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Letter to Lacey: Four years old

Fat Mum Slim /

Dear Lacey,

Four years ago today, I gave birth to a little baby girl. You. It feels like a lifetime ago, but I can remember it like it was yesterday. The final moments that it was just Dadda and I. And then we were parents. Just like that.

I thought I had it all worked out. I really did. I thought I was going to be the best mum in the world. Over time I learned, I’m not. I try my best, and I couldn’t possibly love you anymore. Somehow, I think my best is just fine by you. You’re my little shadow, always content in my company.

I could never have imagined I’d have a child with such personality and with so much energy and sassiness. Oh, you’re so sassy. Hand on the hip, talking back to Mama and Dadda kinda sassy. The other day I overheard a women talking about her son who was the same age as you, “I wish he had half the personality he does.” I sighed. I knew what she meant about having a child bursting with personality, but I wouldn’t change you. Too much personality can never be a bad thing. Exhausting yes, but I always wanted a confident child. Something I never really was when I was younger.

The other morning you came to me ready to go out. You’d brushed your curly hair until it was wispy and frizzy, and put bright pink lipstick on your top lip and purple on the bottom. You’d swished blue eyeshadow over your eyelids, and put big clip on earrings on your ears. On your feet were your sparkliest high heels. You were ready to go. Where? I don’t know. I can’t even remember where all those bits and pieces came from, or who’s to blame. You like your girly things. I really am raising a princess.

Our first few years weren’t easy. You didn’t sleep and still don’t. I juggled full-time work from the time you were 6 weeks old, as well as looking after you full-time. And your fiesty personality sometimes had it’s challenges too. You loved a challenge and have tantrum-ed for hours on end, never giving up. Sometimes it’s been hard.

I feel like we’re heading into good times, and tantrums {for the most part} are behind us. I’m sure there are new challenges ahead. I love the times now when we snuggle together and have conversations about the world. You make funny jokes and I laugh, even when you tell me the same joke for the 8th time. You’ll see something, like I often do, and want to take photos of it. I love that you see the beauty in the every day. That makes my heart sing.

Don’t tell anyone, but you have a boyfriend. You’ve been best friends for the past year and the feeling is mutual. It’s about the cutest thing I ever did see. Nehimiah is his name. The good thing is, you think kissing is positively gross. Phew.

As I write this you’re lying beside me in bed, your little body snuggled up against mine. There is all the space of the bed, but you want to be touching me, always. I know I may often sigh and complain about the constant noise and how tired I am. But it’s all worth it Lacey, and more. Being a mum to you is a blessing and a joy. Nothing makes me happier than your little laugh and your big smile.

Often you’ll ask me, “Are you happy mum?”
To which I reply, “Yes, Lacey.”
“Can you show me your happy face?” you ask.

Lacey, I wish I could show you my happy heart. It’s filled with love. Thank you.

Mama xx

@Fatmumslim