Can you imagine have strangers follow your every publicly made move as a new mum? Can you imagine being followed and photographed as you step out your front door with your new bub in your arms and as you go about your day?
I can’t. I barely coped as it was. I was sleep deprived to the ninth degree. I was so constantly up-chucked on that it became my new scent. Eau De Upchuck. Most days I only just had it all together, but felt like it could all fall apart at any moment. And sometimes it did. Having a gaggle of onlookers watch my every move would have sent me over the edge, or into a hermit.
Recently Jackie O was criticised for crossing the road whilst feeding her baby a bottle of expressed breast milk. And if that wasn’t enough she was then criticised for going back to work so early when she could afford to stay home and care for her daughter.
I’m saying, “Leave Jackie O alone!”
Jackie O and I are similar in many ways. We both went back to work when our daughters were 6 weeks old, only not in the normal fashion. We both got to keep our little daughters with us. We got to breast feed as we worked. Was it the easiest way? No. I can’t speak for Jackie, but I did what I thought was the best for my family, and our future. I would have loved to have given my daughter my undivided attention for the rest of her life. Alas, it wasn’t so.
I’m not going to argue the safety risks of crossing a road whilst bottle feeding. She got to the other side. They’re both OK. Let’s get over it.
It’s the bigger picture that makes me so mad. Do we really need to criticise each other? Does Jackie O really need to be judged on her parenting?
Being a first-time mum is nerve wracking. Is the baby breathing? Is she getting enough milk? Is she stimulated enough? Am I a good enough mother? Even after being a mum for almost 3 years I’m still constantly worrying if I’m doing this motherhood thing right.
Throughout my daughter’s life I’ve always aimed for an A+. I quickly learned that everyone has an opinion on parenting, even people without children. I listened to every word that every person said about my daughter and my parenting skills. I took feedback, and graded myself in regards to the words they said. I was an anxious bundle of motherhood mess.
We’re our own worst critics. We question every little thing we do. We’re often {too often!} overcome with the mother guilts. I’ve never given myself that A+, today I’m rocking a C-, and do you know what? That’s quite OK. Tomorrow is another day.
I find this whole criticism of Jackie O, the road crossing incident and remarks about her going back to work after baby just plain unnecessary. The newsflash is… we’re not perfect. The perfect mother doesn’t exist. We all make mistakes. We’re criticising ourselves enough and definitely don’t need someone that’s seeing just part of the picture to do the judging for us.
If you can’t say anything nice, or productive, or supportive to new mums… perhaps just don’t say anything at all.
Totally agree. I'm not even a mother and I'm sick to death of Mummy Wars. STOP! It's just plain cruel and unnecessary. Great post, and for what it's worth, I think you are doing an A+ job with Miss Lacey xxx
Perfectly said!
x
Agreed.
Oh I couldn't agree more Chantelle! And good on you for voicing it. So many people read your blog and it's wonderful of you to put the point across, that so many of us are thinking!
I almost couldn't believe what I was seeing (or hearing) this morning on the Sunrise program. Why is this even a story??? Then comparing Jackie O to Michael Jackson's 'baby dangling' incident. Come on people.
We are all just trying to do the best possible job for our little ones and those who aren't, are so few and far between, they're not worth mentioning.
I often wonder how celebrities and big time stars handle the scrutiny on their lives… but the ones with bubs, I just don't know how they do it.
Thanks for putting it out there Chantelle :o)
See i agree with the point you are making in general but in the case of Jackie O she has made a career out of judging/poking fun at people and their choices in a public arena. Sometimes these people were at their most vulnerable (ie the teenager incident) so surely if she has been able to dish it out she can also take it herself now?!
Hi Chantelle,
I wrote about this yesterday as I saw red when I opened the papers. (I try not to blog on Sundays) but it has seriously riled me.
Agree with you on all counts
Love Mrs Woog x
Well said Chantelle! Motherhood is hard enough without being scrutinized to that extent.
So true and so well said!
I'm of the opinion that if you dont have anything nice to say then jsut dont say it at all…
I agree completely with you, Chantelle. I blogged about this myself just last night (though you were much lovelier about it than I).
And as for the Anon comment – stooping to that level, just because you think that she has – just makes you cruel. It doesn't make up for anything.
I am of the opinions that new mums are off limits.
the thing is (and one of the things I'm hating in reading all of the commentary on this is that a lot of people are saying “she's human, leave her alone. We all make mistakes”. I still don't think she actually made one).
Very well said 🙂
This is a topic I've seen pop up a lot in the blogging world over the last few days and all of them have had the same opinion – motherhood is tough, give Jackie O (and all mums) a break!
@Anon: I totally get what you mean, and Jackie is definitely no angel when it comes to judging people.
I know I definitely had a shift when I became a mum, because I'd walked a mile in those sleep-deprived shoes. Hopefully this has allowed her to see the same shift in herself. x
SO agree! I would blog on this but others have before me and put into words what I couldn't cos all I would have been able to muster to write is
'afasefkabsdjkfba' cos seriosuly that Pru has my (and everyone elses) knickers in a knot!
Melissa you are entitled to your opinion of course but i don't think i am being cruel at all. She has made a living out of picking on others, that is fact.
But from the comments being made across the board does that mean that having the “mum” title automatically makes a person a saint and off-limits? If so, i think that is a completely ego-centric and self absorbed way to live. I sometimes wish we could rewind back to the days where people didn't think they deserved to be wrapped in cotton wool and given a medal for procreating.
ETA – Telle just saw your comment and glad you understood what i meant.
I guess what i am getting at is that i think respect should be earnt (no matter what our role in life, mother or otherwise) and i don't believe Jackie O has.
Well written Telle
I think this goes beyond Jackie O, it is the way that women fail to be a sisterhood to each other and become each other's worse enemies. As if our actions are justified by degrading the actions of others. It is so so sad. And I don't think mummyhood makes anyone a saint but it can be a real wake up call for many women when perhaps for the firs time they desperately need the support of women who have walked the same path.
I think Pru could better direct her attention elsewhere.
I think any mom that is trying for an A plus automatically gets one!
Couldn't have put it better myself! I agree- the Mummy judging has to stop. We are all different, and do things differently. Who are we to judge someone else and vice-versa.
I am only now just starting to stop caring what others think of how I parent my child. It's amazing how much better you are at something when you don't let the criticism get to you.
that grading thing you said is so true.
I think the whole Jackie O thing is ridiculous. She didn't make any mistakes and even if she did, it is no one else's business how she is raising her child as long as that child is fed and loved and not abused. When are we going to stop criticising the way other mothers do things simply because we wouldn't do it exactly the same way?
If she had been sitting down breastfeeding there would have been an uproar about that too. I'm tired of celeb mum bashing. But I am loving seeing all the mums I know and love come out in support of Jackie.
I hate this whole thing, Who ever that just wanted to get this much publicity.
Women judge each other & are rude to each other, because we all know some women are just plain evil.
I absolutely agree, let's get rid of judgementalism. Thank god no-one is following me and my kids around with a camera! I've started writing on the topic Good Enough Mother… and one day hope to be one.
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Very well said and so true 🙂
I think any kind of public judging of anything to do with motherhood is totally uncalled for. Unless they see children in immediate and terrible danger, people should keep their opinions to themselves!!
For the record, I haven't ever read/heard Jackie O be mean, for want of a better description, about other people. I may have missed it along the way perhaps?! I really like her.
xo
I so wish people would mind their own business, Telle. Honestly! Haven't we got better things to do?
I think she's doing a great job – just like I think all mums of newbies are doing a great job. And, man, she's got better arm muscles than me if she can do all that without a Bjorn!! x
Great post, Chantelle. And I also think that feeding a baby while crossing a road is a darn sight better than carrying a screaming, hysterical,starving hungry baby across the road! Us mothers can do pretty amazing things and lots of them at the one time. I have no doubt that Jackie was perfectly safe crossing that road. It was a zebra crossing for goodness sake. I'm sure she looked left and then right and then looked left again.
The media really sucks sometimes.
Completely agree with you!!
Why do women have to be so hard on each other? And especially other Mums. We worked so hard to get this far and yet we're our own worst enemies.
I've also been a walking vomit rag and needed matchsticks for my eyes (still do sometimes!), and to criticise someone when they are so vulnerable is just not on. Jackie O can do whatever she wants. It's her life and her baby and only she knows what works for her family.
We should be supporting and encouraging each other! Thanks for another great post x
I totally agree you…being a mom is hard enough with out being dissected
All I can say is that I'm so glad I'm not famous. Who knows what dirt they would have pulled up on me? Yes, I'm the first one to say, “don't be so hard, we didn't know the circumstances”. How do we know that she wasn't rushing to work and those photos were taken in a one minute period? Seriously…! But agree. Women, gather round. Let's not be each other's worst enemy. xx
Life is hard for us women, isn't it?