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You Are Not For Everyone

Fat Mum Slim /

If there’s been a hard lesson in life, it’s this; I am not for everyone. And I’ll save you time now and tell you the same, you are not for everyone either.

I spent so much of my life trying to be for everyone. I didn’t realise I was doing it, but I wanted needed the acceptance of others. I was the teacher’s pet, the high achiever, the do-gooder, try-hard. I was trying to be what anyone or everyone needed me to be, because I wanted to be someone for them.

I can remember the first time I realised that I wasn’t for everyone. I was sitting in the backyard of a friend’s house as she hosted a BBQ. She was one of my close friends, and she had invited a few friends around. Some I knew, and some I didn’t. I sat across from a woman I’d just met as we ate dinner and we chatted small talk. I could sense that she wasn’t taking to me, but I thought she just needed time. I talked to her some more, complimented her on her dress and enjoyed my meal with her. Then she said, “Does it bother you that your teeth are like that?”

“Like what?” I asked, unaware that there was anything wrong with my teeth. I could have listed a million other things that were wrong with my body, but up until that point I thought my teeth were totally passable.

“Like that,” she half-snarled, “crooked and not perfect.”

I tried eating the rest of my dinner without showing my teeth, noticing that the woman had found a weird sense of joy in bringing in me down a little. I never saw her again, and never hoped to either. It was the first time that I realised that I wasn’t for everyone. I definitely wasn’t for her, and that was okay, cos she kinda wasn’t for me either. I’ve met people since, and I can usually sense a vibe straight away; I’m not for them. There’s no convincing, persuading, or any time-wasting activity I can do to change their mind.

Of course, it’s not always easy. There will always be people that don’t like me, that’s okay, because for everyone one of them I have someone in my life that sees all of me, loves me, and accepts me. They’re my people. I’ll keep on investing my time on them.

I am not for everyone.

What’s something you’ve learned in life?

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  • Denise Blust Vermillion

    How about after 15+ years? I have a friend who has basically frozen me out when she plans outings with mutual friends. The mutual friends told me they think she’s jealous of me – because I’m just living my life, mostly on my terms. It’s so weird! But I’m not going to lose sleep over it, it’s her loss, right?

  • First of all this was very rude! I would tell her something about her manners in return! But honestly why should everyone like you anyway! I have stopped doing stuff to just please people. You are awesome just the way you are, you don’t need other people’s approval!

  • Michele

    Oh my… I think the penny just dropped for me. This is a brilliant way to look at relationships. Thank you!

@Fatmumslim