Why you should never, ever lie… ever

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I always believe it’s best to be completely honest, except when you’re telling little white lies. Little white lies are a-ok.

On Monday I woke up and my phone had a weird pattern on the home screen. It was like I’d woken at midnight and taken a photo of a ghost, except I didn’t. As the day went on the screen worsened and the ghost got bigger.

I asked myself, “WHAT ON EARTH IS HAPPENING HERE?”

I didn’t reply, because that would mean I was talking to myself, and I would NEVER* do that. *Well, only when in front of the mirror, which is perfectly acceptable. One MUST know what one looks like when speaking.

It was time to investigate. I smelled my phone. It smelled mildly fruity. I touched my phone, it felt completely the same. So I went back to the scene of the crime, my bedside table. Thinking that perhaps something had happened overnight.

Beside my bed I have one of those wooden trays that you see on Pinterest and Instagram. People skillfully arrange candles, books, face cream in them to make their lives look perfect. Mine looked like that for 3 seconds until I realised I had kids, and now it contains Peppa Pig mini-books, children’s bracelets and 85 cents. Amongst all of those things I discovered an oily substance. Lulu had kindly poured my expensive face oil and filled up the tray. The same tray that I placed my phone in while I slept at night.

Mystery solved.

The oil had seeped into the phone, and worked it’s way from the bottom of the screen to the top. The phone still worked, but it was impossible to see almost anything in the phone. Playing Candy Crush was absolutely torturous. HOW COULD I EVER WIN?

I made an appointment at the nearest Genius Bar, and waited.

Hubby told me that I shouldn’t tell them about the oil. “Let them guess!” he suggested. I do what I’m told {almost rarely, but it seemed like fun} and decided that I’d play dumb.

Enter Alex, the Apple Guy.

He’d barely said hello when he told me that he knew what was wrong, “That’s oil in there.”

“Oh I don’t know,” I feigned ignorance, “I don’t know what it is. I just know it’s annoying.”

“Well let me take it out the back and open it up and see.”

So he took it out the back and did his thing, returning about 10 minutes later, “I think it’s lube.”

I was sitting at one of the tables at the back of the store, with a mum and daughter beside me, and an older lady in front of me. “It’s not lube!” I blushed.

“We smelled it, and we think it smells fruity like lube,” he continued.

I lost it. My head dropped onto the desk {plonk!} andI laughed so much I cried, mainly because I was so embarrassed that I wanted to die. I felt like I was in a pickle. I knew exactly what face oil it was, and if I’d just come out and said it in the first place I would be in that predicament. But how could I go back on my fibs, look like a fool and reveal that I actually knew EXACTLY what it was, and that it wasn’t lube?

So I just laughed, “So you and your mates out the back have been discussing my phone and taking your bets that it’s lube?”

“Well, yes” he shared, “we think it’s lube, or maybe at a stretch, coconut oil. But lube, because… you know, you have kids.”

“Well, I can promise you that it’s not lube.” I can also promise you, lovely readers, that it definitely wasn’t lube. But if it was, I would absolutely not be handling that phone without gloves, because EEEWWWWW. Funky town.

The phone was dying, slowly, and the only way forward was to buy a replacement. My second replacement phone in just 12 months. I’m VERY bad with the phones.

In the thirty minutes that it took to replace my phone, Alex and I shared more than we probably should have. We talked about lube {of course}, vaginal births, tree changes, his vasectomy, and my extended breastfeeding with Lulu. Like seriously, anything can happen in an Apple store. Clearly.

The moral to the story is this: ALWAYS tell the truth. And don’t have kids.

51 thoughts on “Why you should never, ever lie… ever”

  9. I laughed so hard I almost spat out my breakfast!! Can only imagine the conversation they were having out the back. I would have been mortified too. Makes for a fab post though 😉 xx

  14. Bloody hell, who would have though that a teeny feign of ignorance would lead to that. Apple staff are kooky at the best of times. They were probably all out the back pointing saying, ” there she is, lube lady”.

  15. That is so funny…..sorry I should not laugh but you have brighten my day up….
    Ps I have just brought my first iPhone and I am so excited to play with it when it arrives

  17. Hahaha that is hilarious…so the morale of this story is to hide the lube (aka expensive face cream) from the children 😉

  33. Shut UP!!!!! That is the worst!!! I had to get my phone replaced recently because I’d put it in the washing machine (it was in my bathrobe pocket, and V had vomited on my robe so I wasn’t thinking). I was embarrassed enough by that situation as it was so stupid, but if the Apple guy had suggested it was lube damage…I would actually die! LOL! Some ‘genius’ huh!

  34. … after reading this post and having a good laugh … I have decided to never lie again….. or if this should happen to me I’ll send Hubby in with the phone….
    Have a great day Chantelle… Hugs…. Barb xxxx

  37. Haha! That is hilarious! The funny thing is, the lube thing is most likely true for someone (or someones) out there!
    We had a day of Apple screen incidents where my partner smashed the screen on his iPad, to which I laughed hysterically for half the day (I know, nice, aren’t I!)…until one moment, I was laughing with my hands and my own iPhone flew out of my hands and landed on carpark bitumen and smashed my screen! We decided to be cheap and sent them both away to some dodgy repairer to fix the screens…they came back and we thought all was fine. Except my phone stopped being able to answer phone calls. Very frustrating. I decided to take my phone into the Apple store and play dumb, too. They took it out the back and did their check, came back out and asked if I had had any repairs done elsewhere. When asked a direct question, I have an inability to lie, so I told him what had happened. He took it back out the back, had another look….and it turned out the reason my phone wasn’t answering phone calls was something to do with my screen protector, not the dodgy repair….but they gave me a new iPhone anyway…”because they prefer us to have all Apple products!”
    So, long story (sorry! had to share), but yes, honesty does pay off….and I will never buy a phone from anywhere other than Apple now (and if I need repairs, I will go straight to them!)

  39. Can I also suggest, never lie to a Miele serviceman (not that I have) because those computer bags they carry, which plug into every kitchen & laundry appliance can tell them EVERYTHING! e.g. Miele Man – “Do you do many descales on your coffee machine?” Me – “Yes, when the machine tells me to.” Miele Man – “Great, because I can see you’ve descaled 3 times and have run x number of litres through the machine and have made x number of coffees since installed”. Holy crapola!

  40. That is so amazingly awesome and funny.. I was actually blushing and cringing for you whilst reading that.. good luck with the replacement phone

  41. This is Genius, I highly commend Alex whom im assuming had to be mid to late 20’s for even having the balls to mention Lube.. I commend good ol mamma bear Chantelle for holding it together and not loosing her shit.
    Id have loved to see the other customers faces… priceless i bet

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