Confessions of a complete clothing klutz

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I am, quite possibly, the clumsiest person in the world. Slight exaggeration, but I am clumsy. Clumsy enough to cause much eye-rolling from Hubby, and much laughter from friends and family.

Last year, just before Christmas, my little family went on a trip to Singapore. One hot day we decided to retreat to a nearby shopping mall. Singapore is steamy and air-conditioning is delicious in those conditions. And, well, shopping is pretty darn tasty too.

The shopping centre was much like you’d find anywhere; lots of fluro lighting, lots of people, and lots of levels with escalators joining them in between. So on this steamy day I was wearing my all-time favourite maxi dress. Ah, she’s my old faithful. Hubby and Lacey were in front of me, and as they got to the bottom of the escalator they walked off and away, presuming that I was right behind them. Except I wasn’t. I was stuck on the escalator… with my favourite dress caught in the cogs, quickly being swallowed up and eaten.

I panicked. I was sure that I was going to end up standing there, half-naked… in my underwear. And it wasn’t even my good underwear. They didn’t match and they were beige. Having an embarrassing, life-altering moment is so much easier when you have someone to awkward laugh with {and if you’re wearing good, matching underwear}, all I had was a whole line of people I didn’t know behind me, watching on. The man directly behind me in a business suit tugged eagerly at my dress, trying to get it out of the escalator. I could hear it ripping, in fact I could SEE it ripping. It felt like the excruciating moment lasted forever, but in reality was more like a few seconds.

Before long my dress was free, a big rip up the side, I said my awkward thanks to the business man, and I ran forward to find my family. “Arggggghhhhhh!” I mumbled, red-faced and wanting to die of embarrassment.

They had no idea what had happened, nor did my dramatic re-enactment do it any justice. “I was almost naked in the middle of this busy shopping centre in a FOREIGN COUNTRY” I exclaimed.

“Oh,” Hubby sympathised for a moment, and then quickly moved on, “Where do you want to go for lunch?”

Ah, my drama was wasted on him.

If there’s going to be someone crowned Queen of Clothing Klutziness, it’s going to be me. I don’t eat beetroot because I know where it will end up, right down the middle of my top. I also rarely ever wear white, because I know how that will go down.

I don’t know how much is normal, but there is always something soaking in Vanish NapiSan in my laundry.
What’s the standard? Are you people doing it once a month? Once a week? Or once a blue moon? Is once a day overkill? Do I need to be cured of klutziness?

Back when I was a nanny, I was having lunch with one of my best nanny mates. She was organised, wore white whenever she wished and never spilt a thing. I was the friend that would knock over a drink, drop tomato sauce down my top, and fall over my own feet. Worse than the kids, I was. “If I could change anything about myself, it would be to stop being so clumsy,” I told her, almost wishing she could do something about it.

She sighed. “That’s totally changeable. You just need to concentrate more, and stop making stupid decisions.” She wasn’t backwards in going forwards. Moments later I picked up a juice popper to give to my littlest charge, and it went all over my top, the table and the kid too. She sighed audibly and rolled her eyes. Typical me.

You know how people are really precious about their wedding dresses? I should be, but I’m not. You see… I spilled stuff on that too AND I danced a hole into the back of it. I also broke the strap too. It’s ruined, curled up in a ball in one of my storage containers. I have to giggle when I hear about people preserving theirs, or even keeping theirs as a family heirloom. No chance of that happening with mine.

Now I’m in my 30’s, I’ve embraced the clumsiness. It’s who I am. It’s called living. A little tomato sauce here, a little mud there, a little paint/ink/food colouring here. It’s all signs of living, of a life well-lived. And after all that’s why they invented stain removal products, right? To wash that ‘living’ right out your clothes so you can do it all again tomorrow.

Don’t forget to enter to win $100 by sharing your best stain removal tip right HERE. Run, don’t walk… but just don’t trip over. Cos I do that enough for all of us.

Are you a klutz when it comes to clothing? Or are the kind of person who can happily {and safely} wear white?