Once upon a time there was a girl.She was shy, smart and curious. Over a few years {in her early childhood} some unspeakable things happened to her that changed her. The trauma changed her brain, and even her physical well-being.And then came the flow on effect.She got bigger. In age and size. The weight was her body’s way of protecting her. “Be less cute,” it urged her. “Be invisible,” it whispered. Without her even knowing, she did what her body told her, and she grew an extra layer of protection.That kept her safe, until it didn’t. It became reason to call her names, and cause for people to write snarky graffiti about her on school walls. It became the source of whispers & jokes, until she became so paranoid she was sure everyone was joking and whispering about her and her weight, even when they probably weren’t.Ugly. Fat. Gross. Unlikable. As her friends had first kisses and boyfriends, the girl watched on and wondered. She decided she was unworthy. She became a bystander.The layer that had protected her, also held her back. Like a heavy coat, it slowed her down and made her different.It would be almost easy to throw off that coat, & emerge as a new girl, stepping into adulthood. Trauma isn’t so easy to shake though.So she kept on, wearing the coat. Allowing the words of others to form her own self belief. Boys yelled words out from cars, “You fat bitch!” Not once, but more times than she could count.The girl, had slowly but surely, started to believe she was completely unlovable {by herself, and the opposite sex}. This history had become her core belief system. She so believed the words of strangers, that she told herself the same, every day. Fat, ugly, disgusting, unlovable.The layer she wore, that invisible coat, was both a comfort and a curse.{The good news is, she found love}.The boys in cars stopped yelling, and strangers on the internet took their place. One nasty comment and the girl slipped back into that coat, believing the words to be true.Her dream is, & is slowly becoming, to leave the coat behind. Instead donning a cape of self-love & acceptance.
