I started off the day yesterday in a bad mood. I was desperate for more sleep but Lacey wanted to start her day at 4:20am. No negotiations allowed. So that was when my day started.
From the time Lacey was born the shower has been my place for peace. Lacey would sit in her little chair and just chill while I did what I had to do. I could wash my hair and just stand under the water until it ran cold. Bliss. Until now.
Now she hates the chair and wants to explore. She’s keen on jamming her fingers in the drawers. I am constantly in and out of the shower stopping her, entertaining her, giving her new things to play with and closing the drawers all the while dripping water everywhere. Not exactly relaxing!
I was rushing about and running late for work. It was just one of those mornings. Those mornings can easily turn into one of those days. It’s like a snowball effect. As I drove to work I decided that I wasn’t going to allow it be one of those days. I must have looked like a chanting hippy. I took a few deep breaths and then said out loud… change the day, change the day. Lacey just sat in the back of the car watching me.
The day got better. I spent 5 hours at the local shopping centre with 5 kids tagging along finishing up the Christmas shopping for work. It was crazy busy. By the end of it our feet were killing and we were running on nothing. It was nice to have it all done. Now we just have to wrap everything. I love wrapping so that’s no chore.
I realised that I was also in a bad mood that morning because my best friend was coming to have dinner with us all the way from Geneva. I was looking forward to seeing her but somewhat upset because she would be seeing me like this. Fat. The last time she saw me in person was four years ago. I was looking better than this. I feel somewhat like a failure. I quite often get this feeling. It overwhelms me.
The moment I opened that front door and saw here smiling face it all left me. I know that she would never care what I looked like, or how much I weighed. She doesn’t judge me. I judge me. I decide my worth by my weight. She was just happy to be hanging out, chatting and here with me. (Oh, and meeting Lacey and seeing Hubby too).
I need to work on this, a lot. People don’t love/like me for my body, they love/like me for me. x
So true love. We are the worst judges of ourselves and our own worst inner critics. Why we do it to ourselves I will never know. Its so hard to love ourselves sometimes.
We all have days like this. Sometimes its just easier to let them go and realise the next day will be better. I don’t know how you do it, I am full of admiration for you.
I was at Bondi today actually and thought we might see you. Next time I see five kids and a little Lacey I will come on over and say hello.
Just look for the girl with bad hair and sweaty armpits (no time for hairdryers right now and my internal thermo has gone mental) :).
x
Great post & great reminder for all of us. We are our own critics, our own worst enemies. We see & concentrate on what others really don't care about.
I haven't even seen you from the neck down and I like ya 🙂
Have a good weekend w/ Lacey & the hubby!
Jen
It’s so great that you could turn things around like that – and have such a great lesson learned!
Jo – It would have been wonderful to see your little man (and you!). You definitely won’t miss us. x
Jen – Thanks. That makes me feel lovely. x
Diana – True. I definitely have to make an effort to turn it all around, but I know that we are more in control of our lives than we think. x
This post has really hit it for me. I have avoided so many times meeting up with old friends because I am so ashamed of my weight, but you’re right, if they are truly my friends, there is no way they would judge me for that.
Thanks Chantelle.
Hey Chantelle,
Thankyou for the great post. esp the end notes youve made. It kinda reminds me when I was in my early teens, I suffered from anorexia cause I constantly felt I was overweight. I struggled alot, Until I met people who told me, that i shouldnt care about my weight, and they told me that they like me not because of how id looked, but just because of who I am.
I do think losing weight do require alot of encouragement by people around you esp the ones you trust. So anyways, Im here to give you some support. Good luck 🙂