There were tantrums.
All day Friday I was trying to convince myself to call it all off. It was pathetic that I wasn’t doing this all myself. It wasn’t fair on Lacey. And it wasn’t fair on my Ma and Sis, they needed their sleep too.
Friday night rolled around and it was all unfolding. It was time to say goodbye to Lacey. I found it so hard. I wanted just one more smooch. Just one more cuddle. Eventually I broke down in tears.
I’m such a sook.
I ran into an acquaintance on Friday. I was feel down and doubting my plans. I had a chat to her about operation sleep. She’s a lovely lady. I was just feeling so blah and everything she said made me feel more… blah. She said that I should give up this (pointing to my breasts). She was old enough now and didn’t need it anymore.
She also said that it was a bit mean to be leaving Lacey overnight. That bit stuck with me all weekend. It was like a record playing over and over in my head. Bad Mama.
I ended up getting in the car to drive to Ma’s house for the night. I put my Sarah McLachlan CD on, turned it up loud and just cried.
I’m such a sook.
Ma’s linen was so nice and crisp, yet soft at the same time. Ma’s always have the best stuff, don’t they?
I woke a lot on the first night. I kept checking my phone to see if I had missed a call, or a message. Lacey hardly woke at all back at home.
The second night I slept like a log. Lacey was up partying for most of the night. She was happy, playing games with Ma and Sis.
Last night Hubby and I were on duty and Lacey was a star little sleeper. She only woke twice… and the first time was because I went in to fix her blanket and accidentally woke her up.
Lacey loved having all her people around. She had a great weekend, and I’m not a bad Mama. I really had nothing to worry about.
I hope tonight is even better. xx
Hate to hear about running into the “Debbie-Downer”, but THRILLED to hear that you both seem to have come out on top of this whole experience!! Perhaps a little time away is just what the dr, or mommy, order for you two. And you’re SOO not the bad mama for leaving her..you didn’t leave her with strangers, she was with family.
And I think “sook” is one of my new favorite words! LOL
I really don’t know about how hard it is to go through what you’re going through.. but the woman I share an office with tells almost identical stories.
She swaps houses with her mother every Tuesday from lunch to dinner and she says that’s when she sleeps! It’s the best she gets all week and mum adores being able to baby sit (and throw on a load of washing). It’s win win for them both.
I’m glad you realise your not a bad mum. I don’t know about being a mum, but I did want to say hang in there you’re doing a wonderful job and soon you’ll be past this and realise it was all worth it!
Thanks Dorsey. xx Is sook an Aussie word then? I’ll let you borrow it. 😛
Deborah-Lee – That’s so sweet, thank you so much. xx
Good for you! You need to take that time away to REST… I didn’t do that with my first baby and the fact that I hung on so tight and tried to ride out the relentless sleepless nights without help did neither of us any favours.
PS I am loving the current monthly mantra! 🙂
Of course you’re not a bad mother. How can you nurture your child if you’re not nurturing yourself? After getting some decent sleep, you must have so much more energy to put into mothering and that’s the main thing 😀
You are the best mum in the whole wide world!
Lacey’s not even 1 yet, is she?! Try not to let other people make you feel bad, honey .. I know it’s easier said than done – but you shouldn’t feel bad for breastfeeding Miss Lacey! Do what works for you and baby – not what other people tell you is right *hugs*
Mummy you’re the best mum in the whole wide world. Grandma said that one day we’ll both get a good nights sleep…until my baby brother comes along!
Love Lacey xxx
good job telle… dont let other people sway you – a happy mumma is a happy bubba… you need your sleep and your mum rocks so no worries there!
the breastfeeding thing… hang in there as long as you can! its so good for laceys tummy! and remember – lots of children who have allergies have no food issues what so ever… until they stop breastfeeding!!!
you rock xxx