Last week I went to San Francisco for the week. I went to visit Pixar and see how they made The Good Dinosaur. It’s all secret squirrel but I’ll share all the juicy details when I’m allowed.
When I got the email from my friends at Pixar asking if I was interested in going, I didn’t hesitate for more than five minutes. Usually I’m really annoying with trips and I’ll move heaven and earth, and BEG for people to accommodate my family so that we can all experience it. This time I had a gut feeling that I should go alone. I didn’t want to drag my family around again, and I wanted to have the experience by myself. I had a moment of bravery and madness, I guess.
I was around 95% excited and 5% nervous leading up to the day of departure. And then the day before hit, and I was a mess. I was packing and cleaning and playing with my kids. Poor Rebel dropped over to my house, and I pretty much lost it asking, “I think I might need a hug.” Hubby was working, so I didn’t get to see him much the night before.
The flight was early the next day, and I woke early, finished packing and got ready. I cried my way through it, and felt physically sick. It was real and happening. I snuck into say goodbye to Hubby, and he could sense my sadness. I think it was because my face was soaked in tears and I did sob into his face, “I’m going to miss you so much!” That probably gave it away.
I know there are people reading this, rolling their eyes, wanting to hand me a can of harden the flip up. I wanted to hand myself a can or give myself an upper cut. This is who I am. I wish I could change. I have to push myself to do things, and it’s stupid. I can’t justify anything. It’s just what it is. I do know that once I’ve removed myself from the situation and arrived at where ever I’m going, I’m fine. I know the kids are fine. I know everyone will be fine. I know I just have to get through that madness to get to that point.
There was a point, when I walked down the aero-bridge to the plane, where I had a panic attack and I was going to turn around and go back. I was too far gone though, and I pushed through. It helped that my seat-mate on the plane was a lady named Barb who talked my ears off, and totally distracted me with talk of her cats. AND Pixar sent me flying business class. Champagne and 3-course meals helped. I’d like to let the world know that in business class they lay your seat flat and put a MATTRESS on your seat, and make your bed, AND THEN THEY TURN IT DOWN LIKE A HOTEL SO YOU CAN SLEEP.
I might have been the only person who had never flown business before, because I was so thrilled to be having a bed made for me, and all the food, and everyone else seemed like it was extremely standard. I’ve told anyone and everyone since the flight about the mattress, “I HAD A MATTRESS! ON A PLANE!” I don’t know how I’m going to fly economy again. Maybe I’ll bring my own mattress.
Once I landed, I gave myself a talking to… and I promised myself to embrace the whole experience. I knew that I’d be back in the land of normal {tantrums, crankiness and mess} in no time, and that it was special.
What I didn’t realise was, that the whole experience was good for everyone. The perks for me were obvious; I was doing something I loved, and I also go to explore a new city. I got to eat alone {I ate mushrooms for pretty much every meal, because I could}, find space to breathe, rest, find my calm and just nurture my soul. Hubby loved playing stay-at-home-dad for the week. So much so that he wants to do it all the time. He totally nailed it. The house was spotless on my return, and the kids we so happy. One of the best things though, was seeing how these girls had bonded. I think Lulu must have looked to Lacey for that more nurturing role, where before I left Lulu rarely gave Lacey the time of day. It’s been beautiful to see this new bond.
I’m glad I did it. More than glad. My soul is full, and my kids are content. And I realise it’s a little bit selfish to think my kids need me all the time, perhaps if I just give them the chance… they’ll thrive and grow and do brilliantly with a bit of space.
It’s amazing the good things we can do when we get out of our comfort zone. This is just winning on all counts! And I adore that picture of the girls! What a capture.
They’re so in love with each other. I mean, they’re fighting right now, but for the most part they love each other. 🙂
It’s definitely good for us all to get out of our comfort zones – life would be boring otherwise! Me? It wasn’t long ago and I’ll be doing it again soon – back in July I spoke at a conference in front of a room of pros. And I’m doing it all again next week but for 3 times as many people! I am shitting myself. But if I managed it once, I can do it again!
Good on you! What do you speak about?
The ever interesting topic of … email marketing! Well, it can be sometimes 🙂
Wow I think I’ve just had a lightbulb moment… I think I’m a little bit selfish too thinking my kids can’t cope without me there and doing everything! I probably don’t give the hubby enough credit that he {can sometimes be) an adult and is perfectly capable. I’ve been away once in almost 5 years on my own and I didn’t make the most of it worrying the whole time so good on you for being brave! I need some of your courage to try it again!
I was just reading Stacey’s comment above, saying that we shouldn’t hog our kids and let someone else have a go sometimes.
I know it’s not easy but it’s good for everyone involved. 🙂
God I can so relate with this. I am so glad that you got all you could out of your trip x
Thanks, I really did. 🙂
HI Chantelle, I love your post because on a deeper level, all mum’s ponder the question when leaving their children ( whether for work or any other reason ) what the fall out is and I also like to feel indispensable. There are, I’ve learnt, many benefits to giving them the gift of times away from Mum. As hard as that is to admit. Good on you for taking a new step. I hope your trip was loads of fun!
I love that sentence you wrote Kim: “There are, I’ve learnt, many benefits to giving them the gift of times away from Mum.”
My mum rarely left us, and I was an anxious mess the one time she did… and then really bad at school camps. Looking back it was major anxiety and panic attacks {not that I knew they had a name back then}. I didn’t want for my kids to be the same as me. I wanted them to be confident, independent and capable. Of course, they’re clingy when I’m around {we can be in the biggest room, but they’ll still both sit on me}, but they thrive without me… and I want that for them.
There are so many benefits, and I think it’s important for us to know that. xx
Oh my gosh I am totally the same….I can’t stop the tears flowing and my mind races through the what-ifs of every totally unlikely scenario….but once whatever I am doing starts I am generally okay….but leaving hubby and the girls behind is the absolute hardest no matter how great whatever I am doing is!! Don’t worry I even tear up if they get an award at school or participate in a dance concert or my latest challenge with Miss 16 is waving goodbye to her at the airport…..tissues at the ready!!!
Oh gosh, I will be a mess if Lacey ever goes on a trip without me. It’s one thing to keep busy and be the one going, but to be the one saying goodbye = heartache. Thinking of you. xxx
I’m so glad to hear that enjoyed a little getaway by yourself and got to finally experience Business Class x
Have you flown business before? I don’t know how I’ll live such a regular life in the future…
I’ve flown Premium Economy which is very very similar (same area in the plane, minus the bed). Thank you Mum and Dad for that experience 🙂
Your trip sounds and looked (followed along on insta) incredible. Congrats for going by yourself. I don’t have kids, so I can’t imagine what it was like to add that on top. I used to hate doing things by myself, but I love it now 🙂
I love my own company. I love that you do too!
Oh I’m so so pleased you enjoyed yourself, I really felt for you when you wrote about how anxious you were beforehand. I’m exactly the same, we put off so much stuff because the thought of leaving the boys is so alien to us, always have a fun time when we go though!!
It’s just getting through that sadness/nerves/fear, isn’t it? Everyone has a good time!
Love that you did this. Me? I think I would have been too scared! 😉
I was so scared, but I know that if I give into my fear I’d miss out on all the amazing stuff. I struggle with it, and I do want to take the easy route… but I have a bigger fear of not experiencing life fully.
And the girls thrived. Shane is an amazing, hands-on dad, and they behave better for him than they do for me! They loved it.
So happy to read this and hear it all went well. I knew you would love it! I cried the first few work trips i did when I had to leave my babies but it’s much easier now they are older and every time I go I can see them thrive and bond with their dad. Plus they miss me and it’s Soo nice. Can’t say the house is ever clean when I get home though… you did well there! Xx
Shane is a bit of a wife when it comes to those things, and I’m the husband. We swap roles. I like things clean, he likes things tidy… which sounds weird… but everything was spotless.
And then I messed it all up. Ha!
That is exactly why I am scared to fly business class, I will never be able to go back to economy!!!
Oh Malinda, I’m SCREWED for life.
This really makes me think. I NEVER do anything without my kids. I really struggle to take time out for myself. I feel guilty & worry that the two toddlers are too much to handle. It’s ridiculous & completly unfounded ( my toddlers are normal 1.5 & 2.5 year olds, not little demons that only I can handle.) I know I always feel better after a bit of me time but don’t know how to make it more than something I do twice a year?
JUST DO IT and get the hell out of your own head. And stop hogging your kids! Other people want a go without you hanging around ????
I know! But even when friends offer I can’t say yes. I’m really, really bad at accepting help.
Our kids are always better behaved with other people, and I feel like I’m a better parent when I’ve gone and taken some time to myself.
I hope you can do it. I’ll hold your hand! xx
I really want to try to be better at but considering it has just taken me two months to get a haircut ( I waited until my husband had some time off work on a Saturday, even though my friends had offered numerous times to watch them) I think I’ve got a way to go!
I don’t know why it’s so hard for me but it is.
Good on you for being brave enough to have a solo adventure. Plus what a beautiful return present to see the girls bonded even more closely.
It was beautiful to see. They’ve been so close since coming back, and I really love it.
I hope things are going well with you. I know things have been stressful with R, and just wanted to let you know you’re in my thoughts. xxx
I’m really doing a happy dance reading this post. I’m glad for you and your family. And the picture of your two beauties at the end says it all: they are as brave and shining as you are! And hurray for dad too!
(You gave me such a sweet reply on my reaction last time – little boy went out sleeping with a friend last weekend and he did tremendously well. And in the end, we did too and enjoyed a very fancy restaurant that my parents took us to.)
Oh I am so glad to hear that you had a good time. We need to do it sometimes. It’s good for everyone. 🙂
Sounds like an awesome trip and I have to say that I would’ve been crying my eyes out as well. As a matter of fact, last year I went on a mommy/daughter trip with my 9 year old daughter. It was the first time in 15 years that I travelled without my hubby or son – we go everywhere as a family and this trip was just me and my baby girl!! I cried – yes I was happy to have a weekend for just us two, but I cried thinking of how much I would miss my boys! It was a great time though and I’m glad I did it.
I like have that emotional side sometimes, and sometimes I wish I could switch it off.
I’m sure you had an awesome weekend with your daughter! xx
I had done something similar, I was in the US on my first solo international trip the same time you were there. An opportunity presented itself and I took it. And everybody lived!
Everybody survives, and thrives even. Where did you go? What did you see?
I was in Texas helping to run an event – Loot Vintage Market – which was fabulous by the way! I spent the time in Dallas and areas around there- Lots of open spaces and cowboys! 🙂 Pixar studios must have been AMAZING!!!
I love giving dad/grandma my job when I go away: I can’t hog the kids all the time! They desperately want to have a go and I can’t deny them that. Plus you know I’m a hardass anyway ?
Ha! I love the way you think. 🙂
I can only wish for this one.. for me to go anywhere for a few days takes huge organisation and costs too much as the kids have to do after school etc as hubby works bloody longer hours than I do 🙁
The other night I booked a babysitter. This was the first babysitter I have ever used {as my family live in another state}. It was amazingly good to have a night out with my husband and I really think I have to do it more often.