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Something happened this week that I wasn’t sure I would write about. Things like this happen often behind the scenes with blogging, and over time my skin has become thicker and I’m reminded that the world isn’t always rainbows and lollipops.

I shared a post about Luella not sleeping and how I asked for help. How I’m getting help. When I say she’s not sleeping, it’s not that I’m just not getting a whole night of sleep. I mean I’m being woken every 1-2 hours, feeding her for 10-30 minutes and then trying to get her back to sleep. There will be mothers that sleep better than me, and others that sleep worse. I’m not asking for a pity party. I’m telling you how it is.

One person thought I was pathetic and told me so. They suggested that I shouldn’t ask for help, instead suck it up and deal with it. That I should learn to be a real mother. There were a few other choice words thrown in, but you get the gist.

Immediately I felt like shit. Shitter than I felt already. I am hopeless at asking for help. I went 6 years without sleeping properly with Lacey and I just dealt with it. I don’t need a badge, because there’s no reward for being the most sleep deprived. I wish I’d got help for us both back then. Last week I made three appointments to see my doctor and cancelled them, before I finally saw her about fixing the sleep problems. When I got in there, she told me how crap I looked. I told her how crap I felt.

But this isn’t really about sleep deprivation, this is about something else.

Why, as mothers, do some people have to bring others down? It’s a way to make themselves feel better? Is that why?

When I gave birth to Lacey I joined a huge community, a group of women all around the world that call themselves mothers. I know some beautiful women who would give anything to be in this ‘gang’.

We’re all doing the best we can, or most of us are trying to. There’s no one way to raise a child. There’s your way. I make mistakes every single day, and I often beat myself up over them too. I don’t expect everyone to agree with what I do, or how I do it. That’s OK. Raising a child is hard. It’s good hard, but hard all the same.

Motherhood isn’t a competition. It isn’t an excuse to break somebody’s spirit, or to bitch about them behind their back. It’s not a reason to give someone a hard time because you’re not feeling great about yourself or the way you parent.

I don’t care how you raise your child. I don’t care what you give them for dinner, or breakfast, or what you pack in their lunchbox. I don’t care if you give time out, or raise your voice more than you want to. I don’t care if you read 3 books at bedtime, or 1, or none.

I care about supporting each other. About giving someone a smile, and saying, “Hey, I’ve been there too” or asking “Oh, you look like you’re doing it tough there, can I help?”. I care about lifting people higher, not bringing them down. Or if you’ve got nothing nice or even constructive to say, then say nothing at all. I care about letting other mums know, “Hey Mama, you’re doing a good job.”

Because you are doing a good job. We are.

And if you’re having a not-so-great day, let’s pour the wine, crack open up the chocolate and know that tomorrow is a brand new day.

But most of all, let’s have each other’s backs.

photo credit: hownowdesign

  • thelifeofclare

    Sending all the hugs your way. I’ve been lucky with E’s sleep patterns thus far but more than everything I feel lucky that I’ve found an amazing group of like minded women who are a wonderful ears and support. The ‘club’ that is motherhood, should be a supportive hug.

  • Little Munch

    That person was obviously feeling shit too and just wanted to make sure that you felt more shit than they did. My boys never slept and I regret not getting help, it takes its toll on you and all the relationships you have. Sleep deprivation sux!

  • Jess F

    Lovely post. I can’t believe how awful people can be. You are doing the absolute best you can and getting help for Luella’s sleeping is the best thing you can do for her (and yourself)
    Well done Mama!! xxx

  • Sally

    My grandmother always told me if you can’t say anything nice, then say nothing at all. She was a wise woman. Some people would do well to listen to that advice. There are people who can help you, you don’t have to feel so sleep deprived. Good on you for asking for help, there is no shame in that, you don’t have to suck it up, get help. I hope the help works quickly and thoroughly. Cheers and chocolate to a good nights sleep for you all.

  • Ange Webber

    Chantelle, you are an amazing mother, I don’t know you personally but I see it in every photo of your beautiful girls. They are ALWAYS smiling, happy and clearly in love with their mama. My son didn’t sleep easy until he was almost 4, he’d still rather sleep in our bed and would every night if we let him. Every mother has their own story to tell and share with other mums. There’s a saying I’ve heard “it takes a village to raise a child”, it’s true. Nobody has the right to make you feel like you don’t deserve that support! Please keep sharing your stories, the nice ones and the shitty ones, I need them to reassure me that sometimes other people struggle just like I do. Xx

  • Lauren Roney

    I honestly look to online Mummy blogs and posts to help me feel normal (im pregnant not a mumma), and mostly people are supportive and helpful. I can only imagine those that aren’t have some sort of issues themselves, your a wonderful Mum and person. Never let those little trolls bring you down, simply delete and block… x

    • Good advice. Thank you.

      • Lauren Roney

        You help so many people with your posts and honesty, plus your a wonderful Mummy and person x

  • simone

    Sleep deprivation is the worst, I am so glad you are getting some help. I went back and read your post….there is nothing worse or more lonely than that 4am feeling when you feel you are the only one in the whole wide world who is awake, it’s isolating & very hard to deal with, particularly when you have another child.

    I think it is wonderful that you shared such feelings….as well as the good stuff, we need to share the not-so-good too, the realities of new motherhood etc….that’s part of us supporting & helping each other as women & mothers. I have no doubt so many mothers can relate to your sleep deprivation. We all pretend we are coping at times, sometimes we should be more honest & admit how hard it is – good for you for doing just that.

    Shame on anyone who cannot find it in them to applaud you for that.

    Good luck with the sleep issues, hope they improve really soon….take care.

    • Thank you. I hope I deliver a realistic view of life, because most of all I want people to relate and know they’re not alone. x

  • I think your comment-or was obviously having a very bad day, perhaps a little tired herself. Sleep deprivation is torture and I would invest in trying to fix it. xx

  • Traci

    You should feel proud of what you’re doing for your family. You and Luella will ACE it. Promise. Sleep is just around the corner xx

  • Beth Genenbacher

    That’s one thing I hate the most about the internet. People feel like it entitles them to bash other people because they can hide behind a screen.

    But I feel your pain. My daughter will be one next month. She slept like a champ at first, but not so much anymore. Good for you for asking for help. It’s something a lot of moms are afraid to do.

  • JoD

    What the fudge!
    I’m glad you’re seeking help and I hope the other mummy does too.
    I’ve been going through a tough sleeping time with my bubba too (not as bad as some mummys, but much worse that I had been used to) and am so lucky when I sought help I was provided it by my real-life and online mummy friends. Why not share what works/doesn’t from our own experiences? By seeking help and sharing ideas and knowledge, we all grow together and prop each other up when we need it. πŸ™‚

  • Donna Hilton

    Excellent! Hope things settle. Little soon lovely and you can catch up on that sleep xxx

  • Meg

    Lack of sleep with my 2nd completely broke me and began to tear our whole family apart. I was a grumpy hideous crazy lady who yelled at her husband, had no energy for her 3 yr old and was struggling to “like” my newborn who was ruining everything. I got help (for all of us) and 2 years down the track I’m so pleased I did. Good luck with the sleep training. xxx

  • Mia

    In this online world, so much of what we see is the ‘best’ of people that they allow us to see. Thanks for posting about something real and honest and hard. I hope it helps other mums whose babies also don’t sleep well (and they are many I’m sure – mine were awful!!!), but who feel they can’t speak up because no one around them would admit to it. And best of luck with your journey to better sleep xx

  • YES! My goodness, I amazing at the judgement being thrown at Mothers, as if parenting isn’t hard enough. Just be kind, parenting is the hardest role, ever. Yes its the most beautiful experience imaginable, but its hard, hard, hard. Stop judging, stop attacking and be kind. *stands down from my soap box…..

    • and you’re right every Mother is doing the best the can. You are doing an amazing job, keep asking for help, when you need it. Thats what being a great Mum is all about. We don’t want to raise children who suffer in silence, afraid to ask for help when they need it. Go you!

  • Erin

    You poor thing πŸ™ I went through that with my first who was bf and we ended up with her sleeping in the bed with us, when she would wake I’d roll over and pop out the boob for her lol. Doesn’t help you but at least you aren’t alone xx

  • Alice

    Sleep deprivation is a form of torture! Just because you’re a mother doesn’t mean you have to wear your “lack of sleep” as a badge of honour. It is a fundamental need, not just for you but for your baby. I’ve sooooo been there. Try not to feel anxious about teaching Luella to sleep. It’s like magic – as soon as they know how to self settle, your world will change. My first I fed to sleep every single time and, subsequently, I was a nervous wreck for 12 months. My second I encouraged her to self settle from 2 months (tending to her and feeding her every time she woke but always putting her back to bed awake) and it worked like a charm. I’m about to have my third. I’ll tell you how it goes this time. I pray it will be as successful as it was with No 2! I am thinking of you and wishing you all the best of luck xxxx

  • Tanya Lyons

    shared and quoted. You got it right girl and we have your back πŸ˜‰ and a glass of wine when needed.

  • TamsynRiley

    I didn’t comment the other day when I read your post about getting help with Luella’s sleeping because I felt silly, but I actually cried happy tears for you as I read it. I am so happy for you that you are getting help. Sleep deprivation is absolute torture and I think you are strong and brave for choosing to get help. xx

  • Karla

    God, I remember how soul destroying it was when I was having trouble with my first born and his sleeping! He too was waking many, MANY times throughout the night – it could be 10 minutes after putting him down or 2 hours, you never knew. So I’d go back to bed and couldn’t get back to sleep from anxiety. It was a slippery slope and I am forever grateful that we sought help from a sleep expert and it worked for all of us! How dare someone tell you you’re pathetic for doing so!!! What right do they have? None! Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for doing the best for you and your family xx

  • MrsGoodenough

    You’re exactly right Chantelle – it’s enormously important that we have each other’s backs but I think it’s equally as important to remember that the people putting you down are not important to you. It takes a certain kind of person to be an internet troll (or put another mother down) and those people are sincerely not worth including in your life in any way. I get that it’s a lot easier said than done to simply ignore them, but I’ve found with my daughter (who is one in a month) I have to block the negative comments (and sometimes the advice) because it just doesn’t help to compare to anyone else or to give voice to any of my own insecurities simply because someone else may have hit a nerve. Keep the good mums close and the trolls as far away from your own thoughts as possible. If you love your babies you’re a good mum and unfortunately we will never ever be completely rid of the people who feel the need to put others down. Chin up lovely, you’re doing an amazing job and the people who do support you are the only ones you need to concern yourself with.

  • Lisa Casey

    My oldest daughter slept sporadically for the first 4 months she was alive..I understand where you are coming from. We tried everything, I even tried the sleeping with her to no avail! I was treated like I was incompetent because I could not get my child to sleep, and after a while I thought I was, but my family doctor told me something very valuable. If the kid is crying and you cannot handle it, put her in her crib or playpen and leave the room. Go grab something to drink and slowly drink it. The kid will still be crying and that is good, you know she is breathing, and if she is screaming, you can trust your instincts that she has healthy fully developed lungs. When you have finished your drink, calmly go back in and pick up the screaming child and soothe them. It works, my oldest is now 11 and it worked with the younger daughter too!(she is now 7). Lack of sleep can be dealt with the same way, if they are in their crib, not screaming, but wide awake, give them a toy to play with while you have something to drink. You will relax and they might just relax enough to drift off!!! I have been in your situation and I feel for you, I am not by any means judging you , only offering my past experience as something you can laugh about or try, no matter to me, if you laugh you will feel better, and if you try it, you might feel better too!!! Hugs from Canada, and good luck with your daughters.

  • Megan Bruch

    It’s interesting because these people would NEVER say these things to your face, if you met them at the store. (They will say that yes – they would, but we all know that no – they wouldn’t.) So while on one hand strangers feel like they know you personally through your blogging, at the same time, you are almost anonymous, if that makes sense. Like they know they won’t bump into you at the next school function or in church or whatever, so they can say whatever they want and never have the consequences.

    But – that isn’t an excuse, obviously. And lately I am having this big urge in my life to just downsize and simplify. Just everything in my life needs to get simpler. And I’m learning that this is a big part of this is. . . BE KIND. It’s easy. Just be kind. Thinking something rude in your head? Don’t say it (or type it). Just don’t. It’s easy. You pass a tired-looking mama, or even an angry-looking mama with a screaming toddler trying to get groceries? Smile and wink or offer to grab that milk for her instead of rolling your eyes. Because even if you don’t have kids or if your kid is perfect in public and would never pitch a fit (ha!), it’s just nice to BE KIND. Everyone needs it, so why not give it?

    • CarlaC

      agree, agree, agree.

      • Debbie Huxstep

        Lovely comments, Megan. I always offer help to harassed mums in the shopping centre….been there done that. It doesn’t cost anything to offer and I’m sure it makes them feel so much better πŸ™‚

    • Agree wholeheartedly Megan. So well said.

  • Tana

    Hey mama, you’re doing a great job! πŸ™‚
    I like to remind myself and other mommy friends, that we are exactly what our baby needs, we are their mothers and no one else can replace us in that role.
    I was one of those ladies who desperately wanted to be a mother for years and through IVF we have our miracle. But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t days I wonder what I’m doing!!
    Good luck, every journey is different. Hope the help you receive leads to some good nights of rest soon!

  • Brandi Edwards

    Sadly, I’m not a mom yet, but that was BEAUTIFULLY put.

  • Mamatobe

    I don’t usually comment but I have been reading your
    blogs for years now and absolutely love your stories and your down to earth
    style! Now Now I am 14 weeks pregnant today with my first bubba I want you to know that I am so inspired by you – I read your loving letters to your girls with tears in my
    eyes and cannot wait to do the same for my bubba! Don’t let the sad sacks of the world get you down because I am sure you inspire more people than you know!

    Have a great day Mama and best of luck with the sleeping!

  • Happysnappynappydays

    Oh this makes me so mad! Why does motherhood bring out such competitiveness and nastiness in some people? I’m lucky enough to be surrounded by beautiful mums who live by the ‘whatever works’ philosophy, as do I. We all have our own style of parenting and various success rates when it comes to sleep, getting kids to eat veg etc But at the end of the day we are all doing our best and learning every day. And most importantly our kids, like yours clearly are, are loved beyond words. They are secure and content in the knowledge their parents love them and they are fed, watered and kept safe. Isn’t that the main thing?
    I too am chronically sleep deprived and I too am terrible at asking for help. I actually posted on Facebook the other day asking you to share EVERY SINGLE DETAIL that the sleep expert gives you because I will be anxiously awaiting them. I understand that lack of sleep on this scale can effect how you feel physically, mentally and emotionally. It can impact your motivation to eat well and exercise and therefore your health and self esteem. It can impair your ability to drive safely, keep patient with children, make rational decisions and it can have a massive impact on your relationship with your partner. There is NO SHAME in asking for help and nobody should ever make you feel like there is. Anyone who feels the need to do this is clearly battling their own demons. Their issue, not yours. Good luck and sleep dust! x

  • Kara

    Thank You!!! Thank you for speaking up and for saying what a lot of us just regular moms out there are thinking and feeling.

  • Jess H

    You’re doing a great job. We struggled through 3 years of sleep problems with our eldest, now 4. We were barely surviving the sleep problems with our youngest, so at 8 months she and I went to sleep school. It was absolutely the best thing for our whole family. She sleeps, my husband isnt on the couch and both children have a present and more human mum. It wasnt until I got sleep thst I realised how much of a zombie id become, and hw constantly overtired my baby was. Dont be afraid to ask for help. Haters will hate, its a reflection on them not you. Good luck x

  • Liv

    Chantelle, I was in the middle of replying to your original post but somehow got distracted (with a Louella of my own 10.5 months and a 2.5 year old, who would have thought that could happen?) Anyway, bravo for getting help. I am a bit of a sleep nazi and sleep trained my kids from four months onwards. I’m not really open about that, even to my real life mum friends. Now everyone is happy and generally well-rested. Do what enables you to have a happy life. Some kids need to be taught how to sleep, and I believe it’s your job as a mum to do that in whatever way you feel right. Keep us updated!

  • sharingmummysmagic

    Well Said!! Motherhood is tough enough as it is! I have only recently written a blog to just simply THANK mothers out there for doing a great job. You can check it out at

    http://www.sharingmummysmagic.com/mums-at-work/

    Hope its ok to post slink here- still learning πŸ™‚ Looking forward to hearing about the sleep lady and her magic (hopefully) xx

  • This makes me really angry. Even with a thick skin, it’s hard not to take those kind of comments to heart a bit! I’m only new to this motherhood thing (20 months in) and before I even gave birth I saw how competitive parents can be. Why? Can’t we all just support one another? We’re all just winging it anyway lol.
    Hope the nasty noter is blocked and karma will look after her. xx

  • I find this whole passing judgement thing completely and utterly perplexing, and more than a bit appalling. It makes me so cranky I can’t even find the words…sigh. Here’s to a world we let people live their lives, and support and encourage each other x

  • All I can say Chantelle is reading your post yesterday helped me a great deal. I’m currently 18 weeks pregnant with my first, and have suffered from hyperemesis since week 6. To say it’s been hard is a complete understatement – my once healthy body is a mess. As time has gone on and I’ve continued to struggle I’ve started to worry more and more about how I’m going to cope when the baby arrives.

    However reading your post taught me not only that help is out there, there is nothing wrong with me for asking for it. Everyone is different – just because one person does it alone, doesn’t make you any less for needing assistance. We’re just different.

    Thank YOU for the reminder that asking for help is a good thing.

  • Angie Lin

    You have just said what many mothers would like to say, would like to scream from the roof tops!!! But in a nicer way. πŸ™‚ You’ld be surprised how many that have so much time on their hands to cut down other women are themselves not so perfect. πŸ™‚
    Hang in there and keep mothering and remember you are the only mum they know and to them you are the best!!! x

  • Mumar60

    good on you for telling it like it is, Ive got your back mama, you are truly amazing

  • Kellie Gorter

    Hey Mama your doing a great job! I hear you. as mothers we are always doubting ourselves , I know I do but then I look at my kids, there no angels but they are happy and that’s all that matters , seeing a smile on there faces I know I am a good mum not perfect but good. Asking for help is smart and brave, just wish more people would do it

  • ddgdaily

    Love this Chantelle! I am not a mum, but I do still see it happen to friends of mine who are, and it’s just so sad. Even amongst the non mums. If women in general all decided to help lift each other up, rather than trying to tear each other down, how amazing would that be?? x

  • Lee Parker

    Blogging is very brave as I think it must be so hard not to be bothered when people make a mean statement like that (my mother always said if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all and I hope I have passed that on to my children as well)
    So thank you for writing and sharing – and know that I also have your back!

  • Jessica Frost

    This is actually the thing that scares me most about becoming a mum (i’m almost 35wks with a baby that took 3 years of praying and IVF to get here!). I’m not perfect but the judging and hateful comments from other women, women who know how hard it all can be, just makes me sad. There are enough things trying to bring us down, why are we doing it to each other?

    It honestly is horrible that someone said that to you for asking for help. Asking for help is one of the hardest things for some of us, and why people struggle in silence because they are too afraid to ask or admit they need a hand. Forget the haters, asking for help is never a bad thing! Actually voicing that you needed help makes you a strong, brave and great mum x

  • k3teacherresources

    Beautiful Lady – if there is one thing I have learned over my 47 years (10 of them co-sleeping, (not by choice) with my beautiful aspie boy and continuing…..) – it is – ‘Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about, be kind, always !” xx

  • Isabel Kelly

    Sadly enough this online networking can bring the worst out in people as they can hide behind their icon and know they will never have to deal with the harm they do by being nasty.
    I too have a son who slept very poorly.. he is now 4 but it wasn’t until he was 2.5 – 3 years old until he slept through the night and day sleeps were just an option /:

    I always thought it was “great” to hear that other mothers had issues with their children as well, be it sleeping , eating, talking, walking whatever.. It is just good to know that you are not alone in struggle street (sometimes) with raising your child.

    I saw a great little post the other day on Facebook: “Kindness doesn’t cost a thing, spread that shit everywhere” it said.. So true.

    Your strong for asking/getting help.
    My GP always says.. It takes a village to raise a child, so when you are doing all by yourself its pretty darn hard!

    Chin up.
    Isabel

  • Kerri

    Oh the good ol’ sleep deprivation… my youngest is six and my eight year old has asd and has woken up at 5.30am pretty much since the day he was born! So many days were just a complete and utter blur because of my zombie like stupor. The reality was that some days I missed out on that pure enjoyment of being a mother to my beautiful boys because I was JUST TOO TIRED! I will never get those days back! Sometimes I think it would be lovely to have another little bubba… but I honestly think going back to those broken/sleepless nights would break me!!! Almost every mother has had days where exhaustion is just so overwhelming they don’t know how or if theh will keep going (at least not with their sanity still in tact). You are being a better mother by asking for help xoxo Maybe if I had asked for help I would be brave enough to have another little one to love!

  • kirsty

    Last week I was out of coffee. I needed coffee after weeks of in-laws and no sleep, so I took my screaming toddler and screaming newborn to the shop. As soon as I got into the centre I regretted my decision. With both boys having a melt down I just tried to get in and out as fast as I could, when a man walked past smiled and said ‘been there’ that’s it, that’s all it took to make me feel better. We have all been there or will be there. Don’t judge one day it could be you.

  • Maria

    Totally agree with your sentiments Chantelle. I often think why fellow mothers shake their heads at screaming babies while in a store or lose patience for fussy toddlers in planes. Have they forgotten what it’s like to be mothers? I’m sure they were in the same boat not so long ago, so a little sympathy is not too much to put forth.

    I say you are all the better for getting help. You realize the issue–if you are not well enough (due to sleep deprivation) then your little ones will eventually suffer as well, and you’re a good mother for realizing this and finding the right solution for your family. So, more power to you!

    Keep up the great work!
    -Maria
    cmntsblog.blogspot.com

  • annaspargoryan

    Yes please!

    • annaspargoryan

      Although it would be terribly boring to have to find a new bunch of things to worry about :/

  • I’m sending you hugs, and eating some extra chocolate for you.
    I am in utter awe of you. I have felt this way for a long time. Not only do you engage with a large community of people every day with your Photo A Day challenge, you also keep your blog informative, interesting and, most of all, fun for all of us, on top of which you have a young family to look after. I honestly don’t know how you do it, and I take my hat off to you for doing such an awesome job, as a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend and businesswoman.
    We too are suffering from a bit of sleep deprivation at our household, with Master 3 sick with a cold and Master 10w congested and snuffling overnight. Master 10w also does not sleep well on his own during the day – like clockwork, he wakes 20 minutes after he falls asleep, no matter how much rocking and shushing and patting we do. He will, however, sleep for hours on end if I’m babywearing him in the MiniMonkey – my back is not happy. What I’m trying to say is I do sympathise with your pains, and sending lots of love to you to help see through the harder days. Let’s not lie – when you’re sleep deprived, all days are hard – but, some days are just that bit harder than others.
    I truly believe you should never judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. To the idiots who choose to be unhelpful and judgemental, try to block them out. There’s obviously something bothering them too – to lash out at you or anyone else is unacceptable and hurtful. Having said that, don’t try and understand them – there’s no way of knowing what drove them to be a menace, and your time is far far far too precious to waste on trying to work out the intention behind their nastiness.

  • Marns

    Oh honey. I totally agree with your sentiments. Before I had Violet I will admit I was judgemental of other Mums. “I’d never do that” was a common thing for me to say. Then I had a baby, a really happy, healthy, and by most accounts ‘easy’ baby. And I experienced the judgement from others, the looks, the comments, and felt like shit. (And I did ALL those things I swore I wouldn’t!). No-one is harder on a mother than that mother themselves – I promise you! We constantly question ourselves, feel guilty, feel tired, feel sad, feel crazy, and feel so elated that we’ve got the best baby in the whole world. In my opinion, If you make it through the day and you’re both still alive, then to me that’s a victory!!! Never listen to those who have negative things to day. Assume they’re having a shitty day themselves and are looking at someone or something to take it out on. Assume also that they’re probably not a Mum or have just forgotten what that ‘sleep deprivation’ stage is like….or that they do remember and suffered so badly and didn’t get help – so now they feel like you should also pay for their mistake! I never used to ask for help either – but then you have a baby and it’s not about you and your pride anymore. It’s about that precious baby who needs a little nudge to get her sleeping right. She deserves that. YOU deserve that. I mean it when I say I will baby sit so you can nap, because I know that I have had fellow Mummas offer me the same opportunity, and MY GOD it helped!!! Things always get better, and wine and chocolate helps….You writing about this stuff helps too! It made me feel better about my own sleep deprived state, because it wasn’t just me! We need to form a sisterhood and help each other and talk openly about this stuff, because I guarantee we’ve ALL felt judged at some point. Be nice ladies! And know that I have your back (and thousands of others do too I suspect!) xxxxx Marney & Violet

  • Well I don’t know what kind of mother it makes me, because I get help all the time! I have had a sleep consultant help me (and now my 8.75mth old sleeps 7pm – 7am and has 2 lovely naps!) and I think I am a better parent for it, rather than worse!!! Echoing the other comments you are awesome, and I am fairly certain that loving your kids to bits, getting help if you need it and not posting vitriol on the internet makes you a super parent…

  • kelsey

    Good on you. It takes courage to admit You need help. I am not a mum, but I love following mummy blogs. Everyone does things differently, everyone has different opinions, and every mother does the best they can. I am looking forward to joining the community of blogging mums, and am preparing myself for the flogging that I know comes with the wonderful and difficult job of being a mum. You have alot of support, and the support and encouragement of this online community is worth the hurt caused by judgemental people. You have grown form this-they have not. You’re the winner here.

  • Antoinette Van Kleeff

    The Internet is a blessing… and a curse. It seems that over the years the anonimity has taken over the common sense and people no longer feel they have to be polite. More and more rude comments appear on blogs and especially Facebook. That’s why I hardly ever leave a comment, afraid that someone says something nasty about my comment (experienced it more than once).
    It takes a lot of strength to raise a family Γ‘nd do all the things you do in addition to that, Chantelle. Don’t let the negative people get you down. You’re doing great and by asking help, you’re already attacking the problem, so I hope it’ll be solved soon.
    I’ll accept that chocolate, thank you very much! xx

  • Christine

    Hey!!! I don’t normally comment but I felt compelled to reply to your article! My heart totally aches for you. It is miserable that someone feels they need to so negatively judge you when you are being strong and asking for help! My son (19 months) is still a totally crappy sleeper and if it wasn’t for help and suggestions and sometimes just straight out whinging to my friends and mothers group I would have been (maybe still be) a gigantic mess! So good on you for asking for help and for writing this article!!! You are a wonderful mother a fantastic blogger and you share so much with us! Thank You!! Have a wonderful day and I hope you get some decent sleep soon!

  • Qew Druett

    Yesterday I wiped my daughters nose on her shirt and gave her eggs on toast for the 3rd night running. I think most of the time we already feel like we aren’t doing a great job but you know what, WE ARE ALL AWESOME!! I think we forget that our kids think we are the greatest beings on the planet, they love us and think we are AMAZING! We should listen to them more as they are really smart and the negative nellys can find somewhere else to do whatever it is they do. Sending sleepy vibes honey xx

  • Emma Lawrence

    Beautifully written xx

  • Louie

    We are meant to be living in connected communities where all the support we needed would have been there in our tribe. My kids are older now (10 &13) but the first was a shocking sleeper FOR YEARS!! There is no shame in getting help for a problem that is affecting you so deeply. Hold your head high and snuggle your bubba – I miss doing that πŸ™‚

  • Amy Webb

    This brought tears to my eyes Chantelle! I’m currently beating myself up as my Son is suffering with severe anxiety and it turns out a lot of things I have done have made it worse (being too overprotective, wrapping in cotton wool etc) At the moment I feel really crap and feel I have done so many things wrong as a parent. I’m so thankful though to have friends who understand and help pick me up when i am being so down on myself. It is so easy to listen and believe negative things people say, especially when it is about our parenting skills. It is so important though to not let those thoughts drown you, focus on all the positive things people are saying to you and all the wonderful things you know you do as a Mother. From what I have seen on your blog you are a incredible mother and I think your gorgeous girls are so lucky to have a Mum like you! Plus you cook the most amazing banana cake so in my book you totally rock!! Stay positive you will get there with the sleep!!!! xxxxx

  • kathy cooney

    100% agree, motherhood is wonderful, but there are moments, days etc where everything is a challenge. Some negative Nellies can’t say anything nice and can’t keep their comments to themselves. We are here to build up, not tear down. A fan of your blog and fb page!!!

  • Rae Hilhorst

    The person who was so rude is obviously very insecure and a bit of a nut case, so feel sorry for her/him instead. Know that you are doing a wonderful job and are a wonderful mother.

  • Molly Gold @MyGOMOM

    Offer your smile, a kind reassuring look, offer a helping hand, answer when you can and keep quiet if you can’t be nice. I’ll never understand why women are so incapable of doing these most simple of things that they are so completely grateful for when it is offered to them. You are doing good friend!

  • Missy

    Very well said, Chantelle! I think we SHOULD ask each other for help more often. It’s a big step, asking for help-being vulnerable in front of ” our peers”. But to those who do, those are a brave enough, it slowly builds a bridge. It sucks, and it hurts when we aren’t met half way in the bridge building. But it’s in the trying, the reaching out, that , little by little, we realize that we can be different. We can fail ourselves, we can feel like we’ve failed our kids. But if we just had a hand to hold along the way, how much better would that be? So, I commend you for asking for help. Because your bravery, though it was hard, might just have been what another mother needed to do the same. We all need help at some point. Let’s not hide it or keep quiet. Let those who want to be hurtful say their piece . Let it roll off your back and look to those of us in the pack that want to be there for you.

  • Guest

    “I care about lifting peopl higher, not bringing them down.” That says it all about you. Clearly a lovely person and lovely mumma, don’t worry, you are doing an amazing job!

  • Rach

    Amen!! So very true and wish that people would be more honest like in your post. Sleep deprivation is a horrible thing to have to deal with. I have spent weeks at sleep
    School with my two and I NEEDED that help more than most people realised. And yes, I find asking for help very hard. Your doing a wonderful job but I have a sneaky suspicion that you don’t need to be told that because you already know that you are. And anyway, like you said, it’s not a competition. πŸ™‚

  • Dulcinea Romero-Nelson

    I’m so sorry that this happened to you, Chantelle. We mothers need to stick together and encourage, and support one another; not tear each other down. You did the right thing, by reaching out for help, instead of dealing with it alone.

    By your writing, I can feel the love you have for your daughter. Don’t let the “haters” get you down, as my kids would say.

  • Danimezza

    Love you muchly, always have and always will xx

  • Lisa

    Hey Chantelle, Did you read Maxabella’s post about judgement yesterday? We judge other mums because it makes us feel better about the bad choices we make. The woman who wrote you might have great sleepers and only needed to a couple of days of “tough love” with her kids and they compiled. But her kids might have other habits that another mum might think needs work. As a mum of 3 boys who were all terrible sleepers, I just put up with it and I wish I could have had that extra guidance to give me some tips. I find it weird that her first thought was to criticise you rather than offer any helpful tips that got her kids to sleep. You know what-she probably doesn’t have any help at home either and resents the fact you have asked for help. Stay positive Chantelle-you are doing the right thing for your family.

  • CarlaC

    I totally agree and I hope that with so many mummy bloggers, things will start to change. But I have to say, as I’m yet to have kids, I get pretty sick of women with children saying snarky things about how much harder their life is, or that you can’t possibly understand how tired they are or other comments along these lines. Being a mother doesn’t make you better than non-mothers either…

  • Dawn

    I remember we went through a tough time after we had a bad car accident where my son and babysitter were hit by an impaired driver that totaled our car (fortunately, they weren’t badly injured). We went and bought a new car, brought it home, and somebody came along that night and threw a giant rock through the back window. I still have no idea why they did it (just stupid kids probably), but I just thought: PEOPLE REALLY SUCK SOMETIMES! Who knows why they do the stupid, thoughtless and just plain mean things that they do. But we do need to keep reminding each other to play nice, love each other and to TRY to overcome our human tendencies toward jealousy, pettiness and judginess.

    I know there are so many moms that can relate to your situation. I sure can. The few months after my son was born were some of the most miserable of my life. I was really hard on myself, thinking “but I should be so happy!” when I was really just so exhausted, depressed and anxious. But it is true that sleep deprivation is torture. And not only can you not understand how awful it is until you go through it, being that exhausted makes it’s hard to keep perspective and see the light at the end of the tunnel. So good for you for getting the help that you need AND for having the courage to write about it. I think if more of us were honest about the challenges of having kids, and encouraged each other to ask for help, instead of trying to make our lives look perfect on blogs and social media, it would become more the norm to ask for help instead of suffering needlessly.

    Hugs! There is light at the end of the tunnel. πŸ™‚

  • I admit that I judge in my head all the time, but I’d never say it out loud, so perhaps I just have opinions. (I wrote a post about judgey mcjudging myself last night.) Empathy and kindness is pretty much all we’ve got in this life, otherwise we may as well all be hermits. Book that little tacker in for sleep school NOW. x

  • Fleur

    Sweetie if you had any other ‘problem’ in your life, you would seek help from a professional. Don’t ever feel ashamed for being a Mama, and the choices YOU decide to make. A big high five you for you sister xx

  • NaPua Oney

    Well said! I’m one of those who is not able to join the gang…and as far as I see it there are so many things out there that maybe works wonders for some and not so much for others but geez we shouldn’t be negative to each other!! Lift each other up with love!! Good luck Mama

  • Crystal Molero

    I agree with you. Unfortunately I think as women, we tend to get some sort of satisfaction from bringing others down. When in reality if you consider how many hats we have to constantly wear, we should help encourage each other, and ALWAYS treat each with love. Even if someone thinks we are being utterly ridiculous, even though it really is NONE of their business, they should address it with love.

    TOTALLY BESIDES THE FACT that if they have an issue with YOUR post on YOUR blog, they can get the steppin’. πŸ˜‰

    I love what you do. Thank you!

    Crystal Vazquez
    http://www.missandtell.com

  • Bek Latimore

    For the love of god, Always ALWAYS ask for help if you need it!! I thought I could “suck it up” and do it all on my own and it ended up nearly killing my daughter and I because I fell asleep driving home from the doctor. My car hit a tree, flipped length ways and then rolled 3 times through a fence into a paddock. We are lucky to be here…all because I thought I was a failure if I reached out to someone.

  • Terase Davidson

    I am speechless – I am not a mum – but see my sister struggle often with sleepless nights with her daughter – sometimes all it takes is an small act of kindness to help lift her spirits. I sent you an email earlier today that might lift your spirits! Looks like it might have been timed perfectly actually …….. giving you a little break and do something not mum related and heaps of fun! Terase aka byochair.com xxx

  • Heather Mewett

    I remember having trouble feeding my first son and kept the problem to myself for 3 weeks until my husband found me in the middle of the night bashing my head against the wall from lack of sleep and feeling inadequate. My sister, who had been able to feed all 3 of her children, said to me only you can look after you but anyone can give him a bottle, sometimes it just doesn’t happen. That afternoon i put him on the bottle he was so hungry he basically sculled it and then being full and content fell asleep. I never looked back, he is now 16, healthy and happy.
    With my next son i was put on tablets to see if they would help bring my milk on, they did to an extent but also made me dizzy and one afternoon when I was home alone and he was 2 weeks old, I was holding him, spun out and thankfully collapsed onto the lounge were he fell safely. The next day I told the visiting midwife that I was stopping the tablets and putting him on the bottle and that again i felt i had failed my child. She said to me “When you walk up the street, do you know which babies have been breast or bottle fed and its not something that’s inscribed on your headstone. The most important thing is you’ve tried but all that matters now is that he is fed.”
    You aren’t alone in wishing that things were different and to this day I wish that I could have fed both of my sons for longer but it didn’t happen and the most important thing is at the time I did what I could.
    Don’t let someone sitting faceless behind a screen make you feel bad and know in yourself that you are doing the best you can.
    (Sorry for the long post)

  • Helen Burgess

    I would like to write something about this, but am lost for words, as I have been so many times over the last week/month/year that this has made the news.

    I do not want to say anything negative about what was written to you, other than I feel sorry for the person who felt the need to express such negativity, and that I hope they ask for help soon.

    I am glad to hear you have asked for help. I have not followed you long, but I could hear the struggle in your pictures and words. You are a much stronger person for realising that you need help and I am sure soon you will not regret your decision – a full nights sleep is within reach πŸ™‚ (lucky you, I am coming on 7-8months of broken sleep and therefore am empathetic to your situation – I could not imagine this continuing for years).

    Take Care, and enjoy some warm hugs on this cool day to lift your spirit πŸ™‚

  • How awful for you Chantelle.
    I think it takes a lot of courage to admit you need and are getting help. Well done for saying so.
    I hope you and Luella are getting sleep now.

    And you’re right – there’s a huge competition – not just in motherhood but in life. Let’s raise each other up instead of pulling each other down.

  • Kirsty Skilbeck

    sleep deprivation is not good, it messes with you, BIG time. I hope you get some help, I found it useful just to let myself feel tired, appreciate it was just a stage and try to plan very little. How terrible to criticised for asking for help, hopefully you’ll find something that works. I love this quote β€œWe’re all going to die, all of us, what a circus! That alone should make us love each other but it doesn’t. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities; we are eaten up by nothing.” (Charles Bukowski)

  • Bek

    I remember bawling to my mum on the phone and asking how long a person could go without sleep before they died. (never did find out – but almost twelve months of crap sleep with number two got me pretty close to breaking point in every way). It’s so so hard, and so so important to get whatever help you can. Good luck and God bless!

  • Gdelaplante

    Amen. I can’t believe someone wrote that!!! I am… Speechless.

  • Penelope

    A doctor once told me “for flowers to blossom you must tend and nourish the plant”. Keep doing a rad job and it’s good to hear you are getting the care and help so your blossoms continue to flourish πŸ™‚

  • Rosie Smith

    I’m with you. I had one child who slept through the night – 12 hours straight – at age 6 weeks. Then my next child never slept for like 6 years. About the time he started sleeping I had a child who required a sleep/apnea machine for 3.5 years. It went off like clockwork every 15 minutes. To this day if I hear a back-up beeper on a truck my heart tries to jump out of my chest. I think it’s her heart monitor going off and I need to go make sure she is breathing. I’m sincerely sorry you aren’t getting enough rest. I know it comes with the territory – but it’s still difficult. Hope things improve soon. Meanwhile, please, please, please keep asking for help. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness or poor parenting or selfishness or anything negative. Asking for help is a sign you want to do/be better! Best of luck. Hugs.

  • Lisa

    I feel for the woman that felt the need to write that to you Chantelle. She didn’t mean it for you , it so wasn’t about you at all . But you were her easiest target.

    • Autumn Pojo

      Well said. Everything people say/think/do is about them and has nothing to do with you, even when you are the target of it.

  • You are doing a great job! Realise that these negative comments are not about you but about the other person. Such wonderful insight. I wrote a similar article about friendship and how one sour lemon really tests how you view things.

  • That was BULLSHIT! And it clearly came from a nasty little jealous place in ther soul. Shake of it off darling! x

  • Sheridan

    Obviously it’s often with parenting, but why, as a whole, is asking for help a weakness? And why do women prey on others at all? Often, it takes a great deal of strength and courage to ask for help. And we are all human and can’t simply do it all.
    You are so right in saying we should all have each others backs!
    I hope you get some help with the sleeping issues. You must be exhausted? And you most certainly are doing a great job!!

  • Josephine

    Chantelle, I wanted to comment on your post the other day, but got distracted…
    What I wanted to say was, ‘Yay you for asking for help!’ and ‘Oh man, I know how that feels, I was there a year ago’.
    Neither of my sons slept well for the first 8-9 months of their lives, but it was the experience with my second son that almost broke me. Sounds like the same scenario you’ve got now with Luella. I was a mess. But I got help from a sleep nurse, and I wanted to slap myself for not looking for help sooner. Things really turned around (it took about a week of hard slog, but so so so worth it).
    I hope that you have a positive experience with your sleep nurse and that some proper sleep is in your immediate future. Strength to you and your family.

  • Ali Tee

    Re bubba not sleeping…I can totally sympathise, I too had a bubba that did not sleep and I am not able to leave a bub to cry it out. Two things changed everything for me and I hope they might help you. 1. “Crying in loving arms”…Google and read about this technique (by child psychologist Aletha Solter. So hard initially to just hold my child and let them release their pain and trauma without trying to jiggle, rock, boob soothe them. But it was life changing. 2. Dietary changes: cutting out gluten in my diet changed my bubba within a week. He went from waking hourly every night and sometimes screaming for hours to sleeping through the night. Other common culprits can be dairy, coffee, additives and more. So much info online…it can be overwhelming but perhaps see a kinesiologist who can test you and bub for intolerances…it’s more common than we realize (bonus: your health will improve, gluten is pretty nasty stuff). We are still 95% gluten free, we have it now and then and bubs instantly reacts (blocked up, crabby, less sleep). I hope your find some rest soon, it’s so hard. Hugs to you, you are doing an amazing job.

  • Fiona

    I nearly cried reading this….I’m so over and tired of the name calling and unsupportive/picky nature of other mums. I’ve withdrawn from ‘help’ groups and sites because of this. I don’t understand it and it upsets me. I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this and I sincerely hope the sleep help helps. I too don’t like asking for help and I need to be in a pretty bad way to ask for it…..you’ll get there with this πŸ™‚ good luck

  • When we had our children pre Google, self help books, an army of people ready to tell you, you are doing it wrong and all the serious decisions you have to make nowadays we just did our best with the help of our extended family and our friends in the park where our little ones ran around with sticks and made mud pies(we did not have a book or google telling us this was wrong). We may not have had all the labour saving devices you have nowadays but it was a much simpler life and definitely less stressful. I applaud you all for trying to work out all the answers all at once when you are stressed, hormonal and sleep deprived. Be nice to each other and especially to yourself.

  • Paula

    We do the best we can with what we have available at the time. I thought I was the most amazing mother when I had my first child, she was a complete text book kid. She slept through at 6 weeks (obviously I was awesome). I used to go to my mothers group catch ups and just be astounded at how others complained about it being hard or tricky?? Then I was blessed with my darling number 2 and my little boy for #3. I quickly came back to earth with a thud and never ever made a judgement on another mum. I became the mum who struggled and was tired and needed help, my friends were amazing and caring and I vowed I would be like that for any of the women in my life too. Be kind to one another you never know when you may need the village.

  • Samantha Hayden

    I am appalled that anyone has the audacity to criticise anyone else about how they are bringing up their child, let alone make comments like the ones you received! How dare they! People like that make me so annoyed! Hun we all beat ourselves up wishing we had handled something differently, afterall babies do not come with manuals! It is hard being a parent and we should all be supportive not critical. You are doing a wonderful job. hugs x

  • ceejay

    good on you for asking for help, many of us just plod along alone, being a Mother is the hardest job in the world. My girls are now 19 & 21 and i still doubt myself somedays.

  • karamou

    I am 24 and not yet a mother but reading blogs like yours is helpful because you are telling the truth about motherhood. Not a rosy and all-perfect story of what being a mother is. I strongly believe that we need more people like you. You are building a strong women community around you, made of mothers or mothers-to-be and you are an inspiration for a lot of us.

    I didn’t comment on your last post because I had no advice to give you but I really admired the courage you had to admit you were having difficulties. There will always be people to criticize or bring you down. As Lauren said, just delete and block. And see that for a few negative people, there are so many ready to support you and your efforts. You’re an amazing mum.

  • Hear hear! Heaven only knows why some people insist on being mean, especially online, I agree with Megan below. they would NEVER say these things to your face.
    I’m not a mother yet and have gotten terrible criticism for waiting as long as I have to start wanting kids. Like you say there is only our way, no one else’s way, and we have to support each other else keep quiet I say.

  • Kate

    You’re awesome! That’s all πŸ™‚

  • Silke

    Hi Chantelle
    Well said. I have not read the other comments … Short in time, but love your blog. I love that you are real and share the good and not so good. Nobody is perfect all the time and you often put a smile on my face for the things you do, mainly because I will have done something similar. Also, you inspire me. Otherwise I hope you are getting more sleep. I’m still working on mine. Lol. πŸ™‚

  • Lianne

    well said every person is different and the critics usually would not say things to your face, as bullies they don’t see how they hurt others. I agree with if you have nothing nice to say zip it. never doubt yourself and the hardest thing to ask for is help

  • Pat Kafel

    Ha ha Fat Mum Slim, love it and it definitely fits me. 6 kids now age 20-33, got a wardrobe or 3 full of clothes from a UK 10-20.
    My husband was in the RAF for 38 years and was away a fair bit, I truly wish I’d had the courage to ask for help occasionally.
    You’re doing really good, you writing is smart, funny, compassionate, full of empathy and understanding. It’s a real shame that people clearly of less substance feel fit to, or worse feel the need to attack you. Definitely says a lot more about them than you.
    I’m a bad sleeper too, but I’ve found a product called cherry active quite helpful. Wishing you all the very best. It’s easy to say but everyone does, it all passes so quickly my nest is empty pretty much, but my heart and memories are bursting.

  • Atikah Honeybee

    Just ignore them. We all have our own style raising child. Whichever good thing being shown and want to follow, just follow. if dont like, dont do. some ppl have so many thing to say back like they dont have any other thing better to do.
    by the way i love your blog so much.. u rock girl..

  • Lisa Mckenzie

    I feel for you as if you don’t feel bad enough without sleep ,people be nasty to you,Mothers of all stages and ages should stick together and if you have nothing nice to say ,say nothing at all Xx

  • Kellie Anderson

    Try not to let comments like that get to you, lovely. We are all doing the best we can and as for parenting, my motto is “Whatever works”. No one has the right to tell you how you are raising your children is wrong, it is working (or not working) for you. You are doing what you think is right and best for your kids and that’s all one can ask for.
    As for your sleep problems, I would try controlled crying. Go in and settle bub, walk out…. when she starts crying again, leave it a bit longer to go and settler her and so on. It does work.
    Also, is bub getting enough milk? A full bubba is a settled bub. Maybe try topping her up with rice cereal at dinner/ bed time?

  • Tim

    Both our girls (2 and 6) had sleep issues that drove us both insane. We ended up at tresillian with both of them for a week each, twice with miss 6. Not ashamed at all. Now they sleep around 11-12 hours a night every am not trying to boost that we get plenty of sleep, will still don’t but its our own fault. What I suggesting is get amy assistance you can. Children sleeping and parents sleeping makes everything easier and yout love grows stonger as you are all happier.

  • klcmaher

    Oh, Chantelle. Something similar happened to me this week. A simple mistake wiped out an online ‘friendship’. Ok, as my husband said, “You didn’t even know her! Not really anyway!” He said a couple of other things but what it boils down to is, do you really ‘know’ someone from online? NO. Those people don’t really know you. I don’t think people online think about the fact that whoever is on the other end is a REAL PERSON. With feelings. Don’t let these people bring you down. All you can do is the best you can do, and ask for help when you feel like you need it. Ignore the ignorant, because “they know not what they do”. If we all spent our time doing our best to help each other – like we were put on this planet to do – life would be easier for everyone, but some people can’t see the forest for the trees.

  • Phil Merrigan

    Seriously. That’s disgusting that they said that to you or that anyone would say that to a mum. We put ourselves under so much pressure already as young mums. We never feel like we’ve fully made it no matter how many kids we bring up. Yes, ask for advice. Maybe seek professional help (I know of friends doing this now with their little one). Personally I had the dream first baby. He slept from 6 weeks. Our second woke every night for over 2 years until one night I was too exhausted to get up for him and we finally broke his mid-night waking pattern. There is unfortunately no prescription for a waking child. There are so many variables – reflux, too cold, too warm, too hungry or too cuddly. Mums just deal with it as best they can on the exhausted resources they run on. Hang in there. Xx

  • Rose Grandile-Pizzi

    Hear hear. I couldn’t agree with you more. Pardon my French but if you can’t be supportive or say something nice SHUT THE F*** UP! I think you’re fabulous and inspiring! Your blog has been a bit of a touchstone for me. I have a 13month old daughter, and found it really hard to adjust to being at home and being a mum, after working for many years in a stressful creative industry. You’ve opened my eyes to the beauty around me by doing your fmsphotoaday, and now I’m totally addicted to Instagram! From what I can see and what I’ve read, you’re doing a great job mum. Big virtual hugs for you xxx

  • Lavina Frenando

    AMEN SISTA! Love and blessings from one sleep depraved Mumma to another {HUGS}

  • RacheyB

    I am not a mum yet, I can’t wait to be! I read all the upfront and honest blogs that tell you how it really is, and its scary! And yours makes me have hope. That I will be brave to get through it. You are brave! You are WOMAN! You are a MUM! I hope I am as good as you. X

  • Lucy @ Bake Play Smile

    Oh how awful. You are amazing and an absolute inspiration to all bloggers (and women in general). Don’t listen to people like that… clearly they are just being ridiculously insensitive and cruel. I think negative people just need to eat a big piece of chocolate cake (chocolate cake makes everyone happy!!). Sending you lots of love xxx

  • Daphne Nunez

    sending hugs! somehow, we all get through it and I know you will too! Mine are 29 and 26 years old and there’s plenty I would do differently now if I could…but I can’t and that’s life. we’re all doing our best and fighting our battles. so, the bottom line is…we are all in the same boat, living life as best we can, right? so why in the world can’t we all just lift each other up instead of putting on the “holier than thou” hat and putting everyone down? just sayin’…life is hard enough, so can’t we agree to support each other? hang in there, Chantelle!

  • Carmen

    My baby turned 7 this past weekend. She never slept. Ever. And it got worse as she got older. At 13 months, I was diagnosed with PND. I kept telling them I wasn’t depressed (though I was), I was tired. I had not slept more than 4 hours in a row in over a year. I begged to be taken into sleep clinic, and it turned our life around. Saved my sanity, taught my girl to be able to sleep, saved my marriage. Yet some people had to bite their tongue when we went in, as they didn’t agree with it. Well I don’t agree with mothers’ wondering how hard they would have to crash a car (without the baby in it), to hurt themselves enough for a few days in hospital with sleep and drugs, and not enough to do permanent damage. (yep, I was that tired). Sleep deprivation is torture over a long period of time, and ruins your life. Hope you have found some help. X

  • i just want to give you a big cuddle xx I was talking to a couple of ladies just yesterday about this topic. I feel sorry for the individual who felt compelled to misdirect their issues onto you. You are an amazing Mother, and your love for your children is clear. By asking for help, you are showing your love for them (and yourself) xxxx

  • Of course you’re doing a great job – I bet your two little girls think you are the best thing in the world. That’s what matters, those two little hearts you are responsible for. I wish we as women, as mothers, didn’t feel the need to belittle others. We’ve all been there, or are there. None of it is easy. Mama, you are doing a great job, and I’ve got your back.

  • I so agree. It’s so easy to either make someone’s day or bring them down completely. I know which one I would rather do! Hope you all get some sleep x

  • Emily @ The Beetle Shack

    goose bumps Chantelle. You’re a good mother, a good woman and a good blogger.

    Muchos respectos.

  • Brilliant post. I’m sorry you have to put up with stuff like that. Jealousy, smugness, the lot – most commenters are wonderfully supportive, but it only takes one to reel off a nasty comment to bring you crashing back down. FOR NO REASON.
    Hats off to you. Good on you for asking for help. You are wonderful, and you are the perfect person to be Lacey and Luella’s mum. x

  • Cindy

    I feel you! So totally! My 11 month old wakes 3-4 times a night plus is ‘up’ at 5-6am. I can barely function some days and stay home and talk to no-one. I too have a school run to do and part-time work. When I read your blog the other day I thought, why don’t people tell us to go get help BEFORE we have had nearly a year of sleep depravation? I have only just made an appointment for a course ( not even a proper sleep clinic) last month. And I still have another month until the course is on. You have inspired me to actually ask for some real help instead of just ‘sucking it up’. Thank you!

  • Kristen Knight

    Well said Chantelle! We’re raising our kids in a tough and sometimes unforgiving world. We should support each other as much as we can x

  • Denise Mooney

    I love this post – it’s like you took the words right out of my head! I’ve come into contact with a few mums lately who are quite happy to tell others what they’re doing wrong, but when you look more closely they’re really just feeling guilty or anxious about the way they parent. It’s awful to make a mother feel like she’s doing a bad job. We worry enough as it is. Less judging & more self-awareness would be step in the right direction!

  • Fiona

    I know, I hear you. Where’s the sisterhood gone? I know exactly how you feel. That kind of …. competition?… is what drove me away from mother’s groups and possibly why I ended up with undiagnosed PND. And now, I am facing some pretty odd behaviour by the parents at my child’s primary school…. something has happened to our society. I am making friends with everyone despite it! Be the change is what I am living by. Thanks for sharing your struggles, it reminds me that no one is perfect, even if they a have kicking blog! tootles. xx

  • Oh geez, I hear you. Pickle didn’t sleep for more than 3 hours for the first 17 months of his life. That was the MOST he slept, sometimes it was 45 mins, an hour and a half etc. It was hell. I had a lot of people criticising the way I did things. In the end I did what worked for me, so I got to sleep and be a better Mum and human being.

    If you haven’t already, check out the Baby Sleep Site, I trawled through the information and found it helpful. More than anything, it was helpful to know I wasn’t the only one. It’s good to know there are hiccups for growth & development spurts (and to keep this in mind on an ongoing basis, because, just as you think it’s sorted…)

    I do think we all do the best we can possibly do. Some days are harder than others and that’s when I hope others will give a boost, particularly on social media (I’ve found twitter to be particularly good in this regard). I don’t understand the bullying that some find acceptable behind a mask. That is deplorable.

    You are doing a fab job!

    Cheers, @Kanga_Rue

  • Leigh V

    Chantelle, I am SO with you on this! I have no idea why, when we are all walking the same path, there is so much nastiness! I have received so many beautiful encouraging words lately re: my book and Im so proud of the mums that are sharing. They are so supportive. Gives me lots of faith! Would love to hear from you, sent you an email. YOU are so inspiring to SO many. Love Leigh xxxxx

  • sanja

    You are an awesome person, an awesome mum and are awesome for being you.
    Care for those who care for others … the selfish don’t matter as much in the scheme of everyday life.
    Stay true to yourself.

  • Katie

    I just wanted to say thanks. For both posts. I’ve recently ‘swallowed my pride, and asked for help with sleep issues. It took a LOT to ask for that help. I felt like a failure. I enjoyed reading your post, but neglected to say thanks. I’m so sorry that this negative person has ruined it for you. But thank you for speaking out against it! I am sick of nasty negative troll mamas. I’ve left so many pages and blogs, just because it upsets me so much to read them (even though it’s not directed at me). Enough is enough. Just because I have different opinions I am not negating other’s.

  • Kat

    I just came across your blog and had to comment and tell you what a fantastic site you have created and that I totally agree with your comments above. I only wish this was around when my kids were young (now 13 and 15 years). I so needed a way of sharing my frustrations, anxieties, daily struggles and general mothering moments good and bad in a place of understanding. To read that other mums are facing the same issues would’ve been so comforting. Mothers groups were always so competitive with sharing the successful milestones their kids were achieving, but no-one spoke about the struggles. Keep up the awesome work and ignore those who bother to criticise as there are many others who gain value and comfort from the thoughts you share.

  • Wow. How sad & messed up must someone be to actually go out of their way to contact someone only to criticise them for trying to solve a problem?!?
    Good on you for trying to sort it. Sleep deprivation was used as a form of torture for a reason – it’s torturous! I hope you find something that drastically improves it soon x

  • Debbie Huxstep

    Hi Chantelle, what a wonderful post. I’m so sorry you had that happen to you. Why can’t people just be kind to one another, I just can’t understand why people have to be like that. Being a new mum is hard enough without people being unkind to you. I hear where you are coming from, the same debate revolves around breast feeding vs bottle feeding. Of course we all know that breast is best and all mums what to be successful and do what’s best for their baby but isn’t the most important thing a happy less stressed mother and a happy and healthy baby??? Mums who can’t breast feed (for whatever reason and after all it is a matter of choice) shouldn’t be made to feel like second class citizens or get told that if you bottle feed your baby they will grow up to be fat and dumb!!!!
    A little off topic I know, but we should all just stop and think (especially those of us who’s children are grown and we have the opportunity to had grandchildren back!) on what we went through as new mums or even second mums.
    So my advice to anyone who sees a mum struggling in the shopping centre ( Megan Birch and I think on the same wave length lol)…ask if they need a hand, offer to push the trolley so they can try and calm down their little one, smile at them but please don’t make some smart comment that they can hear about how bad a mother they are, or how if that was my child that wouldn’t be happening or whatever other smart remark comes to mind because I’m pretty sure that your child would have done the same thing at some stage in it’s life (and if you say your child was perfect at all times) then I’d say your pants just may be on fire!!!!!!
    You are a fantastic mum Chantelle….good on you for asking for help, sleep deprivation is the worst type of torture (hence why it is such a good interrogation technique) so do what you need to get some!! Also on a side note I am a fantastic babysitter and I live pretty close to you if ever you need someone, I even come out in the middle of the night if required.

  • Karen

    It’s really sad when the ‘sisterhood’ lets you down. My own mother is the worst for this, making me feel like a total failure when I struggled with my newborn twins, and continuing to make me feel useless as they got older and I faced new challenges with two infants the same age. We should support each other, not be cruel! We’re all doing our best, after all. Hugs xx

  • Carol Graham

    You are absolutely 100% right. I just had this conversation last week with my daughter who joined a young mom’s group and these women love to bash each others parenting rather than support it. She left the group but had a chance to speak her mind first — and she is very good about it. Maybe they will think before judging one another.
    Carol @ Battered Hope

  • Charlotte Cornes

    What bothers me most is that people will willingly be cruel behind your back ( or behind a computer screen). I always worry about what others think of me, I can’t help it its how I am wired. But I can’t stand judgy mums. Where is there a rule that we cannot ask for help when we need it? I know how it feels to have to get up every few hours to a crying bubba, to not want to take your kids out for dinner for fear of being judged, to sometimes feed them the same thing for a few days because you just don’t feel like being creative… But is this wrong?? No its not. We do the best that we can as mothers, we raise our children, we love our children. Keep doing what you are doing, and don’t be afraid to ask for help. You are a mum. Which means you are wonderful at your job πŸ™‚

  • Lindsay

    This was a beautiful post and one I needed today. I am fearful of asking for help for the reason you stated above. Being a mom means joining this awesome community…but it also means the judging begins from some that we thought we’d all left behind in the grade school years. It is tough. But KIND is KEY. Choosing a positive approach and path always makes me feel happier, and I’ve learned over the years that if someone is not serving/suiting those goals and ideals, then I limit my time with them.

  • Mercedes

    Don’t even pay attention to those people!!! I have two boys, one is 18 months old and the other is 3 weeks old. The youngest is driving me crazy because I have to feed him every two hours. During the day is ok, but the nights are horrible, specially because after 2am he doesn’t sleep well at all and all he does is crying, grunting and screaming… I feel bad for the poor baby, but the lack os sleep is killing me too!! My other son is also jealous of the baby and he is now throwing tantrums during the day, crying, screaming and waking up crying during the night…. Just lovely, ah?
    As I said before… don’t listen to those whose words are just meant to hurt you…
    I’m with you girl. I know what you are going through!

    http://tobirdsofafeather.blogspot.com/

  • Whitney

    Oh Chantelle, this just brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry that this has happened to you. I really don’t even have words to express or explain how hard being a mama/wife/person on this planet, is, and even if everything looks peachy, everyone is fighting their own battle. You are a great person, and a great mama and everything will get better. I am so proud of you for asking for help. If there is anything at all I can help you with, please just ask πŸ™‚ Sending my love your way, Whitney (won your instagram TTMM competition a while back) xxx

  • Jess

    Sleep deprivation is torture, and any mummy worth her weight in gold should have offered help instead of criticism. Maybe a lasagne instead of a lashing might be more helpful? Some people are just mean. Hope things get better soon xx

  • Chantelle,
    I’m not a mom, but I am a proud auntie. I will not even begin to pretend how tough motherhood seems from just the outward glimpses I get every now and then. I am sad that someone would try and tear someone else down especially in a community that seems so supportive of many beautiful things that encompasses womanhood. There are a few lessons I’ve learned in life, and one is that some people are just miserable!! They like to spread their poison around, but the sad thing is, they’re only harming themselves. I love how you handled the negativity that was flung your way. Your blog is a positive light in this world. It’s beautiful, fun, creative, and I absolutely love looking at it! You’re a great mom, and I hope to someday glean tips and tricks from it for my hopefully upcoming days of motherhood!

  • Andrea

    Chantelle,
    First off… let me just say, COODOS TO YOU for even BEING a mom in this day & age!!! I do not have children myself, but am engaged to MY perfect man; father of 3 (twin 6 y.o. girls and an 11 y.o. boy). The reason I chose not to have children is because of a severe Anxiety/Depression disorder I was born with (VERY manageable with meds and counseling/therapy), but because of this disorder and the medications I have to take, the Birth Defect % is VERY high and I just plain can’t NOT take my meds.
    Anyway… back to my point… I look at moms everyday with envy and wonderment. I honestly do not know how you Wonder Women do it day-in-and-day-out! You ladies are certainly my Heroines HANDS DOWN!!!!
    Please don’t let a few pissed off ladies with low self-esteem get you down. My grandmother had a plaque in her kitchen that read… “God couldn’t be everywhere at once, so he sent His angels down disguised as MOTHERS to raise His babies”. Just remember, you are an angel, and you are your babies’ HEROINE too!!!

    All the best to you Chantelle!!!
    <3 Andrea

  • Marilyn @ Four By Aloha

    I love your honesty and how you are so true to yourself, which is something that we definitely need more of this in the world. All of your ups and downs are so inspirational and through your posts we see that it’s okay to not be “Perfect”. Motherhood is beautiful and we all need help every now and again. Thank you for all that you do!

  • TwoRedOneBlonde

    Sorry, another late comment but, what the heck is wrong with women!!! When will we learn to just help each other and not hurt or hinder. Perhaps this mother spoke from a place of hurt herself? Where she felt unable to ask for help herself….let it be no reflection you though. X

  • Babs ([email protected]

    xoxoxoxoxo

  • Sandi

    Great post. Totally agree. I actually wonder if this is contributing to the bullying by children. Children learn what they catch, see, observe, etc more than they’re told. If they see their parents judging others harshly, placing blame, being hurtful in their remarks they’ll do the same. I think the same of aggressive driving. Just my two cents. Thanks for sharing.

  • jagatha13

    Chantelle, I don’t know you. So you might ask yourself why is she writing? Having read just a bit of what Negative Nancy had to share takes me back to the old adage if you don’t have anything nice to say… As a result of your #fmsphotoaday creation you have given to me, a total stranger. A creative mind put to a challenge that goes beyond capturing a shot that conveys the word joy. It is fun for me to piece together a picture from others photos and words that tell me, albeit right or wrong, something about the person on the other end of those captures, Your story for me is about a lovely, loving woman who gives everything the very best she can and then some. You strike me as a giver, not a taker and certainly not one to ask for help ever, or if so rather reluctantly. So from one reluctant person to another it is a strength asking for help. Hurray for you. Kindness is taking the time and if you can’t offer a suggestion merely saying I’m sorry. I’m sorry you’re having a difficult time. I’m sorry you haven’t found a solution. However, I do know you’re doing the best you are able and that’s all you can ask of yourself. My hope for you is you find a solution for you and your well-being. I for one will be thinking positive thoughts and have a feeling you will be rewarded for your efforts, none too soon. xx

  • Willa Cline

    Some people can’t feel good about themselves unless they make someone else feel bad. Good for you for getting help! Sleep is VERY important, I think a lot of people think it’s no big deal, but it definitely makes a difference in your quality of life, and the amount of energy that you can give to your children.

  • Domenica

    Fuck the haters. You are a great mum. Getting help when we need it is important for us mums, and you should be totally commended for sharing so that other mums may feel they are not alone. Evil little trolls be GONE!

  • michelle barrington

    Couldn’t agree more.

@Fatmumslim