I’m getting asked a lot, so I thought I’d share how the past week has been. It’s probably pretty boring for some people, so you can skip to the bottom and see how it all panned out.
Day One
I’m a bundle of nerves. Part of me thinks I’m doing the wrong thing and part of my is hopeful that it’s all going the be OK. I’m so anxious that when a man comes to the door from a charity I give him my credit card details and agree to a monthly donation. Something I’d never do without thoroughly researching. I then spend the time until the sleep expert arrives stressing that an underground charity crew are draining my bank account.
The sleep expert arrives at 6pm and by that time Luella is exhausted. She’s only managed one sleep in the morning, and is desperate to nap. We quickly head to the bathroom to give Luella a bath and talk about routine. I let her know all my bad habits, and the bit that I was dreading {where she judges me for being a rather shitty mother} never happens. Instead she tells me that this is the perfect age for her to go through ‘sleep training’ and that she’ll do really well. To be honest, I don’t believe. I know it’s going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
Let me quickly tell you why getting help is so hard. My parenting style is probably a weird one, but I’m an over-nurturer. I’ll do anything to make them happy. I’m into baby-wearing, baby-led living. I just do what makes them happy. I happily do co-sleeping, demand-feeding and so forth… but I realised that Luella wasn’t getting great sleep {she didn’t even like co-sleeping} and that Lacey has never been taught to sleep and therefore will probably carry bad habits into her adult life {unless I can help her now}. Plus a sleep-deprived mother isn’t a happy one, nor is a sleep-deprived wife. I cope pretty well, until I don’t… and then I have a momentary pity-party, or cranky-pants wearing tantrum and then it’s done. People tell me all the time, “You’re so together. I wouldn’t know you’re tired.” But I am. I’m so tired. To be honest though, it’s not about me. I’d do what it takes to get through… but when there’s a better way… I’m all for improving and growing and finding a way that works.
We get Luella ready for bed and set up the room, which is just setting up a video sleep monitor and placing a stretchy blanket on the side of the cot so she can’t see us when we settle her. Elaine, the sleep expert, works with what you want. I’ve told her I don’t want her to be left alone or to cry {whinging is OK, distressed crying isn’t}. Another mum she’s working with doesn’t want her baby to cry one peep, so they’re finding ways to settle without getting her little baby upset. The idea is that we teach Luella to settle herself to sleep, without needing a feed to sleep from me. Elaine pats and shooshes her to sleep. It takes just 13 minutes {a miracle in my books! It usually takes me up to 3 hours to get her to sleep, and then she wakes an hour later}.
We then head to the lounge room and wait until 10pm so I can give a quick dream feed and then head to bed. I struggle to stay awake. Sometimes I’m in bed by 6:30pm. I just sleep when Luella is asleep at night, but while we’re waiting for the time to pass Elaine takes me through how it all works, and why she wasn’t able to sleep in the past {lots of talk about sleep patterns, REM, non-REM, and routine too}.
I do a quick dream feed and put her back to sleep, and then head to bed myself. It’s kinda like a sleepover. Elaine heads to Lacey’s room to sleep, and Lacey is in with me for the night.
Luella wakes at 2am, and it takes a long time to settle her. Forty minutes later she’s asleep. We quickly chat about what we’ll do next, deciding we’ll give her some water for a sippy cup in case she’s hungry. Miraculously, she’s still asleep at 6am when Lacey wakes me up… Elaine leaves to go home to her own family {I only had her for one night}, and I sit and wait for Luella to wake {the ‘rule’ is she needs to go to bed between 6pm-7pm, and wake between 6am and 7am}.
Day Two
Luella wakes and is happy. I feel like it’s been forever since I’ve held her, because most nights are spent feeding and cuddling. She looks refreshed. I am so filled with hope and excitement.
I send Hubby off to grab a cooler sleep suit for her, and to the fabric shop to get some blockout fabric for the window. Hilariously he comes back with a big piece of pleather {fake leather}. I decide that we’ll make hot pants and sell them once we’re done.
At 9am I put Luella down for her first sleep by myself. It takes 22 minutes, and it’s stressful… but she sleep for 2 hours. The routine is going to take a little getting used to for me, as I like to be out and about a lot, where this means we’re going to have to give her a good sleep at home in the morning. I think we’ll just do play dates at home instead for a while until she’s older and her sleep times change.
The day goes well, and I stick to the routine. Night time is another story. Hubby is on night shift, so Ma comes over to help with Lacey and support me if needed. Luella wakes every hour or so and takes forever to get back to sleep. I’m without hope. I pick her up and cuddle her more than I should. I think about giving up.
When morning finally comes I’m more tired than I’ve ever been. Luella isn’t so fresh herself. I soon see as I feed her breakfast that she has two brand new teeth. Am hoping this is the reason for the crappy sleep.
Day Three
I spend the day a little disheartened. Her day sleeps are perfect, but my anxiety is growing about the night time. I decide that I’ll give it a week and if it doesn’t work, I’ll go back to settling her myself and co-sleeping.
But hurrah, she sleeps! She wakes briefly at 3am and I rush into her bedroom to settle her, but she’s already settled herself. I creep out, and fist pump the air 20 million times. I don’t go back to sleep, I’m too excited that I have a sleeping baby.
Day Four
Another night, another whole sleep. Who is this child who can put herself to sleep?
Day Five
Again another night of sleep. She stirs at 5am and I prepare to go in and settle her. I watch on the monitor as she sits up, cries for about 3 seconds and then LIES BACK DOWN AND PUTS HERSELF TO SLEEP. You can not wipe the smile off my face.
Elaine said to me, back on day one, that you see a child’s true personality first thing in the morning. And if this is true, Luella is a freaking happy, excitable baby. She’s all open-mouth-smiling, bouncing around, happiness. It’s awesome.
So, she sleeps. It wasn’t nearly as stressful as I thought it would be, and seeing her so happy is a beautiful reward. She just needed a little bit of help in finding out how to put herself back to sleep. The first three weeks are pretty important in setting up a routine, so we’ll lay low and be anti-social. I do have a trip to Noosa next week that might set us back a bit, but I’ll be trying my best to stick to the routine as much as possible.
Much to my surprise, I’m having to train myself to sleep as well. It’s been many months since I’ve slept properly {perhaps years} so it’ll take a while to teach myself that I do indeed need more than 3 hours a night. I’m looking forward to taking care of myself now though. Having enough energy to exercise, and nurture me. It’s been a while.
CONGRATULATIONS! I’m so happy that you and your lovely family are on the right track to sorting out the sleep! I’m sure everyone will be able to be their true, bright selves once this routine is ingrained! Keep the faith and don’t give up–you are a wonderful Mum! 🙂 I’m just wondering…how old is Luella? (I can’t remember and can’t find it in this article.) Our little Piper is 9 months old, and she is a good sleeper, but we can definitely improve our routine. It is nice to know that others have to work at this. You often hear from people just what a perfect sleeper their child is; folks are less likely to share if they are going through difficulties. Thanks so much for sharing your story, and we are sending you love and light from the USA!
She’s exactly 9 months old – born August 21st. When’s Piper’s birthday?
Piper was born 8/8. She can soothe herself back to sleep in her crib, but she still falls asleep in our arms each night before bed. We will soon have to train her to fall asleep on her own in her crib. The problem is that I just love holding her, but I guess she isn’t a wee baby anymore! Thanks for your reply. Good luck!
Go you good thing! So freaking happy for you guys.
…also NOOSA! Woot.
That’s awesome Chantelle. Our first child was an amazing sleeper – from about 4 months old he slept from 8-7. Second one came along 3 years later and oh my goodness we were in for a shock – waking all the time. We FINALLY caved and got help when he was about 1.5 years old (I know we were crazy we so should have done it earlier!) and we had a sleep lady come to our house as well. It worked out so well for us as well. Now he is 3 and still a pretty good sleeper (with the odd visit to our bed) I often wonder why I waited so long – I think it was definitely the feeling that because he was my second I should know what I am doing. So glad you are speaking about stuff like this – it’s ok for us to not know everything and to ask for help. xx
Sounds fantastic! So glad that you’re on the track to getting great sleep. My son is only 10 days younger than Luella and we have gotten into some bad habits. This gives me hope that I can be strong enough to help him become a better self-settler. We’ve got to the stage where he puts himself to sleep, but he can’t resettle during the night (or maybe I rush to feed him before he gets a chance to resettle).
Hi! I’m glad the sleep thing is working out for you finally 🙂 I have a little 11 week old who by some miracle sleeps amaze balls at night but struggles to sleep during the day. How do you deal with napping? My little miss Celeste won’t sleep for more than 1 sleep cycle during the day and this mamma struggles to get anything done during the day…..
Very interesting. Lots of Mums will get so much from this – especially hope. I remember going through the periods of obsessing over why they wouldn’t sleep and the rest of the time just doing what it takes to get them there. So glad you had some solid progress. You will be bouncing off the walls. Great job Mumma!
My ten month old woke at 10, 1, 3 and 4
FAbulous Fabulous Fabulous. I am so happy for you Chantelle. Do not doubt yourself ever. You are a wonderful Mother and you need to believe that. V x
Hooooraayyy!!! Congratulations and well done!!
I had to sleep train my eldest but got lucky with my 4yo. He self settled from about 6-7 weeks. I had previously thought babies like that were a myth! Haha
I am a lucky, well rested Mummy (most of the time)
Wow, that sounds amazing & v encouraging, so glad things are better at night. I read your post last week & really felt for you. I have 2 children – now 13 & 8 – both fo them were completely different sleepers, my 2nd better than my 1st who I just used to walk around with for hours, it was crazy looking back but when you’re all sleep deprived, you just do whatever it takes, and whatever gets you through, don’t you? Well done you for getting help – and for sharing, despite some negative reactions 😉
That is absolutely wonderful Chantelle! Happy days …. & nights!
Wooo Hooo! Very happy to read this 🙂 Clever Luella, Good job Mumma xx
I am so thrilled for you, Chantelle. It’s just what the sleep doctor ordered. Enjoy all the extra energy! xx
Yay for you! My third baby (now 2) suffered from terrible silent reflux and as a result became the worst sleeper. By 8 months she hadn’t slept more than 2 hours in a row. I finally put her on a sleep program (The Gift of asleep – highly recommend) that I did myself and was petrified she’d be scarred for life. As it turns out it only took one night of some grizzly crying and she has slept 12 hours a night since. The morning after the first full nights sleep she woke up with such as beautiful disposition and such love in her eyes – it almost like she was almost thanking me. Best decision ever! ☺️
Well done! I’m so happy for you! We just did the same thing with our 7 month old, and I’d put it off for ages because I thought “this is going to be so fricking awful” (she was a bit like luella, picking her up for cuddles and rocking all night!) but then I did it, and after one night such a difference. then a week later she got a terrible bug and I thought “oh no it’s all ruined!!” but then once she got over the bug, sleeping 14 hours, 6-8. I have to pinch myself, I’ve never had a kid that sleeps past 6:00am! Sometimes she wakes up, but I learnt that I’m running in too quickly, when all she’s doing is rolling over or moving a bit and then going back to sleep. WIshing you every success on this sleep journey!
over nurturing and too many cuddles – didnt think that was possible with a baby 🙁 Im glad there is a sleep trainer that didnt just let bub cry. It still saddens me when mums feel like babies need to be sleeping 12-14 hrs and require “training” to do so. I know this isnt you, but i see so many mums with that expectation.
Don’t worry, she still gets lots and lots and lots of nurturing and cuddles, and she also gets quality sleep with is essential for growth and healthy living. The change in her is beautiful.
Training might have been the wrong word. Perhaps, gentle guidance in helping her find the way to settle herself back to sleep when a sleep cycle ends, rather than need help from me every single time.
I’ve never met someone that felt their baby needed ‘training’ like an army routine :P, but just mums that want to find a way that means everyone gets the rest they need. xx
Nice work Mumma. The hardship has paid off and don’t you probably wish you did it earlier? I am about to embark on some sleep training here too. I have a nearly 12 month old baby who still wakes 2-4 times a night. Unreal. He puts himself to sleep at nap time and bed time fine but calls out for comfort during the nights. I’m like you, whatever keeps them happy and it’s easier to just get up and give him a feed. However after 12 months I am a vacant woman. I need to feel human again. Sleep training here we come!
Routine I found was the key for me. Yes it’s boring , yes you have to stay home more than you would like. My kids didn’t like getting dragged from pillar to post until they were about 2 and only needed to big one day sleep. I had that window from about 11 to 2 to go hell for leather if I needed to go to the shops before the afternoon nap. Boring for a while and I missed out on stuff but they all slept.
Your post made me smile and nod in agreement! I know my children are a lot older and fortunately slept from day one through the night, but when he was about 6 months old, my eldest son started waking up in the night, several times, and took forever to settle down, leaving me feeling crouchy, tired and snaping at everything. Hubby took action when he saw me telling the food processor off one day – yes it got that bad! That night he wouldn’t let me get out of bed and feed son, instead he went into him, with a bottle of water. Son spat it out, not what he wanted, hubby persevered, son finally went back to sleep and slept through. Same routine the next night, hubby trying to feed son water, son spat it out and went back to sleep. Never woke up in the night again! I couldn’t believe it worked, but it did. Ok so for other parents it may not work, but we did it to our second child when he started waking up in the night, and he even managed to do the same when presented with water! I felt like the worst mother in the world mind you, but on the other hand was definitely happier, and the children were happier, when I slept! Another thing I found useful was leaving the radio on low in their room as well, something my mum suggested – neither boy sleeps without having music playing now! Good luck and keep going! Hugs x
I am so happy that things are working out and it wasn’t as hard as you thought it would be xx
Go mumma! It’s hard work but worth your sanity. I particularly love the fist pumps
So glad to hear that things have improved for you!
Oh Chantelle. My heart sings for you and makes me wish I’d ben brave enough to do this with my eldest daughter. I booked it but then cancelled at the last minute. So brave to go through with it and then reap the benefits. Sending you sleepy, self-settling wishes xx
Awesome! Big High5!
Great to hear you’re having success. The biggest I face now is getting my kids, 2.5, 4.5 and 6 on sleeping in! There is no way I can do it despite how hard I try. And being on the Gold Coast yourself, you know in summer it’s light at 4.45am and they are UP! Long may your lovely night’s sleep continue!
So happy for you and your little one’s milestone! Here’s to whole sleeps for you and your fam from now on!
Maria
cmntsblog.blogspot.com
My son’s lack of sleep honestly has my family at breaking point ! He is 20mths and my 3rd born. He has slept thru the night probably twice in the last 12mths and he’s constant waking and screaming now has my husband sleeping in my daughters room at night and me pregnant with our 4th dealing with him and trying to keep it together. From the outside in I have it totally together but during the day when the 1-2hr scream fest starts to take a day nap often results in me crying and wondering where I’ve gone wrong. I’ve created bad habits cause at the time some sleep was better than no sleep (and I thought he was my last baby I was wrong 🙂 but as he gets older it’s getting harder and harder. I am desperate for some help (and sleep for both of us) but worry that the expense especially as we live northern NSW (and it’s a big expense for us) to have someone come to the house & if it’s not successful how do I cope with that !!
Oh Chantelle. I know how you feel. It’s honestly the hardest thing I’ve ever been through, and so lonely.
The lady I used does cover Northern NSW {that’s where I live} and I had her overnight which cost a bit more, but you can have her for just the bath/bedtime and she can give you advice for the nights. That would cost $250.
Or I love the midwife Tracey at the Tweed Superclinic {not sure how north you are} she could come up with a plan for you for around $20.
And if you did invest in having her come to your house, I’m sure it would work. I thought myself that there was no way Luella’s sleep habits could be fixed, and they were – much quickly and painlessly than I thought.
Sending you lots and lots and lots of love and hugs. xxxxx
Thanks for the reply Chantelle x you are spot on its a very lonely journey & I often listen to other mums whinge about their children waking at 6am instead of 7am so they only got 11hrs not 12hrs sleep so I just shut up as I feel abit of a failure that these 1st time mums got it so right and I got it so wrong !! My husband works from 6.30am till 9pm most days so I do the kid juggle myself. My routine is shocking as my 2 older children are 12 & 14 so I have to drive an hour round trip to pick them up from after school activities 3 nights a week & often don’t get home from that till 6.30/7pm. I’ struggled whether to comment on your blog and honestly lay awake wondering if I should as I didn’t want to be put down or pitied I just wanted to know there was support out there. I’m in Byron so tweed is an easy drive for me but do I need a referral for this super clinic but unsure if I may need more help as I’ve left it too long !! xxxx
The superclinic is just a GP that has a midwife, but I think she’s worth the drive {no referral needed – her name is Tracey Foster – she’s on Facebook if you want to reach out to her first}. Otherwise a phone consultation with the sleep expert might work?
I know that with Luella I have her at home for that morning sleep but that afternoon sleep can be where ever we need – so that might work for you too – once you’ve got the sleeps sorted.
I definitely think it’s worth the investment because it’s not like you’re reading from a book, she’ll {the sleep expert} sort it all out according to your life so it can work for you.
Hang in there. You’re not alone. You’re an awesome mama doing all that you do, and with so much love. xxx
I am just about at my wits end!!
My 13 month old has slept thru the night only once, last September.
Your post rang so true to me. I often breastfeed her in bed with me and then we co-sleep. But she still wakes 4,5 sometimes 6 times.
What do you say while your settling little ones for 40 minutes?!
Can you suggest any experts on the Sunshine Coast?
Thanks for sharing and reminding me there’s a light at the end of the tunnel!
Sleep training is THE BEST! It is incredibly hard at the time but so, so worth it – we have never looked back. I would encourage anyone with a baby trying to sleep train to hang in there, don’t give up, don’t quit, keep pressing forward night by night and suddenly all your efforts will pay off. The difference it makes is huge – my daughter was so much happier when she slept through the night – and we were ecstatic! Well done Chantelle.
Would you be able to send the details of the lady you used? My husband has been really pushing for sleep school for our 13mo who usually wakes 2 – 3 times a night, but I just couldnt do the leave her to cry version. Sleeping through the night would be a dream come true!