Brought to you by UBANK.
Everybody’s got a dream, what’s yours?
You know the great Australian dream; big house, a yard for the kids to play in, and everything you could ever want to fill it.
In 2013 we moved from Sydney to the Northern Rivers, and we bought our first home. We applied for a loan, and it felt like the most stressful thing ever, and we made the decision to only take up around half of the funds we were approved for. We didn’t want a mansion, but most of all we didn’t want to buy a house that we’d resent and make us stressed for the rest of our lives.
The great Australian Dream of the house with the yard started off simple, but now the goal post seems to be constantly moving. The dream keeps getting bigger, and the house keeps getting larger, and so does the stress that comes with that. A documentary recently aired on Channel 7 about the Aussie Dream, and our wants and needs. I rarely tell people what to do {except my kids and husband} but I’m going to tell you what to do here. This is some of the best 40 minutes I’ve spent in my life. I scribbled down a million notes, and tips, but also I left the end of it feeling really satisfied with what I have. WATCH THIS VIDEO {there’s a good chance it will change your life}.
One of the biggest learning curves for me around wants and needs happened in my early twenties. I was working as a nanny, and I worked for people who lived the grandest lives. They had huge houses, filled with more bedrooms than they could sleep in, and more bathrooms than they could count. They could buy whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted. They had the fanciest of cars, and the best holidays. To me, a girl from a country-ish town, from a middle-income family, this always seemed like the dream to me.
Except those people I worked for, they didn’t seem very happy. They worked long hours, they saw very little of their children, their houses were so big they really didn’t see much of each other and from where I was standing they seemed miserable. It wasn’t quite living the dream.
A whopping 90% of Australians are stressed, so there’s a good chance you’re feeling a little under the pump too. So, U BANK are asking… “Is it perhaps time to reset the Aussie Dream?” Should we be aiming for smaller, and wanting for less? Is it time that we worked out what we need versus what we want?
In the documentary, the topic of wants and needs is a constant one, but a moment I loved most was when one of the kids shares a project he did. On one page he had the word WANTS and the other had NEEDS. He’d drawn and collected pictures and pasted them on whatever page that they belonged. When his parents asked what his needs were, it was simple, “love!”. {That seems like a pretty cool exercise to do with our own kids so they can start learning about it early on}.
I learned so many gems from the documentary, and I’m sure I’ll find more when I watch it again.
But most of all, the thing that made me get teary, was this: We’ve got so caught up in this dream. In the working, getting stuff done, trying to pay bills, and just trying to tread water… that we’ve forgotten about making memories. What if we turned off the TV and played a board game, or what if we spent a whole day together making memories? Those moments shouldn’t be put off for next school holidays, or one day when we’re less stressed, that stuff needs to be happening now.
So, don’t wait to make your memories. Make them today.
What’s the biggest stress in your life right now?
The biggest stress I have is ultimately money…..
A long story short, I’ve been told I’ve gone through menopause at 30. I’m also single and now 33. I want, need, crave, desire a baby. So it’s the ivf donor road for me. It’s pricey, but not as painful as regret in the years to come……I’ve had to change my spending habits and cut back here and there but fingers crossed I’ll soon have some embryos that are legally mine to transfer ???
Oh my goodness, that’s a lot to process at 30. I can’t even imagine hearing that news. 🙁
I’m proud of you for being proactive and strong about this. I just want to give you a big hug. xx
Thankyou! Just send positive vibes my way!
It was a lot to process and I was worried about how people would judge my situation as a single mum but I’m over that now and ready give it a try!
Such a good reminder! Stress for me is fitting it all in and trying to make everybody happy. As mums we usually put everyone else’s happiness first and then end up dragging behind just trying to tread water while we get our own stuff done. I’m trying to fix that!
Yes! I hear ya! Fitting it all in is impossible, or feels like it is. 🙁
We’ve chosen a modest home in an city outskirts country-ish town. I too worked for families with pots and lots of money in my 20’s, and also for families without pots of money, but desperately trying to look like they did. None of them were particularly happy.
We have a beautiful (second hand) leather lounge suite, two reliable (demo model) cars, a home that will belong to us (not the bank) in the next couple of years and are saving for early retirement, or at least the option to work if we want to by 50. We have lovely holidays, I don’t think we ‘miss out’ on anything…. except stress… and neither of us earns ‘big’ money (no six figure salaries), in fact we both work part time. We get to do and see things we couldn’t do if our focus was a huge house filled with the latest stuff, clothes and shoes with labels, or cars that lose a fifth of their value the minute you drive them off the lot.
I managed to get myself into quite a lot of stupid debt when I was younger, chasing a lifestyle I didn’t really feel comfortable with. Never again. I was given a job opportunity recently that would have meant BIG money – but also massive stress and ridiculous hours. I was feeling guilty for not wanting to take it – like I wasn’t prepared to suffer to ‘provide’ for my family, or was being lazy. I expressed this to my hubby, who immediately told me he was thrilled I wasn’t taking it. His words ‘why would you take in a job that stressful, where you would virtually never be home, missing out on time with me and the kids all to have money we don’t need. What for? It would be funding a lifestyle we don’t want or need. We want you.’ Yes, he’s amazing!
My husband and I in Mackay for a time and we’re both earning mining money and we were pre approved for a loan in the millions, we nearly dropped dead. Thankfully we weren’t that gullible, and stuck with our Melbourne house we brought when we were students, and just rented. Three years later the boom had busted, mines closed up and people were out of work and losing houses. We just headed back home to our tiny first home, in the not so great suburb and enjoyed our tiny mortgage we managed to virtually pay off ?
I love this. I mean I don’t like that the mining industry went crazy {not in a good way} but I love that you chose that option. ?
My husband lost his father last year, and our biggest stress at the moment is worrying about his mother. It’s been a really big change for her, and she’s relying on her sons a lot more now to get through each week. We sat down and had a big talk about it on the weekend, and we have decided that we need to take control of our own lives, and put ourselves and our marriage first (which is difficult for both of us to do). We are heading away for the weekend to try and reset our relationship, and find some balance between our responsibilities to our family, and our commitment to each other.
I hope you can find a place where it works for you guys. I can only imagine what pressure that puts on your lives. Good luck with it. xx
Life’s pretty good for me right now. Our health is good. We have a home in a location we love living in. We’ve down-sized to one car. No need for two when husband gets the bus to work and we only have one kid left at home. My cup is most full when I’m not stressing about doing any of my “jobs” in my life to the best of my ability. The key for me keeping that stress down is getting my weekly yoga fix and saying no to things (in family time) that don’t excite me. When I say yes to too much stuff, overwhelm knocks at the door and I don’t achieve anything.
Sounds like perfection. ??
Gosh this hit a nerve with me. We have been contemplating upsizing as we were meant to be having 2 kids not 3 and so it’s going to get squishy. But after a lot of soul searching we’ve decided that we can wait, our loan isn’t huge and we can have a few nice trips and experiences because we’re not mortgaged to eyeballs. Sure sometimes I yearn for all the nice things that the family’s I nannied for had (gosh weren’t they just so rich when you look back??) Life not things is what matters. Love this post (and video) xxx
They were so rich! {But also, not so happy… some of them!}.
Love that you’re staying smallish. 🙂
I’m about to drop down to a four day week and go to school to see if i can move on from my 20 years as an office administrator. If i wasnt the one earning the majority of our income it probably wouldnt be such a big deal but I am and it is… so I spend most nights looking in on our budget spreadsheet making sure there’s enough to go around. But if thats the worst of my worries I reckon I’ve got it easy.
I am the one who monitors our money stuff too, and it keeps me awake a bit at night. I hate it. But after having some scary health stuff recently, I too realised… if these are my problems, I’m not doing too bad.
I hope you get what you want job-wise. x
My biggest stress is not knowing where I will be living in ten years time, or five years time, or even two years time. At the moment, my husband and I live on our boat in Greece, and we have to rent a property when we come back to the uk for the winter. Eventually we will bring the boat back to the uk and maybe have to live on her for a while, but at some point in the future we will get very old and I want to have my own home, on dry land, however small. We have such a very small amount of funds to achieve this, in the area where I want to be, near my children and grandchildren, property is out of reach. Otherwise I would have to move a long distance away to afford something, but would be away from my family…..
My husband doesn’t care where he ends up, and won’t even discuss this with me, grrrrrrr!
This is amazing…absolutely perfect timing for me! We have just built a house in the northern rivers and are quite happy, but like a lot of people the balance of work/income is always a stress (i work part time to spend some time with our 2.5 yr old while hubby works full time). We are trying for another baby which isnt happening as fast as we’d like but im sure its all divine timing! This video has totally changed my view…we are always want want want but i actually already have everything i need and more ✌?️?