The early days

Brought to you by Bupa.

Having a new baby is epic. I don’t think there’s any better way to describe it. It’s just epic.

Two days after I had Lulu, I had a BBQ so that people could meet her. I don’t know what I was thinking, but I must have thought that it was my second baby and that I would be fiiiiiine.

I put on a lunch with salads and quiches and chickens and probably a dessert too… and people came and ate and oohed and aahed over little Lulu. From the outside it probably looked fantastic. From the inside, it was something else.

I had to keep going to the bathroom to cry, because I had the major baby blues and I had so many emotions. I was feeling overwhelmingly happy that I had the most beautiful little baby, and sad because she was most likely my last baby {not rational, I know}. Everyone sat down to lunch, and I was late because I was on a breastfeeding marathon, and eventually I sat down to my lunch, had three bites and then had to get up to get something for Lacey… and while I was doing that, someone cleared the table and my lunch was gone. I probably went to cry again.

But look at her. She was so CUTE.

The first 1000 days of any baby’s life is hard. Good hard. Bad hard. All the hards. Bupa Australia knows this, any parent does. They also know that the more support we can give new parents during those 1000 days {pregnancy to 2 years old}, the happier and healthier everyone is. They’re asking everyone to jump in and lend a hand, and do what they can. Bupa is calling it The Nightwatchmen {because the nights can be long, can’t they?}.

I’m going to tell you what helped me. My experience with Lacey and Lulu was vastly different, but both times something happened from the most unexpected people.

With Lacey, one day when she was 4 weeks old, a mum I knew turned up. She wasn’t someone I was particularly close to, but she was a mum that I knew through nannying {her kids went to the same school as my kids did}. She knew I was struggling with getting Lacey to sleep and to feed. She turned up and she said to myself and Shane, “I’ve got this. For an hour. I’ve got this. You guys chill upstairs, and I’m going to put her to sleep for you.”

I know some people would be uncomfortable with this, but my goodness I needed it. I needed to know that Lacey could sleep and I needed an hour to look at my husband without a baby between us.

With Lulu there were two life-changing moments. The first was when a neighbour heard Lulu crying repeatedly and she came over and said she was taking the girls for a walk around the block and I was to do nothing but lie on the lounge. Our block is tiny and takes 5 minutes to walk around, but my goodness those five minutes were glorious! I didn’t lie on the lounge, I cleaned… but it was still glorious to have two spare hands.

The biggest thing though, was finding a midwife after the birth. I saw her just recently {so over 2 years since I was her patient} and I told her, “You single-handedly changed my life. My experience as a mum the second time around was made better by you being in my life.”

Truth.

I don’t have easy babies in the early days. I pretty much feed non-stop, everyday, all day. I don’t have enough milk, and my babies don’t like to sleep. I went to my GP about 5 days post-birth to talk about colic, because Lulu kept screaming… and she told me that I could have access to a midwife for free for the first 6 weeks of Lulu’s life. That midwife, was the biggest blessing. She visited me almost everyday {no joke, she probably missed 5 days in that whole 6 weeks} and hung out with me. She’d help with feeding, she’d check in on me, she’d look over Lulu, and she’d just chat with me. She took the second guessing out of it for me. It didn’t once feel like I wasn’t capable and needed a midwife with me daily… because I was capable… I could have done it alone. I could have. But how delicious to have people care, and help and make life better just by being there, and playing a supportive role. Some days it was just 5 minutes, others it was an hour. Whatever I needed.

We can’t all have that support {although check with your GP, because you might be able to access it} but even having friends text me and check in, or tell me “It gets easier at 6 weeks, and you know it’s a breeze after 3 months. You’ll get there!” made me feel supported.

These people were my Nightwatchmen.

Since having Lulu I’ve made a promise to myself to pass it on. I text and check in. I make food. I bake batches of breastfeeding cookies and express post them to whoever has given birth. It doesn’t take much, but man it means the world.

So what can you do during those first 1000 days. Any of these would be AWESOME. Be someone’s Nightwatchmen.

22 Awesome Ways To Help A New Mum

You can jump over and continue the conversation on my Facebook page by clicking here {so many brilliant ideas!}. If you want to read more about Bupa’s Nightwatchmen, check it out here.

What would you have liked {or would you like} someone to do for you?

34 thoughts on “The early days”

  1. Wow. Thank you for sharing your story. I too struggled when my daughter was born. Unfortunately I shut family out a bit as I thought it was my responsibility to suck it up. Which probably contributed to my depression and anxiety

  2. My SIL gave birth to her twins at 28 weeks. I knew exactly what it was like to be stuck in the NICU with a premmie (been there myself) so I made myself available to her for anything she needed, despite being 4500km away in another state. I text her everyday, I sent over batches of breastfeeding cookies, I offered much needed support with a few short (or very long) text everyday. We were never very close but share a bond now that not many people can understand. I also helped her decipher the medical terms that can be quite scary for lay people. Sometimes all you need is to know that there is someone there ready to listen or reply to that 3am text!

  3. Everyone needs this Chantelle,I love this post and I will make sure I do some of the things on the list when anyone has a new baby,thank you for the list I’m going to save it xx

  4. I would love to do that as a job. Just helping out new mum’s at any time of the day. I’m only 23 and have no kids but I’m a Childcare teacher and just love caring for kids

  5. I would love someone to just come and talk to me! An adult conversation would be amazing. My kids are 8,7,5 and 4 months. I have so many big emotions ranging from happiness to freakinf out I’ve forgotten all about babies!

  6. This is such a great list! I think if anyone does any of these for a woman they know they’ll have a friend for life. And honestly, they’d be wonderful when you’ve first had a baby but as a mum to four kids who hasn’t slept more than a few hours in a row for 3 years, if anyone done any of these for me now id love them long time! Ok, maybe at first I’d tell them don’t be dumb, I’ve got this!, but really I’d love it. Plus, just knowing someone cares enough is often all it takes to make you feel good.
    It’s a great list to have on hand for any time you have a friend who’s having a hard time. I’ll be saving it 🙂

  7. My girls are almost 25 & I remember so clearly that 1 wonderful clinic sister who helped us through those early days, so often she would pop in to see me instead of having to take 2 tiny bubs out in a chilly Canberra winter, she made it all ok & those memories will always stay. I even remember her popping around just before we moved away when the girls were almost 2 with a gorgeous pair of socks for each of them, what a treasure Sr Hunt was for us, she would be long retired now but I just wish I had told her then what a difference she made to our lives

  8. I’m a FTM with a 3 week old prem baby; and over the last 3 weeks to have someone do any of that would just be any godsend. Especially recovering from complications of pregnancy and a traumatizing birth experience (emergency caesarean and magnesium suphate due to severe pre-eclampsia, meralgia paresthetica, hyperemesis gravidarum and clinical depression and anxiety.)
    Even just having someone to talk to!

      • Close! First time mum!
        I played pregnancy complications bingo and got bingo! ?
        Pain is subsiding thank goodness!
        I have my wonderful partner who does the night feeds as he is a night owl and gives him time to bond with our little girl!

  9. OMG Chantelle I have just had my second baby – he is 3 weeks old and my daughter is 2.5. It’s so challenging this time around!! Your midwife story is beautiful and your list of ideas is amazing! My faves are meals cooked, coffee delivered, babysitting the sibling, and texting to check in. Thanks for such an honest and beautiful post – I hope lots of people take on your ideas to help new mums! Xx

  10. Damn I wish I had seen this list when my bestie’s kids were babies! I know she struggled big time and I tried to be there for her as best I could but not having kids of my own I didn’t really understand what she was going through and didn’t really know what to do except support her emotionally and ask her if she needed anything. Thanks for the post and I will keep these ideas for my next friends 🙂

  11. Great post! Definitely telling her she’s doing a great job. Like, as often as you can, and even when the kids are older! When they’re teens! All the time! Thanks for this, I’ll bookmark this one.

  12. My 3rd baby is now 5 months old and each time is so different. You forget about how sleep deprivation makes you unable to hold a conversation that goes for longer than 2 sentences.,..and this time my little princess is NOT a sleeper which makes it hard to look after your other kids (and generally function in the real world!).
    Toss in some mother guilt about spending longer than 5 minutes by yourself and the depressing realisation that your jeans may never fit again and there you are; a greasy haired crazy lady!!
    As a mum the struggle can be actually accepting help. Sometimes the best help comes before you ask for me…just like the items on your list.

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