I used to be afraid of the beach. Deadly afraid.
And it wasn’t because of sharks, or man-eating jellyfish or even sea lice.
It was because of something else.
I lived in beautiful Bondi for 10 years. Seriously the closest beach was 200m from my house. Our apartment almost died of concrete cancer because it was so close to the beach. We were THAT close. But for years I hadn’t even stepped onto the sand, let alone frolicked in the water.
This pains me right now. Pains me. I just didn’t go to the beach.
Why?
Fear of the swimming costume. Fear of exposing the wobbly bits.
I said to a friend one day, a Bondi local beach-lover nonetheless, “I just can’t do it. Everyone is just so beautiful, and toned and gorgeous, and then there would be me.”
Her eyes rolled so far back in her head that I feared they’d fall out her mouth, “Have you really looked at the people on the beach? Like, really looked? No body is perfect. Everyone has their flaws, but to be honest… no one really gives a shit about you.”
Ouch.
I went to the beach and I looked. Nobody looked at me. Everyone was too busy doing their own thing, often removing sand from crevices that it shouldn’t be, and having fun. Nobody was perfect either. Perfectly imperfect, actually.
And from that point on I haven’t stopped going. I know that when I get to the ripe old years of nanna-hood that I’m not going to wish that I spent more days agonising over my imperfections, I’m going to rejoice at all the days I let it go and dipped my toes in the ocean, swam with the fish, and had fun with my family.
♥♥♥
I got an email from a girl named Charlee, who too has wobbly bits. She says she’d rather get to know her freezer than she would get her legs out in public, particularly her local beach. She wanted to know how I do it. Why I do it.
I wish I was a body confidence role model. I am trying to love myself as I am, right now… even when I’m striving to care for my body better, but life is short. I know now that at points in my 20s when I thought I was disgusting, I was actually more beautiful than I realised. I wish I’d loved myself then. I need to love myself now. All we have is today. This is the youngest we’ll ever be again, so we kinda have to embrace it. Go to the beach. Love yourself now.
Life is too short not to feel the saltwater on your skin, or sand between your toes. It’s too short not to be swimming and freaking out what lurks below you. It’s too short to be spending any more waking moments letting your wobbly bits get in the way of enjoying life.
And the truth is, nobody really gives a shit about you anyway {well, at least what you look like when you’re at the beach}.
Charlee, don’t make me come over there and hold your hand and take you to the ocean. Don’t make me do it.
If all else fails, listen to this song every day until you feel brave enough.
Dear Charlee, you know what I notice about people at the beach? How happy they are. Having fun on a boogie board. Bobbing about in the ocean.
Please go, you never regret a swim.
A x
You never, ever do. So true Amanda. xx
The other video to watch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7k0a5hYnSI “Feel the rain on your skin…no one else can feel it for you! Today is where is your book begins….the rest is still unwritten!”
I love, love, love, love this song. I think it was on the opening of The Hills. Thanks for sharing and reminding me. x
It’s definitely on the opening credits to The Hills. I watched the entire series during a bad break up and still know it word for word!
I will not say I have completely conquered my fear of my wobbly bits but I agree 1 million percent Chantelle. I am 48, a size 22, never believed others should be subjected to my overweight fat body, and haven’t swum for years. Last year I won a trip to Daydream Island – I planned to exercise and lose weight before the trip, just enough so that I didn’t look like a beached whale. Well of course I didn’t lose any weight, didn’t really try, and so I worried about just how much of that holiday I was not going to enjoy because I didn’t feel I could get in swimmers and swim. To add to that I had no swimmers and the prospect of buying them just depressed me. I wasn’t sure what I would do, till I went to Crossroads of all places to buy my daughter something for Christmas and found several pairs of swimmers in my size. I tried them on, they fit, they covered all the bits that needed covering and looked okay – not Elle McPherson ok, just me ok. Didn’t matter, I was happy and bought 3 pairs. I went to Daydream and for the first time in probably 10 years I swam and oh my goodness how freeing that felt, and what I had missed out on. I’m sure if I was in a crowded place people would still look and stare, but my motto now is ‘stiff shit’, I am what I am, I shouldn’t be this overweight but I am, so deal with it. So to your reader – get a pair of swimmers, stop sitting on the sand and go and enjoy your life, put your head up and smile and that’s what people will notice, your confidence, not your wobbly bits! Fake it till you make it!
This is so awesome and inspiring 🙂
Stiff shit. That should be a tattoo.
Thanks for sharing your inspiring story. xxx
A great post Chantelle. I, too, have numerous wobbly bits as well as massive scars on my legs. I used to be so worried then I thought the same thing. Everyone else is too worried about how they look they aren’t going to bother looking at me. So I swim, boogie board, trying to surf again, paddle board and make an all round goose of myself at the beach. My kids love it. But most importantly, I love it! And we will all have great memories of all the times I got dumped in the waves, not that I was too worried about what I thought others thought of me. Life is far too short. The first time is the hardest! Go gently xx
Beautifully said. My next hurdle is SUP. Imma gonna do it. 🙂
Beautiful Chantelle. I hope Charlee hears you. I’ve spent a lifetime at the beach and never once been perfect. It’s about living and not believing that you have to be anything more (or less as the case may be) than what you are to enjoy your life and live it. Beautiful post. Just gorgeous.
You are an inspiration to me. Thank you for that. xx
Thank you hun. x
As I fast approach 50 with all the lumps, bumps and wobbly bits that life (and growing and birthing 3 babies) gives to us I find myself wanting to shout out to all those self conscious girls in the street “you are so beautiful, let it go and enjoy life” I remember in my 20’s being too embarrassed about my body to wear a bikini yet when I see those photos I cannot believe how great I looked and what a missed opportunity that was.
Not gonna lie, wish I got naked more.
Love
Hope you’re thriving Miss Dani. xxx
I think it’s a unique thing being a ‘big’ girl. There’s nothing in particular that I hate about my body, it’s just that it’s always been too ‘big’. I don’t hate my thighs, I don’t hate my bum, I don’t my arms… I just wish the whole package was smaller. I was thinking about this the other day when my thin friend vetoed a photo because her teeth looked weird. If I look thin in a photo, it’s winner. I could be wasted and passed out on a couch wearing someone elses pants but if I look thin, I’m thrilled. I don’t love the beach anyway but I do wonder if maybe that’s why…
See, this blows my mind. I just don’t see you as big ever. Not anytime.
That makes no sense to me. I feel enormous all the time. Big shoulders, big hair, big head, big face, just big. I think it’s also that I’ve literally been this size since I was 12 – so I actually WAS enormous (the tallest and fattest) every where I went until I was about 18 and a few people caught up. I see myself in photos and I just take up more space than everyone else. That’s lovely of you to say though but you know as well as I do it doesn’t change much about the way I see myself. I’ll always think I’m huge. It also doesn’t change according my weight. I’ve been 5 kilos lighter and 20 kilos heavier than I am right now and I’ve always felt the same way about my body. In high school one of the drama teachers left their class roll in the room and one of the students started reading it. He’d written little descriptions next to our names to remember who we were. The students read them out loud to the class and next to my name he’d written ‘Big girl, frizzy hair.’ – the two things I was the most self conscious about, proven to be my most defining features. I’ve spent most of my time since that moment making sure no one would ever refer to me like that again and my appearance has changed over the years sometimes better, sometimes worse but in the back of my mind I’m always just a big girl with frizzy hair. xxx
I can’t believe that he wrote those notes. That’s fucked up. And even more screwed up that you had to hear those words.
I know I can’t change the way you think, but it’s the truth from me. Every time I see or hear you refer to yourself as a ‘big girl’ I kinda take a double-take and wonder why you’re saying it, because it’s just not true. I’m not trying to butter you up, it’s the honest truth. I’ve never wanted to say anything, because it’s not really my place… but I guess I’ve said it now.
I love ya, just the way you are. Your hair ain’t frizzy, it’s just full of personality. x
I get this, I’ve always been the big girl {that’s polite, I was probably know as the fat girl}. I just wanted to say, the first time I laid eyes on you, years ago at a problogger event my first thought was ‘big personality’, as in AWESOME. <3
These days I don’t worry about how I look when out and about, I wish I was like this as a teenager and a younger women, this is something I want my children to know, they are perfect as they are, big, short, tall, tiny. Everyone has the right to happiness.
Well done Chantelle. We do need more chat about this topic. There’s not a week that goes by that we don’t hear stories like Charlee’s. Women who haven’t ventured out in cossies for 20 years or more and have been wearing hubby’s baggy T-shirt and boardies instead. Heart breaking and very sad. Confidence is everything and cossie confidence is the ultimate goal for many. There are styles that will help to gently reclaim it. Helping women reclaim their confidence is why S&S is here; we love doing what we do. And no, this is not a shameless plug…pls believe me on that one. It’s important for girls to know that they are not alone and their goal to get back out there and have fun in a swimsuit is achievable. We help women do it every week. Go for it Charlee. Baby steps if that gets you where you ultimately want to be. All the very best. Anita. x
I am nearly 45 and range in size from 22-26. For a job, I am a swim teacher. So no getting away from getting in the water. I love my job. I am still far to self conscious as at work I wear shorts and a rash top for a uniform, but this past summer I also decided it was stupid not to swim with my family. I found some really nice togs ( at a speciality shop while on holiday in Australia, cause NZ really suxs for larger size swimwear at a reasonable price!) and had a ball in the local school pool with my niece’s, sister’s, bro in laws and my hubby and son. Was so glad I took my togs in the end!! Still wear shorts over the top, but have given up really caring about what other people think. Just took a while!!
Amen!! I was the same Chantelle until I was stripped bare throughout chemo then realized how much I freakin loved my body! Nobody is staring…nobody cares…nobody can make you feel the way the ocean will make you feel. Get out there, feel the sun, taste the salt and let the sound of the waves soothe you xx
Our bodies are amazing. xxx
Everyone is too busy worrying about what they look like to worry about what anyone else is really. When you get to the beach and start having fun, enjoying yourself, you forget all about that stuff anyway because you are too busy having fun.
I so relate to this post Chantelle. Ever since I had kids I’ve had the same fear, I’m so worried about the wobbly bits. It held me back from putting the girls in swimming lessons because I was worried about what other people would think of me in a swimming cossie. But what I’m slowly learning is, as you say, no-one gives a shit about me, the only person who cares what I look like in my cossie is me! I still struggle with it, but I’m getting better and better as each day goes by. And you’re right, life is way too short to not do these things, especially when our kids are young and still want to do them with us, because of a baseless fear that someone might think something horrible about me in their head.
I too spent years and years covering up. Then I fell pregnant at 43. I learnt to rejoice in my body. Every time I go somewhere in my bikini, yes shock horror at 46 I wear one. I think this body gave me two incredible children and has gotten me through 46 years of life. If someone does not like me in my bikini, well then they do not have to look.
I can hear every word that has been typed here and yes I was like that as well. But life is for living get out and live it. I am the type that will often sit back and people watch and think ‘good on you’ and ‘well done’ to all that take the bikini plunge no matter what shape or size they are. I was always the person who covered my body with my wobbly bits only to realise that this is me and I need to be happy and be inspiration for my daughters. Embrace yourself for the gorgeousness you are already. V x
This is so lovely and so true. I still wear a bikini when I go to the beach, and I have two kids and the stretch marks to prove it. I’ve had friends say “I don’t know how you do it.” My response to this is usually, “Well I put my bikini on and go to the beach.”
It took me a long time to learn to be that zen, but at the end of the day I like a bikini and I am proud of my wobbly bits and stretchy parts. Besides, everyone’s too busy looking at my cute kids!
You can do it Charlee – believe in yourself.
“Well I put my bikini on and go to the beach.”
It’s as simple and as complicated as that, isn’t it?
Love this. Thank you.
This is pretty much my message to women at the start of each spring and swimsuit buying season! Go Channy.
It’s funny, I love my body now – almost at the end of my twenties, after 2 children {in 2 years} then I did at the beginning of my twenties. I might be heavier and saggier, but I love what my body has accomplished and I don’t want to miss a day of laughter and fun with my boys because I am worried about someone else’s opinion.
Great post. Reminds me of one posted by a FB friend who I respect greatly. She wrote about how she stayed right out of all her family photos because she thought she looked too large. As a result her regret is her children will be robbed of memories of togetherness when they reminisce with the photos. And there has been heaps of togetherness as they are a close and loving family. She is making it up now with her grandkids. And I think a lot of us are guilty of this….I know I am.
I am SO with you on this. I was asked for some photos of Miss 13 and I doing things together. I said it was because as a single parent that I am always the one behind the camera. The whole truth is that I am not entirely comfortable with myself an there will come a day when I regret it. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
It’s something we have to be so careful about. I jump in, but don’t look at them again because I don’t like them… but I have them. x
Chantelle, ME TOO! For years and years I didn’t go to the beach, didn’t swim in my own pool because of the wobbly bits. Thank goodness I got over myself, and when I realised how much my daughter loved me being at the beach, in bathers, with her my fear was put aside, and I freakin LOVE the beach now. This happened after we made a seachange to the country. Live is better by the beach! Well done you <3
The kids just love it, don’t they? I can deprive them or me of that. Too much joy! x
I SO could have written this post! This summer – which has been SO muggy and uncomfortable in Sydney – I’ve bitten the bullet about my bikinis. I have been hiding in a one piece, but then I’m stuck in it, which is hot if I’m not in the water, inconvenient when I need to pee, not always good under whatever I’m wearing to the beach or the pool, and at the moment, not always easy to get into. I have Rheumatoid Arthritis, and have been on prednisone since October due to a flare, and it’s stacked on the weight, dammit! So, I’m not feeling marvelous about myself and how I look, but swimming is one of the few physical things I can do that is mostly manageable at the moment, and I realised, as you said in your post, that everyone else at the beach and the pool was WAY to busy doing their own thing to take even the slightest bit of notice of me… So, bikini it’s been…
I HAVE managed to lose two kilos so far though – and that’s a good thing!!
I haven’t mastered going to the toilet… it’s super hard to get that cossie back up!
I’m sorry to hear about the medication. 🙁 Is there an alternative, by chance? I’m sure you’ve explored it.
Thanks Chantelle. No – only thing is to get off it. It’s the drug we love to hate – super good at dealing with inflammation, but comes with a truckload of nasty side effects, including the weight thing. And you can’t just stop taking it cos that’s dangerous – so it’s a long, slow wean. Getting there – maybe NEXT summer I’ll be slim in my bikini again!
In my teens and my 20’s I was teeny tiny and lived in a swimming costume now that I am a BIG girl at 40 I don’t know how to accept myself
I think you just have to fake it, until you make it. Embrace your inner 20 year old. xx
YES! I have worried about my body for sooo long that it’s actually so boring hearing myself complain about it. Yes to swimming without worrying. I did it on Christmas day for the first time ever. It’s taken a long time and lots of wasted brain space of worry 🙂 Love this post so much! #embraceyourwobblybits
Well said! Thank you
I reckon we all have a wobble or two, some just reverberate longer. Target is also good for larger sizes in togs, though they are stuck amid all the itty bitty ones which are always prettier. Just don’t look at the wee ones and grab a pair and get out there.
Ha ha ha. Thanks for the giggle. 🙂
After two children I have more wobbly bits than I have ever had but I suck that down and work on it when I can and outside of that I’m not going to let my body issues get in the way of enjoying my time on the beach with my babies. I was just down at Bondi this morning and there were wonderful bodies of all shapes and sizes. There were people working out, tight and taut bodies that Bondi is famous for. I gorgeous group of Mum’s in bikini’s standing around breastfeeding their babies and taking them for dips in the water. There were pregnant bellies… glorious pregnant bellies and every single person on that beach was beautiful in their own way and just having fun feeling the water on their skin and the sand between their toes. Thanks for your lovely words Telle and I hope Charlee takes your words to heart and gets out amongst it!! She won’t regret it!! Jx
Oh I hear this. I have stretch marks, extra baggage (let’s just say I lost the baby weight fast but put it back on and more not long after). I worry about it at times. I see my friends (some curvier than me) frolicking around with their bubs in the water, no board shorts, no worries about being in a bikini (albeit a bit less skimpy than they used to wear pre-children). Looking gorgeous because I am nowhere near as hard on others as I am on myself. I wish I had their ability to just go have fun the same way. I am working on it – inspired by them. I wear board shorts and a singlet over a bikini. I look frumpy and feel like an awkward dork sometimes, but it’s my baby step. As long as I’m out there in the water, I’m sharing special moments with my Little Mister. I truly hope Charlee knows she is beautiful and to embrace every moment 🙂
I’ve been looking at photos of me in the water enjoying paddle boarding and splash fights with my son from our recent camping trip and while not all have me rushing to post them on Facebook I am SO glad to have shared in those memories xo
Kez, that is pure JOY!
perfect post Chantelle, I lived in togs through my teens and twenties and even spent my pregnancy in a bikini and sarong (living on the coast allowed for that in most places). I had a different phobia though, I could never go to the beach with hair on my legs, bikini line or pits. Then one day a couple of years ago we went bush walking to a cove in the Royal Nat Park and I forgot to shave, and do you know who noticed? NO-ONE.. I got over myself I got out of my own way and let me go enjoy the things. Now if someone points out that i have hairy pits (even at work!) I know that its about them nothing to do with me at all, and what they make up about me in their mind is all them.
This attitude has rubbed off on my 15yo she very often goes months without shaving no one notices most of the time not even her! xxpt
I am ghostly white and have wobbly bits. I still go to the beach because I don’t want to miss out. Accepting and loving your body no matter it’s size or colour is so important. Great post!
It’s so important Bec. xx
It’s not my weight but my sponginess that haunts me. I’m actually thinner than I was before I had a baby, but about a thousand times softer. I’m like a marshmallow. In colour and texture. It’s not attractive and I ache for the stupid girl who thought her pre-pregnancy body wasn’t good enough. Dumb cow should’ve lived in a bikini….
But you know what? I’ve had a large group of medical professionals become intimately acquainted with my perineum, so figure I don’t need to be so shy about my flabby white thighs. Beach goers, be grateful it’s just my thighs.
Ha ha ha. Yes, how funny is it when those midwives have a conversation about your perineum, and just as they’re down their looking remark that they read your blog.
Yeah, fun times. Bikini on! I’m a bit like a marshmallow too, yet not as sweet.
Awesome post! My mum warned me I shouldn’t of covered myself up so much in my teens and 20s. I was just so shy. Kicking myself now. But you’re absolutely right – no one cares. Just go for it and enjoy
We never listen, do we? If only we did.
Love this post and I can totally relate! I love to swim and as a child I was always in the water. Then as a teenager, I became self-conscious. Now after having a child, I have accepted my wobbly bits. Plus, it’s great having that bonding experience with my daughter in the water and the sand.
P.S. In India, people enjoy the beach while fully clothed LOL. You can also do it that way and just tell people that you’re enjoying the beach “Indian style” 😉 …..but IMO I think it is much better to just accept your body.
Ha ha ha, I can’t imagine having those heavy clothes on. But anyway to get in the water, is worth it.
This year i started swimming in togs and a coverup, no shorts! I am 29 size 22 and 5’11 tall..
My weight may or may not change but life will always be too short to watch it go by without living it to the fullest x
Yes! I still wear the shorts, but it doesn’t bother me one bit. One day, maybe? x
It’s funny that on Saturday morning radio (Saturday just gone), Jo Stanley and Michael were talking about cellulite. They asked for people to call in and give cellulite a different name, a name that people would be comfortable with, not be afraid to talk about. A woman called and her new name for it was “bubble wrap”, the reason being that women are precious, cellulite and all. The conversation brought a smile and a tear all at the same time.
That’s actually really cute. Thanks for sharing. x
Life is so short why do we still worry about what others think!! Le sigh…..
I know. I know. I know I do in so many other areas of my life, just not at the beach. I wish I knew the answer. x