty little secret anymore. This isn’t something I did, or created. It happened to me, but I was a victim. I’m now a survivor. I am triumphant.

Sadly, 1 in 5 children in Australia will experience sexual assault before their 18th birthday. It’s disgusting and it’s happening. That’s 59,000 children around Australia ever year. While I can keep my daughter as safe as possible, while allowing her to live the life she deserves to enjoy, I can’t keep all the children in Australia {or the world} safe. But I do have a platform where I can help create awareness. Bravehearts have a campaign called 1in5 where they encourage people to spread the message, as well as raise funds to help other victims – including offering counseling for kids which is something that I know would have helped the healing for me back then}. You can read more about Bravehearts here. I encourage others to get involved, if that’s something you’re comfortable with.

What were you doing when you were 5? Will you take a stand too?

YELLOW-BREAK

You can read my story here: The Road To Here
And my story of overcoming it all: The Healing

86 thoughts on “I’m taking a stand.”

  2. Thanks, Chantelle, for this post. My children are grown, but I know how worried I was that history might repeat itself, that they might be abused as I was, and suffer the shame that I did.
    Part of my work preventing child abuse is encouraging people to speak out. Knowledge is power.

  3. I’ve adored you Chantelle for a while now and my heart aches reading this. because i know those childhood feelings you talk about so so well. I suffered abuse from 5-9 years old and kept the secret for many many years. I have started to talk about it now that I’m 22 and I’ve found so much healing. What a gift that your daughter has such freedom and a mother who loves her so.

  4. I love this. Thank you so much for 1, speaking on this issue … 2, making a point to strike-through the word “victim” … and 3, using “survivor” instead.

    When I was five, I was in a world of my own. Drug-addicted mother, working dad, and loving siblings too old to live at home but too young to take me away. There were so many aspects of my childhood I blocked out, and thankfully I was adopted at the age of 8. But regardless, I fought the not-for-kids-eyes/ears/bodies-craziness off and created a little fantasy world where I was a badass Power Ranger chick with superhero cool powers. Weird, but I lived. But now? My kids are 6, 5 and 1 … and it would literally kill me if they went through one single OUNCE of that crap.

    Thank you for continually using your platform for greatness. <3

    • Go you! What an empowering comment. I think the best thing we can do is change what we went through, and be triumphant in our lives as women, mamas and people.

      Hope nobody messes with that Badass Power Ranger Chick in you. x

  5. I’m new to your blog but so far I really like you and I’m truly sorry you had to deal with that type of abuse. Giving you a virtual hug.

    At 5 I was a super happy kid that was completely surrounded by love, happiness, and affection from my parents and both sides of my family. I was in school everyday and learning was fun for me. Every night mom would cook dinner & we would sit down as a family. Since I had such a great childhood I make sure that when my nieces and nephews are with me they feel the love I have for them as soon as we are in each others presence. I make my house a home and a place where they are free to be themselves at all times. They know they are safe when they are with me, that’s one way I try to make a difference in their lives.

  6. I was 3 when I started being sexually abused, it didn’t end till I was 16 years old. I endured Physical & Mental abuse as well. My abuser also died of Cancer. I can so relate to looking at my children & seeing the life they enjoyed & what I missed out on. I raised my children with a code word. I told them we are all born with a inner voice. Sometimes the voice speaks loudly & sometimes it’s quiet. If we are EVER in a place where you feel uncomfortable or “funny” let me know by using the code word. I can say this happened one time & we were with a friend I knew. I NEVER spent another moment with that friend, after my child used our code word. Children are often told to respect their elders & it’s a shame because I believe children are smarter than adults give them credit for. My children are now raising their children with a code word. The problem with my abuse was I had 2 older sisters who did nothing to protect me. I have not only MY memories of being abuse, but VIVID details of their abuse as well. Imagine trying to overcome the flashbacks & the pain of having ya sisters serve ya up as a sacrificial lamb only to save themselves. Alot of anger & distrust for sure. I’m ok with everything that happened. I know I was a GREAT MAMA. I know I did everything I could to proctect my children without being overbearing. (Which is hard, & ya probably feeling it with ya baby) I wish ya much happiness & for ya inner child to continue to come forth & enjoy playing with ya precious babe.
    Thanks so much for sharing, YOU ARE BRAVE!
    Hugs, Poetic Dreams (Poe)

    • Yesterday I was really drained {emotionally} from everything, but wanted to let you know that I read your comment and I cried. It was so powerful and beautiful, and I just related to so much of it.

      Thank you for sharing, and I’m so sorry that you went through that. It sucks, but look at us living now. xx

  7. You’re a complete Braveheart for doing this post Chantelle. The strength and grace you show in this post will help spread this message and help more than you will ever know. xx

    PS. For the record when I was five, I was obsessed with pink and dogs…not much has changed!

  8. Hi Chantelle!

    I’m using Alicia Keys’ words to tell you what a strong, brave, tenacious and lovely woman you are!!!

    Congratulations on your courage!

    “Everywhere I’m turning
    Nothing seems complete
    I stand up and I’m searching
    For the better part of me
    I hang my head from sorrow
    state of humanity
    I wear it on my shoulders
    Gotta find the strength in me

    Cause I am a Superwoman
    Yes I am
    Yes she is
    Even when I’m a mess
    I still put on a vest
    With an S on my chest
    Oh yes
    I’m a Superwoman

    For all the mothers fighting
    For better days to come
    And all my women, all my women sitting here trying
    To come home before the sun
    And all my sisters
    Coming together
    Say yes I will
    Yes I can (…)”

    ‘Superwoman’ by Alicia Keys

    x

    Carla

  9. I was abused from around 4 years old and it lasted till I was 13. It wasn’t the same person who abused me, it was 3 different people. I have 2 girls and my stomach gets in knots if I allow myself to think of it happening to them.

    I never used to talk about it and haven’t ever spoken to my parents about it but recently I’ve been writing a lot (not on my blog, just in MS word and in private for now) and I’m trying to speak about it openly to help combat the feelings of guilt. While I’m keeping it to myself it feels like they’ve still got power over me and I’m not going to let them have that power anymore.

    Thank you for sharing your story.

    • I am so sorry for your pain. Getting help, and finding someone to talk to {a counselor} that wasn’t family, or a friend, that I could get everything out to and not feel any more guilt for sharing or offloading was a huge step for me. For me, it was the key for letting it all go.

      Of course it’s still hard, but you really don’t have to do it alone.

      I hope you get your power back soon. xxx

  10. Beautiful post – thank you for sharing! I have never experienced any abuse myself but witness the effect it had on close friends of mine (the abuser was someone we all thought was safe) and as a mother it is terrifying! You have to let them live out in the world and be free but we have to keep them safe from harm and as you said let them be kids and think only of unicorns and rainbows! Thank you for sharing Bravehearts and the work they do! I too am taking a stand.

  11. Thank you Chantelle, for sharing. I too was victim of sexual abuse, from at least age 4 (that’s the earliest strong memory), but possibly younger, until age 11. I blocked most of those memories for many years, but they came rushing back when I was 16. It took about 5 years to fully come to terms with everything, and to also consider myself a survivor.
    I fully understand your anxiety about having a daughter that age. Keep strong. You know what to watch for, and how to talk to your daughter, without scaring her. You are in my prayers.

  12. Hi Chantelle, First of all thank you for sharing, it is an abominable thing to go through but you have come out as a survivor. I know how abominable it is as I too was sexually abused as a child from about 8 til well into my teenage years. He was a family friend who my parents thought was wonderful (he had two daughters himself). I couldn’t tell anyone (or thought so) as I was an adopted child and was scared that if no one believed me I would be taken away again. I know now that that wouldn’t have happened but in the mind of a child it could have happened. I use to hate the twice weekly visits to the house ( he would always make an excuse to take me down to the car so he could make me touch him), my dad got really sick once and they had to go to Sydney so he could have surgery and I was left with him (and his family) for over 2 weeks. I always felt anxious and stressed when I had to visit 🙁 It finally ended when I left home and was in nursing training, he arrived on the doorstep of my flat that I was sharing at the time and my best friend (who I had told what had happened one night over a few drinks) told him if he ever came near me again she would call the police (oh how I love and still love that girl). I got into trouble from my parents for being rude to him but I still couldn’t bring myself to tell them what had happened. Anyway, he got really sick with cancer and was in the hospital and the actual ward where I was working in Sydney (he was a war vet and Concord was the place to go), and he died a horrible death…please forgive me but I was so pleased that it was because of all the pain he caused me. I eventually told my mum after my dad had died and she was shocked and to this day I don’t think she truly believed me. I read lots of books about the subject, had counselling eventually which has helped and have made sure that all three of my children know that they could come and talk to me about anything during their childhood years. They are sick perverted b@#$@$$s that should rot in hell and even that is too good for them.

      • Thank you Chantelle, I too hope we run into each other one day…it will be when we least expect it and it will be one of those OMG it’s her moments lol.

  13. oh my gosh, this is heartbreaking. so sorry this happened to you. you
    where so brave back than and are so brave being open about it and
    write about it now.
    i wish and hope more kids can be as brave as you were and tell someone what happens to them. have someone help them. free them.
    it
    makes me so mad that those bast***s are ruining kids’ childhoods and
    actually their whole lifes ahead of them. i want to punch every single
    one of these bast***s .

    sending you big hugs from the other side of the globe.

  14. This is one my biggest fears!! It is such a helpless feeling to feel as though you might not be able to keep your children safe. I love the idea of a code word, that another reader shared. I’m going to incorporate that too. I started reading this book to my kids (4 & 2) a few months ago. I feel like it is at least starting the conversation. http://www.amazon.com/Those-are-MY-Private-Parts/dp/1482544377

  15. My heart is with you, we were discussing these topics yesterday at work 🙁 how to keep our babys safe. Just being there, trusting them, letting them know they can tell us anything. It is all I can think of.

  16. Hi Chantelle…my heart aches for the little girl that once was but my heart smiles more for the amazing, strong, loving mother she has grown into today…your daughter is one of the most luckiest little girls in the world to have you as her Mum for everything you do to love, care and protect her she is blessed…Good on you for taking this stand and for spreading the word that many are only too scared to do…it certainly has raised awareness…your amazing X

  17. You are so amazing and brave to share your story. And you are an even more amazing mum because of what has happened. hugs to you for sharing because it will help so many people. I admire bloggers like you (and also naomi) who share something so private. So much love and sharing will come to you today and I just know your readers will feel a relief to share with you tooxxxx

  18. Oh my, I’m so sorry that you went through that as a child. My daughter is six and last year a boy in her class was touching her inappropriately. After repeated talks with the teacher and school officials he still wouldn’t stop so we had him moved to another class. I felt awful for him because I was afraid of where he might have learned this behavior. Luckily the school was now involved and doing what they could to monitor the situation but my biggest job and concern was keeping my daughter safe. Luckily she seems to have moved past it but I still worry about her. I hated that she had to deal with this experience. I wish it wasn’t something that happened to anyone at any time.

    • Keeping our kids safe often feels like an overwhelming job to me, I’m not sure about you. Trying to read between the lines, figure it all out and do the best we can.

      I hope your daughter is OK. xx

  19. My childhood was happy and carefree full of kittens, nursery rhymes and games. I had very protective parents, in particular my mum. As I grew older and married, my sisters and I often thought something must have happened to our mother when she was younger due to her aversion to certain people.Years went by and nothing was said but it was always in the back of my mind. At the age of 79 my mum had a brain tumor removed and things went wrong as they sometimes do. After many months in hospital Mum came to live with me.She had been a very independent woman, living on her own so her possessions had to be packed up. The job of sorting through her personal papers was left to me ,believe me she kept everything, so I had to read through heaps of stuff. One day I found a notebook she had wrote about her childhood, it was horrendous. From a little toddler the abuse started, culminating in her being raped at the age of fourteen and being sent away to live with an aunt.No wonder Mum speaks so highly of her, she was the one who broke the connection to that terrible past. Mum isn’t in a position to be able to talk about these things now, perhaps a good thing. Now days I’m the one who is over-protective of her.I truly admire your open comments, and YES YOU ARE A SURVIVOR.

    • That just breaks my heart. Offloading that guilt and getting help was just so important for me to be able to heal and live a life that I deserved. It was a huge leap to get there, and I have no regrets in getting help.

      To live as a prisoner of your past, even just a small portion of your self, for so many years is just not fair.

      Sorry, I’m rambling… but it’s just so heart-breaking. 🙁

  20. Proud of you for being a survivor. Thank you for sharing. I think the guilt of all the years you fear you will never forget it or be forgiven is nearly as bad as the shame of the actions. To think of all who have gone through this and are going through this, breaks my heart. Some of them thinking it is normal is even more abominable. The code word is a great way to help keep your kids safe. I was able, at 7 years old, to tell my parents and it ended a friendship, thank goodness. And may have saved others, I hope so. Here’s to more Bravehearts and an end to the predators!

  21. Tears are streaming down my face reading this post and the comments, Chantelle. You are amazing! It is disgusting that such beautiful person had to even know about these things, and yet you should be so proud of who you are despite all that crap.

    As a mum to a 2 year old it scares me every single day. Thank you for using your gifted voice to bring awareness to such a terrible thing that happens to so many every single day.

  24. The world needs more people like you. It can’t be easy to share something like that but your bravery to do so to help others is amazing. I never had anything like that happen to me and I don’t have any kids of my own yet but it is still something I feel passionate about. Every child deserves the chance to just be a kid and Lacey is lucky to have you as a mum to provide that opportunity for her.

  25. oh how the innocence of a child can be robbed……..and your right we live with it for the rest of our lives, and like you its a choice i make everyday i’m a conqueror not a victim, and not hiding it takes away the power/guilt that is associated with it…… i think some of my friends think i’m a bit ott with my little man, and i know i cant protect him from everything but i’m his mumma and i’m sure gonna try…….{without putting my baggage onto him} it amazes me how many people this has happened to, cycles need to be broken huh!!!!!!!!!! i’ve always loved your openness and truth telling and often think shes thinking what i’m thinking again………thank you for being you and what a great and wonderful YOU you are……..your daughter is one happy lucky little girl to have a mumma like you

  26. My heart aches for you and all the other children who’ve gone through such a traumatic, life-altering event. I’m so glad that we’re now aware and taking a stand against these horrendous creatures who prey on innocence. How lucky your daughter is to have you xxx

  27. I understand and thank you for your stand! I was molested from age 3-4 until age 15 by my dad and my mom. I went through counseling, turned my parents in and testified against them in court. I know very well the pain, the strength and the courage. Thank you for speaking out!!

  28. Thank you so much for sharing. You’re very brave and an amazing mum. Lots of love all the way from Brazil.

  29. You’re one hell of a woman Chantelle! I’m teary thinking about the childhood you missed out on. You’re a beautiful human being. xx

  30. This broke my heart a little bit. But thank you for having the courage to share your story with the world. I can’t and won’t ever understand what you went through but we can all help to try and stop it happening to other beautiful children.

  31. Oh my darling girl, I have cried reading this. Tears of sadness for the fear and pain of that little 5 year old girl, then tears of relief for the wonderful love of sisters and finally tears of joy for how far you’ve come, what you’ve achieved and for the courage it took to write this post. I can’t imagine how painful it was or how long you deliberated about whether yo were ready to share but that you did speaks volumes about how far you have come. I’m shocked, saddened and AMAZED Chantelle. You have taken a stand…on a pedestal… You are a hero…….❤ I am sure this is going to help others open up about something that has , until now been unspeakable. much love to you my friend xxx

  32. I was 8 when I was almost raped by a family member, then four short years later, I was sexually molested by another family member. Two short years later than that, I was sexually molested by yet another family member. It took a long time for me to realize it was not my fault. My self worth was not dictated by what these so called males did to me. The first assault happened by a 16 year old. Old enough to know better, stopped by my 6 year old brother who walked in on it. I am blessed to have him as my brother. Its a hard thing to get over. But knowing there are others out there, that we all are connected by things like this. That we are not alone? Its the best blessing in the world.

  33. Those statistics are shocking. Shocking and sickening. Thank you so much for sharing your story and congrats on being a survivor!

  34. I was 5 too when it happened and lasted for about 2 yrs. kept it a secret and it haunted me until my teenage years. The worst part is that when i finally got the courage to tell my mother when I was about 14 she didn’t do anything and just pretended nothing happened – i even had to deal with living in close proximity to the guy who did it because he was sharing accommodation with us in Saudi Arabia (my parents were overseas workers and we lived in Saudi Arabia for so many years). She was worried about the scandal it would make. i only got to really start living when i went back to our home country for college, but will have to admit that it still haunts me til this day even now that I’ve got my own family (husband and a 2yr old son).
    Your daughter is very lucky to have you as a parent who will always make sure she is safe and will do everything to protect her from any harm.
    My heart goes out to you as you had also suffered what anyone shouldn’t. But you are still lucky because you had your sister and parents who immediately put a stop to it and made necessary actions…
    After reading your article I kind of feel ‘free-er’ now knowing that I am not alone in this kind of childhood experience and that someday I too can call myself a survivor. I just have yet to find it in my heart to forgive – the person who did it and my mother who didn’t do anything.
    God bless you, Chantelle.
    xo

    • Oh, I am so sorry.

      My parents never confronted him, and my aunt {who was married/partnered with him} still doesn’t believe me, or my other cousins that it happened to as well. That aches. How would a child of 5 make that shit up? And why would they? My cousins were much older than me and went through it years before I did and the cycle could have been stopped, but it wasn’t.

      I take comfort that you and I know better and will do better. We will raise our children in a world where we trust the words they say, we keep our eyes open to the good and the bad, and let them enjoy the lives they deserve. I just can’t imagine not doing anything. My husband and I have talked about it, and you’d have to restrain us from doing too much.

      Forgiving is really hard. Some days I think I’m there, and others I’m just sad. Big hugs being sent your way. xx

  35. Thank you for sharing your story and to all the many others who have shared these in the comments. Each time you share your story you take back some power that the perpetrator stole from you. It sickens me how common it is, and I am going to do all I can to prevent this from happening to my daughter.

  36. Well done you brave, brave lady for sharing this and being such a strong individual and role model to all. I was lucky enough to be climbing trees at 5 with no more worries than who to play with at breaktime. But to imagine what you went through makes me wish I could send my childhood to you. Kudos to you, sweet x

  37. Wow! With those statistics I guess I shouldn’t be shocked at the number of you who have been abused as children/teenagers. I am one of the lucky ones. Apart from losing my father when I was five, my childhood was very carefree, growing up with my siblings on a sheep property in North West NSW, with lots of cousins nearby on neighbouring properties. My heart breaks for all of you & at the same time I take my hat off to you for making it through & stopping the cycle. You’re all strong amazing people & I wish all of you & your families the very best. Hugs to you all.
    My incident of abuse happened only once when I was in my thirties, overseas, at the hands of someone who was supposed to be a friend. He too ended up with cancer. I only wish that I had had the courage to report him.

  38. Chantelle, I read your post full with amazement of your power and strength. Read EVERY single comment and have to say: I’m truly proud of all of you taking a stand! I’m proud of every single one of you being able to call themselfs survivors (or on their way to that point) and of the people who helped you break that circles!

    I lost a friend due to abuse (her parents were literally selling her (what I learned ages later) and she was finally taken away from that horrible “family” by officials. we have barely contact but I know she is still struggling and I whish her all the best).

    My childhood was filled with imaginary friends, funtime in kindergarten, loving parents… The things I wish all of you could have enjoyed!
    Sending love an courage to all of you from Europe… 🙂

  39. Wow. I so admire you for sharing your story with us. Everyone has a story to tell, but most of us are not brave enough to do so. I am glad that you have moved past the dark days and have been able to give your daughter the childhood you deserved. God bless you as you bring another baby into this world. I applaud your bravery.

  40. Hello you beautiful woman its so sad when we don’t have a normal childhood, it hurts so much it’s not fair, it still affects me with what I missed out, protect your child and watch her thrive, love to you always, thank you for sharing

  42. So many sad stories in here 🙁 The damage this stuff does to kid (both as kids and throughout their lives) is horrific. I’ve had to deal with abuse from a different (work) perspective in the past and it’s made me very cautious with my daughter too. It’s hard trying to walk that line between empowering them to tell people no and destroying their innocence by letting that knowledge into their lives. {hugs}

  43. Although I have not personally lived through such an experience, I stand beside you, holding your hand and sharing strength, as I support you and many others who have. As a mom to a 6yo I stand, for certain, to ensure her safety as best I can. You’re right in that we can not save each and every child, but what you’re encouraging here reminds me to do my best to be aware and do what I can for all the children in my line of sight, so to speak, and support those helping the children that aren’t. Huge hugs to you. Thank you for sharing your story.

  44. This is an incredibly brave and courageous post. I am so sorry for what you went through! Thought I haven’t experienced this type of abuse personally, I was moved by what you wrote and I commend you for speaking out about your experiences, as I believe that this is truly the only way to end such horrendous abuse.

  45. Reading the comments here has been as heart-breaking as reading your post, Telle. Am I taking a stand?? I’m on tippy toes right now and clicking straight over to Bravehearts (a more aptly named organisation I can’t think of). x

  46. Yep, I too experienced sexual abuse as a child by a step parent. It really is soul crushing to read so many other stories of abuse.

    I now work within an organisation of medical forensic specialists who assess adult & paediatric abuse victims for criminal prosecution cases and some of the stories and impact statements I read are unbelieveable. The alarming instances of abuse which happens within families is hard to comprehend. Siblings, cousins, uncles, aunties … parents. The list goes on.

    I struggle to find a healthy balance as a parent with my own children. I don’t want to helicopter parent them, but man it’s hard knowing what I know.

  47. I felt like I was reading my own story. I can’t wait to be a mother some day… it helps to know that others have experienced all of those same feelings too.

  48. Thank you for sharing and talking about this and for making a stand. I too am a survivor and I too have made a stand and here is my blog, where i am, like you, dedicated to going from survivor to thriver. http://www.foodtothink.com
    My childhood trauma raised its head in the biggest way when my husband was diagnosed with cancer. Although I had all my memories in detail (I never forgot them, lest we forget) but the cancer diagnosis triggered PTSD in me.
    It also coincided with the passing of my perpetrator, who was also my dad, and whom my bio mother had made change his will, whilst he was on his deathbed, to disinherit me, because I had created boundaries.
    I also have a cousin who stopped replying to my emails when I explained how his comment of ‘let sleeping dogs lie’ is irrelevant to a survivor. I posted my letter to him on my website as well.
    I’m glad to have found you and hope you enjoy my stand as well.
    All the best.

  49. I have only jus read this post, and I am absolutely appalled at the amount of adults commenting that they have suffered sexual abuse. I am even more appalled that 1 in 5 children are still being abused. I was sexually abused by my brother front the age of about 6 till 15. He obviously lived in my home and unfortunately I was left alone with him often. It didn’t really matter if we were home alone or if the house was full – I was one of seven kids; he would grab me if I got up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet. Of course I was too scared to tell anyone and powerless to do anything about it. My husband knows it happened, but we don’t talk about it. For years I had to attend family functions with him there and listen to Mum talk about how great he is and what he’s doing. Needless to say, we choose not to attend family functions these days – i cant stand seeing him chatting and everyone acting like he is wonderful. I often wonder does he ever think about what he’s done but I think I know he has no conscience. One day not so long ago I did tell Mum and she doesn’t believe me, she thinks I am a liar and have made it up for attention. I am 47 years old. For a long time I believed that whilst I knew it happened, I did not let it affect me, that I had gotten on with my life and been happy in spite of what he did to me. The older I get the angrier I am – at my mother for not noticing and not protecting me, but mostly for not believing me. I am angry that I am missing out on family because of him, I am angry that he gets away with it.

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