The Road To Here.

B

ob’s your uncle.

I don’t like that phrase. I cringe when I hear it. It sends a shiver right up my spine.

Bob was my uncle. Bob changed my life forever. Bob stole my childhood.

From the age of four years I was sexually abused, and it continued on for many years. At a time when I should have been carefree and engrossed in all things Barbie, I was consumed with fear, anxiety and unnecessary guilt.

For many years the memories were crystal clear, and I thought about it constantly. Eventually the years eased the pain, and faded the memories.

When I was little we would stay at my Aunt and Uncle’s house. Sometimes the whole family would stay, sometimes I would go alone. Every night I would go to sleep in one place, only to wake up in the dark of night in the arms of my uncle.

Each morning I would wake, and I’d feel an overwhelming wave of nausea and guilt. I felt like it was my own fault. I would run to the bathroom and wash my tiny four year old hands, in an attempt to wash the whole night down the drain. Unfortunately it wasn’t that easy.

Gripped with anxiety I would sit down to breakfast with a mental tug of war running through my head. Save me, I wanted to scream. I hope they don’t know what happened, I thought to myself. I ate my toast and hid within. A poor little four year old trying to deal with so much, so much beyond my short little life.

We’d learn about Stranger Danger in kindergarten. Policemen and firefighters came in to our classroom to teach us about safety and being brave. They told us that if anyone ever touched us we should tell an adult. Inside I was screaming out to them to help me. I felt like it was finally my time to be free. I didn’t tell anyone though. I just sat there, filled with sadness.

Bob had instilled a fear in me. He told me it was all my fault, I couldn’t tell anyone. So I didn’t. I kept it to myself.

Months and months passed. One afternoon, whilst playing with my sister and friends, we were talking about sexual abuse. I piped up that it was happening to me. My older sister was in disbelief. She was so angered, not at me, but at the situation. Even from the youngest age she’s felt it her duty to protect me, and I guess at 7 years of age, she felt she failed.

She promised me my secret was safe with her. She told me she wouldn’t get me into trouble.

That night it all came undone. My sister told my parents. I wasn’t in trouble. I didn’t do anything wrong. My Mum assured me of that. I was still frightened though.

My Mum came into me that night and kissed my tear soaked face as I lay on the top bunk. I was okay. I would be okay. I was finally safe. I was finally free.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t free from the memories. The years following were the most difficult.

Trying to erase the images from my head turned out to be harder than I could have imagined, or hoped. The abuse tainted many areas of my life. Trust was a big one, especially with males.

115 thoughts on “The Road To Here.”

  1. my gosh you are brave.
    to write this post- to share this piece of your life with us is heartbreaking and encouraging to those of us who have walked the same road and are struggling through the haze of memories.
    thank you, chantelle, for sharing.

  3. As I read this, I was waiting for you to tell me that you were telling someone else's story.

    This is so sad, but I'm so glad you felt you could share it with us. x

  5. Chantelle, you are such a beautiful, brave and strong person. No child should have to endure the shame of sexual abuse.It breaks my heart to think of how many children go through this torture everyday…Thankyou for sharing your story.

  6. I am so proud of you for being able to talk so openly and honestly and share this with everyone.
    You really are amazing and I am so lucky to have such a wonderful person like you in my life..
    I love that I can get up and read abit more about you everyday be it good or bad.
    Thanks again for sharing.
    xx

  7. Thank girls. I wanted to share because I know it's really common {unfortunately} but it's rarely spoken about.

    If there is anything I can take from it, it's letting others know that they'll be okay and they're not alone.

    So I know it will be confronting and upsetting for some… but it will be comforting for others.

    And it's also a little therapeutic to talk it out, and put it out there.

    Thanks again. xx

  11. Thank you for being so brave and talking about what happened to you. My mum was sexually abused, but she doesn't talk about it and reading about it from you has helped me to understand what mum went through a little better.

  12. Well done. I can only imagine how hard that post was to write. Your strength will provide strength for someone else to say me too. Only by getting this abhorrent behaviour out there and talking about it do we hope to protect our children from being made to feel they cannot tell anyone.

  13. Wow! Heart breaking. I really am lost for words.
    You really are a strong amazing woman.
    and such an inspiration.
    Thank you for your courage

  17. At first this post made me angry. I seriously want to kill your uncle Bob and all the other sick people out there like him. Then I felt sad. Sad that children like yourself have to go through such anguish. I wanted to stop reading but I made it to the end. YOu know what? I am glad I did cause in the end you won. You beat your uncle Bob by not letting your bad experience cripple you emotionally. Fantastic post for me to read today given that today is International Women's Day. You are a strong woman be proud of yourself:-)

  18. very brave but very necessary!!
    the more we give abuse a voice the harder it will be for the abusers!! [i was in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship prior to meeting my husband]

    good for you chantelle

    you have all the support in the world here

    shan xxxx

  19. bless you Chantelle and bless that innocent little four yr old child

    my sister is a survivor also so I understand your sisters feelings

    there are really no words to describe what this does to a child and a family

  20. Chantelle, You are extremely brave telling your story, your sister is very brave too to let your parents know about the horrible things that was happening to you. Yes you are a survivor, your journey through this has made you who you are and made you the wonderful Mum wife and daughter and sister!!. Thanks for sharing you have helped me too by sharing your story.

  21. You are so brave and strong Chantelle. As a mum of a young daughter I cant imagine what that would have done to your own mother and your family, let alone to you. Thank you so much for sharing and being so supportive of everyone else in your life. Lacey will be one strong little girl indeed as she has such a great role model in you. Big hugs and sending lots of love your way xx

  22. Chantelle, thank you so much for having the strength to write this post. You are a true testament to the power of love and healing. My thoughts are with you.

  23. You're so brave Chantelle. Not just for getting through all of that, but for sharing it with us.

    This is something I really wish no one had to experience.

    Love.
    xo

  24. Hi Chantelle. There are no words to describe how much I'd love to reach out and give you a hug. You are brave, wonderful, inspirational and I feel blessed that you choose to share your story with us – in all it's complexity. I am the child of parents who were both abused and neither of them are anywhere near the point of survival that you have reached. You are quite simply a wonder! Much, much, much love to you. xoxoxoxoxoxxoxo

  25. Thanks for sharing your story Telle. I just want to go back and hug little 4 year old you and keep her safe.

    You are right. You won. You are the survivor. Huge hugs to you xx

  26. As I was reading this, my heart sunk and I too was hoping that you were telling someone else's story. No one should have to go through this though… no one!

    Your last paragraph sums up what I wanted to say. You are a survivor, you are okay and you are amazing!

    *hugs* xxx

  27. amazing that you have the courage to share that here… im so proud of you and so happy you did cause i think it needs to be heard!

    it astounds me that people allow their children to have sleepovers at a friends house but my guess is they dont know anyone with one of these stories! i feel saddened to say, too many of my friends have a story like yours. you are not alone!

    i have always been so thankful that you felt able to share your story with me so willingly and im sure others will feel the same!

    i get the strangest looks when i tell people their children are so welcome here but audrey isnt allowed to have sleep overs… but i know im protecting her and for that, i have you to thank!

    {{hugs}} to you, rowe x

  29. I agree totally Rowe, I am like that with my kids too….and Chantelle's story which she bravely told reminds us of why we are like that.
    You are brave and you are strong Chantelle and no one can change or take that away from you…..i really hope karma got Uncle Bob.
    thank you and I wish you peace from all the awful memories.
    much lovexoxo

  30. Words can't describe how I feel after reading that. You poor thing. No child should have to deal with that. If I could hug you I would..

  31. Thank you for sharing. You poor thing. I feel so sad for that poor little 4 year old girl. All that she could have been. Should have been. You are a brave, beautiful, amazing, strong woman and someone that Lacey is lucky to have as her mother. Thanks againx

  32. My little girl is 4. This is my worst nightmare.
    Thank you for telling your story. We worry about the strangers on the street or at the shops but often it's the ones we know and trust.

  41. I'm lost for words not sure what to say other than my heart goes out to you Chantelle.

    I read your blog all the time and have never posted but I couldn't not post after reading that so personal piece.

    Leah xx

  43. It happened to me too, though I was older, 7-9. I often wonder what I would have been like if it hadn't happened to me, more confident probably, less fearful definitely…but I probably wouldn't be so compassionate, I like to think of that as a positive outcome. It made me compassionate. Thank you for sharing this, it makes me feel less alone.
    x

  44. Thank you for sharing your story. You are incredibly brave to do so and I admire your strength.
    This happened to me too. Not an uncle, but an older cousin. I completely understand the mixed bag of emotions. Wanting so badly to tell someone, anyone, but being too ashamed and scared to.
    The thought of anyone doing anything like this to my little boy makes me lie awake at night in fear.

  48. Oh that just makes me want to hug you really tight and squeeze those memories away 🙁 How heartbreaking for you (and your Ma and sister)

    Thank you for sharing – you must feel exposed but it's so important to talk about these things xxxx

  50. Makes me so sad to think this happens to innocent and precious little lives. Thankyou for sharing your story to encourage others to be the survivor you've turned out to be! Much love to you….xo

  51. Thank you for speaking about this. I was sexually abused as well and it has, unfortunately, damaged me in so many ways.

    I hope I can be brave like you one day.

  52. Wow, I'm sorry you're a victim of this and had to go through this. You're definitely in a better place today and now with a beautiful family!!! <3

  53. Hi Chantelle, you are a survivour and now you are truly blessed with a loving husband and gorgeous girl. A very courageous post!!!!I must say i felt your sadness as i was reading and felt your triamph at the end.
    Meri xxx

  54. You have given me goosebumps Chantelle and there are tears in my eyes after reading your story. I thought I was reading a guest post. You are so brave to have had the courage to discuss it here and I am glad that you have come through it all a survivor x

  58. It takes a lot of courage to share such an experience,
    You feeling confident enough to share such an experience shows great trust. To share is to trust; trust is a great honour.

    I have the impression my mother went through the same ordeal as a child, she has never shared the details in fear of scaring us I think. It has affected our family more than we realise I feel, my mother has and still does have trouble showing affection, hugs and kisses are a rare occurrence in our family… We have all grown up to believe that stuff is all just mushy-crap, as disappointing as it is… Although, we have our own way of showing affection, and wouldn't change it for the world!

    She is a strong woman who has faced many a battles in life… When I think of strength, I think of her

    Chantelle, you show strength in your honesty, I'm sure your daughter is going to grow up so proud of the strong mother she has, whether she knows or not…
    we can't always control what happens in our life, but we can control how we deal with it…

  59. Thank you for sharing this part of your history with us Chantelle.
    Although i only know you through your blog, i feel as though this mans despicable actions do not define you. You are so many things (mother, wife, sister, blogger!) and i am so sorry that being a survivor of sexual abuse is amongst them.
    You are SO brave. It is the mark of a truly strong woman when you can look your shadows in the face and still come out smiling.
    xxxx

  60. Thank you all SO much for your kind, kind words. I have had this post written for months now… and hesitated posting it. But I knew that I need to.

    Thank you for your support, your love, your understanding. xx

  61. Thank you all SO much for your kind, kind words. I have had this post written for months now… and hesitated posting it. But I knew that I need to.

    Thank you for your support, your love, your understanding. xx

  62. Oh Telle, thank you for sharing. I am crying and feeling sick at the same time. I just want to hug your 4 yr old self, poor baby.

    You are an amazing woman xoxo

  63. Like everyone else, I really want to say how brave you are for posting this for the world to see.

    Thank you, I'm sure you will reach a lot of people with this.

  65. Chantelle,
    Thank you for sharing your story with us. By sharing this, let's hope one little girl or boy will be freed from their pain too.
    Sharnel
    xx

  67. Hi Chantelle, I read this early this morning, and it has not been until now that I could leave this comment. It was quite raw to read this. Basically your story is my story, yes the people are different but the same all the same.
    Thank you for being so brave. This is the biggest fear for my daughter and my son..but I do not let it cloud my days..I have resolved myself to not let the first 20 years of my life tarnish the next 60.
    I am so proud of you, you are a brave and beautiful woman.
    Thank you
    Jo x

  68. Thankyou Chantelle, I admire you so much. Im sure sharing this has not been easy for you.I am a survivor of sexual abuse too. I was the same age as you were. I agree it helps to talk about it. The worst part for me is the silence that surrounds sexual abuse to children. This adds so much suffering. Silence allows abuse to continue. Something that has helped me is learning ways I can talk to my son about it. I have learned to let him know its very wrong if anyone ever asks him to keep a secret & he must tell mummy or daddy. To tell his grandparents abuse happens, easily & to please keep him within eyesight. To tell him the names of his body parts & that they belong to him. As he grows I will not be embarrassed to ask & to talk about sexual abuse. I would have told my mum or sister but I didnt know what to say. My mum was silent about this issue so I was too. Thankyou so much xx

  69. Dear C,
    This is a very power and emotional post. I feel like I've been punched in the stomach. The thing about the handwashing is just so so sad. You are a survivor. Thankyou for sharing your story.

  70. Chantelle, it must have taken a great deal of courage to share that story, you are so very brave.

    Clearly many people here have shared your experience and it saddens me that so many of us have experienced sexual abuse. Thank you for raising this topic, and allowing other people to share their stories or to just put their hand up and say “Me too”. Above all, congratulations. To come through something like that and not only survive it, but to rise above it, is an inspiration to us all. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

    Abby

  71. love you sis. i love that you have 70 comments on this post. you have so much support. you are the most beautiful soul i have ever had the pleasure sharing my life with. xoxoxoxo

  73. Thank you for being brave enough to share. Something like this changes the whole core of who you are forever. I know. It was my stepfather and no one ever helped me. I told, but my own Mother chose not to believe me,even thought I was old enough to clearly know what was happening to me. I have children of my own now and I keep them far away from this monster. I am sorry for you and what you have gone through. I am sorry for me too.

  74. I was so upset by this when I read it yesterday, I've had to wait a full 24hrs before replying. You are so brave to post this. But also, I'm so pleased and proud of your mother – so many other mothers would refuse to believe you, which would have made it so much worse. *hugs*

  76. I too, like so many other bloggers was looking for the link to a book or a story or something other than that this was your story. Your ability to be so honest and brave is inspiring and your triumph is amazing.

    Congratulations on becoming such a beautiful person after such a dark moment in your childhood. It's too bad there aren't more like you xxx

  77. Chantelle. I am so sorry that happened to you. Thank you for sharing, it is incredibly powerful, important, and above all, brave.

    xx

  78. Such a heart rending post. Thank you for sharing such brave words. Your strength is amazing and I feel so bad for what happened to you.

    hugs

    k8

  80. oh gosh, that has brought me to tears, my chest hurts and i have a big lump in my throat..and Im only reading your words, I cant bear to think how horrible it must have been for you to go through that and still have it haunt you. You see things like this on movies but when you hear of someone who has actually had it happen to them it really hits you. Thankyou for sharing, Im sure it will help others who have been through a similar thing. Sending hugs xx

  81. Thank you so much for sharing this shocking story. I'm so angered and sad and proud on your behalf. Angered that anyone could do that to a child, sad on so many levels, and proud that you've put a face to the story. You're amazing.

  84. Like many other posts written above, while I was reading your brave post I was waiting, wanting this to not have happened to you. It should never happen to anyone, and I am so sorry to read that it happened to you.

    You are a woman of strength, grace and humility. The fact that you have so much LOVE to give others is such a wonderful reflection on you.

    You truly are THE ambassador for not letting anyone steal your sunshine.

  86. Oh Chantelle… can you hug someone on the other side of the world? (Well, I'm trying…)

    Thank you for being so open with us all – and thanks for being such a shining example of how to rise above it all and be triumphant xx

  87. My god. My heart bleeds for you. What the f%^k is wrong with this world that this disgusting behaviour is so prevalent? I am so sorry you have to bear this cross throughout your life and I bet it makes you even more protective of your own daughter. I would honestly KILL with my bare hands anyone who laid a finger on my little girl. xo

  89. Chantelle, you are amazing. I love that you have had the strength to share this with strangers with such elegance. You haven't even written it in a “pity me” way, you've written it in an empowering, strong way and I have a whole new level of respect for you.

    Thanks so much honey!

    xx

  91. Oh my god I had no idea 🙁 – I am so sorry that you went through that at such a young age (not that any age is acceptable).

    It makes me angry how many children and women are abused. So angry. Both my mother and my sister were date raped. And somebody attempted to rape me when I was 17.

    It just isn't fair and I am so, so sorry that your Uncle made you a victim – how dare he! Bastard.

  92. oh honey that's awful… i came to your site to cheer up and leave with tears in my eyes. how anyone – ANYONE – can do such things to a child is beyond me. And then somehow twist it all around so the child feels guilty and as though its their fault is too deceptive and deliberate to be sick. They're just plain evil. I'm amazed by your courage to put a face to abuse – that's a rare and brave thing to do. May your dreams no longer be nightmares xxx

  93. Unfortunately, I know how you feel. It wasn't until I was 19 yrs old that the memories/nightmares faded for me. It happened to me when I was 10, my best friend's brother-in-law. I told NO ONE until 6 yrs later. I compartmentalized and tried to grow up, very quickly. I met my now husband when I was 19, and even through the assurances of my parents and others that I was OK now, I never felt truly safe. Then I met Kyle, and suddenly in his embrace, I'd found safety. I find my eyes filling with tears now. I'm happy you feel safe now, sorry you had to experience it, and wishing I were there to hug you. One day we'll make it to your part of the world, and the first thing I'll do is give you a hug!

  94. A hug for 4yr old Chantelle……..as I look at my 4 yr old golden haired Princess. A hug for the woman of today and my new friend who I'm sure is many things…..brave comes to mind right now.
    Ninny xxx

  95. Chantelle, my heart aches and my eyes well when I read your post.

    It would be so unhealthy to hold onto the anger and let that get the better of you, when you have so clearly fought your way back up to the top.

    You are loved by so many, and you must always know that my darling girl.

    xx

  96. You show amazing strength and courage and openess and honesty. I am so glad your sister spoke up when she did. My eyes sting. I will probably never tell my story to anyone else…I told my mum, she made it better. I buried it deep.

  98. telle, i had no idea. i am so sorry this happened but i am in awe of your courage and strength. lots of love to you, beautiful friend.

  99. Thank you so much for sharing this. You are incredibly brave. If more people spoke so openly about sexual abuse it would not happen as often. You are a truly amazing person.

  100. Life isn't easy, we all have obstacles that are too huge to overcome. Some are grander than others. Some are louder than others. Some are easier than others. Life through you an unfair onstacle, but you overcame it. You exemplify the brave.

    Thank you for sharing your story and thank you for your bravery.

    I hope that the right person reads your post at he right time in their life and they learn, through your story, that they can overcome.

  101. May you continue to discover strength and hope and love that is strong. May you keep growing in trust. May you continue to speak truth which helps others heal. May you be secure in the knowledge of your preciousness.

  103. Oh Chantelle. What a heartbreaking story. I'm writing with tears in my eyes and a vicious anger towards the person who did that to you.

    I am so glad that you were able to let your family know, and that they were so supportive. And glad that you are a survivor, with a brilliant and lovely man by your side and the most adorably gorgeous daughter.

    You're amazing, you know that? 🙂

  104. I think you are so courageous for sharing your story & for surviving what you went through and becoming this strong, beautiful, happy woman. Congratulations – you should be proud of everything you've achieved despite the adversity you suffered. And thank you for sharing your story.

    Catarina x

  105. I just stumbled across your website which is a ray of sunshine in my grey day at work.
    Then I found this post and I just needed to tell you how courageous you are for sharing.
    I am also a survivor of abuse … I had the same issues with my uncle at a slightly older age and I think you just put how I felt/feel into words. I still get those shivers down my spine when I recall those memories but I find it hard to explain it, it's comforting to know that there is somebody else out there.
    Stay strong

  106. Chantelle, I have so much respect and awe for you right now. Brava, hon. Wow. I clicked over, thinking it would be a story on …. well, I don't know. But I did not expect this story. A painful, heartbreaking story. You are strong and a survivor …. and much much more.

    Power to you, beautiful lady.

    xox

  110. Oh my. I have missed this post until now. Chantelle, this explains the guilt of leaving your family. Because they're so great, and those who have been abused feel guilt an awful lot. This is a life changing experience, and I'm so proud you shared this. It brings courage to those who might never speak up. It's just so sad that this experience will affect the rest of your life. Hugs to you. x

  111. How horrific for you, glad you can share your experience though and hopefully help other children come forward sooner! Big hugs x

  113. Heartfelt hugs to you Chantelle.Speaking out helps break the silence. You strength to share is amazing.
    My uncle abused my cousin(not his daughter but his sister’s),
    My Cousin was not believed and had a strained relationship with mother right up until her mother died a year ago. I always found his hugs creepy but I think he wouldn’t dare touch my sister or I for fear of my father.

  115. I read this post today as my kids run around the house squealing with delight and I watch my own 4 year old daughter amongst the fun and cannot believe an adult could attempt to ruin the life of an innocent child, but he did not prevail. You are free and you are utterly triumphant! Thank you for raising awareness through your terrible experience.

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