The one where I tell you it’s OK to be selfish

Brought to you by Fitness First.Stocksy_txpe348fb98kxp000_Small_360687

You know when you fly in an airplane, and before take-off the hostess stands up front and gives the spiel about safety? Like, “fasten your seat belt low and tight” and “your exit row is located here, here or here”. I’ve flown so many times in the past 6 months that I could probably recite it for them, but each time I still stop what I’m doing and listen to it like I’m hearing it for the first time, and I figure out which exit I’m going to use in case things get bad, and who I’m going to have to trample across to get out pronto. I also listen to how I’m told to put on my oxygen mask first, and to do my children second… but I know I’m probably going to break that rule and pull out a Super-mum move and put them on all of us at once. Somehow.

And you’ve probably heard by now, about how that oxygen mask theory applies to us as mums too, right? How we have to help ourselves first, before we help our kids. It goes against our natural instinct really. Helping ourselves first? We wouldn’t be so selfish, right?

Last week I spent an hour talking to Life Coach Shannah Kennedy, thanks to the guys at Fitness First, about where I want to be in the next five years. Now, I know talking to a Life Coach can seem kinda fancy and unnecessary, but I’ve been doing it for the past five years and loving it {so much so I’ve been training for the past few months to be one myself}. I know they can be out of people’s budgets though, so if you can’t afford one… keep reading and I’ll tell you how to have Shannah for free.

Back to the oxygen mask story though, Shannah is all about looking after ourselves first. Nothing is more important. When I first thought of this, I thought it was crazy talk and impossible… but when I spent some time pondering it, I realised that it made the most sense of anything. It does.

The truth is, whenever I’ve had sessions with Life Coaches or Business Coaches, I’ve always expected them to give me a 5 point plan on how to win at life or business. I thought it would be about money, or statistics or being all hard-ass and no-nonsense, but every single time it’s come down to one thing; Self Care. It’s about making myself a priority.

And the same goes for you too.

In that session I had with Shannah, I spent a few moments thinking back to where I was happiest in the past. There are loads of moments that pop up for me, lots to do with my husband, my girls, traveling, and moments where I felt really good about things that happened here on my blog. It was surprising to me, that some of the clearer, most obvious moments was when I was really looking after me. I used to run or walk most days. I used to work out with a Personal Trainer at the gym. I used to make time for me, and I was religious about it. And then I had kids.

I want to be a good role model for my girls. Scrap that. I NEED to be a good role model for my girls, whatever form that takes. I want my girls to see that I’m a mum that chases her dreams, lives a life filled with joy, and takes care of herself.

I’ve been doing just that. I’ve thrown guilt out the window {although she likes to creep back in now and then}. This isn’t about having a rocking hot body, don’t be mistaken. This is more than that, because I’ll never have a six pack {unless we’re talking Tim Tams}. It’s about doing whatever it is what I need to do, and you too, to be your best self. As Shannah says, you need to run Chantelle Inc. like a business.

I hope that you’re someone that already can easily make yourself a priority, but I know for many of us it’s a daily struggle. Do you struggle?

Shannah has written two books, and they’re both books I love. They’re easy reading, but you’ll need to have a highlighter and a notebook with you when you read them… because there will be light-bulb moments. And now she’s compiled all the juicy stuff into a free workbook for Fitness First that we’ve all got access to it. If you’re close to a Fitness First gym, find a copy there, or download it online for FREE here.


Last weekend, not long after my session with Shannah, I flew down to Melbourne to take part in a movement. It’s was a live billboard where I had my photo taken, and it was sent up immediately to the most seen billboard in Melbourne. It was all about, “How did I get here?”


And my answer is: I dreamed it. I manifested it. I worked hard for it. And I’m going to continue getting where I want to go, by taking care of me and making me a priority.

How did you get here?

49 thoughts on “The one where I tell you it’s OK to be selfish”

  1. Yes. Self care. Gosh it’s hard to put away the guilt but our kids need us healthy both mentally and physically! No-one wins when we end up being burnt out martyrs! x

  2. Oh Channy – a billboard! I can tell you the wheels fall off here if I don’t take care of myself and make it a priority. Got to have that oxygen to make everything else run. Awesome post x

  3. Great post! Lately I have been having the same thought about being a good role model for my two girls, but also wanting to be fit and healthy, so I can keep up with them. I don’t want to be that Mummy who stands on the sideline watching them run around. So tonight I am signing up for a 30 day trial at the local gym, as I need to start looking after myself. 🙂

  4. I’ve just never understood this. I think it’s a lovely sentiment & it sounds great in theory. But…our children need us. Why have children if we’re then going to run around acting like we don’t have children? And what is everybody else supposed to do when we’re off ‘looking after’ ourselves? This is not an attack made through hypothetical questions – these are genuine questions that I wish someone could give me fantastic answers for! But so far in my life, no one has. I’m told guilt is just a feeling, but it doesn’t come from nowhere – we feel it because we think we’re doing the wrong thing. Right?

    • Easy, get up at 5:30am and go out for a walk/run/gym session while the rest of the house is sleeping.

    • I hear what you’re saying, and I used to think the same. But let me answer you…

      Firstly, taking care of myself doesn’t mean I’m running around acting like I don’t have children. Trust me, I have the kids and the under-eye bags to prove it. I’m empowered by women who can juggle things and be mum. I don’t think anyone would ever deny being a mother. Heck, it’s my biggest achievement. Those beings came from my body? What the!? I’ll own that.

      Chasing my dreams doesn’t mean I’m off neglecting my kids, and my kids are suffering. They don’t suffer. I chase my dreams with them by my side, and sometimes I take time in the quiet to really knuckle down and pursue them on my own {returning to the chaos not long after}. My daughter is proud of me, and I’m sure my toddler will be too when she’s old enough to know what I’ve done with my life. Do you know how awesome it is to overhear your kids telling other adults the cool stuff you’ve achieved in life? That’s pride, doubled.

      My children need me, and I am with them so much. They are at the top of my priority list.

      But I had to ask myself: What am I teaching my girls, if I’m turning up each day knackered and not taking care of me? Wouldn’t it be best if I was a mum that took care of me, and then also gave myself to my girls in a way that was self-nurturing first. We all have needs, and health isn’t a want, it’s a need. I think we shouldn’t feel guilty for fulfilling our needs. And yes, guilt creeps in and I don’t think it’s as easy as saying it ‘means we’re doing the wrong thing’. Mother Guilt isn’t always right, and it pops up in the oddest places.

      You ask, what is everybody else supposed to do when we’re off ‘looking after ourselves’? Well, they’re hanging with their Dad, doing cool things like swimming in the pool, playing at the park, hanging at home or visiting their Nanna. They’re having quality time with their Aunt or Grandma, happier than they might be with me!

      Maybe looking after you, isn’t what you want and need in your life. Maybe you want to keep giving 100% of you to your kids, and that’s a-ok. But I want to finish with this:

      My mum is the most beautiful mum in the world. She has the kindest heart, and is just beautiful. She became a mum at 17, and gave birth to 4 kids over less than a decade. We were her everything. Forget forging friendships, forget pursuing dreams, forget exploring the world, being in mad passionate love with her soul mate, forget exercising regularly, and forget making time for herself.

      But do you know what happens when she gave 100% to her kids, and we grew up and got our own lives? Of course she’s content, but we’re still her everything.

      I wish that she’d made time for her. I wish that she found her passion and pursued it. I wouldn’t remember the times she left us with Dad for an hour or two each week to go and do something she’s passionate about, but I would have remembered that my mum was ace and found a dream and didn’t quit on it. {Oh man, I wish she’d left us with Dad each week, I wish! I wish she’d found a dream and chased it hard. I wish she’d have hung out with her girlfriends and let her hair down. I’d loved to hear all the stories today}.

      There’s nothing wrong with looking after ourselves. Comparing our own lives to the ‘oxygen mask theory’ is extreme of course. It’s a life and death situation where we’re deciding to put ourselves first.

      Self-care, chasing dreams, and make ourselves isn’t life and death. It’s simply living a life where we’re happy, looking after ourselves and making ourselves a priority now and then too. Isn’t that the sort of people we want our own children to become too?

      • I really appreciate your considered reply Chantelle (almost another whole blog post just for me!). You’re right, maybe it’s not what I want or need right now. Perhaps when I don’t have a co-sleeping, breastfeeding not-quite-2-year-old, I may feel differently. And if I do, I’ll be coming back to your reply for inspiration. Thank you.

        • Oh gosh, whole different kettle of fish. I’ve been where you are, and if I’d read what I’d written when I was in that position – I would have given me a virtual uppercut because I just couldn’t fathom anything beyond my kids. I was attached to them, literally, most of the day.

          Lacey was with me all the time. If I sat, she sat on top of me, if I walked, I walked with her attached to me {pram-hater!}. If I slept, I slept with her touching part of me at all times. It was just my life. She needed me, and I just did what we needed to do.

          Lulu was a little more independent, but still needy too.

          So I can say this now, because we stopped breastfeeding 5 months ago and my kids actually LIKE being away from me sometimes.

          Thank you for reminding me that it’s not that easy. That sometimes removing myself from my kids for even 30 minutes seemed impossible and unfathomable {because they needed me, simple as that} – I know that will sound crazy to some, but it was bloody difficult – which is why I got to a point where I felt WORN OUT! ? When Lulu was still breastfeeding a lot, I didn’t get to do the big things like long walks or indulgent time-out, but I’d just get up a little earlier and meditate or drink tea – just five minutes.

          Thanks for the perspective. xx

      • Firstly, I love the way that Eva worded her question. There is so much mummy shaming on the Internet (and in real life, but often the written word is much harsher). She asks her question in a way that shows curiosity, interest and kindness – so refreshing.
        I couldn’t ditto your reply enough, Chantelle. To me, time out for parents (but especially mums) is vital. It’s something I have done from day dot and encourage my sisters, friends and patients (I work in maternity) to prioritise. Why? One word – SANITY. Being a mum is a job. An amazingly special, lucky, beautiful and fun job but at the same time, and often in equal measure, a relentless one. It’s no different from any other (paid) job. You take breaks from that, right? You need to or you’d crash and burn. Let’s be honest, so many mums do exactly that. I know that when I get to lax and in taking that time out, I come close.
        To answer Eva’s question, what is everybody else supposed to do when we are taking time for ourselves – they can step up! For our partners it’s about being there for the kids. It’s actually a great thing. When Mum is around I guarantee that Dad/other mum, doesn’t get a look in. It’s a daily occurrence for my two girls to walk PAST their dad on the couch to ask me a question while I’m up to my ears in cooking, or even sitting on the loo. Last week my nine year old broke the lock to ask me to sign a form for school (she literally came in mid poo, with the form and pen while my husband was reading on the couch)!!! This isn’t a criticism of him, far from it, but if I’m not there, the girls and him have to survive, and they DO!!!
        Being away from my kids at times gives me the chance to miss them, and that is healthy. It gives me a renewed love and “freshens me up”, ready to tackle the huge job that we call motherhood. It gives me a chance to breathe, to take a moment to reflect, to try new things and…. to do a poo in peace! xxoo

          • One more little thought – if mum is always around, the other parent (where there is one) doesn’t get to do things their own way. I LOVE that my husband gets his own time too. I have seen so many mums who say “but I don’t like the way he does x, y or z”. I think we need to remember that different isn’t better, or worse. It’s good for our kids to be with other people. They need it just as much! x

        • I think your last paragraph nails it. We’re not running around acting like we don’t have kids. We’re taking time out because we love our kids and we want to give them the best version of ourselves. I am not my best person when I run myself into the ground. I am snappy, exhausted, a lazier parent and I feel so bad about myself. Yet, when I have some ‘selfish’ time, I come back with new strategies, a clearer head and a positive, loving mindset x

        • I’m glad you felt the spirit of my comment Jen. I was in no way saying that Chantelle (or anyone else) was doing anything wrong. I was asking genuine questions that plague me daily. Thanks for your comment, lots to consider!

      • Perfect words – self care and love whilst the kids are with Granny, their Dad etc is so important. Mums need a break so that they can be the best Mum they can be when they are with their kids. Even if its only an hour in the bath to soak and relax – don’t neglect yourself! xx

    • There are no answers. You have to find the right path of motherhood for you. I personally cannot do without “me time”, and I’m a single mum of a 2yo who breastfed and co-slept for most of his first two years. That didn’t make me any less entitled to looking after myself… In fact, I would argue that the constancy of his needs combined with my lack of partner/support made taking care of myself even more important. I ask you in response, why have children if you’re going to run yourself into the ground caring for them? Looking after yourself is not abandoning your children to gallivant around the world. It’s putting your baby in the gym crèche (it won’t hurt them) while you swim laps for half an hour, it’s asking your friend/mum/sister to look after your child for an hour or two, it’s saying to your partner (if you have one) that parenting is equal responsibility and you deserve time to yourself AND time together without baby, it’s putting your kid into daycare so you can kick your career goals. I am a person first, and a mother second. I don’t identify as someone’s mother, I identify as a person first, who happens to have a child. I’m glad my child sees me putting myself first occasionally, setting goals and achieving them. I hope he grows up to do the same.

    • I don’t think this is an easy one to answer. But I would say that between the vast extremes of being everything to your kids 24 hours a day and “running around acting like we don’t have children” there are millions of other possibilities and combinations that allow for a balance that works. Again, this is different with every household. We all have different personalities and triggers. I think that guilt is something that we need to work to eliminate and this is difficult when we are being pulled in many different directions by well meaning people telling us how we could be doing it better. What I will tell you now is about the research on mental health and well-being. Parenting, is a job! It is one we do with love, that we have chosen to do and committed to doing. But it is in no way a bed of roses. Parents are far from perfect and our little angels are not angels at all – especially as they head into puberty. So to the research part……work life balance is vital for your mental health and well-being. Part of that is time to connect with yourself. When looking at your own personal situation, try to step outside of yourself and that quagmire where the guilt thrives and pretend that this is the situation with someone else. If you saw a mum who was stressed and with her kids 24 hours a day, you would be advising her that she needs some time out for herself. If you do not take time for yourself, take care of yourself, then one day it could all fall in a heap. I am telling you from experience. Another very positive outcome to taking time for yourself, is your relationship with your partner. If you allow yourself to get completely run down, devoting yourself to everyone else and putting yourself last, you may find that he starts to view you, not as he should – a devoted and loving mother who will move worlds for her family – but rather as the doormat who is there to clean up after everyone else. One final point is about the kids.If we do all for our kids, they may not learn to do for themselves. Sometimes, time away from mum is as good for them as it is for you. It broadens their horizons and helps them to discover who they our outside of the limitations that we subconsciously place on them. Just my opinion, but I have 5 kids ranging in age from 21-11 and I have managed to make all the mistakes possible and them some and this is the conclusion that I have come to…….appreciate your time with them and appreciate your alone time as well. Over time you will find the balance.

  5. Happiness comes from within, if we aren’t balanced we aren’t happy and if we aren’t happy how can we possibly be enough for those we love. Taking care of ourselves from the inside out is vital…for us and those we love. I’m so bloody proud of you Chan, such a big shift that will be life changing!!

  6. When did becoming a mum mean that you stopped being a person yourself without needs and wants.

    However, I have not done this for years – about 5 years actually … and I have been so desperately unhappy. I have put on weight, i have been alone, I have not gone out, i have drunk too much wine alone at 2 am watching crap tv as it’s the only time I felt I had to myself…I have NOT had fun.. and I’m sorry but playing Thomas the tank engine or play-dough doesn’t exactly float my boat in the “fun world” – I simply cannot stand singing “Let it go..”

    Now don’t get me wrong the two little people in my world are my sunshine and I love them fiercely and dearly and I want to be the very BEST mum i can be for them BUT I am now learning to lock in some ME time and I am so much a better Mum… By allowing myself to be a normal person again instead of just someones Mum – I feel so much better and on the plus side I yell less at my children and I argue less with my husband. Next month i’m planning a night away with a girlfriend in the city.. Its the first time in five years that I have considered doing this and no I do not feel guilty – I feel desperately happy about it. I even had a facial a few weeks ago and I can tell you it was BLISS.

    My husband is more than capable and it’s about time I let go of the reigns and let him take the parenthood lead every few moths so I can let my short hair down!

    I’m still a work in progress but I can tell you I can see it on the faces of the little people I love that a happy mum is a good mum – and i’m liking feeling like a whole person again.

  7. I don’t care who you are… even when you have children, you NEED to “be selfish” once in a while and have even a LITTLE time away. By yourself. With your Spouse. In my opinion (which may not matter to most of you) it is a MUST. It’s an important step in staying “connected” with each other. My Husband and I have been “selfish” for a weekend or two during the year since our now grown daughters were small children. They now do the same. They will tell you the same thing. We NEED these times away. Call it good for your soul, your sanity, whatever.

    I wholeheartedly agree with Chantelle!

  8. Doing something for myself last night was going to a p&c meeting – by myself. Mind you less than an hour of being away from the house, im getting hubby by txts stating “how long will u be? the baby wont let him get anything done”……

  9. My apologies if this is long and makes no sense; I’m on day 5 of having Tonsillitis, raging fevers and only liquid or super soft foods. Let’s say my I’m not at my best.

    But that’s part of the problem, that you so rightly pointed out. If I’m not at my best, or even a passable blah, then how can I take care of my 3 kids? It’s not easy trust me. You can’t be the fun mum or even a nice one when you are sick, exhausted and craving solid foods.

    Your post hit home with me today. My third baby is 6 months old and is not a sleeper. I had delusions of being able to get back to the gym and running but when you are living on broken sleep your priorities shift to just being able to get through the day without falling sleep with your head on the table. Add in part time work, school and kinder responsibilities and my needs get pushed to the bottom of the laundry basket (sadly this includes my blog).

    I used to be the super fit Mum that everyone admired. I ran long distance, did awesome OCRs and I did it all with a very strict (and early morning) training schedule. Compared to that person I feel like an overweight lump but comparing these 2 versions of myself is not fair….to me. As mums we are often our own worst critics; plagued with mother guilt and perfectionism. I will put my hand up and admit that I am so very guilty of this. Comparing yourself to others is rife with danger, but so is measuring your ‘now self’ to your idealistic best self of the past. Maybe we all need to be like Elsa and just Let it go?!

    How did I get here? Lots of hard work, sacrifice and a few tears along the way. My new motto in looking after myself is ‘baby steps’. Trying to do too much will only send me back to square one. I’ll try and remember to take my vitamins, do my home Pilates program and run when I have had more than 5 hours sleep (cumulative; I’m not looking for a miracle!). I will battle my over achieving ego to accept that this is as good as it gets for now and celebrate what I have. And soon that will include my better health!

    ps sorry again for the rant. I’m going to lye down now!

  10. Ok, so I’m a Mum to 2 boys now aged 23 & 21, I don’t claim to know what’s best but I do know what worked for my family. I was a product of a SAHM, totally normal for a woman marrying and having children in the early 70’s, my Mum was never really in to her appearance or having something that was just for her, any extra curricular activities were centred around us; P&C, canteen, sport. I can’t say I had a burning desire to be the opposite but there was certainly an innate drive to do things differently. It started with dropping the boys at the occasional daycare so I could do grocery shopping without one of them doing a runner, then hair appointments. Then it progressed into walks while they stayed at home with my partner, then part time work and progressing to full time work in later primary school years. Is having time to clear the slate so you can be a better Mum selfish? No! Is “giving” your kids to someone else to raise while you go back to work selfish? No! For a start I paid someone to care for them so it was a fair trade, they seen that a female can be more than “just a Mum” which I’ve got to tell you has made it a lot easier for them to embrace equality as they’ve gotten older (& their girlfriends have thanked me for it), they’ve seen their Dad be an equal participant in raising them and household duties and most importantly the after work and weekend time spent together was quality time. I wasn’t worn down, I wasn’t saying Mummy needs some time alone, I was able to have time to engage in adult conversation at work which helped counter act the Wiggles & Bananas in Pyjamas on high rotation. Do what you need to do, there are services in place to help you take the time away that you need – don’t feel guilty about that

  11. You’ll be a great life coach, go you. So I’m slowly doing more ‘me’ things but this week I’m so blurgh that it’s fallen off the radar and yes I feel worse for it. I’m not going to go backwards but just have a meh day and then back to it tomorrow, I hope. I’m a work in progress, very slow and steady. PS smoking billboard, how fabulous are you? xxx

  12. Its like your reading my mind. I had a down moment last night when I realised im almost 40 and for the last 17 years ive put others needs before my own. Time to change but how? ?

    • Hello lovely Dee. When I first got a life coach, and she told me that I needed to make time for myself, I wanted to reach down the phone line and scream at her, “Don’t you know how hectic my life is!? You’re adding MORE stress by demanding I make time for myself.”

      In my head I thought it needed to look regimented, indulgent, and regular. Going from nothing to an hour each day stressed me out {and I say an hour, because that’s what I thought it needed to look like!}.

      It doesn’t look like that. Or it doesn’t need to right now.

      Time for yourself can be as simple as any of these things and this is how I started {and know that right now I am only beginning on doing more, so I’m somewhere between these small things and getting to do more self-care stuff}.

      – I love hippy stuff, so it was as simple as getting out my Louise Hay affirmation cards at night and reading an affirmation at night. It takes 60 seconds, but it was sacred me time. If I skipped a night, I didn’t care… but on the nights I did it, it felt good.

      – I bought one of the Kikki.K sentence a day diaries and wrote a sentence at night. Again, just a small thing.

      – I love tea as well, and these Tea Tonic multi-pack teas are my favourites because I get bored easily – so choosing a tea that suited me each day was something I looked forward to. I tried to have one before the kids woke in the morning.

      – Once I ran around and cleaned the house in the morning, I lit a candle. I know this seems like nothing, but it signified something for me. It was for me.

      – And then when having a shower, I started to be really present. You’ll probably laugh, I’d feel the water on my skin and I’d just be in the moment.

      – Lastly, I downloaded the App Head Space and started meditating now and then.

      I am someone who gave nothing to myself so these were really small steps to looking after me. They were doable. I didn’t aim for perfection, just doing what I could.

      And now I’m starting to make time for myself, and I consider if non-negotiables. I’ll say to Shane, “I’m doing X on X-day, so I’ll just need you to be with the kids”. I book date nights. I get cheap massages.

      Putting stuff in your diary sometimes makes it easier too.

      So how? Start small. That’s how I’ve been doing it. xxx

      • Thanks Chantelle, I guess its like anything else you first do – take baby sets, dont get upset if you forget/miss a day, try again tomorrow and before you know it, you are on your way. I love the idea of starting with just a few minutes prefecting that and then moving on to bigger things. Thanks for taking the time to tell me the “how” your a shinning star ?

  13. You’re already my life coach! You are going to ROCK IT. Thank you for making me pause right then to think about ‘when I was most happy’. I am looking forward to more of this stuff coach! Oh and I stupidly think I would put my kid’s mask on first too…. ?! That whole, “I would die for my child” but no child wants you to die for them, they want you to LIVE BIG for them. I tell myself this daily xo

  14. Oh and I forgot to say that I was at Fitness First this morning but I sneak in the side door because I take my kids to the creche…. but tomorrow I am going to bolt up the stairs to get me a copy of this mag! and YAY on the billboard. Shutup it’s awesome!!!!!

  15. Yay you! Coaching is such a helpful, worthwhile pursuit and occupation. To make others think differently about how they operate in the world is a great gift, I think, both to them and to you.
    And I think you’re spot on about needing to show your girls how to live a bigger life. That’s exactly what I want to do for my boys.
    I added the following to the FB conversation but realised that it makes sense to put it here too:
    For me it’s about why you decided to become a parent in the first place. Was it to spend all your time with your kids? Was it to do everything for them? Or was it to raise independent contributors to the next generation? For me it’s the last one. They learn what we model. I want them to learn how to pave their way in the world, how to contribute to society at large and how to look after themselves. The best way I can do that – I think – is to show them by example ?

  16. Not all that long ago, I was of the opinion that, in order to love my family completely and be the best mum I could be, I just had to learn to give up on the idea that I am my own person…that life changed when I had a family and I was a new person now, here to serve the needs of my family and that was that! I believed that, once I got used to that idea that things had changed and stopped trying to cling to the “old me” , the me that had interests and passions and ambitions and needs (god forbid!), that I would stop feeling so resentful about picking up the dirty socks all the time and just accept that I was now a mum and it was my job to suck it up and say goodbye to life as I once knew it. But you know what?… it didn’t make me feel better. Not any better at all. I still struggle with it how little I valued myself through that time. Why should I have to give up on my life because I made two new ones! My family and children should enhance and enrich my existence and increase my self-worth, not quash and diminish it! It is, of course, not their responsibility to do this for me, but it is my responsibility to draw this enrichment from my experiences and achievements as a mother and to help my children become the sort of people who are conscious of their own role in the family unit, and value and accept all of the individuals that make up that unit. I now sometimes tell my kids (and myself) that I didn’t have children because I had a deep desire to become a maid, or a cook, or a cleaner, laundromat, conflict mediator etc etc, …. that I had children because I simply wanted to be a mother. I wanted to experience all the joy of my children and become MORE than I was before, not less. A more whole woman, not a worthless servant. It sounds harsh that I say these things to them I guess, but I say it gently and they are old enough that they get it. And when they think about it, they realise that they don’t want me to feel like a servant. They realise that all people need to feel appreciated and when they appreciate the things I do for them, you know what? I actually don’t mind picking up their socks from time to time! I can see they are trying to be considerate most of the time and this validates me and makes me feel like a great mum, because I have taught them to be good, thoughtful & caring people – which is really why I had kids!

  17. I love this! I have actually been chatting to a life coach for a couple of months and it is GREAT! Completely awesome. I have her booked until the end of April and I’m not sure I am willing to give her up. 😀

  18. OMG so good.

    I think women in particular are programmed to ‘go it alone’ and ‘tough it out’ so when you say you have a coach or a counselor or a mentor, people are surprised. But for me, my life is what it is, with all it has because I have a team around me. One I built from the ground up when I really couldn’t afford to have them, but I found a way and look how that turned out? (So well, FYI).

    This post made me SO happy. To hear you’re training to become a coach yourself is awesome news. You’ll be a natural. And yes, taking that time out for yourself, for your health and well being is essential. Show your girls, and us, the way lady. x

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