193 thoughts on “Maybe baby.”

      • Oh yes, I’ve never mentioned that, have I. About a year ago I felt like I’d done as much as I could with blogger, in regards to design and functionality. It’s quite hands-on and technical to manipulate things. And then when I went to the conference in Queensland with Problogger, the feedback from EVERYONE on our trip said I should change. So I did. x

  2. Thanks for sharing, I know the ache you speak of. I feel like someone’s standing on my chest and for a moment I can’t breathe when another someone has fallen pregnant. I don’t wish they weren’t, I just wish I was too. Goodluck to you and your husband x

    • I hate that it does, but it’s kinda physical isn’t it? It’s not that I’m not happy for them, I am. I want all my lovely friends and family to get what they want. It’s just an aching. x

    • That’s exactly how I feel – I am so crazy for babies that I will never be anything but thrilled when I get news of another baby being born into my family or group of friends, but every single time I feel that foot on my chest/throat/ovaries. But, I refuse to believe that anyone who wants it as much as I do could be denied for ever by the universe, and that keeps me going.

      In answer to your question about siblings, I have a complicated family but in short, I have half-sibs (dad’s first marriage) who are closer in age to my mother than to me, half-sibs (mum’s first marriage) who are 10 and 14 years older, and then a brother who is just two years old. I love them all, in different ways. My brother will always be my equal, the rest are kind of authority figures, but the older I get, the closer I become to my sister who is 10 years old – at 27 I’m proud to say she is my best friend.

      I believe age differences do create different dynamics, but when its all said and done, noone will ever get us like our siblings do, that kind of love cant be matched, however big or small the gap is.

  3. I have 2 sisters, with a 4 year gap between me and the next one and 6 years between me and the youngest. The funny thing is, the youngest and I are more alike and have typically been “closer” as far as sisters go. I don’t think the age gap matters. I see friends with 2 under 2, or 3 under 4, and their lives are hectic. Chaotic. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Sure, they’ll be fine once they’re all grown up, but gosh, makes for a very difficult first what, 6, 12, 18 years?! I’m having a procedure in 3 weeks, hopefully to “get the tubes working” as the bus driver put it! If we ever get pregnant again (it’s been over 2 years trying), there will be almost 5 years gap. By which time Nick will be starting school, will hopefully be old enough to understand, to help, and I’ll get heaps of time with just the baby. I know the looks you mean, I know the questions you mean. It makes me sick in my stomach as soon as I hear them. And I don’t even tell people I don’t feel well anymore, because they always ask if I’m pregnant. To which all I can say is, “I wish.”

    • Aroha, I think we might have similar age gaps between our future kids. And I hope that we can come back here and say, “Isn’t this age gap awesome? I wouldn’t have it any other way!”

      Wishing you all the best. x

  4. Oh Telle, I hope you’re ok.
    There is 9 years between my eldest brother and me; seven years between the next bro and me; then I have a half brother who is 12 years younger. So BIG gaps. There were times when I felt like an only child, others where I adored having a older brothers and felt really close to them. As adults we all get along really well.
    I truly don’t think there’s any ‘right’ gap. There are pros and cons for each and we don’t often get the luxury to choose.
    As you know, my three are fairly close in age and there have been times where that has been tough, especially sleep wise.
    When the time comes, Lacey is going to be a brilliant helper. Xxxx

    • Thanks Corinne. I think you’re right. Totally. It’s just when you’re in ‘it’ and don’t have any control or say in what happens – I tend to overthink it. Reading all these great comments today has made me realise that it’s probably going to be pretty awesome the way it’s ended up. Thankfully. x

  5. I have no children of my own yet but wanted to say no matter the gap your children will be happy to have each other, I am 16 and 14 yrs older then my two brothers and I love them more then I ever thought possible and seeing them grow and being an active part of their lives has been an amazing! It also runs in my family as my grandma is 18 yrs older then her sister!

  6. Hello love,
    What a post. I’m glad your ok after you surgeries. I too have had the same thing many years ago and I know never miss pap smears.
    We have age gaps between all kidlets. This baby is nearly 12 years apart from my daughter and nearly 9 years from my youngest. When we announced our pregnancy this time everyone had an opinion on our gap. It’s not that we wouldn’t have our children closer together if we could however the timing wasn’t right and when we feel pregnant this time it was perfect.
    I could keep writing but it would end up being as long as your post. He he.
    Love Belinda xx

  7. I can really relate to do much in this post Chantelle. My two are 5 years apart thanks to Mother Nature. People mean well, but sometimes the simplest comment can be so painful when you don’t know what someone is really going through.

  8. I have an older brother whom is 8 years older than me, but we have an amazing relationship and have never fought in the 25 years of my life.

  9. It took 8 months to conceive Piper. Which seems like such a short period of time, really. But it wasn’t for me. Every month that I wasn’t pregnant felt like a loss. And I struggled and it was really hard. And it turned me into a hot mess. And then I talk to someone who tells me that it took her 12 years to conceive and I feel like a right arse. But when you are in it, you can’t change it. You feel how you feel, and you can’t change that either. It was the most emotionally ravaging experience of my life. Which probably means I’ve led a blessed life. But it didn’t feel like a blessing at the time. It just seemed hard and impossible and I was surrounded by pregnant women EVERYWHERE.

    There’s exactly three years between Piper and Riley. Which in some ways was harder during the pregnancy because Riley was more aware of what was happening but didn’t know what to expect and she had a lot of anxiety which manifested as hyper-controlling behaviour and so many meltdowns. But once Piper was born and it was no longer an unknown, it has been an awesome age gap. And now that Piper is one, they get on like a house on fire. And it is so much easier for me than it was when I had one child, as strange as that sounds.

    We are about to start trying again because we don’t know if I will get pregnant straight away or if it will take the better part of a year again. So next time we will end up with a 2 or 3 year age gap depending on what my body does.

    But the best, best, best thing about having a larger age gap, like I had with Piper and even more so like you will have with Lacey is that the new baby gets to be a baby. You get to treasure their babyhood instead of trying to bounce between two babies. I’ve particularly found this with Riley at preschool. I get a lot of time to be one on one with Piper and really enjoy it. And she gets all that time to be a baby, just like Riley did.

    • I remember when you were trying for Piper and how hard, sad and frustrating that was for you. I think you’re right – Lacey also has had a lot of one on one time. But a baby will get that too as she’ll probably be in school. 🙂

  10. I still get questions like this and Boyo is now 8.

    I got very sick when he was about 2. We actually didn’t want another baby and were quite happy with just the one, but then it became impossible. I couldn’t have coped with the IVF required or the pregnancy. Some days, I couldn’t get out of bed. (but I did).

    By the time I was finally getting better, al my doctors started talking to me about babies. It made me think about it, but after a few months, I decided I wasn’t really clucky. I just wanted a 5 year old sibling for my 7 year old. I wanted new kit. I wanted to dress a pregnant figure. I wanted to say to my body “you can do it” and say to my illness “you didn’t beat me”.

    I don’t want another baby but I do bitterly regret losing years of my life to illness. And sometimes, it shocks me. Typing this out has me in floods of tears.

    • Oh Kim. I am so sorry. You’ve really tapped into something, haven’t you? I love the relationship you have with Boyo – I can feel the love, respect and adoration you have for him. xx

      • Thank you, Chantelle. Just found this a year later. I love what you wrote about the relationship Boyo and I have. That is exactly how I feel and I’m delighted that it comes across in my words.

        I’m still getting better but recovery is a long road after 8 years of chronic illness and the toll it has taken on my body.

        I’m very lucky that it didn’t take a toll on my relationships. Sometimes I feel guilty that I wasn’t the wife, mother or woman I wanted to be, because of physical restrictions.

        I’ve since had further therapy to aid my recovery. I call it survivors’ guilt.

        I literally squealed with delight when I read your pregnancy update and had to tell the Welshman. I am unbelievably thrilled for you xxx

    • Kim, I just wanted to thank you for sharing your story. It’s not my situation at all but your words resonated very strongly with me.

  11. I am sending you all of my very best baby conceiving wishes.

    There is 2.5 years between my first two children and there will be 3.75 years between my second and my third. I wanted three children close together, but it took 16months to conceive our second and despite no birth control from the moment my second was born, I didn’t fall pregnant until he was almost three. Which doesn’t sound like a long time, but oh, it felt it. Turns out I have Endo and PCOS and all three of my children are lucky lucky flukes.

    That said, I am honestly loving that my new babe is due late August, but my son will be 4 in Jan. He’s not a baby or a toddler anymore and he’s old enough to be himself (and be hilarious). So small age gaps might be what I wanted, but larger age gaps are pretty awesome too.

  12. Not sure why my comment didn’t post??
    Between my first two babies there is over three years. This baby there is almost a twelve year gap from the eldest and nearly nine years between the youngest. We would have liked to have more children closer together, however it wasn’t the right time and other things were happening.
    When we announced this pregnancy everyone seemed to have an opinion on the gap but it is what it is and it works for us.

    Big love to you and your family.

    Love Belinda

    • I was looking for your comment! I think you and I are alike in a lot of ways. I haven’t even thought about the age gap between your kids until you mentioned it, but it just seemed perfect to me. I get all warm and fuzzy thinking about your bub because it will be so loved, and so lucky.

      I think at the end of the day, it is what it is. You’re right. I can’t turn back time. I can’t change things. It will be what it will be, the only thing I can change is myself and my reaction. So I just need to be OK with it all. x

  13. My brother and I are 5 years apart and it’s perfect!!
    I was never jealous of him because I protected him. We had a
    great childhood together, and we still get along wonderfully as adults.

    Don’t worry when people say the age gap matters. Truth is no matter
    how big or small the gap is, children will be happy as long as they have loving parents.

  14. Sorry to hear about your paps results & procedures etc 🙁 You’ll be a Mother of a gorgeous little one again soon I’m sure 🙂 This baby making business is NEVER as simple as it seems! We too were the same…..unsure when & if to have a 2nd bub……due to lots of reasons, and one of them being ‘we also had a toddler who did not understand the concept of sleep’. But we made a decision to have another…..i fell pregnant instantly…..to lose the baby & my left reproductive side 🙁 I thought that was it – my chance at another bub gone!! But 7 months on, and I fell again. We now have 2 gorgeous children…… almost 4 years apart, and i love the age gap!!!! They are both feral sleepers, but i’m ok with that now…..i just feel blessed to have them 🙂
    My mum waited 5 years between us 3. So there is 10yrs between my oldest brother & I…..but we still have a great relationship 🙂
    All the best Chantelle xx

  15. My sister is 8 1/2 years older than me. At 10 and 18 yrs old, the gap was huge. Since my 20s, the gap has only gotten smaller. Now, I’m 31 and she is 39 (almost 40), and we are one and the same. Sisterly love, no matter the age!

  16. I feel you! For multiple (very important and practical) reasons we can’t have a baby right now. But I want one. And I know we have to wait. But I want one. And I know the reasons are really important. But I want one. And everyone else seems to be pregnant.

    We’ve now been married 3 years so the assumptions have started. Oh you have a headache? Pregnant. Tired? Pregnant… Does my head in when I’d really like to say “Yes, I am”

    As for age gap, 4 years between my brother and I, which was always fine. Any kid of mine will have a big gap with their sister, Stepdaughter, who is already 12. I think it is what it is – just go with it.

    • Oh gosh. I know what you’re going through. That’s super tough going. I hope everything is OK. And most of all I hope you get your dream. x

  17. I have three siblings, I am the oldest at twenty-two, my sister is six years younger than me, my brother is fourteen years younger than me, and my baby sister is twenty-one years younger than me. The only bad thing about the age gap is that I hardly see my baby sister since she and our mother live 300 miles away.

  18. Sorry to hear about what you are going through ….I am a slacker and have left my smear for about 4.5 years…yikes. Time to do that!
    My sister in law had an 8 year age gap between her two children and they are awesome. Her eldest really cares for him.
    We had ours really close together and it was really hard. I don’t really remember my first or second’s toddlerhood, because I always had a new baby. I wish I could go back and slow it all down so I could relish more in the moment. We had them fast because I was told due to having Graves Disease I’d never have a baby. After losing the first, I proved them wrong over and over!
    All the best for everything. Having a baby doesn’t always come naturally to everyone in the time frames everyone else expects. It is highly emotive and sometimes well meaning people can make it very hard for those who are experiencing problems in this area.

  19. there are 6 kids in our family. We are all no more than 2.5 yrs apart. It must of been hard for mum & being the eldest I struggled growing up with always having so many kids around. Now we are all adults its great!

    There is just under 3 yrs between my two boys. It’s a great age gap.We tried over the years to have another one but it never happened. 18 months agao we REALLY started trying. My youngest was 7 & half & I was 31. I felt like it was now or never. It felt like the age gap was really too big but it was something we really wanted. We wanted to see if we could squeeze one, if not, two more kids into our family. We were excited. I’ve fallen pregnant twice, miscarried both times so It’s looking like it’s not going to happen. I’ve decided to not go back on the pill & hubby wants to wait until until the end of the year before he does something “premanent”. It’s hard accepting the fact you will probably never have any more kids & I know how you feel about when you decide to get pregnant that’s it! You want it now! But never let the age gap bug you. It’ll all be Ok in the long run. xx

  20. Oh my gosh, I am going through this right now! My daughter turned 3 in April and we just lost a pregnancy last month (at around 6 weeks), so I am stressing a bit about age gaps. As it stands now, there will be 4 years between our daughter and any other future baby which is way more than I would have ever planned on.

    I do get comments about when will we have another.. I think people need to stop and consider that bigger than “normal” age gaps aren’t always by choice!

  21. My sister is 14 years younger than me. Now THAT is too much!

    It took me ages to be ready for another baby, after a horrid experience with PND and a non-sleeping, non-eating baby. And then when I was ready, it just happened – BAM!

    Good luck!

  22. My brother is younger by three years and twelve years between my sister and I. It’s quite a large gap, and she’s more like an only child.

  23. Much love Chantel, I do hope things work out as you wish them to now the procedures are done.

    There are 20 months between my big kids, then 3.5yrs then just over two years. The early years with two were incredibly challenging. Nightmarish in fact.

    I look at my friend who has 6 years between her children and see so many advantages for all of them. The kids receive a level of attention individually that just isn’t possible in my family. I’d not change what we have and I know I am incredibly lucky, but I think there is a lot to be said for larger age gaps as well.

    xox

  24. My husband and I are so blessed to have 3 gorgeous kiddos… We had a 5 year gap between #1 and #2 and 3.5 years between #2 and #3.. I have “unexplained infertility” which is just charming,.. NOT.. so i totally understand the longing.. aching you feel deep within your heart strings for the precious bump that will one day be a little bubba snuggled into your arms… We did a lot of soul searching, crying, praying and thankfully our prayers were answered… I hope that yours are too .. xx

    • Oh boy, unexplained fertility sounds like not much fun at all. So glad you got your dream babies. x

  25. My sister and I are 11 1/2 years apart.
    I was not planned.
    My mother was about to do her masters.
    I think it was probably really difficult, being a teenager, with me in tow (or wanting to be). She was a good big sister when I was little. She still is, but the relationship has a different dynamic now. I have done some things a bit earlier, and she a bit later, so we have kids who are 8 months apart.

    My little girl is about to turn 3. I am not pregnant, and although I would like another baby, it is not time yet. First, I wasn’t ready. Now, we are not financially ready.

    I understand how you feel with one child you appears to be allergic to sleep Chantelle, mine is a bit like that. She does not seem to have learnt to get herself to sleep at the appropriate time in the appropriate place.

    I hope all goes well for you.

    • correction:
      one child who* appears

      P.S. I don’t think that a bigger age gap is a bad thing. It is just different.

  26. I don’t have kids. But I had a friend who had two sons, one five and the other one. They were four years apart but my friend said that she loved it that way because when she needed to tend to the baby she could ask the five year old to amuse himself or do something, and he was old enough to understand and obediently do as she asked, instead of having to wrangle a baby and a toddler at the same time.

  27. I can completely understand that ‘ache’. When I was pregnant with my daughter, there were complications, and I nearly lost my sight. It wouldn’t be safe for me to fall pregnant again,so now I am working at accepting the fact that we will only ever have one child. I too feel that stab of sadness, every time I hear of a new pregnancy/birth announcement.
    It also drives me crazy now that my daughter is nearly two how everyone asks when we are having our next baby, even strangers. I just say I can’t have any more children now, and that usually shuts them up. It makes you realise how inappropriate and uncomfortable these seemingly innocent questions can be, when you don’t know a persons background.
    I’m so glad your health is in the clear now, and hopefully you can get onto that baby making. Good luck 🙂 xx

  28. I’m an only child and my husband and I decided we only wanted one. He was from a large family and longed for more attention and time from his parents….I loved being an only child and never missed having siblings and still don’t although as an adult I can see more of the benefits than I could when i was a child. My son has nightmares about siblings. Like me, he loves being a one and only. There was also financial reasons we chose to keep our family small…We wanted a Waldorf education for our son which comes with a very high tuition and I was committed to being a stay at home mom from day one. I think the whole conversational is very personal and I don’t think anyone should ever be put on the spot either way. Glad your health is in the clear! I’m betting that when the time is right the baby will come…you just seem like a person destined to two little girls at least.
    😀

  29. I skipped two years on the pap smear schedule too. I nearly fainted when the doc said all clear, I was so ready for there to be a discrepancy, I guess in my mind it would be like punishment. I wont be doing that again! Hope everything is okay now and you can look forward to all the possibles and enjoy all the nows.

    • I stupidly and prematurely actually fist-pumped in the air after my pap smear, as in ‘Yay! It’s done! I can try for a baby!’

      I got the call from the doc a few days later saying, ‘Don’t try for that baby!’

      I’m glad you got the all clear. x

  30. My kids are 13,9,5 (2 boys 1 girl) seems just as I’m catching my breath I say ONE MORE.. ha…but Hubby is saying no more babies unless we win the Lottery…COOOOOMME ON Lucky #’s Ha.. 🙂 I’m the oldest of my brother & me & yes I’m you guessed it 4 yrs Older ha

  31. I have 2 brothers and 3 sisters. First 4 of us was one-year gap! Then came my sister (1994) and youngest brother (1999). Of course, my mom was unable to take care 4 of us at that time, thus my sister (after me) was adopted by our relative. Not good and not easy for one-year gap, I guess. But later year, we are good now, as we’re in our twenties-years-old. Things are easier when we’re young adult, but not when as little ones. 🙂

  32. My brother is five years younger than me – when he was born, I was the doting big sister and loved to help out, and as he got older and started talking, he would call me Mummy-[name]. The age-gap was more apparent when I hit my teenage years, but now that we’re both older, we get along wonderfully. I love my little brother (he will always be a cute little 2 year old to me), and he looks up to his big sister. I have lots of friends who had siblings who were closer in age to them, and it didn’t really seem like their relationship was any different to mine – siblings won’t always get along all of the time etc, I think that’s pretty inevitable!

    I hope you are all okay now… Your post has reminded me that it’s time for a check-up. Lots of love xx

  33. Ohh, I can relate. I have been dealing with abnormals, biopsies and some procedures for the past five years. I am finally getting some normals back, but it has been so frustrating and annoying and sad and while I know so many women go through this, there is just that feeling of being alone. Alone in the room waiting for the doctor, alone when I get phone calls and letters. I joked I wanted to frame my normal letters if I get a third. These organs are cryptic ones.
    I hear you on ‘over-sharing’ to strangers, I feel the blogger and hairdresser in me reeeallly amps that up.
    My little brother and I are 5 and a half years apart. Its perfect. We are wanting children, later, and when I say that to people (we are getting married next year) I always think- I hope. But i am selfish, not quite ready, still can’t realistically afford one and to me, traditionally, need to tie the knot (next year)
    Good luck to you and your future. I can tell ya from the other side of the world, from yesterday haha, that I am sending you some native american fertility vibes. Get a little kokopelli and hang it up in your bedroom 😉
    xoxo from Idaho 🙂

    • It does feel alone, doesn’t it? I saw those women beside me with cancer brochures around us, and it was horrible. Some were crying, most were OK, but even with us all there… it felt so alone. Thanks for putting that into works.

      And thanks for the native American vibes. Awesome stuff! x

    • I should correct-
      “My little brother and I are 5 and a half years apart. Its perfect. We are wanting children, later, and when I say that to people (we are getting married next year) I always think- I hope. But i am selfish, not quite ready, still can’t realistically afford one and to me, traditionally, need to tie the knot (next year)”

      Should be-
      “My little brother and I are 5 and a half years apart. Its perfect.
      My fiance and I- We are wanting children, later, and when I say that to people (we are getting married next year) I always think- I hope. But i am selfish, not quite ready, still can’t realistically afford one and to me, traditionally, need to tie the knot (next year)”

      Also, I got a reply! Yay! I have been doing your pic a day since January 6th. Thank you thank you! for giving me another perspective into everyday life 🙂

  34. I hope you are able to get your wish, and that things happen quickly for you. It’s not easy when there are delays to baby-making plans, when you’ve finally got your head around the idea of a second child. There are 3.5 years between my two daughters, and even though it was a little longer than I’d wanted (delays for financial reasons) it’s turned out beautifully.

    I’m the eldest of 4. There’s 18 months between my brother and I, and we’re the least closest – so I think close in age is no guarantee. My other brother is nine years younger and we have a great relationship; I was like his second mother when he was little. My sister is 11 years younger and I was awful to her when I was a teenager. She was very young when I moved out – it’s really as adults that we’ve got to know each other, but better late than ever 🙂

  35. I can absolutely relate! We have a four year gap between our oldest and middle children, and then a two year gap between middle and youngest. We had to endure years of questions, they started around our daughters 1st birthday. People still ask after three kids.

    Glad your ordeal is almost over. Hopefully you won’t have to wait too long.

  36. My sister and I have a 12 and a half year age gap. Being a teenager while she was little I was always asked if she was mine.. she is now in primary school and I am usually asked if I am her Mother.. Currently I am 22 and live out of home and she is now 9. My mum only ever planned to have one child, my parents had an accident and everything changed. My mum would also wonder how Mums with multiply children could share there time and love around…I think she still struggles with this. My mum says my sister is lucky to have two Mums, but sometimes I wish I could just have a sister. Moving out helped that a lot, but it’s hard for little ones to understand being apart. I work with children and am told I would be the best mother. I don’t think we are ready yet and have only started to travel and explore the world..I’m told by the ladies at work you are never ready… My experience being an only child is fine, being a sister is great but large age gaps are hard.. very hard.

  37. There is a 13 year age gap between me & my sister & 15 years between me & my brother – they are the older ones! I was the ‘surprise’ baby! While I don’t know any different, I like the age gap. It was like being an only child & having brothers & sisters at the same time!

    You know what, I don’t think the age gap matters so much. That’s part of what will make your family special. I used to be obsessed. I wanted 2 years between each one. We did that with the first two, then my husband wasn’t sure that he wanted another. Then I had a miscarriage. Now I’m 9 weeks off number 3. There will be 5 years(1 month off 6 years) between 1 & 3, 3 years(2 months off 4 years) between 2 & 3. I think it will/hope it will be easier to cope with the greater age gap.

    And I’m like you, once I decide I want a baby, I want it now. And like you, back when my husband felt he was done after two, & then with the miscarriage my whole body just ached when I would hear of anyone having a baby. It’s tough, but you will get there.

    All the best xx

  39. Sorry about the biopsies 🙁 the right thing will happen at just the right time for you. I find that no matter the circumstance there are ALWAYS going to be people who like to share their opinions. When our 2nd baby arrives in Oct we will have 2 babies under 11months of age. It really blows people’s minds – the possibility that not everyone will do things the same as each other… How vanilla life would be if we did. Blessings xxx

    • Thanks Shannon and congrats! I had no idea. I saw a pic of your little one today, and she’s gorgeous! x

  40. There is a 6 year age gap between my little sister and I- I’ve always thought is was awesome because I can remember absolutely everything about her- from mum telling me she was having a baby, being woken up in the early hours of the morning and going to my grandparents house in my red dressing gown when mum was in labour, celebrating all her birthdays, getting be an awesome big sister helper etc etc…now that I’m 26 and she is 20 we share a house and I think its pretty cool (although I’m sure she just thinks I’m a bossy, grump! lol!)
    I’ve asked mum why she waited so long between us and she never really had a reason, more just waiting to be ready- honestly I think the gap is a great thing!
    xx

  41. To be honest, this is one of my biggest fears. I haven’t had kids yet and have been procrastinating a bit – there are so many things I want to do sans babies! Now that I’m getting a bit older, I worry it won’t be as easy or as simple as I once thought getting pregnant would be.
    I hope all is healthy for you soon and you can jump into baby making soon!

  42. I hate that sympathetic look, absolutely hate it. After two pregnancy losses, loss of fertility and after many many “when are you…” I all to often feel that glimps you spoke about tonight. I wish you the best of luck and I hope all the best for you love.

  43. I have always loved kids, been the one that babysits everyone’s kids, I was a nanny like you – but I never had the thumping desire to have one of my own, sure one day but handing them back was fine also. One day we would have kids, it seemed like a far off idea, something our more grown up selves would do. Then we got married last year – and it clicked a few months later, the wake up and I need a baby moment. I’d heard about it but didn’t believe it, now I did – holy moly! It was surprising, scary even. Now I can’t stop thinking about a baby, OUR baby. It’s such a deep aching yearn which is so natural and seems so right. We won’t start trying for at least another six months, but it’s a lot sooner than I thought. Although I know we may not get pregnant straight away, we are at the start of our journey I know.
    In my family I am the youngest of four – my brother is 12 years older than me, my sister is 10 years older, my other sister is 3 years older than me. Growing up it was like having two separate families – the older kids and ‘the little girls’. It was a good way to do it for my mum I think, she wanted 4-6 kids but this way it wasn’t totally chaotic! Growing up my eldest sister was a total enigma to us younger girls, she was just too much older, but now us three (four as well as my brother) are very close. My sister who is 3 years older and I are very close, some say 3 years isn’t the closeness like 1.5-2 years but I felt it was. Definitely.
    Good luck on your journey Chantelle x

  44. I’m the middle child… My oldest brother is 26, my sister is 25, I’m 18 and my younger brothers are 14. I wouldn’t have the age gap any other way. I’ve absolutely loved having an older sister and am so grateful for the one I’ve got. I wouldn’t worry about the age gap. Not matter how big or small, I’m sure Lacey will be incredibly happy to have another sibling one day!!

  45. My sister is 10 years younger than me and she is my far the sibling I am most closest too. Age gap doesn’t matter :). Thanks for reminding me to book an overdue pap smear as well. Women need to be encouraged to do this.

  46. First of all I truly wish you all the very best with your personal health and also your journey to #2. You are clearly a wonderful and loving Mum and I think that really is the most important thing; love. My sisters are 16, 18 & 20 years older than me. I’m 34 and my parents are 77 and 79 this year. Though not conventional by most people’s standards, I wouldn’t change it for the world! When I was younger, my sisters were like additional Mothers (in a good way!). Now my sisters are just that, sisters. But my nieces and nephews who are a similar age to myself are also like siblings to me 🙂

    Whatever the age gap between siblings, those relationships and dynamics can be amazing, or conversely strained. As long as there is love abounding, I really don’t think there is a magic answer. It sounds as though you are ready and all being well the planets align… And that new addition will arrive at the perfect time, whenever it is.

  47. We’re going on 18months of trying now and the only way to describe it is utterly and devastatingly heartbreaking. It makes you question yourself as a women when your body doesn’t perform what you feel should be it’s basic function, and what so many others seem to do so effortlessly. I feel like I’ve kept quite positive about it all until recently. I’ve smiled and been happy with all the pregnancy announcements and babies born, but this passed month when we saw friends who had a baby and my arms felt so bare and empty… And for the first time in my life I didn’t want to cuddle and coo over there baby. Things are progressing with a fertility specialist to see what the problem is, but when I read your post I really knew what you meant about the yearning and desire. There’s almost 8 years between me and my oldest sister, 5 between the one above me and 3 between me and my younger sister and we are all best friends, no matter the age gap. Don’t let anyone worry you about the age gap, what matters is bringing them up to be nice people will make them friends and close – not how close there ages are x

  48. I have nearly at eight year gap between my two children. Although my eldest is from a previous relationship, he was high maintenance and a poor sleeper. But my new little girl is a great sleeper. Yay!

  49. Telle hope you are all enjoying your new house….
    My sister and I are 7 years apart and there is 8 years between me and my younger sister and the gap has never been an issue. I loved them when we were little and now they are my best friends…. the age difference has never been a problem at all.
    As for my own kiddies well as you know Layla is 8.5 and jesse is 7.5 so only 13 months between them which worked for me, I loved it but now baby number 3 is about to arrive so we will have a big gap and I am quite excited about that. The others are at school so I can enjoy having a newborn again. but i will keep you posted on the large gap thing…. i think everybody is different about what work’s for them. A big gap isn’t a bad thing for some where as most people said I was crazy to have only 13 months between layla and jesse but it really was fanatstic and it worked for our family. I say enjoy your time with miss lacey as she is growing so quickly and the day will come when you get to experience being a mum again. xx

  50. Thank you for sharing!

    My brother is 3.5 years older than me and my sister is 9.9 years younger than me. I am really close to both and I absolutely LOVE my little sister. I cannot imagine how my family would be without her. I helped my parents with everything, walking her, changing diapers, I even taught her to crawl. To this day I get questions about her (is she your real sister and so on), but she very much is…:)

    Good luck and keep us updated. The age gap is never a worry xxxx

  51. I am an only child, I am also 26 and when I tell people I don’t want children I get the “oh, you’ll change your mind one day” speeches.
    I can’t actually have children, but that’s okay – I found out after I had already made the decision not to have any.
    The only negative for me, is not giving my parents the grandchild they would love to have.

  53. My sister and I are like two peas in a pod and we are 2 1/2 years apart. I thought I would replicate this with my own but life had different ideas – my baby girl was 5 when her brother was born – they are now almost 7 and almost 2 and they are the best of buddies. My husbands girls, who live with us, are 11 and 12 and all 4 get on beautifully. You’ll find a way for it to work, watching my two makes me take a step back and let them work out their sibling connection – I shouldn’t impose mine x

  54. The skinnier bit, I can see that in your photo 🙂 Hope that you had a fantastic birthday. The gaps between our kids are 17 months, nearly 3 years and then 2.5 ish. I often refer to my older kids as my ‘practice’ kids because I have been infinitely more confident with the younger two and more able to handle whatever curly ones they throw at me. My sisters are 3.5, 8 and 14 years younger than me. I didn’t even grow up in the same house as the younger two but they are all my best friends. I so strongly believe that everything happens for a reason and I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed for you that everything falls into place for you when the time is right. Tatum xx

  55. there are 6 years between my brother and me. we were always close, until he met his partner. She is a manipulative shrew and cannot handle that we do (did) have a functional relationship so she has done her best to poison it over the last 12 years…. but that’s a story for another time! I always stuck up for him, he always looked to me for advice and we had some fun times together despite the gap.

    my kids are 4 years apart. I wasn’t ready for another either, but my youngest just happened and it was the perfect time. Oldest was going to preschool so I could devote time to the new one. We were done at 2, quite happy with our lot and I have just found out I am pregnant with my 3rd. conceived 4 days before my hubby had the ‘chop’. karma or irony I haven’t decided!!! So there will be a 7 year old, 3 year old and a newborn.

    scary!

  56. Hey Chantelle – I have a LLETZ procedure done between my babies and fell pregnant the month after it was done! Eeeek. Master J is now 18 months old and his big bro is 4. Wishing you the bast of luck – the endless questions and disappointed faces are horrendous arent they?
    Have attached my blog about my procedure experience 🙂

  57. My boys are 4 years apart – it was a bigger gap than I wanted. I had 3 miscarriages but in some ways it had worked out for the better.
    I would love to try for a third but it doesn’t worry me how big the gap is.

  58. i am the oldest of 5, my youngest sister is 9 months older then my son whom just turned 18.. My youngest child is just 7mths and there is only 3yrs between my other 3 children..21yrs, 18yrs, & 15yrs. There is nothing I would change 🙂

  59. My sister and I are 17 years apart, and it’s just the two of us. While we may not have the same interests yet, I love it when she is over at my place and hanging out. She is great with both her little nephews and I look forward to returning the favor when mine have grown and lending a helping hand to her when she is ready for children. I love her to bits and wouldn’t have it any other way, and Ps yes we do fight were siblings…

  60. Look at you with your fancy new site. I like it! I’m keen to move myself now that I’ve experience WP over on Village Voices.

    When you’re ready and able, I hope it happens for you soonest, Telle. It’s a hard place to be in, is my understanding. My three were all born within 4 years, much as my sisters and I came to be. My brother trailed behind at six years younger than his younger sister and ten years younger than his oldest sis. I’m in the middle and he is eight years younger than me – a gap I have always struggled to overcome. x

  61. I have a 6 year gap with my sister, when we were smaller there were lots of fights, now both married we get along so well.
    Hope all has gone well with your surgery Chantelle xx

  62. My brother an I have two years between us. My two girls have a five year gap. I like the big gap. I get to experience each of my girls’ stages individually. I’ve pretty much forgotten the details of what my almost-10-year-old was doing five years ago, so my almost-5-year-old gets to do it all in her own special way. 🙂 The baby-making path was challenging for us. I wouldn’t have chosen the five year gap, but now that we have it, I love it.

  63. I understand the ache for a baby that you feel. I already have 2 beautiful children. When we were nearing the time we wanted to start trying I found out we were expecting. 2 days later I have a miscarriage. My best friend told us she is pregnant the very next day and her due date is the same as why mine would have been. She has no idea what we were and are going through but it pains me so much to watch her growing belly and wonder what might have been. I am very lucky to be blessed with 2 beautiful little girls but I hope that one day our family will grow once more.

  64. Fingers crossed for you Chantelle, my sister and
    I have 6 years between us ( I’m the old one!).
    We are the best of friends now and the gap is
    nothing and as kids we were sisters but no rivalry
    as always in totally different phases of our lives.
    On the other hand my 2 kids are 2.5 years apart
    and in constant competition and want to be the boss
    argue about who gets the front seat in car etc.
    Whatever the gap you all muddle through x

  65. My older brother and I are 18 months apart, but my younger brother an I are 9 years. I love them both dearly, but by far my heart holds a special place for my youngest. I am his older sister but also his friend. I am off to the US in August, and my brother (as well as his friends) will be doing uncle duties while this girl shops.

    I hope that the TTC (trying to conceive) period is short and sweet, but don’t stress the age gap. For me it was the best thing my parents ever did. Xx

  66. I have 2 boys with a 2 year age gap {3 and 1}. I love the age gap- but boy it is hard work. I love that they will grow up together, but it also makes me sad knowing that they will do things like go to school, finish school, then move out reasonably close together. I would love to have another baby and would like to start trying now- so there would be a similar age gap between 2 and 3- but hubby thinks its not a great time and maybe we should wait another year. For me I don’t know that i can do that- I want to do the ‘baby’ stage now whilst it’s still reasonably fresh! So I guess an age gap can only be measured by you and how it fits and works for your little family. Good luck x

  67. I have 4 sisters the oldest is 7 years older than me, then 5 years older, than about 16months between the 3rd. Than the youngest sister is 7 years younger than me. It was crazy growing up in a house off 5 girls let me just say that.

  68. I felt that ache for a baby too with my first. It cones from deep inside you. I’d heard people talk about it but when it’s you feeling it – wow! I think it’s kind of beautiful though – your baby will always know how much you craved for him/her to be xx

  69. I am the middle of three – my older brother is only 18months older, my younger brother is 2years younger. It was fun being that close in age but there was plenty of fights too. It must have to exhausting for my mum though! My little person is 2.5 we’ve been trying for another for 12months. Our first was unexpected as we’d given up by then that it would ever happen
    . I know that ache, the look and questions. I love all the new babies and i don’t want someone elses baby but my goodness i desperately want my own! We’ve just moved to a new town too and it’s not something i can talk about with strangers and new aquaintances….

  70. My girls are 10 days short of 3 years apart. My daughters birthdays are only 10 days apart luckily my second daughter decided to come at the end of August instead do the due date I was given as I may have had both duaghtersw ith birthdays on the same day. The engst you may be feeling must be hard. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I wish you all the best and hope you have new addition when the time comes. After all the age gap does not matter too much. It is the blessing that you are left with not how long between them. Wishing you all the best for everything to come your way.
    Vicki x

  71. My only sister is 12 years older than I am. This rather huge age gap wasn’t intentional. My mum got pregnant when she was 18 and my dad was only 20 – so you can imagine that they both had enough on their minds with only one child and with settling their life as a very young family.
    My sister and I don’t have a very close relationship like other siblings who really grew up together and who went on vacation with their families together etc but our relationship is good the way it is. It’s not extremely close but close enough to love and to fight. I don’t think we would spend a lot of time together even if we were only 4 or 5 years apart because our characters are different and we live our lives differently.
    My sister has two children – my niece is 12 and my nephew is 9. I have a very good relationship with my niece (she’s only 14 years younger than I am, so it’s almost the same age gap that I have with my sister) and my nephew likes to hang out with my fiancé and me, too. I think my relationship with my niece will get even closer when she gets older because her character is a lot more like mine than my sister’s.

    • That’s so nice that you have a beautiful relationship with your niece. I hope it continues to go that way. It must be lovely. x

  72. I’m not a mum, but I’m 25 this year and my little brother (from just my dad) is just 1 and a half! BIG DIFFERENCE! So I’m still getting used to not being an only child any more. But it’s awesome, cause I can hang out with him without getting annoyed at him stealing my toys or whatever, which I might have when I was little 😛

    • That’s true! My dad recently remarried a younger woman and I wondered if they might have kids and I’d be in the same situation. I’m so glad you like it. x

  73. I am the eldest of 5 and the age gaps between us vary. My closest brother is 19 months younger than me and then my half siblings are 5yrs younger, 8 years younger & 22 years younger. We all get along well and have a blast when we get together. I just wish it was more often.
    I had my kids close. 3 in 3 years. It’s great but exhausting. I am looking forward to when they are older, everyone tells me it gets “easier”. I wouldn’t mind having another, but not at the moment. I miss having babies and my youngest is only 2.5.
    Good luck with your treatment & future plans xxx

  74. There is 5 years between my brother and I.. My mum had 6 years between her and her older brother and 11 years between her and her little sister! So.. “Gaps” are my families “thing” I have a nearly 2 year old and he was a surprise to my husband and I.. So it might have something to do with me wanting a big-ish gap unless it’s hereditary.. Ha! I might think about it in another 2 + years.. Maybe.. I am happy with just him and to be honest he is a super handful so i can’t see myself with a newborn and him and managing to stay out of the mental hospital.. I want o give him ALL of me for as long as i can.. Good Luck Sweetie.. I don’t know what it’s like to not be able to have a baby , weather becasue of fertility or health but i think your little ones will be super happy for all the time and love you can give them both when the time is right.. x

  75. I know that feeling, I have 2 children who are 2 years 9 months apart but to get there we lost 2 pregnancies. I was happy for friends who had children or were pregnant but everytime I saw a pregnant woman in the street I WANTED TO PUSH HER OVER AND RUN!! it felt like I had been transported back to the playground, push this kid over, take what I want and run.
    But here we are 5 years later and we have 2 gorgeous healthy children, I don’t think age gaps matter, no 2 families are the same. For some close together works and for others it doesn’t, we are all different and your children will love each other regardless of when they are born.
    Good luck to you on your journey towards that new baby whenever that may be xx

    • ps i have a sister 2 years younger than me and a brother 25 years younger than me!!! my relationships with them both are different (no 2 relationships are the same anyway) but get the 3 of us together and we may as well all be the same age, there is that sibling bond that is either there or it isn’t regardless of age! x

      • I am so sorry for your loss. I had to smirk at the thought of you pushing people over, but I understand what you mean. xx

  76. I have a draft post sitting there on this exact topic. I haven’t published because it’s such a personal thing and I too constantly get questions on when #2 may be coming along and I thought opening up my feelings on it would simply open myself up to more pressure. I have a 3 and half year old gorgeous little munchkin that is growing up too quickly for me and I just can’t decide if I want to take the leap and have another one. I’m 36 so I also have the body clock to consider. I have many days where I just feel overwhelmed by motherhood, regardless, I wouldn’t change it for anything but when I have a bad week, the first thing that pops into my head is ‘how would i be this week with a newborn?’ and my answer is ‘a mental wreck’. At the moment I have two friends pregnant I’m a little envious of, I dream about being pregnant, hubby is definitely on the fence, he lives in the reality of school fees and how that impacts both of us and our lives and i have to say, this is the time where you do start to get a little of your own life back and the thought of starting over again, I’m just not sure about. Thanks for writing this post, I know it’s very personal but it was really nice to hear someone having similar thoughts over #2….

  77. My first abnormal Pap smear bounced up and hit me in the head at the grand old age of 19 and since then I have been an every year girl.
    Now for that gap I have examples from the sublime to the ridiculous. My eldest sister was 22 years old when I was born. My closest sister was 11 years old. Even with 5 siblings I was sort of raised as an only child.
    My family are all close together and spaced two years or less. It’s super hectic but they run as a “pack”.

    You will get your wish. It is like this for a reason.
    J xx

    • Oh gosh, that’s a lot to handle at 19. I’ll be routine forever more now. Always. And make sure Lacey is too.

      I love your last line. Thank you. x

  78. Good morning (good afternoon there?)! My older brother is two years older and my younger brother is eight years younger. Fought like cats and dogs with big bro… absolutely doted on little… (still do?) 😉

    Our three kids are four and three years apart, respectively (seven years between eldest and toddler). Children are a blessing from God, no matter the age spread! 🙂

    Blessings to you!
    g i n a

  79. I am the baby of my family and there were 6 of us in total. My next sibling is 12 years older than me and my oldest sibling is 25 years older than me. I enjoyed my childhood and am quite close now with most of my siblings. My eldest sibling and his wife have only just returned from travelling around Australia and I have missed them terribly. I have two children with a gap of 2 years, I possibly would like another child but I can guarantee you the gap will be more like 5 to 6 years for child number three 🙂

  80. Oh, this is such a personal post. Do you mind telling us this personal information? I remember not long ago you talked about this very thing in another post. I knew there was a reason. A good one. And I know you’ll make an awesome mummy again very soon. Hugs to you Chantelle. So many changes for you right now! xxx

    • I tossed it about in my head for a while. It felt brave and odd to hit publish. It’s probably the one I felt most nervous about writing because who wants to read about … in essence … vaginas. But I think everything happens for a reason. And it felt right today to share. What if one person booked a papsmear and saved themselves the angst of this, that’d be enough. Plus it’s a big thing in my life – so I wanted to share when it was done and dusted. Thank you for being so sweet.

      xx

  81. What a lot of encouraging replies! I have two years between me and my older and younger brothers, but we are NOT close.
    I have 4.5 years difference between my own children (also due to illness & loss between them) and they are best friends. I do not regret the gap for a second. When we have our third, there will be another 4.5 year gap. I used to say “we would have had a closer gap but I was sick blah blah blah…” but now I am so happy that we got what we were meant to get and it’s perfect for us. It will be perfect for you too…!

  82. So few people know how I feel about babies. Goddess I desperately want more, I ache over it, I’ve been known to cry over it, I have to turn away when seeing someone pregnant or a newborn, I can’t help it.

    I’m morbidly obese with heart & lung issues, as well as fractures through my vertebrae. Conceiving = possibly; carrying term = maybe; dying = a possibility.

    The age difference now would be over 13 yrs if I am lucky enough to get the go ahead in 2yrs time.

    Thank you for sharing your story.

  83. Oh sweet, I’m so sorry about the abnormal results & follow up procedures but hope you’re ok now. It must be very hard to wait for something you want with every part if you. There is just over a 3 year age gap between my boys & in some ways I do think a few extra years would have been ideal. I don’t think there is a perfect age gap though. We hadn’t decided if we wanted more babies after Luca was born but thanks to the complications with my labour & his birth I can’t have any more babies. The choice being taken away from me is what I am finding hardest to adjust to. I hope your journey to a new baby is swift lovely. Xxx

    • Oh Cat. I didn’t know about the complications. I’m so sorry. I hope you can find some peace with the outcome. That’s so tough. Big hugs. x

  84. First time I have read your blog and what an inspiration you are x personally my new hubby after 6 weeks found a lump and had to have it removed immediately…..now going through chemo and been told we can’t try for our little one for an 8 month period until the drugs work the way out of his body 🙁 given that we were already trying, this is devastating for the both of us and we are desperate for a little one to complete our new family. Scary to think of waiting 8 months then trying again and then 9 months pregnant so could be 2 years before we meet our little soul. I keep asking why after just 6 weeks of marriage we are faced with this, but cliche as it is, it has brought us together stronger and better than we ever thought. And our time will come x and thank goodness for modern medical science and the option to explore IVF 🙂

    everything in life happens for a reason and age gap i don’t think matters x as long as we live each day for everything that it can be, thats all we can ask. I hope you get through your health issues soon x and so will we x x

    • I think it has been a blessing, as angry as it made me. Because I wouldn’t want to be pregnant moving house, leaving my job and going through all that. So now if we have to wait a year – then I can settle into our new home and see what happens.

      I am sorry that newly married life hasn’t turned out the way you dreamed. You seem to be so grateful from the experience. I think that’s a beautiful thing. x

    • I hated hearing this from people, and I don’t know why … I think because I felt like it was a big deal for me, but people would always say, “Oh I’ve been through that. It’s no big deal.”

      Just know that it’s not too horrible. It’s just the waiting and the stuffing around downstairs. Take some painkillers before you go to every appointment. And if you need to email me to bitch or moan… I’m a good listener. x

  86. I have two younger brothers, one who is 4 years younger then me and one who is 9 years younger then me and now at 28 ! have totally different relationships with both. The younger one has always been my little baby as I was just the right age to help my mum look after him and as he gets older (he just hit 19!) i feel a little bit like a proud mummy and we get on really well. The older one and I have a slightly more complicated relationship, and by that I don’t mean that we don’t get on, but I think that its more to do with our personalities the the age gap. My boys are 5 and (nearly) 1 and I am really pleased that we waited as long as we did. Like you I didn’t feel ready for a long time and felt like I didn’t have enough love in me to love another little one as much as I loved Jack because that was a whole lot… and then suddenly like you said the switch flipped and I walked around with aching ovaries left right and centre and began downloading every ‘how to get pregnant’ app i could! We had to wait a good 6 months until we could actually start trying because of jobs etc but as soon as I found out I was pregnant I was so excited. The lovely thing is Jack was old enough to understand a bit more what was going on, he came to every scan with us, was a little dissapointed when he found out is was another boy (he was set on a girl for some reason) and then got mega excited when we pointed out that he wouldn’t be forced to play with barbies or have endless tea parties. One year on and Oscar is here, Jack is nearly finished his first year of school so admittedly I just got one packed off to school and then along came another one but it means that Oscar and I have our time together just like Jack and I did for 4 years beforehand and at the weekends and in the evening there is nothing like seeing the smile that Oscar saves just for his big brother or hearing that laugh that only Jack can get out of him. Good luck with the baby making… enjoy it and don’t make it a chore, I’m sure it makes a better baby that way 🙂 Claire x

    • Ha ha ha! Just waiting for my results and a date from the doctor {not a dinner date, but a date we can start trying!} and then … who knows. x

  87. For me it was never about the age gap, I had issues growing up with brothers. No sister. I always felt a little lonely for that sister I never had.
    I know for my husband and I we desperately wanted our children to be close together, I really don’t know why, but at least we were on the same page. They’re 6, almost 5 and 2.
    I had a pregnancy before my first child that didn’t work out, I had to terminate at 13 weeks on advice from the doctor. It was heart breaking and not having a child that fear of not ever having any way stressful. And that desperation of wanting something and it not happening when you want it to, (especially when you’re a control freak) is difficult.
    But ultimately I am extremely lucky, despite the tough times, we have come out the other end with a pot of gold. We know that and we’re grateful.

    • Sorry for your loss. I imagine that’s something you’ll never get over. I’ve realised in the past few weeks I’m a control freak too. So I think that’s what bugs me most, that I can’t make my own decisions. x

  90. 4 years between my girls. Not by choice. But there are many advantages for a bigger gap. My four year old is such a bg help 🙂 Wishing you all best Chantelle xx

  91. I think big age gaps are cool because then the other sibling can kind of mentor the younger sibling.

    I have a twin and then a brother 4 years younger than me. The gap has never really mattered, but now that we’re all older it’s like we’re all have more in common and get along better.

  92. Chantelle, I had three kids in three years, I don’t regret having them so close together but sometimes I think having a bigger gap between them would have its advantages. Everything happening so close together all the time makes me question if they had had bigger age gaps maybe I’d have more time to really explore each milestone. I guess there are pro’s and con’s for both. The hardest thing for you right now is the waiting, time will pass and you’ll get there, don’t worry about the age gap, what will be will be… good luck!

  93. I have 3 siblings are all of us are not really close in age, My brother is 5 years younger than me, my sister is 7 years and my youngest brother is 8. It’s not the way my parents wanted things but my mom had problems getting pregnant and didn’t have another until I was 5. I wished often we were closer in age but it wasn’t meant to be so.

    Right now I have Sae who is 3 and we have been trying to have a baby for the last 2 years to no such luck. I am at a point where I want to just give up and be one and done but other times, I really want to have a baby. I think I just need to get myself healthy before my body lets me have another one. So I don’t know what is a good age gap. like my mom I would love to have had them closer but as luck would have it it just isn’t happening right now.

  94. I have a younger sibling, 3 year gap due to miscarriages inbetween us other wise we would have been closer together. I have half siblings and step siblings due to my Dads multiple marriages. . .
    My kids are 12mths apart and it is full on, rewarding but full on. Everyone asks me why, everyone asks me if we have a TV, was it planned that way, am I crazy etc etc etc?? People always have to comment, whatever your situation is. A small or large gap, you make it work and it works for you, whatever the reasons. Human nature means people seem to just have something to say, all the freaking time.

  95. My two brothers are 3 years younger and 9 years younger and I have always fought with the 3 year difference bro and had a great relationship with the 9 year difference bro!! I have just had a bubby and the difference in age between my two is 4 years 11 months and I couldn’t be happier! Iggy(just turned 5) is in love with his baby sister and very helpful and understanding! U just need to focus on your health and when it’s time for babies then that’s the perfect time!! No matter the age gap it will be perfect for your family!! I hope u r feeling well and everything is ok!! My mum has been having abnormal pap smears most of her life and she is healthy and happy!! I hope u r enjoying your new home and just breath in that beautiful fresh air!
    Take care xx

  96. Oh, your blog post just gave me goose bumps…. I’m sorry too hear about your abnormal test results and the procedures you’ve had to have… but I am glad to hear that hopefully everything is getting better for you now. I have a two and a half year age gap. I miscarried in between my babies and at the time of my miscarriage, I didn’t think I wanted another baby, but we tried again, and we fell preg quickly… It’s not the age gap that we had origionally planned, but I am happy for the age gap we have. Lacey will make a beautiful big sister, and I am sure that being that bit older, she will be such a help as well…. Wishing you all the best xx

  97. I am one of three. My husband is one of nine and we have six kids. I don’t think it really matters what the age gaps are – if you put the time and effort into being a family , doing family things, raising them to rely on and be involved with one another they will be fine. Siblings fight, laugh, share, claim belongings, etc . .. no matter the age gap. My six children are currently 16, 14, 11 and1/2 (that matters!), 8 and 2 year old twins. The oldest and one of the twins are my only girls. The 16 year old loves to orment and tease the 2 year old and yet they do so much together. She already gets how quickly time flies and has often turned down going out with friends as she wants to be with the babies while she can (only two years left until she’s off to university). They are now and will continue to be very close. They have awesome dynamics and my 16 year old already comments on things like what she will be able to do with her little sister when she has a license, is at University, gets her own apartment (she’s even figured she’ll have a well trained babysitter by the time she’s married and has kids – lol) My brothers and I who are 3 and 8 years apart are not just siblings but good friends and supporters of oneanother. As for my husbands siblings – we get together at least twice a year and some other much more frequently (depending on distance, schedules, etc.) Some are definately closer than others but it all depends upon who was home at the same time and who were playmates growing up. IMy sister in law has one sister and they are 14 years apart and have gone through some amazing relationship transformations. they were like a mini mom/daughter for a while, then babysitter/charge, to guidance councellor/client and now, as adults they are very close sisters and friends. They have always been colse and there for one another. It it a beautiful thing to behold. It is just my opinion but having a sibling is one of the most wonderful gifts we can give our children.

  98. My husband and his sister/Me and my brother are both 8 years apart. We both said we’d never want a huge age gap…. and then life kind of got in the way. HJ will turn 3 this year and maybe baby is in the cards. But I am still trying to lose weight, I want to enjoy it a bit before carrying around the extra weight. And yes, the “Oh, you’re not drinking?” looks are extremely annoying!

  99. I know the ach for baby feeling. I have miscarried twice now and it’s hard to see people have no trouble getting pregnant and carrying to term. It’s really hard now because I actually got pregnant around the same time as two friends that just had their babies so seeing them makes it hard for me because in a few weeks I would have been having mine. Good luck to you in the future 🙂

  100. I have an older brother who is just under 6 years older than me and the only time we didn’t get along was that one year that we were both teens at the same time. And just when I thought I’d never get to be a big sister, I got a baby brother (same dad, different mom) when I was 19! I’m big sis/extra mom to him and it’s been 16.5 wonderful years! If you want another baby, have one and don’t worry about the age gap. 🙂 Best wishes to you!!

  101. I had my first 2 daughters 20 months apart. I knew I wasnt done having kids, but I also had skipped the scheduled pap smear and came back with abnormal results when I finally did get around to having one. I also had to have a procedure.
    After that life kind of just got in the way. When we were finally ready to have another try it took us about 8 months to fall pregnant so when our 3rd daughter was born our eldest had just turned 7 and our middle daughter was 5.5
    We now have a 10 month old, a 6.5 year old and next week we will have an 8 year old. I used to worry about the age gap between child 2 and child 3 but the older 2 girls have been fantastic with helping with the baby and they absolutly adore their little sister!

  102. My bother is 3 years older than me and I think it was a great age gap. I also would feel the pain of hearinf friends who are expecting knowing that I couldnt even try then. However this has chanyed, the hubby and I are going to start trying for our first early next year. I’m already starting to go through the pre pregnancy check ups and make sure our health insurance will be good throughout the pregnancy. I hope you guys are able to get your #2 soon!

  103. I am the oldest of 4. 3 yrs between me & 1st brother, 8 yrs between me & sister and 12 yrs between me and baby brother. We are all four very close. I attribute that to growing up in the country where your siblings are your playmates and best friends. My two kids are 6.5 yrs apart which was more because of edical issues than choice. Kind of like raising two only children. The best part is that now they are adults and because they are so far apart in age, so are the grands. AND Grands are really the best part of life!

  104. I can so relate to the well-meaning but very painful questions about children. We were told we wouldn’t never had kids “naturally” so for 10 years we lived lives…sometimes very painfully to see everyone having kids…and month after month the same disappointment of nope, no miracle. I lost almost 100 pounds and at 35 was surprised to find out that we were indeed pregnant. It was overwhelming!! I miscarried at 12 weeks. At that point I can tell you that it is NOT better to know at least you can get pregnant. Anyway to make this long story short (because I love to talk…words are my friends) I had our first miracle at 37. A perfect baby boy…I suffered another miscarriage about 9 months later and 1 more a year later…we figured hey 1 miracle…we’re all good..and at 39 I found out I was pregnant again with another little boy. I have 2 miracles and they are worth every single tear that I cried….every single one…I ache still to have another as I get to the age of the “change” (i’m 43) but have embraced that ache…I’m glad to know that I am not the only one that has kids but still aches for babies…that I’m not the only one that while happy for a new momma to be…my heart still rips a little with my ache to hold another. I hope that your ache is filled full with happiness…whether it be a baby or something else that makes you feel full!! Have a great day!

  105. I have a younger sister and we’re 11 years apart. I think it worked out well that way. I had my one-on-one time with my parents until she entered the picture and then once I moved out, she had her one-on-one time. Also, not only did my parents never have problems finding a babysitter but I’m sure it was a lot easier when college entered the picture. Another plus, she’s only 11 years older than my son so they have also always had a close relationship.

  106. There is 4 years between my youngest sibling and 17 months between the next one and i. Between my 2 little one’s there’s only 12 months and 3 days. The second one was a major surprise. But so happy to have both without problems 🙂

  107. I don’t think there is a “perfect” age gap – just one that’s perfect for you. I have a 16.5 yo daughter, 14 yo son, and a 5.5 yo son. The age gap between my eldest two is perfect, as is the age gap between my big two and my little man. I think that it doesn’t matter what the gap – you are busy whatever the gap, what your busy with may be different, but you are still busy.

    And that ache… I still get it, and I have three!

  108. I have one sibling, a younger brother. He is 7 years 9 months and 3 days younger than me. This means he was 8 school years behind me. I never liked that age gap. By the time he was old enough to really play, I was old enough to want to sit and talk with the adults. By the time he was old enough to go out and hang around I was married.

    I decided a long time ago my own children would not be that far apart in age. I am one of those who had trouble conceiving. Albeit, my troubles were minor compared to a lot of other women. It took us 4 1/2 year of trials, tests shots and a miscarriage before my daughter was born four weeks early via an emergency c-section because of severe toxemia. On top of that my placenta had slipped and the chord was wrapped tightly around her neck. The toxemia kept her from being choked to death in a vaginal birth. She was 4lbs when we brought her home. She is now 13, my over achiever, on the swim team, got her head on straighter than her mother ever did 5’3″ inches of beauty.

    When my daughter was two (on her the day of her birthday party) I found out I was pregnant with her brother. I was still on birth control and had planned to wait another 3 months before going off of it.

    My son was born via scheduled c-section almost a week late because my body would not get the process started. He was over 9lbs and almost 21 inches long. I’m only 5’3″. His head was so big it would have just ripped me up if he’d been delivered vaginally. He is now 10 and my sports all star. He struggles with reading, but he’s a math, science and social studies wiz. He’s very knowledgeable about the Civil War.

    After all the drama of my three pregnancies, we decided to be done. So, I am happily and blissfully, up to my ears in activities for both my children and know that there’s no way I’d have been able to keep up with more than two. I have a lot of awe and respect for parents who do keep up with more than two children!

  109. There are 11 and 13 years between me and my sisters. Growing up I had nothing in common with them but the day I married it all changed. There was no longer any age gap. ;D

  110. Me and my brother are about 27 months apart. My cousin and her brother are closer to 7/8 years. In all the cousins I’m the eldest at 26 and my cousin is 12 in November. Even though my uncle and my mum have about the same age gap as me and my brother. Then again my uncle didn’t marry until I was 3ish. All a bit funny.

  111. My eldest was allergic to sleep too. It took my husband nearly 4 years to convince me to have another, now I have 3 girls. The 5 year gap was the best, doing the school run with a newborn in winter was tricky but I got to have one on one time with the baby & rest if I needed to whole the eldest was at school. Next gap was 22 months, much harder, being pregnant while my baby was still a baby & breastfeeding a baby / toddler when I was pregnant, then tandem feeding to strive of sibling rivalry. My 3rd never got me to herself till just now & she is 2. At 9 & 4 sometimes they clash but mostly they play together well.
    I know that ache too, when we did decide to try for #2 I too had to have a procedure & wait a few months, I felt that ache then.

  112. I have an older brother. There’s seven years between the two of us. We were never in the same school together but following in his footsteps was trying at times.
    Growing up it was hard. I generally suck at being a girl; I can dress like a girl, and do my makeup like a girl, but I grew up with my brother and his friends as role models. And then once puberty hit I was living with my dad and my brother. Needless to say there are habits I have that I’m not too proud of!
    Once he was in his mid-20s we found that we were able to be friends with each other and I find that he’s someone I go to for advice fairly regularly and I value our relationship.

    If I have my first before 30, I think I’d be open to the idea of having children with a large age gap like my brother and I simply because of how our relationship has turned out.

  113. Sorry you are experiencing the ache Telle, it would sometimes make it hard for me to breathe so I know how you feel. The questions must get so tiresome. I hope you get your wish very soon.

    My brother is eight years older and my sister is six years older. I was closer to my brother growing up but am closer to my sister in adulthood.

    @aroha it hurts me a little to read that you wouldn’t wish 3 under 4 etc on anyone. Sometimes battles with fertility/loss can mean that time runs out – I’m 38 and have a 16 month old and we’re TTC again so if we’re unbelievably lucky we’ll have 2 under 3 or maybe 3 under 3 if it’s twins! I can’t afford to wait for that magical three year + age gap, my time has run out. Children very close together could only ever be an absolute blessing so you can wish them on someone, you can wish them on me. 🙂

  114. I have two little sisters… I am 12.5 and I have a sister that is 11, We are extremely close and I am soo thankful that we have each other. My other sister is my half sister and she is 3, we have the same dad but different moms.(despite the age differences we look very similar) I don’t get to see the youngest one very often but when I do we are always happy to see each other. I didn’t think I would enjoy being around her because she is so little but I enjoy watching her grow up. We have about a 9.5 year age difference but it’s not that bad. I think most of the time siblings have a bond that cannot be broken no matter what the age difference is.

    Good Luck!! 🙂

  115. I have 2 little sisters… I am 12.5 and I have a little sister that is 11, I am soo thankful that we always have each other around. I also have a half sister that is 3. We have the same dad but different moms.(despite the age difference we look very similar) I dont get to see her very often but we are happy to see each other when we do. I didn’t think that I would want to be around her because she is so little but I enjoy watching her grow up. I am about 9.5 years older than the youngest. I think that siblings have a bond that cannot be broken no matter what the age difference is.

    Best wishes,
    Caitlin

  116. I have a six year gap between my two children and I got a lot of ‘oh no that’s too big of a gap’ from almost everyone. But it was deliberate and we love the gap. Juggling full time work and our careers and just wanting to spend more time with our first, was our reasons and we really have found it to be a smooth and great decision. They are now 9yo and 3yo and they get along great.

  117. Hope everything is ok with your procedures and you get your baby soon. There is 5 years between each of my boys ( 2 x Ivf). The gap works out beautifully for us as each boy has had their one on one time and they are really loving towards each other. We never planned it this way but it is perfect for us and I wouldn’t have it any other way xx

  118. Chantelle – I had the same problem with a pap after I had my first. It came back “abnormal” and I had biopsies and a procedure. I then had follow-up appts every 6 months for 2 years. Thankfully everything came back normal each time after that and I got the clear to get pregnant. However, it didn’t happen so easily. It was over a year later we finally got pregnant, so my girls are 4 years apart. I know that’s not too much and some people have more of a gap. I honestly think it worked out the way it was meant to and the gap has been nice. The really sad news is that we won’t be having anymore children because my husband has left us a month ago 🙁 The girls and I are just putting one foot in front of the other right now and taking things one day at a time.

    I’m really loving you on WP. I made the switch about 8 moths ago and love it. Congrats on the move as well 🙂 xx

  119. I have two younger sisters – one is 2 years apart and the youngest 13 years apart. I have 2 brothers – one is 6 years aprt and the other is 11 years apart. I am the eldest.
    There are pros and cons to being the eldest though. It’s nice that till this date, I am still being looked up to by my siblings. When they were younger, there were occasions I wish I was an only child. I really despise the fact that I had to take the brunt of their silly actions. Unfortunately, I was so meek at the time I never really stood up to my parents to defend myself. Then again, I was taught love and it was so easy to forgive their mischieves. Despite the rocky road we travelled during our growing up years, we are still together and we always look forward to see one another. Our common goal now is to care for mum. She’s all we have now.

    Lili

  120. Hi. I have 2 siblings, its 4 years between us all 3. my sister thats the oldest one is 8 years older then me and now is my soulfriend. It was just after our own kids grew up and we had more time to get to know each other. she has always been my big sister and been taking care of me, but not anymore, not in the same way, we take care of each other now. =) my own kids has 3 years between them. I always wished for more kids, I wasnt done when my husband was.. =) It took many years for me to “get over” the loss of not having the feeling of carying a baby inside anymore, to see a baby grow up to be a child, to grow up to be a teenager and then an adult.. lots of nights crying. Even now, I can feel sad that I didnt have more kids, I love my boy and my girl, alot, all the way to the moon and back, but I still feel the missing of not had the chance to have more children. Not so many people understand my feeling, except my sister though, every one is saying: be glad for the ones you have, Of course I am, but still, I wanted more, both my kids have ADHD, and needed alot of help with school work etc, and my husband was afraid of how next child would become, i didnt care, we have 2 beautiful children that is now doing fine, they are doing all they can, they are 2 kids thats growing up to becoming 2 beautiful adults, who´s having so much love to give to their friends and family. I am so grateful for everyday I spend with them. and have found peace that their “only” 2..=) I wish you all the best, and hope that one day you´ll be a mom again to 2 children.
    I´m sorry if my english is a bit “weird”..
    take care, and thanks for sharing
    lots of sunny regards from Sweden.

  121. Chantelle, I have TEN children (yes, ten, that’s not a typo)…who I blog about regularly…I am an only child so I was determined not to repeat that. I have BIG gaps (4 years) and smaller gaps (15 months) and the bigger gaps weren’t planned, as I lost babies in between. Still, as I was saying to my husband the other day, the big gaps were difficult when they were smaller, but the gap closes. I have one who is almost 18 and one almost 22 and they get along just fine. My girls are nearly 3 years apart but at almost 12, and 15 it’s not a problem. Gaps occur. That’s life. In a perfect world I’d have had mine 2 years apart (perhaps)… hard to say now really… you do what you do. When you’re ready you’re ready and when you’re not you’re not. No point in forcing it. I’ve had ‘things’ hold me up too! I’m not having any more and I’m not sad about that. I always thought I would be. But I am done..and I am glad now, and enjoying them at all the different ages and stages they are!

  123. We have five boys – our first two were 16 months apart and that was damn hard work as both babies didnt like sleep!
    Then our others were all three years apart – much easier as we only had one in nappies and by then the toddlers were sleeping through!
    My two brothers are way younger then me – by 12 years and then 15 years younger. Which is so good as they are now going out and looking after my 18 year old son in Sydney!
    What ever age gap you have will be perfect for your family xx

  124. I’m a twin and there are 8 and 10 years differene between us and our older (half brother and sister).
    I know the ache. My husband is 12 yrs older than me and has 2 lovely daughters and they are 7 years apart. I love them to bits, but would like to experience motherhood myself. However, my husband had a vasectomy after his second daughter and since that’s a choice, not a condition, any fertilty services are not covered by insurance, so it’s highly unlikely I’ll have a baby myself

  125. There’s five, 10-15 years older than me. So by the time I came along, some had teen jobs, some were still in school. I got along with the two eldest for awhile but then even they thought they could treat me like crap like the rest of them. I haven’t seen the three youngest in decades and the two oldest only once in a very blue moon. I don’t care to be a part of this family, I wish I wasn’t, so it’s best to not give a crap and get on with my own life which is rather shit thanks to having 20 years of my life being sucked out of me by being the one stuck caring for our mother. They’ve all had lives, I haven’t!

    Siblings aren’t always worth it.

    Sorry for the feeling sorry for myself. It’s just very hard to live with.

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