Baby On Board.

About this time a year ago I did something a little bit silly.

It was early, about 7am. I was on my way to work and needed to grab some bread. I had Lacey in the car. I quickly double parked right outside the door of the little shop and ran inside, leaving Lacey in her car seat. I felt sick for the whole minute I was gone. Sick for so many reasons. I’d left Lacey in the car. I’d parked in a dangerous manner. It was a quiet street, but that doesn’t make it any better, really. I grabbed the bread. Tossed the money on the counter. And ran back to the car, and drove off. Lacey was still safely strapped in the back.

I see lots of people, parents included doing the same, all the time. Often when it’s a lot busier. Often to get coffee, or breakfast.

When I got home that night I, filled with guilt and remorse, told Hubby and my Little Sis what I had done that morning. They couldn’t believe that I would do something so stupid. I think Hubby’s words were: You should NEVER EVER leave her in the car. Ever.

Oh the guilt. I already felt so bad, so guilty. And now I felt a million times worse.
This morning there is an article in the Daily Telegraph about the same type of situation. A woman left her baby in the car for ten minutes whilst she grabbed a coffee and did some window shopping. She returned after a few minutes, strapped her toddler in the car and then returned back to shopping.
I’m pretty sure this isn’t a rare occurrence. It doesn’t make it right. She wouldn’t be the only one that left her child in the car yesterday, I’d put money on that.

Author and parenting expert Renee Mill said it was human nature to want to take shortcuts. ‘Having children is difficult and life-changing but you can’t just carry on with your life the way it was,’ she said.

The quote above is taken from the article in the Daily Telegraph. Now anyone leaving a child in a car can face fines of $22, 000.
When I did leave Lacey in the car, I was trying to take a shortcut. Getting a proper parking spot, getting her out and putting her back in would have taken more time. Lacey was at her peak of hating the car a year ago. Strapping her in created great anxiety within in me, and many tears and crying from her.
I did just want to make my life easier. I wanted to take a shortcut. But after feeling that guilt from the moment I left my car to run into the shop, and having that confirmed with my dressing down from Hubby… I know what I did was wrong. I wouldn’t‘ do it again.
I don’t leave her in the car to pay for petrol. I won’t leave her in the car to grab a drink. I won’t ever leave her in the car again. It does make life a little more difficult, but I’d rather life be a little more difficult, and have my daughter safe in my arms. I definitely learnt a little lesson. And I’m thankful that I did.
What are your thoughts?

Top Image from *Andrew

Bottom Image from Daily Telegraph

31 thoughts on “Baby On Board.”

  1. i did this once at the gas station…about a month after we brought Lexie home. it wasn't because i wanted a shortcut, i just didn't think anything of it until i got back home.

    i guess i didn't realize how many parenting rules (and laws) have changed since i was a kid. i live in a ridiculously safe area…but i won't be doing that again! don't need to be taken in for child endangerment :-/

  2. first of all, breathe! you are a parent not a saint. having a child doesn't mean you become this perfect person. noble and wise. you are still you. if you left her in the car. didn't like how it made you feel, don't do it again. but you don't have to beat yourself up, tear yourself down in order to atone.

    my rule of thumb is if i can see them they are safe. if i can't, it better be an emergency.

  3. I accidently locked a patient in the car once. Had to call the Fire Department to get her out. They gave me dirty looks like daggers for me. Like I had done it on purpose!

  4. Thanks for this post! I'm not a parent yet and hope to be some day soon and definitely will not do this especially when I live in Arizona.

    My mom did shortcuts too with my sister when we lived in Washington where the weather was cooler. :-/

  5. I find it really hard to read this post after something I did a few years ago. It was our last day in Queensland. The shippers were in our house packing up our belongings to go back to England. It was my job to keep the children out of the way while we waited for the okay to leave on our long road trip down to Melbourne. I decided to get car cushions for their necks to have support and I parked up outside the mall entrance nearest the shop I needed to go in. But my 10mnth old had fallen asleep and i couldn't bear to wake her when all I had to do was check and see if the shop had them. So I left my 6yr old with her baby sister, grabbed my 2yr old who was too much of a nightmare to leave unattended, and ran into the mall. My reasoning was the car had blacked out shade windows and no-one could see they were on their own and i would only be a moment. Bu I was probably gone more like five minutes. And when I got back to that car my 6yr old daughter was in tears, thinking she would never see me again. My baby was still asleep, but the damage I did in that five minutes I can't repair. My now 10yr old, still worries about me leaving her ANYWHERE and I would never do it again. I still feel sick when I think about it now.

  6. Please don't beat your self up over it!
    I think a quick dash into the shops in a quiet place is very different to window shopping and leaving the car twice! Parenting is one long learning curve, we learn from what we have done and from others.

    Recently another woman left her three children in the car, in the sun, for 40 minutes! Another woman parked her car on a friends driveway and went inside for a second to give them something and some one stole her car, baby and all. They found the car and the baby a few suburbs over, parked under a tree with the air conditioning on. How scary. That was not far from us.

    It is much more drama to get them out of the car seat and then back in again, but hearing stories like that make me realise how much it is worth it. I can't imagine what that mother would have gone through, not knowing where her baby was and if she was safe.

  7. I posted about mother guilt and breaking 'rules' a month or so ago. I only leave my two kids in the car if my 'duck to the shops' is going to be sub-three minutes, I can get a park RIGHT OUTSIDE and I can see them from inside.

    BUT. I have recently started leaving my youngest in the car as I drop and pick up my eldest from school. Why? She has chronic lung disease and we only just got home from a two week stint in hospital because she got the flu (which probably would have been fairly mild for a normal kid) and had to be on oxygen for 12 days. For me? The chance of something bad happening to her in the car is far outweighed by the possibility of her getting very sick again from all the germs floating around in the centre.

    If people want to think I'm a bad mum then I guess I'm ok with that…but I'm just going to do what I think I have to in order to keep my little girl well.

  8. Amanda – Sorry I didn't see your comment. We must have posted at the same time.

    I think we have to all assess our own situations. We have to weigh up what is best for our kids. In your situation it sounds like it's a better decision to bubba in the car.

    If I was in your situation, and lived where you live, I would most definitely do the same.

    In my case… being a little better organised can save me from having to leave bubba in the car. I can fill up when she's not with me, shop the day before etc etc.

    Hugs to you. I hope I didn't offend you. xx

  9. Naturally every story has two sides.
    Chantelle- don;t beat yourself up!!!
    As parents we can choose what we think is best/right at the time and we have the ability/right to change depending on circumstances.
    I never left Cooper by himself in the car but now that I have two children it's impossible to get petrol without leaving them both in the car, that is unless I get coopers walker out or the double pram, which is crazy for a two second trip into pay.
    I just try not to do it very often.

  10. I'm not sure how much of a media beatup this story is? I also think you're being way too harsh on yourself!

    I leave my daughter in the car if I have to get petrol and she's with me. It rarely happens, and I, like you FMS, try and be really organised so I don't have to do that. But if it happens, I just lock the doors and (like Bugmum) am sub 3 mins, and can usually see her. I don't think it's a big deal.

    I wonder what people are afraid of – people stealing your child? Your car? My daughter is all strapped up so she can't touch anything in there.

    I'm so over mother guilt at the moment – down with mother guilt!

  11. i agree with carlos' rule… i often park in front of the shop i am going into: bakers delight for example… and if i can see and talk to them still, then it is fine!

    I also leave them both in the car when i am paying for petrol, which i think is a common occurrence for most people. i never did it when they were newborn.

    My rules are:

    If i am going to be any longer than 60 seconds I take them with me.

    If it is hot, I take them with me.

    I always lock the door.

    I always have Zac's window down.

    If I can not see them, I do not leave them.

    I actually feel the same re: guilt etc. however know what I am doing is safe.

    All those stories scare the living daylights (i sound like my mum) out of me, yet scary things can happen when they aren't in cars too…

    xxxx

  12. I think ducking into the shop for 1 minute vs coffee and window shopping are different scenarios. I know it's hard when to draw the line, but I agree with Amanda – the risk of something worse happening too!

    I try and be organised enough so I don't just have to duck in for milk, bread, stamps, whatever. But I still regularly have this scenario when I fill up with fuel. I leave my 3 children in the car, because to me the risk of them getting hit in the service station and crossing the tar to get to the pay-station for fuel is much, much higher than leaving them in the car and something else happening. (let alone them pulling everything off the stands!). They're in there with the windows open, and I see them every second I'm in and out.

  13. I would never, ever leave my kids in the car. Even if it's just for a few seconds. I am just WAY too paranoid. I would worry about it getting hot fast, or about someone stealing the car, or about the kids getting upset and something bad happening to them. I just can't do it. And I don't like seeing/hearing about other people doing it, either. It worries me so much, you just hear too many bad stories about when things go wrong.

  14. I think its strange how this has come up again now that its winter. Obviously if we were in peak hot summer season it might be a different take on the story.

    I don't drive at the moment so it doesn't affect me too much, but I would make sure I took Liam out each time.

    My cousin's toddler knows how to work the controls and everything on her car and she still leaves him in it. AND she's a nurse.

    I just think its better to be safe than sorry.

    x

  15. This is a tough one! Parenting is sooo hard at times as it doesn't come with clear cut answers on what is right & wrong. I think we need to use our best judgegemt as a parent at the time & yes there are going to be mistakes that we learn from. My girls are 10 & 6 so I do tend to leave them in the car more & more as they get older but I do assess each situation as it arises and decide if I feel it is safe enough to do so.
    Thanks for raising this topic.

  16. Oh this is very interesting and something that I've thought about a few times but not really in much depth (of course I would never consider leaving them in the car if I didn't have to, and certainly wouldn't do any window shopping like the woman you mentioned). I did leave my boys in the car yesterday when I got petrol because I was about to run out. If I got them out of the car it would involve using the double pram and it would take forever. I could see them at all times and i was paying only 10m away (and i did lock the car)… but I still feel kinda bad.

  17. Hmmm I leave Zoe in the car when paying for petrol – unless the line is really long inside. That is the only time I leave her in there though and I always lock the car.

    That only happens once in a blue moon anyway – I make sure that hubby fills up the car whenever he has it so that I don't get into that situation.

  18. Here in the US in North Carolina it is now completely illlegal to leave the kids in the car for any amount of time. I pat at the pump for gassing up so that is really convenient but there are moms here who have been arrested for leaving kids in the car to pay. I admit that sometimes I have thought “Ugh – I just need to run to the counter and the baby is sleeping and it will take 10 minutes with them or 30 seconds without” but I still take them every time. I am paranoid both about the kids and the cops! I also sort of feel that if I made a habit out of it I might start to not think it was a big deal and I am always so freaked out about parents who have forgotten their kids in the car! Maybe I am crazy but I always check the back seat to make sure they are not back there before I get out. I know…strange but people have lost their kids. Also, it is summer here and it is HOT. Supposedly the car can get way about 100 degrees F in less than 30minutes! Anyway, I just take em. Batter safe than sorry is the way I roll! Great topic!

  19. Not a mother here, but I don't see anything wrong with leaving the kid(s) in the car to pay for petrol. You're gone a very short period of time and as the petrol station is designed so the assistant can see all the cars, so it means you can see the car. Just lock it. What's the big deal? I can remember being left in the car all the time as a kid, and I refuse to believe things are any more unsafe now than they were then – it's just that news outlets know it rates well and the govt like to keep us subdued by scaring us with lots of scary news stories and make us all think we need ten foot walls and floodlights around us at all times to be safe.
    Now I'm not advocating walking alone in Sunshine at night, but I do think we fear too much these days.

  20. I agree with what Jessi has said.. I have left Izzy in the car whilst paying for petrol but I can see her, car is locked and I am 60 seconds.

    Maybe I will think twice about it now though.

    Please dont beat yourself up anymore Telle – we all make little mistakes with this parenting thing but we are GREAT mums! xx

  21. I am not a saint and have (maybe 3 or 4 times in her life) left my daughter in the car asleep while paying for petrol. I haven't done it at any other time, and I am not going to beat myself up over it. On the other hand, now that Munchkin is older and not sleeping in the car all the time, I probably won't do it again.

    The thing I find interesting though, is that each time I did it, I deliberately left the car UNlocked, with windows slightly down – both to allow air to flow, to allow someone to hear her if she gets distressed, and to allow anyone to rescue her from the car quickly and easily should some disaster occur (like a fire – paranoid I know). I took the keys with me, so that stealing the car would be a more difficult and slow job, which I would thwart hopefully because I would see it happening from the petrol station where somehow I always managed to pay without taking my eyes off the car.

    Anyway, my point was that my UNlocked car theory seems to be the opposite theory to everyone else, who locks their car – for fear of having the child abducted? I found this interesting, how our mind's work in different ways!

  22. i have never left oliver in the car. it panics me too much and i would never forgive myself if anything happened. I always remind hubby to never do it either.
    so what if i am late. i would rather have a child and be $22,000 richer.

  23. I have never even thought about taking the kids out of the car when paying for petrol. I always run in and out and have the windows down if it is too hot. It would be longer to take them out and in again than it would leaving them in the car on their own, and I am watching anyway………..but mmmmmm now i feel really bad and won't want to now!

  24. I did the same thing the other day with my daughter who is 13 months old. She had just fallen asleep and I felt cruel waking her up. I felt extremely guilty even though she was still asleep when I got back. I told my partner and he too went mental. I don't think I will do it again. Commonsense sometimes goes out of the window when you're rushing around.

  25. For things like petrol though, they really SHOULD have pay at the pump so you don't even have to leave the car!! Even drive through milk, bread and basics.

    With one child, it was easy enough to pick (and carry) them into a service station. Three under 5 though??? It's a mission, and I'm not lucky enough to be able to do it when my husband gets home from work or just on weekends as we use the car far too often for that.

  26. Telle, I think what you did, compared to the lady who 'window shopped' are two different things. What you did was necessary. You've learnt a lesson and won't do it again. Don't beat yourself up too much about it hun xx

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