The skewers or the ice cream

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We’d just been to the supermarket where we bought various groceries and ice cream. Now you know the urgency that presents itself when you’ve bought ice cream on a summer-y day. Parents be all like, “We can’t stop, we’ve got ice cream in the back.”

Remember those cries from your childhood?

I needed to get fancy skewers though, so I had to make a mad dash to the $2 shop to grab them, and leave the ice cream in the back unattended.

It was just Lacey and I, and the $2 shop is like the mecca of cool stuff according to her. Cheap hair clips, textas that die within 6 hours of purchase and more pool floating devices than you can count. I urged her as we walked down the aisles; “Don’t look! Keep walking! We’re not buying! Don’t ask!”

Eventually we weaved our way to the checkout, where about 6 people stood in front of us. It was then I had to make a decision; was it the skewers or the ice cream? The skewers won. So we waited.

You can notice a lot while standing in lines for long periods of time, including how patient you are and how many times a 6 year old can ask, “Can I pleeeaaaaaaaaase just get this?”

As we waited a woman and her son walked in. The son was in his 20s and they were searching for a phone cover. The son was mentally disabled, {not diagnosing just observing}. He spoke in a way that was loud, enthusiastic and slightly confronting, and difficult to understand.

“Get that one! Get that one!” he yelled enthusiastically to his mother.

“Just wait Daniel, I need to make sure it fits.”

He continued to encourage her to get the pink one at the top.

His voice could be heard all around the store. People stared, others ignored them.

I looked down at Lacey and she was watching on. Lacey has a tendency to stare, and my initial reaction was to tell her to stop looking.

But then I stopped myself.

Because I saw her watch on, and she wasn’t looking to judge, but because she cared. I could see in her eyes that she was wondering if he was okay. I wanted her to care, and I want her to continue caring.

If she’d stopped watching, she would have missed the gentle way the mother listened to her son and explained things to him. She would have missed the mother encouraging her son to try on the brightest sunglasses on the stand, and then telling him just how cool he looked while wearing them, and how cool he felt when checked out his reflection in the mirror. If she’d stopped looking she would have missed the kind glance the mother gave us. If she’d stopped watching and caring, perhaps she’d grow to think that it’s best to ignore what’s going on in the world {even right in front of us} and pretend that it’s not happening.

I didn’t read the bit in the parenting manual {what parenting manual?} where it says what to do in these situations, but I know that I want to help Lacey grow into a caring, compassionate, thoughtful person. And when she has one of her meltdowns in public {which she does}, I hope that people watch on with care and kindness, and not judgement.

I’m not sure what’s right or wrong, or even if there is, but I do hope that I’m helping shape my daughter into a good human being, because doesn’t the world need more of those?

And in case you’re wondering, the ice cream survived.

photo credit: Caden Crawford

27 thoughts on “The skewers or the ice cream”

  1. Awesome! The world definitely needs more good human beings. It’s nice that Lacey takes after you in that regard, like mother, like daughter xx

  2. Fabulous attitude. My kids have a disabled uncle…they grew up with him a big part of their lives. They may look and sometimes comment but it’s an observation …….a normality like an observation about the weather.

    • I totally forgot about my grandad who only had one leg. I was trying to think what my experience was yesterday, and with him we didn’t know any different. He was just our grandad.

  3. As the mum of a gorgeous girl who happens to have cerebral palsy and be in a wheelchair, I have tears in my eyes. Thank you for allowing your daughter to be natural. Thank you for showing compassion. Thank you for not staring in horror or looking then turning away. I have many friends asking what is the “right” way to behave in such a situation and, from my point of view, I think you nailed it. You would have made their shopping trip that much easier. Kids are so natural, curious and honest when it comes to differences…thank you for helping Lacey keep this alive.

  4. Great job! We need more kind, caring and compassionate people in the world… they cancel out the horrid ones I come across occasionally (okay, often… sadly) when out with my son.

    PS Thank goodness the ice cream survived. I just bought some today and it’s not going to survive for long…

  5. You’re such a beautiful person Chantelle, and a wonderful mother to be raising your daughter(s) to have such compassion. The world needs more people like you!

  6. I’m reading the book ‘Wonder’ to my 8 & nearly 10 year old daughters. They are loving it and it’s incredibly thought provoking and creating amazing chats about empathy, differences and human hurts! http://rjpalacio.com/book.html?m

    The part where August says, “I would wish that I could walk down the street without people seeing me and then doing that look-away thing.” was awesome to talk to my girls about. I encourage my children to make eye contact and smile when they see people in the out and about but have talked to them about staring too…I know I’ve always appreciated the kind smile from another mother when wrangling a fractious tot and I imagine it would feel awful to feel invisible all the time.

  7. To receive a smile from a stranger instead of a glare helps to keep the mind at ease When shopping with a child who has autism or even a child who is throwing a tantrum.

    Its lovely to hear your daughter is developing sincerity and compassion, im sure these qualities will grow as she does.

  8. I think that’s a wonderful way to view the situation. Sometimes telling children in hushed tones “don’t stare” could suggest that we should be awkward around people who are different to us or those who have disabilities. If we were all a little bit more openhearted then the world would be an even better place!

  9. I loved reading this. My uncle is perfectly normal but is missing an ear (from pregnancy), is partially blind and, in all honesty, looks like he has a disability. My friends and strangers always made comments to me about his looks and asked if he had ‘something wrong with him’. I wish more people were like you and Lacey and just accepted people for being them. My uncle is the best!!! ❤❤

  10. “Because doesn’t the world need more of those?”

    It surely does.

    Your post made me cry. My brother is intellectually disabled and people being compassionate and accepting is a wonderful thing. It’s not an easy life for him or for us but it helps when people show care and understanding.

  11. I love that, despite the ice cream and the queue, you were in the moment enough to observe Lacey’s care and concern. You’re a wonderful mumma and person, and Lacey is clearly a wonderful little lady. x

    This story reminds me of the guy who lives opposite the park at the end of our street. I couldn’t guess his age (definitely not a teenager; somewhere in adulthood). He has Down’s Syndrome. Every evening, he goes to the park to shoot hoops or ride his bike or kick a ball – always by himself. If I happen to be walking past with our dog, Amalfi I will stop and have a chat. He always remarks at how cute and fluffy Amalfi is (both accurate statements if I do say so myself!) and I always walk away with a smile on my face. I hope he does too. (Though I suspect it would have more to do with Amalfi than me!) x

  12. Just beautiful. You’re a great mum and you are obviously already raising a compassionate daughter 🙂
    Screw the ice cream – that life lesson was worth way more (although that’s awesome it survived – your good karma saved it maybe)! x

  13. I can surely relate with buying ice cream and rushing home haha.

    This is a really nice post. It’s an eye opener for me because I always worry about being rude to stare but I never realized that it would be good for my son to learn about empathy and compassion.

    thank you

  14. I used to work with autistic teens & adults. I’d take them to do things in the community & there would be times the would completely lose it. The amount of people that would openly stare in horror always made me sad. Not once did anyone ask if we needed help or look at us with compassion in their eyes.
    That job enabled me to try & in still compassion in my own kids when we’d see something similar. They’d always ask if I got embarrassed but I told them I never did & that they shouldn’t make peoe feel embarrassed abut it either.
    You are doing a good job x

  15. GREAT job, and thank you for sharing. I am about to become a first time mum myself (where’s that dang manual?!) and am filing this one away for a great teaching moment.

  16. I am relieved to hear that I am not the only mum that reacts like that. When my son was about 3 we were waiting at the deli in the supermarket and in the trolley next to us was a little boy that had downs syndrome. My little one was just staring while the other little boy was grinning back. So I said to my son “well aren’t you going to say hello?”. After a tentative “hello” the boys were grinning at each other and happily entertaining each other while we waited. They were very cute!

  17. Love it! Well done to you and Lacey. You are right, how much judgement our children will have will come from us. And kids are full of curiosity, it’s how they make sense and understand those things around them. You just taught her that all people are not the same and that’s ok. I’m sure that it will prompt many conversations in the future, if it hasn’t already. Parenting win. Go Mumma.

  18. That has to be one of the greatest things I have read! Seriously thank you from the bottom of my mummy heart. I will now ensure that I look at all situations through these eyes from now on. And ensure my daughter gets a “whole” perspective view of any situation. Mwaaaaaa

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