How To Not Be Un-Nice Online

I was 17 when I first discovered the internet. I was an avid reader of American magazines, and loved anything American {TV shows, radio stations, all the things}, so was thrilled that I could be closer connected to other parts of the world while sitting in the school library. I was such a newbie to the net, that when I tried to type in a URL in I actually typed in an email address. It was so new, exciting and very confusing.

I was the chubby kid at school {part due to my love of cake, part due to childhood trauma}, and I was one of the less popular kids in the popular girls group in our grade. I was friends with everyone, but not cool enough to reach popular status. It wasn’t something I particularly aspired too either. I was a head down, bum-up type of kid who wanted to do well, and please my teachers most of the time.

When I discovered the internet though, I realised that I could be anyone. It was this unreal world, where you showed up and nobody saw you. It meant they didn’t see my chubby self first, and they didn’t judge me. I was me, my personality first, and it was delightful. I found chat rooms and online spaces, and quickly coined myself Candy {oh man, I gag at the notion now, but it seemed cool back then}. I met people from all around the world. I was naive and innocent, and chat was all we did.

And here I am 20 years later, still loving the internet and the way it connects people, particularly me to other people I might not have otherwise met. I 87.3 % love the internet, and the rest it disappoints and angers me. Let me tell you why; there are assholes on the internet.

People think that the screen dividing them from the real world, but accessing them to the online world, is a reason to be braver or ruder than they might be in person. You’ve seen it, right? I see it everyday. I see it on Facebook now with people up in arms over Hot Cross Buns being in supermarkets already. People are very passionate, and some are very rude. It’s not just hot cross buns that people get upset about. It can be the clothes you wear, the things you do, the words you say, the way you look. People can be really quick to let you know what they think. I’ve been on the receiving end of it. My parenting, my work, my size, my choices, my family… people are happy to let me know when they don’t agree with what I do. It can be super nasty. Sometimes I cry {OK, I cry a lot} and sometimes I bite back {usually around that time of the month}.

Seventeen years ago we used to call life, IRL {in real life} because we separated the online world to the real world. They were really different places. We’d also say things like BRB {be right back} when we’d go to grab a sandwich and be away from the screen for a moment. The reality is we won’t BRB because we live here now. And the internet is IRL, because the world has moved in a totally new direction.

So, we should treat moments on the internet like we would in person. Would you yell profanities at the supermarket because they’re selling a bread roll with sultanas inside? Probably not. Would you tell someone to their face that they look fat and ugly upon seeing them in a new outfit? I’d hope not. Would you join in on a big brawl happening in the street because you could, and you felt like it? Hopefully not, that sounds dangerous.

Behave online as you would in person. Don’t be an asshole. Don’t add to the negativity online. Make the world a better place by being better, and typing nicer. Take a step back. Is it really a battle you want to be part of? Ask yourself, would I say this in person?

How do you not be un-nice online? It’s simple. You be the same person that you are in real life, cos this is our real life. We live here now.

8 thoughts on “How To Not Be Un-Nice Online”

  1. So well said and such an important reminder. So often when I’m reading something online, or someone asks for advice etc online I stop and think could this upset someone, be misinterpreted?? And I just scroll on… more people should think and scroll xx

  2. Agree absolutely! One of the worst comments I can’t stand is ‘you shouldn’t have had kids’ on a post that is helpful to mums. I’ve batted in (nicely) and they’ve responded ‘i was just kidding’. No you weren’t. You’re kidding now because your comment was questioned. I’m surprised now that many horrible comments are not just made by ‘trolls’ but by general people, who when you click on their profile picture look like real people ( not fake accounts like trolls) and have lovely interactions online.

    A person’s comment history can come back to haunt them. It can show the person they really are, than the person they portray in real life.

  3. This really rang true to me, because I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I do not post a lot, but I like to see what other people are saying to the people I follow, I have stepped away from Facebook and only look at it once a week instead of 10 times a day like I had been doing, I mainly use Instagram now and I have found that a bit more friendly, but the thing I have been thinking of lately, is why are people so unkind, why do people take the time to follow people only to say negative things, why is it anyone’s business how a person parents, why they are vegan, why they show pictures of themselves having fun, why are they showing pictures of themselves having fun with a drink in their hands? Sometimes I look at something and don’t agree with it, but I don’t need to post my opinion, everybody’s life is different, and we all do things differently, if we all did everything the same, it would be a pretty boring world. don’t follow people you don’t agree with, if you don’t like someone don’t follow them, its as easy as clicking an unfollow button. If the only reason you are on social media is to nit pick, maybe keep your comments to yourself and find a more positive outlook on life, life is way to short! You never know what the person who posted something is going through. I think that old statement that my mother always told me, if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all – still stands today – maybe it should be changed to if you can’t type something nice, don’t type anything at all. Sorry I am venting. xo

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