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I don’t need saving

Fat Mum Slim /

chantelle

I’ve been fat for pretty much most of life, besides a few crazy moments of being less-fat, but for the most part I’ve existed on this earth with a little more meat on my bones than desirable.

This upsets people, or at least stirs something inside some of them that makes them feel ill at ease, or to presume that I’m partly {or completely} broken because… I’m fat.

I’ll never forget the time that I innocently went to get my eyebrows done, and came out feeling like I was the most broken person on the earth. She tried to fix me. Unprompted, the brow-stylist presumed that because I was indeed overweight that my whole life was broken. She spent a good part of those 30 minutes lecturing me on how I need to take my husband out on dates, and that I needed to get my daughter into a routine like her kids, and of course, how I could lose weight. I wanted to run the heck out of there, but with only one perfectly groomed eyebrow I stayed. I did it for the eyebrows.

I never went back, mind you.

My marriage was/is awesome. My daughter was in her own little routine that worked for us. And my weight, well that’s something I’m always working on or thinking about or trying to do something about, but I didn’t need her to save me.

I have noticed I’m fat, mind you. I notice every day. It’s not something that I’ve avoided my whole life and finally got to 35, looked in the mirror and thought, ‘Oh shit, look at that. I’m fat. When did that happen?’

I was getting a massage the other week, not just a normal massage, but a special one where the therapist digs her fingers in and unhooks your tissue from your bones… and it feels as bad as it sounds. But afterwards, OHMYGAWD, it’s the best thing ever. My back had been hurting for a few weeks and I told her that I’d successfully been losing weight and looking after myself, and was pretty proud of myself. She swooped in for the save, “You know what you could try? You should try X!” X being pre-packaged, mass-produced, home-delivered diet food. If my back wasn’t so bad I might have jumped off the bed and exclaimed, “What? Diet Food? I’ve never heard of it before! Yay! I’m cured.”

I know she was being kind and helpful, but did she totally miss the part where I said I was doing really well at the weightloss thing?

Apparently being fat means you can’t make life decisions, and definitely can not make decisions about food… and even if you’re doing well, it’s not good enough. I was polite, of course. I lay on the table, as she swiftly removed a bone from my leg and placed it in my arm {or at least it felt like that’s what she did}. I made reassuring noises, and waited for the topic to pass.

I might be fat, but I don’t need saving. Just because there’s that one very obvious, physical thing happening {a jiggle when I walk}, doesn’t mean I suck at living. My weight isn’t all of me, it’s just one part of me. I won’t try and fix you, so please don’t try and fix me.

  • Therese

    Thank you for your honesty and courage in sharing this post. I am sure it will be a blessing to many people, myself included

    • Thanks Therese. I actually published it accidentally… because I wasn’t feeling brave enough. I don’t know how it happened, but when I saw that it was live I freaked out.

      But maybe it was meant to be.

  • Ali

    You have no idea what this post has just done for me. Thank you.

  • Tml051

    Omg this is my life! Thank you thank you thank you.

    I have a wonderful marriage to a great man who finds me sexy as hell, an amazing family, a beautiful toddler and now another on the way! I love my life, I am so tired of people assuming I am some sad stupid pathetic person because I am fat!

    I have always been fat (like you at different levels of fatness) – I did lose 35 kg for my wedding but I existed on 600 cal a day for 6 months to get there. I have tried to lose weight my whole life. 3 night aerobic classes a week for most of my childhood, played competitive sports, rode horses, counted calories was was keeping food diaries from age 6 – as I knew I was fat and fat= bad.

    I am frankly exhausted by it all. I will probably always be some level of fat. This is me.

    • Hello you. Nice to meet you.

      It’s comforting to meet someone who just gets it, so thank you. x

  • Stacy Crutchfield

    Like you took the words right out of my mouth….thank you, you wonderfully made you.

    • How funny, I just found the card you sent me at Christmas time. Twice in one day I am graced by your presence. Thank you. x

  • Leanne Chester

    So awesome and I love this post! I just wish I could find contentment in my current, real life body. I’ve been rocking an extra 25 kilos (hmm and at times a tad more –
    Shhh) for the last 8-9 years and even my newly found zest for running isn’t shifting it (been running 20+ kms a week for the last 4 months). This weight thing is all related to food and what I eat and I kind of love all of the foods. {Pardon me for typing while my mouth is full}.

    I notice my fat ALL.THE.TIME but can’t get out of my own way to eat better and get rid of it and it makes me sad and I hate on myself a little bit…I’m probably my worst enemy when it comes to this because my husband loves me, my kids love me and my friends love me…oh well!

    Your post made my day though.

    • Thanks Leanne. I love your “Pardon me for typing while my mouth is full” – thanks for the laugh. x

    • kirsty mackenzie

      you know what?? your body is stronger for the running, who cares about the weight thing? you should be proud not sad, running is freaking hard and the motivation to do it is hard. Try seeing yourself through your husbands eyes and you will see how amazing you really are!!

  • It annoys me most when GPs do it. Just come out with a “you should lose weight” when you’re there for something totally unrelated. I want to deliver a sarcasm-laden reply like “No, the jiggle is invisible to me”. Totally get this post.

    • Oh yes. I’ll respect anything my normal GP tells me, but if I’m going to some dude about a cough… let’s just treat that, eh?

  • Lauren Boase

    Thankyou for sharing this post Chantelle xo

  • Trish Gallagher

    I’m with you there, sister. Everyone thinks they know what’s best for those of us that have excess baggage. I know what to friggen eat and drink and I know what exercise to do. I also know that I don’t want to look like every other boring sheep that follows magazine trends. That’s just someone else telling you what to do so how do you claim your own individuality? Someone I work with told me to just start wearing baggy shirts to hide the ‘little paunch’… I said ‘oh fabulous, I’ll go and by some baggy shirts and while I’m there I’m gonna grab a huge packet of salted FUCK YOU. I also read that they’ve marked down their line of RACK OFF so I’ll get you some, shall I?’ The only person I listen to now is me – I know my body, I’m big or I’m muscley. I’ll never be teeny like the world expects me to be. My tattoo artist sums it up nicely – please don’t lose weight, it’s less real estate for me!

  • Lisa | Mummy Made.It

    Love it. I have spent my life in your shoes, then lost a lot of weight due to stress and extreme measures (currently very preggo with baby no.3 so back to being big!). People do
    treat you differently which sucks as you are the same person, soul, individual etc. Healthy and skinny are not the same thing!!
    PS Well done on your success so far!

  • Kathryn

    I love this post
    I remember having a massage and the woman said something to me about my weight ….. I feined surprise and said “when did that happen” like I’d never noticed before !!!

    • Ha! Shock horror. It must have happened at some point between getting out of the car, and sitting on the massage table. πŸ˜›

  • A brilliant piece Chantelle. And a great reminder for everyone to mind their own business unless asked specifically for advice. It’s not hard!

    • Wendy

      I love the old adage – if you don’t have something nice to say then fuck off!

  • I love this so much, Chantelle. I’ve got multiple health issues and yep, I’m fat now too. Yay for me! I always notice how differently my husband gets treated in traffic when he’s driving my little hatchback instead of his 4WD. I feel the same now I’ve put on weight. I’m truly shocked by this. It’s like I can’t be responsible for anything else because I’m wearing a 14 and not a 10.

    • It’s weird isn’t it. I’ve had it the opposite way around. When I lost weight people treated me as if I was more capable, and as if I was a different person to the fat version of me. It was the weirdest experience.

      I remember my Nanna saying to me, “I better get a photo of you while you’re skinny, before you get fat again.”

      I did get fat again, but I’m still the same person… argh. It’s so frustrating.

  • Barb N

    … I’m with you Chantelle….. I haven’t been slender for 40 years… I love who I am and where I’m at too. Wish people could mind their own business.. xx Hugs…Barb xxx

  • Katy Hunt

    Remember that it healthier to fit fat, than a fat skinny. Well done on losing abit of weight. I hope the massage person reads this . Hehe

  • Jeanine Lesperance

    AMEN, Thanks for delivering this message so eloquently

  • jessj

    Ha! People are dickheads. My mum is the same. Has a real issue with “fat” and how it must be fixed and means you are less capable/smart. Then again, she has NEVER enjoyed life. I’ve always assumed i was fat as she watched every morsel go in my mouth disapprovingly. I look back on photos and i was always fit looking. God i hope i have never done this to anyone. I don’t think i have….

    • It stops here with me. For real. Even if I do get all trim and taut and six-pack-owning… I don’t ever want to be that person who saves people.

    • Samantha Hayden

      My mum once stood in the kitchen, as I was eating a sandwich, poked me in the stomach and said ” You will never get a boyfriend while you are that fat!”
      The funny part was my boyfriend was actually standing in the kitchen at the time and pointed out how much he loved my curves, after calling my mum a bitch. He is now my husband – I wasn’t going to let him go lol!

  • Jenni from styling curvy

    WORD!! I’ve heard it all…she’d be so much prettier if she lost weight, yeah that’s my fave one…ummm so I’m fat ANDY ugly! Seriously some people need to think before they speak. You are gorgeous, I never ‘see’ your weight…ever! I see your wit, smile, hair, clever words and the good heart beating in your chest. You rock…but you know that x

    • Thanks Jenni. I’ve heard that so much. I used to get it a lot as a teen. I’d imagine families sitting around having the discussion that ‘if only she’d lost weight, she’d be quite pretty’.

      Fun times!

  • This. Is. PERFECT.

    Please don’t take it to heart because you SO don’t need saving, and unfortunately when strangers decide to make “helpful” comments like that, they’re not even factoring you into the equation. Truthfully, their comments are not even in the slightest about you – they’re all about that person wanting to have a “saviour” moment and feel like they’re the one with all the answers. It’s shit, but for many people, making sure someone else knows that they’re “lower” than them is a sure fire way to make themselves feel elevated.

    Strong women elevate other strong women – and hell, women in general! You don’t need that. You elevate yourself, and you elevate others… and that’s truly awesome. Keep on being the amazing human that you are!

    xx AnastasiaAmour.com

  • You are gorgeous inside and out. You are caring, you are kind and you are brave. You share with your community and your smile radiates much warmth. That’s all I see xx

  • Beautiful post Chantelle. You are gorgeous. And you don’t need saving. I admire your work so much, and I applaud you for writing this.

    I too get a lot of this unsolicited advice from people who think they know better than I know my own body. I think, no matter how we look, strangers will always have an opinion on how they want us to look.

  • oh yes. my life too. Thanks Chantelle for giving words to what it is like. I wonder if people who are not fat know how often this happens for those of us who are? Especially uninvited. A long time ago, I gave up hoping for no fat comments and started making them myself, particularly to my in-laws, who seemed to think pointing my fat out to me was a saintly service. I would reach for a helping of some part of dinner and say “…yes, I know, I’m fat.”
    It does my head in. I hate all the messages my daughter gets about my fat, too. But I guess there is no stopping a media that is intent on promoting other body types and shaming fatness.
    And just in case one of your readers is reading this and thinking “Why doesn’t she just lose weight?”….. well. Bite me.

    • YES! Oh my goodness. I sometimes try and get in before everyone else too. Like, I know they’re thinking it… I might as well beat them to the punch.

      Oh god, it’s EXHAUSTING.

  • I love you bro x

  • Nayeli Guerrero

    OMG how I love this! Well said!!! I have to confess that I am guilty of doing that in the past but you are right we are all different.. and that’s exact and perfect just how God intended us to be… just beautiful ❀️❀️

  • Josie abbate

    People try to save me too. I’m getting pretty good at my ‘thank you’ face. I’m a massage therapist and I only offer advice when people ask for it. Because that’s the way, I’d like to be respectfully treated.

    • The Thank You face is well-practiced in my life too. As well as the ‘oh wow, the advice you’re offering is so new and revolutionary… I’ve never heard it before’ face.

      I probably should be more honest… but sometimes polite wins.

  • This extends to so many things… I don’t think it’s just about weight – people have this idea that everyone needs fixing or needs to change what they are doing and apparently feel the need to share their opinion.

    We usually eat a predominately primal diet – not because we want to lose weight but because the foods contained in that style of eating don’t make us feel sick. I’ve learned not to tell people because EVERYONE has an opinion on why it is bad for me and how it’s not supported by the heart foundation (but milo cereal is…)

    It was even worse as a new mum. I was told so many times that breastfeeding my son to sleep was going to ruin him and that he would never sleep on his own. Someone even told me they would give me their copy of Tizzie Hall’s ‘Save our Sleep’ (oh hell no!!).

    Apparently we all need to be perfect… but everyone has a different idea of what perfect is. Why is it that happy isn’t enough?? I’m so glad you’re doing well lovely xo

    • That’s true Krystal. I think the exterior is so easy for people to quickly judge. No one knows that I’m still breastfeeding beyond the first year, until I get my breasts out… but they know I’m fat just by looking at me.

      Happy is brilliant, and should always be enough. x

  • Georgia Sutton

    Amen

  • Daisy

    I really want to share this on my facebook, but I’m worried I’d start getting all the “oh no, you aren’t fat, you are perfect” comments that I just don’t need to read. I know what I am, and I’m (mostly) fine with it. I cope, I manage, I complain occasionally to my partner – who always says he doesn’t care what size I am as long as I’m happy – but mostly I live. There’s no point starving yourself and being miserable when you could just buy a different top and be content.

    • That’s true Daisy. I just want to be healthy and happy, whatever size and shape that comes in.

  • I love this. And I have to say whenever I say whenever I see a photo of you I don’t see fat, I just see a super friendly & infectious smile. People who see fat (& feel the need to comment about it) have problems. Keep being awesome x

  • This is the best thing I’ve read in so long. Thank you. You are the best and you took the words right out of my mouth xxx

  • It never fails to astound me the certain, rather personal, topics people {strangers} feel they have full right to comment on: weight, pregnancy, appearance, parenting. Why not just offer up a smile or a hug or decent (unrelated) conversation instead? … or a bucket of wine, even?! x

  • These are the words that need to be shared, the real and honest feelings that go on inside of us when we feel judged in some way .. it happens all. the. freakin. time and I loathe it so much! It is either about the way we look, too skinny, too fat, shouldn’t be wearing what we are wearing, the way we parent, the way we work or don’t work, the way we blog, the way we eat, what we eat .. it is relentless and it breaks people. When is enough going to be enough. So much love for you and your honesty C xx

  • Lisa Mckenzie

    So true Chantelle,I don’t think you’re fat I think you’re lovely but I don’t why people have to comment on people’s weight,I was just saying this the other day to my husband,why people comment on weight I have always been petite but people don’t have to say you’re so skinny like I’ve done something wrong.
    Our bodies are just a vessel for our soul Xx

  • I love this, keep doing your thing, you’re wonderful! πŸ™‚

  • You most certainly do not need saving. You’re pretty f*cking rad already (sorry – language)! When I see pictures of you, I see your personality. I see a really pretty woman with sunbeams coming out of her. I see all the personality you spill out into your blog. I feel sad for the people who can’t see any more than someone’s weight.
    The thing people don’t understand is that if you wanted advice on your weight, you’d bloody ask for it! x

  • disqus_si0qjtuzSE

    People are so rude! Meanwhile, what’s the name of the place you went? A friend in Canberra was telling me about this type of massage the other day and I wanted one πŸ™‚

  • So, so very well said. People can be incredibly stupid when it comes to those of us who have weight to lose, and I’ve been dealing with their ignorant (though in most cases probably well-meaning) comments for all my adult life… and I’m sick to death of it. Thank you for this post – I wish they’d all read it and remember to keep their mouths shut the next time they’re tempted to try to “save” us.

  • Samantha Hayden

    I have a husband that loves me, two wonderful children, many friends who enjoy having meals with me, I exercise, oh and I am fat. No I don’t need saving, I enjoy life, I know how to have fun, I know how to take care of myself. I do try dieting, but food just tastes too good! I recently lost a colleague to cancer. He did everything right. – ate well, watched his weight, travelled the world, enjoyed life – he didn’t care about looks or if people liked him or not, he just expected you to accept him as he was, no excuses. He was only 6 months older than me and at being taken from us as such a young age, I think what the heck – this is me. Life is about enjoyment, enjoy every minute, because you never know when it will be taken away from you. It is precious and too short to be worrying about losing weight or what others think about me, I am going to enjoy life! (sorry for the downer on your post!) Hugs x

  • The only people that tell me I’m fat are my children. And they’re allowed. At least until they’re 21. Sounds like the people you meet are dicks. Run, run like the wind away from them.

  • Candace May

    Ok so…. I just really needed to read this post this morning! Just what I needed to hear! I am happy, my little girl is happy and hubby is happy. I don’t need saving!! Xx

  • Yvonne

    Oh wow! I didn’t know so many people are so incredibly rude!

    I’m currently gaining weight because I can’t work out after my shoulder surgery and I feel pretty bad about that. Not nearly as bad as about me not being very happy right now though! Those people lost (or never had) perspective on what’s most important in life.

  • Helen

    Thanks for writing this, I am sure many people share your feelings. I myself suffer from pretty bad adult acne at the age of 30 after coming off the pill, and I can relate to your post.

    I’ve had a hairdresser trainee telling me I should not have hair covering the cystic acne on my forehead as it causes bacteria to grow in the area. I felt angry and embarrassed, I thought I was there for a haircut and not to see a dermatologist! Recently, during a coffee break at a meeting at work, a colleague said, out of the blue: “Your skin is looking better now. I saw you with [insert important people here] some weeks ago and I noticed that you were suffering from some kind of outbreak/allergy. Perhaps I can offer you some advice/cream/whatever…” Thanks, what am I supposed to say to that? How nice that my colleagues keep note of the state of my skin as well, like I don’t obsess over it enough already!

    I guess my point is that it’s better to ignore those “helpful” comments even though it can be hard sometimes. I know I am doing everything I can to stay healthy.

  • i hear you, why are people so nosy? Don’t they have enough going on in their own lives?

  • Adria Cavanaugh

    I love this. So true! I have also found the people are pariticarly shocked when I tell them I don’t actually hate my body. I have found that people certainly have issues with that. That I love food and I’m okay with that. While at the same time wanting to find a balance between what I love and being healthy.

  • Maria

    hey you had your eyebrows specialist. I have my mother. Result? I ve been broken inside for the most of my life so far. Fortunately my bf helps me get this out. This post made me realize A LOT. Thank you! Especially how this repeated attitude of “fixers” gave me the tendency to”slaughter” my personality for years. Great post!

  • I think Brene Brown says it best.

    Love this so much x

  • ***THANK YOU*** That.Is.All πŸ™‚

  • Oh wow. Some people. Too many people. I’m sorry you’ve met people who a) judge you and b) decide to actually share those judgements with you. Beautiful post. Thanks for sharing it. Even if you didn’t mean to. x

  • Amanda

    Oh, my goodness! Don’t even start me on this one! Actually I have noticed in recent years while being at my heaviest, people have stopped doing this to me. I guess I’m now just too fat to help!

  • Great post and thanks for being brave enough to share. I think I’ve told you this before but whenever I see you, I just think how beautiful you are. And I am envious of you. Because I KNOW you have your life sorted. And you do have the weight loss and fitness thing going on. I’ve struggled with my weight for the last 14 years. Since I had my first child. It was never a problem before then and I hate being less fit than I should be and, yes, fat. I’ve been in the situation when I’ve worked my butt off and lost weight, been feeling good about myself (finally!), and been asked: When are you due?. How dare people comment? How dare they think people need saving and advice? For whatever ails us, whether it’s too much weight, not enough, depression, or some other problem or illness? Unless we ask, then please, go ahead …

  • electronette

    I’ve met you and you’re gorgeous and smart and lovely, just the way you are. I thought that then and I think that now.

  • THANK. YOU. People act as though “fatness” is the worst character flaw. Like, I must be depressed and eat poorly…As if I’m sitting around eating fatty snacks all day and night (when in actuality, I run almost every evening). I don’t even consider it a characteristic of who I am….I just happen to have a bit bigger body. I’m not sad! πŸ™‚

  • whitney

    Brills…people can be so big and sucky…go you!

  • Ms_Critique

    ALL THE YES.

  • Love this Chantelle!
    I’m new to not being slender and instead of justifying it with ‘well I used to be skinny pre-kids’, now I just laugh and have more chocolate. πŸ˜‰ Embrace! You’re beautiful inside and out. x

  • liz lewis

    This is beautifully written. I love the message.

    It is a shame that people make so many assumptions based on appearance. I know it is partially human nature…but it is so tiring.

  • Littleladysian

    I love this post Chantelle. Iv never commented on your posts before but this peice really spoke to me. Im on the other end of the scale where I cant put weight on and 99% of people automatically say ohhh thats a blessing, its really not and people try dictating to me how to live and what to do because im a 5ft 21 year old who weighs far less than 8st which makes me look like a 15 year old. We are all human beings!! We each have our own lives and choices and we should build eachother up not pulling eachother down!! Thank you for writing this, it couldnt have been easy <3 and congratulations on your weight loss!!! Sian x

  • I could say I’m suprised by the gall that people have, but unfortunately, I’d be lying. It’s astounding the amount of carelessness people let fly out of their mouths. This is beautifully written and a great testament to you. Thank you for not defining yourself or your worth with a number because you’re right, you’re so much more than that.

  • So much love for this post and for you sharing it! This is exactly what I’ve dealt with time and time again. I’m still trying to learn to love myself/body, but it’s extremely difficult when things like this happen.

  • Well said beautiful lady. People should always be kind and considerate. V x

  • Chantelle I think you’re stunning. And I’m sorry that so many swoop in to tell you what you should be doing. Of course you don’t need saving. I grew up with a mum that was overweight. When I looked at my mum I didn’t think “overweight mum” I saw her as my mum. And this is how we should look at each other and not define someone by their appearance and make silly assumptions or suggestions. Beautifully written. Xx

  • In one word, this post = BOOM.

    PS: I used to get told I’m too skinny, and I needed to ‘put on weight’ my whole childhood, and through my teenage years. But, I have a gem of a father who told me I was beautiful, intelligent and creative, and I never paid heed to the comments! Appearance = surface. You are soulful and beautiful as you are. Thanks for sharing, Chantelle! xx

  • Marney

    It’s ridiculous that in this day and age people are STILL so hung up on appearances. You seriously can’t win! As a kid/teenager I was always skinny and I hated it! I used to get called ‘Anna’ (short for anorexic) which was ridiculous because I ate like a horse. I was never happy or proud of being skinny, because I was mercilessly teased for my appearance. I’m no longer a scrawny kid and as an adult now struggle to keep my weight in-check like the majority of the population, but despite that I’m so much more content and happy with my less-than-perfect appearance now, because I don’t put so much emphasise on the way I look! People are assholes but don’t take it on board! They may be skinny but I bet they’re cranky as hell and at the end of the day, we get to eat cake without feeling guilty! HA!

  • Um yes, I have been everything from a 6 to a 14 and let me tell you, I know what to do to be thin and I know how to be chubby. But turns out there are some things that are more important than the size of your ass. I have a hobby, and it’s not working out and drinking green smoothies. I think I’m going to start lecturing (those) people on how to have an awesome blog and why they should do it and how much better their life will be when they do. Assholes.

  • SavedAlready

    I have random people comment on my weight all the time most are just immature people being mean. Some are people who feel its their duty to express their concern for me and tell me how i must be so miserable being fat and why arent i doing something about it…the last 1% is my mother who thinks im in denial about how sh*t my life is because i apparently cant see it being on the inside but being on the inside it doesn’t look that good. Having just bought my first house a new car and having a daughter who is kind intelligent and beautiful i think my life is pretty damn good. So stop trying to save me! Thankyou for sharing this.

  • Christine Dodd

    Well said. I don’t know what makes people think they can interfere. I’m never going to be skinny but I can be healthy and that’s what’s important.

  • Stephanie

    Thank you so much for sharing this. It was truly THE day for me to read it.

  • What is it with people wanting to give their 2 cents whether you asked for it or not. Usually when you’ve not. There are better conversations to be had.

    I’ve always had not great skin on my face, since I was a teenager. Being over 30 now and still sort of suffering, I’ve had everyone come at me with their advice on it. Do you eat healthy, drink water, try this stuff, it’ll make you more beautiful. Man, did it ever get me down. I know they mean well, but this is my skin… it’s the way it is!

  • Such a wonderful article, Chantelle. I’m glad you published it (accidental or not).
    This sentence really struck a cord, “My weight isn’t all of me, it’s just one part of me”. In society these days I think a lot of people sometimes struggle to realise that sage piece of advice for themselves.

  • Uuuhhh that is truly the worst. I had a message therapist start lecturing me about what I should and shouldn’t be eating (totally unprompted as we weren’t even talking and she just came out with it. Maybe my cellulite brought it out in her!)

    Pffft to them. Seriously, all of them.

  • Fat and highly functioning over here too. I have a great example of this. When I was at the gym 5 days a week and swimming every second day it astounded me how many people would offer me helpful, beginner type advice. Quick, save the fat girl.

    Like because I’m fat, despite some pretty impressive muscle tone, that I just got here. At first I thought, well that person is SUPER helpful, thanks for the contribution person, but after a while I was like, excuse me, I’ve got this. Now let’s lift some weights. Before demonstrating the ability they assumed I didn’t have.

    Like Mum always said, when you assume, you make an ass out of u and me. πŸ˜‰

  • Mari Brandon

    this country sure has a weird attitude about women and weight. In India, where a lot of people are skinny because they are hungry, the ideal bride, at least 30 years ago, according to a friend who spent a year there, is “too fat to walk”. There is a true connection between anorexia nervosa and bad health–no true connection between being fat and bad health, especially when “fat” means “size 12 or larger”

  • Abigail

    I feel like you have been living my life. People are always trying to fix me and I do wonder if it is because I am fat that they think I need their (COMPLETELY UNSOLICITED) advice about my entire life.

  • I love this post. I have never been overweight, but I have been underweight, for various reasons including things like breastfeeding and medications that made me nauseous. You’d likely not be surprised at the number of people who also think they know a) what the problem is and b) how to fix it! If only we were such experts regarding our own lives as we think we are with relative strangers we’d have everything sorted…

  • People are always on my Mum about being thin. People have told her her whole life that they could ‘fatten her up’. I don’t know why people feel that they have the right to comment on people’s weight. And there is apparently a very thin line {pun intended} between being too thin and being too fat.

  • Jillian Ives

    I hate how people who don’t know you can have an opinion on your life or appearance. I’ve followed you for 5 years now; your posts and enthusiasm for life (whether it be tongue in cheek) make my day! Ignore the haters beautiful woman.

  • Bianca Fidock

    Wow, this made me cry. Not in a sad way but because this speaks to me so much. As someone who has been overweight for my entire adult life people often give me unsolicited advice similar to the above. I am lucky enough to have a great group of friends that love me for me, and support me when i look to make changes to my life. This post has also made me think ‘do I do this to people’. This week I am going to be conscience of my advice giving and only give it where someone actually asks for it.

    Thank you for giving words to the way I often feel.

  • taniamccartney

    Heart. x x x

  • Jennifer

    Oh my goodness. Your whole post hits the nail on the head. Everyday. I once did ‘fix’ myself quite well and ended up working many facets within the fitness industry. However pregnancy made my body remember all the weight I’d previously carried, and injuries compounded it post baby. Said baby is now two and I still have problems πŸ™ Given my previous ‘success’, it has made all the unsolicited advice, comments, talking behind my back, judgement etc so much worse than before. I find I’ve become proactive (okay, defensive) and now bring it up myself before someone gets in first. Embarrassment, but on my terms. I’m sorry to hear you experience this also, instead of people applauding your many successes and appreciating you for you but thank you for your (accidental) post xo

  • Health and Happiness is all that matters.. I exercise for my mental health and its keeps me happy, as a bi product it stops me stacking on the weight that I so deserve from eating naughty stuff which also keeps me happy and the other bi product is it keep my heart and lungs strong but truly happiness is in our soul as is beauty.. I never notice the surrounding I am only drawn to beautiful people and they come in every shape and size..
    I can only assume the fixers can’t sense those amazing souls which is sad for them not you x

  • Janni Gumly Gumly

    Wow, Chantelle, thank you for being so honest and I’m so glad this was published even if it was by accident. I think your story is the story of so many of us “large ladies”. Everyone has an opinion on how we can make our lives better even if my Dr gives me an annual clean bill of health, I have an amazing family and wonderful, loyal, beautiful friends as well as a hugely rewarding job. Thank you for putting into words what I so often feel.

  • Jan

    i have laughed my A off reading this …how very astute. I love your attitude FYI. All for 1 &…. well you know the rest – no saving anyone πŸ˜‰

  • I know what you mean. I even had weight loss surgery, and gained 30 lbs back. Wait. You mean there’s a reason my clothes don’t fit me anymore!? Whaaaaaa! Thank you! I especially love it when people question your food choices. Uggggh! Sorry you have so many ‘helpers’. I have a great husband of 19 years, a tween, and a 19 year old who both are doing just fine without any schedules (other than my son’s new job schedule.Β πŸ˜‰ You are not alone.

  • Gina Karas

    Amen, sister! I feel the same way. I’m 43 and I’m overweight. I know it and I don’t need a lecture. I need to get to the point where I’ll do something about it and that will be on my own terms. Your blog post resonates so much with me right now. Thank you for accidentally posting it and letting the world hug you back!

  • Laura

    Thank you for sharing this post Chantelle. I am overweight (by quite a lot) and have been my entire adult life. It goes up and down, sometimes I hate it, sometimes I am quite accepting of my body, but nothing makes me feel worse than ‘helpful suggestions’.
    I found the worst was when I was newly engaged and so many people immediately asked how I was planning on losing weight for my wedding. Well, I didn’t. I gained. And you know what, I have never felt more beautiful than I did on my wedding day.
    Thanks again for sharing πŸ™‚

  • TreoChick

    Bravo!!!! Thank you so much for this post. It is not just strangers but your own family are sometimes the worst offenders. I recently went home for a visit and went to see an aunt I had not seen in many years. The first thing out of her mouth was not hello, good to see you, or even so proud of all you have accomplished. Nope I got “oh my gosh you gained so much weight”. You are not allowed to try and mind my business. My jiggly parts and I are in perfect harmony.

  • Fi

    I’m with you. Apparently all my health issues are related to my fatness which is complete bollocks and I’m certain that specialists feel they can do nothing for me until i lose the weight and show them I’m “serious” about my health. I get so much unwanted advice. The shame is the worst part. Thank you for this post.

  • Oh I love this – especially the ‘oh crap really? I’m fat? Never noticed it!’ bit. Unsolicited advice when fat is supremely unhelpful and plain rude. Unsolicited life advice based on a whole lot of assumptions generally is also rather rude. Having been hugely overweight and now just overweight – and blogging about weight loss, I’m very aware of not sharing unsolicited advice with others and not banging on ad nauseam about health and weight. I think everyone is on their own journey when it comes to their health and should be left in peace to work through that in their own time, sans saving!

  • I think we could exchange the word “fat” for a few things that I think we don’t do so well at. Thank you for this honest post. xxxx

  • Isabel Landaverde Castellanos

    I love food i was skinny and miserable i remember one time I almost fainted in the bathroom and I went on with dieting for years after I stop carrying and started eating I love myself and I know Im fat but im good and feel great about it

  • Lesa Hipes

    I love this post. good for you. Your life is your life. I am so happy you are living it the way you want. I am proud of you. Be proud of yourself. πŸ™‚

  • Sue Robinson

    Loved this! Thank you!!! xoxo

  • Janet

    OMG….!Thank you for summing it up so well!

  • Kathy Stern

    The hardest thing for me is I am doing something about it. I’m eating right, I’m exercising, I’m making good decisions but it just never seems to be enough. People keep saying “you’ll get there!” Where’s there? How do you know I’m not already there? Phffft!

    • That’s what I thought today. I know he meant well, but FAR OUT.

      I’d cleaned the whole house this morning, and moved everything off the floor so we can get our carpets cleaned {alone cos Hubby is working} and then got the kids ready for school, and THEN went to the gym and was sweating it out, and then got bombarded with advice {well-meaning of course} but all it made me feel was, not enough.

      I could rant forever because this makes me so cranky.

  • Angela Skerman

    “My weight isn’t all of me, it’s just one part of me.”

    Yes. Just Yes!

  • Janni Gumly Gumly

    Oh so true Chantelle, everyone is full of advise, particularly those that have never experienced life in a fat body. I’ve done the diets, & the walking etc etc with varying levels of success but have always put it back on, weight for me has always been an indicator of emotional wellbeing and at 53, I think I’m finally in the right frame of mind and have actually joined a gym. It’s only been a week, but I love going, I love how it makes me feel & Ive said if I lose weight it’s an added bonus, What I really want is to feel better

  • Angelique Rosa-Bartolone

    Well said!!

  • Georgi

    AMENNNNNNNN!!

  • Megan Curtis-Sergeant

    So true, so funny. You have made my day!!! Thanks.

  • Janice Webber

    I have been overweight since I was 9 years old. I figured it out then because the gym teacher yelled out my weight for the whole class to hear. They snickered. I have had many occasions where complete strangers inform me that I am fat or say something that shows how disgusting I am to them and that I shouldn’t exist in the same space as them. I’ve also noticed that the bigger I become the more invisible I am. Most people don’t look me in the eye. Maybe I’m contagious? Maybe I’m like a circus freak show act? I’m not sure. I’ve had a few people blindside me with their attempts to help me. It’s always at the most random, inopportune moment. Thankfully, I have an army of supporters and loving people in my life with my family and friends. They love me for me. They don’t talk about my weight unless I ask them to talk. They know I am more than my weight and most days I do, also. I would just like the ignorant ones to stop trying to tell me otherwise. Thank you for your honest post and your ongoing honesty about being comfortable with yourself even if others aren’t.

  • Lynda Delaney

    I think you meant to say curvaceous! And as long as you are healthy and happy in your skin then dam the rest of the world πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚
    I’m cutting down on carbs and noticed a huge difference – only lost a little weight but I know it won’t happen overnight, feel so much healthier and more energy.

  • Cat Bensein

    There is more to life than numbers on a scale or the tag of a dress.

  • Brilliant piece Chantelle. What is it with randoms giving advice like we had never thought of that before. Like with my mental health “just be happy” and “just don’t worry” will apparently snap me out of depression and anxiety like I hadn’t thought of that before and of course haven’t tried it either lol … xoxo

  • Justine Bennett

    Well said! I’ve also been the victim of the eyebrow artist saviour and it’s not good. It is bizarre how everyone thinks they can fix you – and so lovely when you have friends that don’t!

  • I love this post SO much as I relate to every word you have written. Except for my weight I’m happy and my life is good. Ok life could run a little smoother but then it would totally be boring. Right now (and for the past three years) I’m fat but I too don’t need saving. Sending you all the hugs and love in the world xx

  • Katrina Bryant

    Oh gosh! Thank you so much! I needed to hear this! I’ve been in the yo-yo phase for my entire life, and I’m finally getting to be okay with not being a stick and focusing on being happy and healthy (that in moderation too!) and being a good role model for my girls – if they see me dieting and fussing about weight , what does that instill into them about their sent esteem and body image
    Xoxo Katrina

  • Lisa Skelton

    I have decided that there are many worse things that i could be apart ftom fat!!! Being fat does not define me or anyone as a person.

  • Oh man I’m having this dreaded thought that I might done this to people. I’m always suggesting shit that I’ve fallen in love with and products that I think others can win with too. I hope I’ve never made anyone feel like this. She might not have been trying to save you. She might have been in the same rocketship with you on route for success. Remember that when most people talk, they are really talking to themselves. She was probably inspired by your 25cm loss and started thinking she should go back on that diet food. Women are crazy. But seriously didn’t she know who you are!????!! And yeah – you said it. Out of all of us — you are NOT the one that needs to be saved x

    • I have probably done it some way {probably not about weightloss} or another – I probably read the signs wrong and started dishing out advice etc and it wasn’t really wanted. Knowing you, if you’ve ever done it it would probably be in the most loving way and you read the signs right.

      For me, it’s just this odd thing. I’ve been in this oversized body my whole life, and it’s what people see first. They don’t see all that I am inside this body. All that I’ve achieved, all that I’m capable of, and the brain I have that knows shit. I think they often think I’m stuck inside this body and they want to help me get out.

  • Madamek

    The worst I had was a comment (from someone who was weight watchers success story, I might add!) that I would be beautiful when I lost all the weight…. I so devastated and gobsmacked – am I not beautful now, have my family and friends not been true and lied to me my whole life?

    Thankfully one of my friends saw/heard it happen (in my own home btw as well) she saw the look on my face and promptly informed this women that ‘she (me) is already beautiful – the only advantage of losing the weight is for health’

    I cried later… where nobody could see, wondering how id missed the fact that I was ugly because I was fat and then again because I thought about my friend’s statement and realised its the people who say such things that must have ugly souls to be so cruel but that it had already done the damage.

    At least when it comes from strangers in the street you can kinda wash it away saying ‘they dont know me’

  • Easy-name-to-remember

    Oh I know! Some people have no tact!!! And unfortunately I don’t know how to shut them down without sounding rude or hurtful myself.
    Beautifully written btw πŸ‘ŒπŸ»

  • francybee

    This is why I like you, Chantelle. Thank you for posting this!

@Fatmumslim