I can’t make this stuff up


Something happened at our house on Valentine’s Day. I’m not talking romantic dinners, and fireworks and all that jazz. Something quite the opposite really.

It all started earlier in the week at Byron Bay. Our favourite butcher is in Byron, so when we visit we grab supplies and bring them home. On this particular day I grabbed some sausages, some schnitzel and some rather delectable looking chicken skewers. When they rung them up, and asked me to pay $80, I nearly died. Turns out those chicken skewers are not only delectable-looking, but freaking expensive too.

So Saturday rolls around and I cook the chicken skewers. I bought eight of them, four for now, four to freeze for later. To save you the suspense, let me tell you they tasted really ordinary, and paired with my slightly under-cooking of them, they were deemed inedible by all and left on everyone’s plates. I did redeem myself by cooking a kick-butt potato bake, so there was that.

I popped the remaining uncooked skewers into a seal-bag and into the freezer, thinking that I’d give them to my sister because maybe she should suffer what we just endured. Evil, I know.

Fifteen minutes later, with our tummies still grumbling, we decide to partake in a little ice cream. Lacey goes to the freezer to retrieve a small tub of Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Ice Cream, and this is where the night goes pear-shaped.

Stay with me here as I take you through the next series of events.

The ice cream must have been wedged between an array of frozen products. I’m no organisational queen. Surviving my freezer is like playing a hardcore game of Jenga. I hear a kerfuffle, and things falling to the ground. I look over, and things are bad. Very, very, very bad. There is screaming. This has all happened in seconds.

A skewer has come CLEAN from the chicken, out of the sealed bag and into Lacey’s foot. And then a huge container of homemade {not organic but homemade nonetheless} sausage rolls has then landed on that skewer and imbedded it DEEP into her foot.

At this stage I’m seeing a skewer firmly poking out from her foot. My Ma is first on the scene and she goes to grab it out. I have Lulu in my arms, and I scream “Nooooooooooooooo!”

Back in my teens I saw an Oprah episode {this was when she was less Deepak Chopra and more Ricki Lake} where a guy had impaled himself on a fence, and the rule was to NEVER remove the object on which they’ve impaled themselves.

Hubby rushes onto the scene. At this stage Lacey is screaming, I’m screaming, Lulu is screaming, my Ma is probably quietly freaking out {she doesn’t do screaming} and Hubby is trying to calm the whole farm.

“Chantelle, I’m just going to ask you to move away for a bit.”

“Lacey, let’s come over here and breathe calmly for a moment.”

I kid you not, the dude turned into some zen guy I’ve never seen before.

I was sent to make an ice pack, which I did by wrapping a freezer block in a baby muslin wrap {I don’t know what I was thinking either}. The skewer was removed while I was away preparing that piece of medical marvel, and Hubby’s thumb covered the hole where the skewer once resided {2cm deep, mind you}. To give you an idea of just how wedged in it was, it was super hard to get out Hubby whispered to me later. And Ma tells me that when she tried to get it out {before I yelled at her} it wasn’t budging.

I think he then sung lullabies or meditated for the next 15 minutes while the rest of us continued freaking out quietly.

The story ends well. Lacey’s foot was bandaged, and she hopped around for that hour before bed acting like she was dying. I kept replaying in my head the whole series of events, and wondered what I would have done if I was home alone {which for the record, probably would have been to scream, freak out and call my sister to come over and help}. The chicken was obviously cursed, and promptly binned.

But Lacey has news for school on Monday; a sore foot, and a skewer. And I have 7 new grey hairs, and a new wrinkle.

47 thoughts on “I can’t make this stuff up”

  1. OMG!
    I never do this. But. Did you take her to have it cleaned and get some ABs? Because if she’s got wood from who knows where and raw chicken in her foot she probably needs them.

  2. Holy moly I would have freaked out! Tetanus jab stat and endless chocolate supply…for you and Lacey! X

  3. Just call Health Direct Australia 1800 022 222 and they’ll assess Lacy’s foot if you think it needs it. Keep and eye out for infection just to be sure.

  4. Last Boxing Day, the kids were building things with those toothpicks you get at Chinese restaurants. In their room, on the carpet, using the carpet to secure the base.

    In comes Dad, with a bit of Christmas cheer and yep, you guessed it.
    All the way in, 2cm. Then broken off, stuck in there.

    I feel your pain, 3 hours at the hospital, X-rays, then an operation to get it out.

    Wish you well for a speedy recovery.

  5. When my Dad was a lot younger, he was running barefoot through the backyard and stepped on a chop bone that the dog had discarded. It went completely through his foot from the bottom up. So gross.

    Poor Lacey! And also, poor you – I think sometimes it’s almost worth being the helpless spectator. Don’t blame yourself. Xoxox

    • Ha I thought I was the only one with a story like that, when I was a kid I jumped over our fence to the neighbours yard and landed up a chicken bone that went right through my foot…lots of blood and lot’s and lot’s of screaming!

      • Ohhhh ouch! Apparently it’s pretty common. Apparenlty he also had a similar run in with some rusty barbed wire hidden in the grass at some point too. We always had to wear shoes outside as kids but I don’t think it would make much difference when upturned bones are concerned!

  6. Poor kid, I feel for her, glad you took her to the doctors, raw chook isn’t the best, I’m a chef, the number of times I’ve jabbed myself on chicken and it usually goes nasty, not nice. When I was a kid I stood on a sewing needle, Mum was a dressmaker and leaving them laying wasn’t unusual, getting something in your foot hurts a lot, I had a trip to hospital and it was surgically removed. Hope Lacey and the rest of you family recovers soon. 🙂

  7. It would put you off chicken skewers for the rest of your life. Let’s hope that today is a better day.

  8. I am glad you took her in, poor thing I can so relate i always manage to injure myself in freak, one of a kind accidents too. Your husband is very good in a crisis, he managed to keep you all so calm!

  9. Holy moly! Thank gosh for calm husbands hey lol. Glad she is okay! Don’t know why some people are saying get a tetanus shot, it won’t do anything at this point lol but damn that chicken hey. I always seem to undercook skewers too, I have a weird fear of skewers! What a great story for school for Lacey!!

    • In the US a tetanus booster is given after a puncture wound if it has been more than five years since the immunization. So it’s pretty routine to get a tetanus shot if you go to the doctor for a deep cut or puncture

  10. OMG you really CAN’T make this stuff up! it’ll make a great story for her 21st and i bet she’s healthy as and it’ll heal just fine <3

  11. Ouch! Poor chicken. Not anywhere near as bad as this but from our poorly stacked freezer (maybe around 10yrs old) i manage to get a black eye from a container of frozen pumpkin soup falling out :/ Kindof an embarrassing way to get a black eye when all your friends are asking if you were in a fight ! LOL

    • Hope you made up some awesome story about how you ‘ninjad’ (my 7 year olds word – not mine,) some big dude in a bar fight and that’s how you got the black eye?

  12. Hope it missed all her tendons and important feet bits!

    This is the kind of situation where I want to murder my husband. He is the super calm guy, very patient and practical and reassuring. BUT. He doesn’t have a driver’s licence. So if we’re ever dashing to the hospital with out son, it’s always me at the wheel, freaking out and desperate to be in the back.

  13. I hope Lacey is doing ok – and I totally use muslin wraps for icepacks all the time. Oh, that sounds like my kids are always hurting themselves. (they are). Also I am going to tidy my freezer. Like right now.

  14. Oh wow! That’s mayhem! I hope poor Lacey is okay. *runs to kitchen determined to organise freezer, but probably gets distracted by tasty food*

  15. Wow! Talk about freak accidents! And I agree, the chicken was most definitely cursed!

    As for what kind of person I am in that sort of situation, I’m the calm take charge type. When our jerk cat scratched my mom’s leg and nicked a vein and the kitchen, hall and bathroom looked like a murder scene I took charge and helped get things sorted out. I freaked out later though. 😉

  16. Awe, hope she’s ok, like you said, she’s got a cool story for school. I’m with you! If it’s someone else I’m cool, calm & collected, whe it comes to my child I turn into a panicked mess! Haha. I once took 3 toe nails clean off while moving The wheelie bin, I cried like a baby! I’m a bit injury prone when it come to feet, I’ve broken the same little toe on the same foot 5 times, maybe I should just have it removed to save further trouble?! LOL

  17. Poor Lacey and poor you! I’m usually that person that freaks out and doesn’t know what to do in instances like this, however I can assure you *if* something like this ever happens when no one else is around, you will go into survival fix it mum mode and do what Mummy’s do best. How do I know, I hear you ask? Last year my 5.5 yo son was jumping on the bed and 2 seconds after I told him to stop, he fell backwards and through the low lying window in my bedroom and impaled himself on a massive shard of glass – no safety glass in our 70’s built house! :/.. Lets just say their is now!
    After first screaming, pulling him up from the glass, screaming and crying some more I found the 10cm gash just an inch away from his spine on his back, lucky for us both it was so clean it barely bled, but I knew straight away this wasn’t something I could fix, I had to call 000. So put my big girl pants on and called 000, calmly told them what happened and an ambulance was sent sirens and all.
    Everything turned out to be alright. He did have to have surgery to sew it all back up – 2 rows of internal stitches and an outer row. EEEK – But he has 8 lives left now (I’m sure he’s a cat), but what I can tell you is that out of the whole thing, I really did surprise myself and did what I had to do to make it better.

  18. Far. OUT! Oh Chantelle, don’t despair. I would have been you and my husband would have been your husband in the same scenario. Hope Lacey is feeling much happier today. And, if it’s any consolation, I stepped on a giant fence nail as a kid. I remember the nail dangling out of my foot and my dad taking me to the doctor to have it removed (and a tetanus injection as well I’m assuming) but I don’t remember the pain. Just that I totally milked that injury for all it was worth! x

  19. Luckily I have done so many St Johns Courses that I am pretty calm.. H dropped a glass at 18months old and severed his tendons and ligaments on his finger down to the bone.. CSI crime scene on the floor and I calmy lifted and kept pressure on little hand, delivered my 2 yr old to Kindy and pottered of to A&E for him to have 6 hr microsurgery!!

  20. Despite not being able to deal with blood very well, I’m the calm one in my family who manages to convince everyone it’s all good whilst quietly panicking internally. I grew up with a couple of drama queens so I think I’m pre-conditioned to be the opposite! Poor Lacey I hope she healed ok!

  21. Well that is certainly a story that is going to be retold for generations to come, isn’t it! Poor Lacey and thank goodness your mum and hubby were home. I remember this one time when my girls were small and I was home alone with them and there was a fall and blood and much screaming and…..I must say I wasn’t as calm as I thought I would be either!

  22. I don’t mean to sound horrible, but your story and a lot of the other stories shared below made me chuckle a little. Not so much at the injuries, but at the descriptions used. Some people have a flair for telling stories…and you Chantelle happen to be one of them! 🙂

    It doesn’t help my fear of something going through my foot in similar circumstances…that is one of my biggest fears: being impaled in my foot by a falling object.

  23. curse of the chicken skewer that you paid too much for undercooked and then complained about LOL poor Lacey

  24. Hey Chantelle, I am new to your blog and am loving it. I have a story here and its pretty horrific ( kinda funny too, but laugh and be prepared to be known as a meanie) This did not happen to me and I was not around wen it did(Thank God!), my friend’s young cousins were goofing around and watching TV, where they were watching a kiddies show on Jai Hanuman – The monkey God and thought it would be awesome for them to be monkeys too, but were stumped that they did not have a tail. One brilliant lad, got hold of a branch and holding it behind him, started jumping off the short wall in their garden, but he tripped and his tail ended up , you know where. There was lots of yelling a screaming and traumatic visit to the hospital. To this day (this happened 10 years ago, when he was 11 or so), if he is being insufferable, my friend just whispers Jai hanuman and he promptly shuffles off.

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