We recently bought a new microwave. I’ve never been happier to bid an appliance farewell. It liked to harass me for being lazy. You may have been there before. Here’s how it goes.
1. You’re hungry. Go to fridge and find a bowl of last night’s dinner.
2. You put it in the microwave, turn it on for 2 minutes and then retreat to the couch to watch The Real Housewives of the OC go at each other.
3. Two minutes is up and the food is ready. Microwave beeps politely, “I’m done!”
4. The Real Housewives of the OC is at the REALLY juicy part where Gretchen and Vicki are about to tear each others hair out. Lunch can wait.
5. Microwave beeps again. Slightly less pleasant this time.
6. Lunch can still wait. It’s always too hot anyway. Tamra joins into the fight.
7. Microwave is now supremely impatient and lets off a BEEEEEEEP BEEEEEEP to let you know that it’s been sitting there for 60 seconds and wants to be free.
8. Ad break. Phew.
9. Just before opening the microwave door it lets off one last mighty cranky noise to let you know that it was giving it’s final warning BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.
10. Lunch is served.
My old microwave made me anxious. All that cranky beeping. It’s like being back in school. There’s a first warning, a second, a third and then a final warning and you’re off to the Principal’s office.
It’s not the only appliance that is quite vocal in letting me know when it’s done and when it wants tending to. My house makes so many noises I feel like we’re in a game arcade.
The washing machine sings when it’s done, thankfully stopping at just one little tune… but if it’s broken or slightly malfunctioning… well then it lets me know. Oh yes it does. Each little breakdown/malfunction has it’s own little musical ditty.
And the dryer. Well, that’s almost as persistent as the microwave. It’s beeps when it’s done, and then beeps again if I haven’t retrieved them within 5 minutes. When I hear that beeping I also hear my Ma’s voice, “You know if you don’t get those out while they’re warm they’ll crush and you’ll have to iron them, don’t you?”
Iron clothes? Pfft. Ain’t nobody got time for that. {Unless you’re pregnant and nesting, of course}.
Don’t get me started on the dishwasher or the automatic vacuum cleaner. My house is a myriad of noises. All. The. Time. My doorbell even plays the theme from The Little Mermaid. Freaks me out anytime someone visits.
So, fed up with my microwave and not willing to change my Real Housewife watching ways I went in search for a new one. {To be honest it was over 12 years old, ugly and starting to play up. AND it had a teeny cockroach stuck in the time display from when we lived at Bondi that I could no longer stand}. We found one that fit our decor more, and brought it home.
The first time we ever used it, we of course didn’t retrieve the food after the first ‘warning’. The second time it let out a little beep-beep, akin to the happy/polite beep you give in the car as you pass by a friend in the street. “Now, isn’t that polite,” I said to Hubby. “What are you talking about?” “The microwave, it’s so gentle in letting us know that it needs to be tended to. Ahhh,” I smiled.
Hubby raised his eyebrows and gave me a look, “Yeahhhh.”
And that old microwave? She’s going to live with someone else. We’re kindly handing her down to a workmate of Hubby. Let’s just hope she’s slightly quicker to fetch her food than I am, or atleast doesn’t have an addiction to trashy TV.
Do the appliances in your home make noises?
I have all that, plus a refrigerator that beeps if the door has been left open for 60 seconds, and then every 30 seconds thereafter. Putting away groceries is annoying, but I do know when the kids/hubby have either left the door open, or are staring at the inside as if there is a TV show playing inside.
I have the same microwave! Argh! The cockroach bit cracked me up – we had a microwave like that once, it was revolting but not much we could do to extract it! We also have a fridge/freezer that beeps when the door is open. And don’t get me started on the beeping in the car when someone doesn’t have their safety belt done up! It makes driving round city parking stations a stressful exercise!
You’ve captured my feelings perfectly. EVERY appliance in my house beeps at me when it’s done and I feel like such a slave to these machines. The microwave is the worst! Ha glad I’m not the only one 🙂
They do! And I hate them for it!! One or two beeps is great anymore than that and you are just nagging me!
The fridge is the worst because I can’t clean out one shelf without it beeping incessantly at me.
Now that I think of it yeah they do. The fridge/freezer is the worst especially when the kids leave it open and you dont realise. All of them seem to make beeping noises now days. Thinking about it, life is becoming one big beep, the car (for the lights if you dont turn them off before opening the door) and the photocopier at work for any little thing.
lol! i hear you! but seriously, if they didn’t beep, there would be crunched clothes in my dryer, old food in the microwave, car lights always on, and the fridge door always open. I I hate the beeps, but i have to accept they actually do help me… we’re kind of a messy family =D
I love that you love Real Housewives of OC 🙂
I’ve had my washing machine for 10 years, and when it beeps to say its done I always go to get the washing out forgetting that it takes extra time for the door to unlock itself…so I stand there at the mercy of the machine, waiting for it to relent and give me the washing…EVERY. SINGLE. TIME…you would think I would learn by now!
I had a microwave like that once… I no longer do, thank god. He’s currently is storage at my parents house. The fridge where I work makes noises if you leave it open for too long, same goes for the freezer. It comes in handy sometimes – not when you’re checking a recipe to make sure that you’ve got everything that you need.
LOVE THIS! I actually LOL! For years I have talked to the microwave, “OK, I heard you”, Thank goodness the washer/dyer are downstairs and nothing else beeps but the timer, a lot of good THAT does!
I loved this post Chantelle, you always send me off to work shaking my head and giggling (yes, people think I’m strange!) BUT… I have to say that, I think a doorbell that plays the theme from The Little Mermaid would freak out anyone honey… Let alone it’s owner! :0)
Yep just about all my appliances make noises! Microwave, dishwasher, washing machine, dryer, and the TV makes a cute little ditty when you turn it on or off. But they only do it once, they don’t repeat (except when the washing machine is unbalanced, then it keeps going until you shut that sucker up!). That must be so annoying!
How good was houswives this week phoaawwwrrr! Vicky is Psycotic(spelling?) and it was in Whistler…YAY…I used to live there! Thats where Steve is from!…and YES..beeping anything in my house makes me yell at it! and i also hate the navman lady…that bitch doesnt know where she is going I swear!
We just got a new microwave that “BEEP BEEEEPS” until you open it, I didn’t even know this horror existed! I wish I’d done some research before purchasing it :/
What I want to know is why don’t they give beep warnings when you buy them? Our washing machine beeps six or eight times (I block it out) . Manufacturers- I would have bought a different one if I knew the beeping existed!
My microwave gives a first beep then 30 seconds later it beeps repeatedly for another 30 seconds and the screen flashes “remove food”. If I’d known it did it, I’d never have purchased it! Drives me batty! (I’m glad it’s not just me though!)
Yep but the dishwasher is by far the worst,and if it is not happy it sings and sings and sings at you till you fix it.
I think we have the same appliances. The first time the washing machine ‘sang’ to us I thought a kids band had broken in and were rehearsing in the laundry. As for the microwave. She’s an impatient biatch.
The washing machine is the worst! Plays a thirty-second (at least) ditty when it finishes! And when you have it on one of those refresh clothes cycles, the door unlocks and RELOCKS itself every ten seconds until you go spare and get up and get it out (but of course you have to wait for it to unlock again!) Why can’t it just finish? It’s not like you won’t know because the darn spin cycle is so loud! And as for the microwave: I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME! Give me a break! Luckily, the dishwasher is silent, but the iron also doesn’t like to be left unattended. I miss the old days, when appliances just accepted that they were done and you were elsewhere. And of course they lasted ten years longer as well…
I used to love that my washing machine sang but since having a child it’s just like its singing ha ha I finished what I started and you can’t even finish a cup of tea!
For anyone still having this issue, try pressing and holding #2 for a few seconds until it chirps. then test by running the beast for a few second and then waiting for a minute or so.
If that does not do it, try #1 then #3 with the same test.