“When you wake in the morning do you feel sunshine or cloudy days?” She asked as she peered over her red spectacles.
“It’s cloudy where I am,” I replied allowing my very soul to be exposed, “It’s like a big field, with low, dark clouds and there is no one in sight. I’m alone. And I find it hard to breathe. I think a storm might be coming.”
I peered around the room. The walls were lined with book after book, all with titles I had no interest in reading. Heavy stuff. Not for me. The walls were painted a deep, deep red. “I like the wall colour,” I hesitantly complimented her choice in decor.
“They needed a grey undercoat to get the red so deep,” she informed me, “white just wouldn’t work.”
She allowed me to get off track for a moment, and back to a place where I felt comfortable. A place where I talked about wall colours and undercoats as I eyed over the books and shifted in the lofty couch.
I returned the next week. “How did you feel when you woke this morning?” She quizzed again. “Were there clouds?”
“There were clouds,” I nodded, “Big grey, low clouds.” I offered a meek smile and we went on to talk a little more in depth.
Weeks went by and upon meeting her again her eyes met with mine and she asked, “When you woke this morning, how did you feel?”
I felt sunshine peeking through. I felt the clouds lifting. There were trees, and light. It felt like it might be okay.
Months went by and the forecast became more favourable. Sunshine snuck through the clouds most days. I could feel it on my shoulders, I could feel it in my soul. I could feel it in my heart. I was a little less broken.
Eventually there became more time between visits and less to talk about. Less in depth chatter, and more talk of more comfortable things. “Are they new glasses?” I queried.
“They are,” she noted as she fixed them on her face.
“We’re done here now,” she smiled, “you can go.” Her smile lingered, and she could tell that I wasn’t quite getting it.
“You’re released. You’re free.”
I nodded, as tears welled in my eyes, “I am,” I grinned, “Yes, I am.”
I walked out of her office, but not out of her life. We were new friends. I cared for her, and she cared for me. She’d helped me make profound changes in my life. She’d allowed me to see the sunlight. She’d helped be less of a victim, and more of a survivor. She’d helped me be less angry, and more fortunate. Best of all, she allowed me to realise that I wasn’t going to let anyone steal my sunshine. It was mine. I deserved it. And it wasn’t there for the taking…
my darling girl, you deserve all the sunshine in the world! Every day you bring a little bit of sunshine into my life through your blog, and a little bit more through the magical world of Twitter (and mac knowledge sharing).
You are a beautiful soul and deserve the world!
xoxo
Only you could write such beautiful words about such a difficult journey. You even made that pretty. Wishing you hot, bright, dazzling sunlight from now on.
what a beautiful post xoxo
Hugs and empathy and relief on that one. xx
Beautiful piece Chantelle!
Hi Chantelle, Your way with words is fantastic. I feel like I know you, but we have never met, When you do a post sharing your happiness or excitment I cant help but feel it too, and in this healing post, while I havent had your experience, your word stir emotion in me. You are a strong, strong woman, and a very talented, caring, generous one too!
You are absolutely right. You deserve only sunshine filled days.Great post
You are going to have so much sunshine that you are gonna get a tan!
A beautiful post Chantelle – you have such a lovely style of writing. Glad there is sunshine in your life xx
what a beautiful post.. love you..
i hope you don't mind that i share that i will always remember that you told me that she also said “you are the reason i do this type of work” which warms my heart so much, even to this day, because you touched her heart so fondly, because you were such a beautiful success story of triumph over such a horrific, terrible experience. she watched you bloom into the butterfly that you were always destined to be..
yes indeedy bob, you are a beautiful, wonderful success of a human bean. LOVE YOU SO MUCH XOXOXOXOXXO
ps you are so darn good at everything! give me some of your creative genius PLUZ sis!!!! 😉 xoxo
sis
Chantelle…just beautiful..you have an amazing way of expressing emotions with words…so very talented x
My whole body is covered in goosebumps. Amazing. x
Wow. Just wow.
I have never commented here before but read your blog everyday. I cried when I read your story recently – my sunshine was taken from me, not in the same way that yours was and 17 years later it still hurts. There are sunny days and days with low cloud.
This sang to me…
“…I wasn't going to let anyone steal my sunshine. It was mine. I deserved it. And it wasn't there for the taking…”
… and has helped me today. It's hard to put to practice but it has helped today. Thank you for your sunshine in my life.
me x
What a beautiful post Chantelle.
I have been considering having a chat with someone myself, and could see myself going through similar sorts of conversations. You may have just given me a push in the right direction!
Compelling and inspiring words. There were goosebumps here too. xx
Elise
beautifully written and so powerful…
i know how much she helped and you wouldnt be where you are today without her but ive always seen your sunshine shining bright! youve always been strong and always a survivor and never a victim… you always had it in you. you just had to find it.
hugs to you xxx
I don’t know you, but I’m so proud of you.
Thanks for the inspiration!!