Precision, planning and a little pampering

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The other day I went to get my nails done. It had been a while {read: like forever} and I was craving a little nurturing.

The whole situation was akin to a well-organised military event. There was precision and planning, and implementation. Hubby and I took Lacey to school and then headed to the shopping centre. Of course, Luella screamed the whole trip so I knew I needed to spend a good 15 minutes calming her back down, so we walked straight to the feeding room to action some ‘calm baby down pronto’.

Exhausted from the crying in the car, she passed out, and I gently placed her in the pram and put my phone beside which had a white noise tune playing on repeat. Precision and planning my friends, I tell you.

Then I sent Hubby off to do laps of the shopping centre with her. Now, I always tell Hubby that having my nails done will take just 30 minutes. We’ve been together for 11 years now, and he always believes me. We all know they take longer, but there is no way he’s going to ‘approve’ of doing laps for an hour. So half an hour it was. Sucker.

I walked into the salon and it was quiet, with just a lady and her small baby being tended to, so I sat beside her. That baby was cute, so I spent 34.6 seconds gushing over him. I’m a baby lover. I want to eat them, and even though I spend 24 hours with one attached to me, I can’t get enough of them. The baby’s mama and I got chatting, and we didn’t even skirt around with polite topics… we went right in and got deep and meaningful.

After we’d discussed post-baby sex lives, bodies after baby, and feet, I went in for the topic that’s been on my mind a lot lately. Like, every single day. “Will this be your last baby?” I asked, because in our conversations she’d kinda hinted at it.

“Yeah, I’m 43. This baby-making shop is shut.”

“Do you ever…” I hesitated, “do you ever think about how this will be the last time that they’ll be this small? That this is the last time we’ll have a newborn? And it’s the last time that we’ll have such wee little babies.”

She started to cry.

I started to well up too.

“Yes,” she replied, “I do. It’s so hard.”

I don’t know if Luella will be my last baby. I always knew that it would be the hardest decision that I’d ever make. I envy the people that know when their family is complete. I’m a baby lover, I’d love to have one around all the time. {Selfish, as it is}. But in case this is my final bub, I’ve been soaking her up like it’s the last time.

We talked some more, until she was done. She thanked me for the good chat, and I thanked her back. Sometimes you just end up in the right place, at the right time, for the best conversations to take place.

A few minutes later and I was done too. Well, I say done, but I can never wait for them to dry and within seconds I’d smudged them and pretty much ruined them… but it was nice to have someone touch me that didn’t want anything from me {except money}. So, I paid and went to find Hubby. He’d stopped doing laps and was parked just outside the salon, rocking the pram to keep Luella asleep.

“I don’t know why I always fall for that?” he grimaced.

“What do you mean?” I queried, with an innocent, perplexed look on my face.

“You always say half and hour and it’s NEVER half an hour.”

Whoops. My cover was blown. He’d cottoned on to my half hour trick.

Hopefully he forgets between now and next time. {And hopefully he doesn’t read this blog post}.

Are you a mama? Did you know when your family was complete? Or is that something that is yet to happen?

photo credit: @lattefarsan via photopin cc

  • Evelyne Lourenco

    26 year old mom of two. We are done, we have many plans to enjoy the future with the kids we have. I love babies but I can live with drooling over nieces and friend’s babies… :) (OR MAYBE ADOPT one day)

  • Nicole D’Amario

    I knew after I had my first (Eve 7 yo) that I wanted another. It took over a year to get pregnant and at that stage I would have cut my arm off to have another baby. After I had Lilah I was 80% sure I was finished. When Lu (now 4) was 2, husband and I separated so I was pretty confident I wasn’t having anymore. Now my partner has a daughter (also 4) and has had a vasectomy, so it’s 100% that i’m not having anymore!. We’ve got 3 girls ages 7, 4 & 4 so it’s pretty hectic!.

  • Georgie

    I have a 3.5yr old. I always thought we would have another. His first year went by in a blur not even giving a thought to those moments as ‘the last time he’d be this little’ etc. I went back to work when he was 12mths thinking I would have plenty more time off with him when baby 2 comes along. Sadly baby 2 is still a dream. Hubby has changed career and is now the primary care giver and that pains me almost every day as I see my little guy growing so fast, getting closer and closer to school age that these moments are so fleeting. I’m clinging to hope that baby 2 may still arrive but as I’m 42 that is becoming more and more unlikely! I’m from a large family and never ever gave it a thought that I would have only 1 child. Sometimes choosing when your family is complete is not a choice you get to make. For those who do get to make that decidion more easily please sprinkle your baby dust my way.

  • http://www.sarahdipitydotnet.wordpress.com/ Sarahdipity

    Our little man is 2 years old and we are not planning on having another one. People always say to me that we’ll change our mind and I’ve listened to many a lecture about why you “can’t just have one” and people tend to assume it’s because I don’t love being a mum…in fact it’s the complete opposite. My little guy has filled my heart to full and I just feel like our family is complete. When I look to the future I see the 3 of us, travelling and enjoy life together. Every now and then I find myself stopping and looking at him and thinking ‘I’m never going to experience these types moments and milestones again’ but it just makes me appreciate them even more.

    • MotherDownUnder

      Lovely comment…I feel much the same way.
      Very occasionally I get a pang…I wish I had known that I was going to be happy with one when he was a newborn so I could have cherished those moments even more.
      But I love our little family…I can’t quite imagine adding another little being to our group.

      • http://www.sarahdipitydotnet.wordpress.com/ Sarahdipity

        Oh how nice to meet someone who feels the same! Most people look at me like I’m an alien with two heads when I say we’re not having another one!

    • Jo

      Well said – I am right here with you on this one. I’ve been told “oh, you want two or your one will end up spoiled”. I love my kid very much and I am sure I would love another, but one kid for us is a really good fit and I love it that way.

      • http://www.sarahdipitydotnet.wordpress.com/ Sarahdipity

        Ah yes the old “only children are spoilt’ I’ve heard that a few times. To me whether or not your child acts spoilt is more about how you raise your children than how many you have!

  • Reannon Hope

    I always planned on two & had them at 20 & 23. At 31 I told hubby it was time for the snip & he said he wanted more kids. I was in complete shock! After years of trying & two miscarriages this April we welcomed our third son. I knew I wanted one more but this time hubby was on the fence. In September we found out we are expecting number four. This time we were both in complete shock ( breast feeding is not the best contraception ) but we are super happy. This will be it! Hubby is having the snip in the new year :)

  • Veronica C.

    I go back and forth with it…I’m on my second baby (4 months old) and the very thought that this is my LAST BABY for the LAST time is what makes me want to say that I’d have a 3rd. I love that I get to spend every waking minute with my second son because I didn’t get this with the first having to go back to work and all.

    But then I think about the fact that babies turn into kids…LOL I’m not sure if I really want 3 kids…. my 4 year old is handful enough. I’m not sure what I’ll do when I have a 2 year old and a 6 year old on my hands :-O

    My husband says we’re done (but he also said that after out first son..LOL) I on the other hand am still riding the fence.

  • NCEG

    I only have one daughter and my hubby says he will only have one more child. I am not ready to have my last baby so i put it off. Such a hard decision!

  • Raquel Bebbington

    Morning – after our 2nd & ‘our supposed last’ :-) – I kept having the feelings of – my goodness how can this be it, surely not, is this really the last time I can snuggle my own newborn etc, etc. Then when our 3rd little bundle of surprise Hannah was born a few years later – I really had the feelings of – yep, this is it, enjoy these moments as this is your last baby, snuggle that newborn… Not because she was hard – she was delightful, but I knew – it was a different vibe!

  • helen

    I though I wanted just one child. I have one beautiful 4yo girl. But she wants a sibling. There is going to be a huge age gap. People comment on occasion, but I we are just not ready for number 2 yet – financially, and perhaps mentally too. She will only be young once, and she needs my love, care and attention. It is different for every family, but this works for us.
    I read an article on Kidspot or somewhere yesterday about attachment parenting. Turns out I did a fair bit of that. Not so much the feeding, but baby wearing and co sleeping – totally. She still co sleeps and I still carry her quite a bit (all 18 odd kilos). She gets lots of cuddles and likes to sit on my lap or right up against me.
    While I am sure lots of people would tell me how wrong that is – it works for us. I teach her to be independent where she needs to be, but she can always come back to me for a cuddle while she still wants to – I am sure it will not be cool when she is 16.

  • Kell

    We have two boys, and were settled and happy and had decided that 2 was it and basically sold and gave away everything. Then my Hubbie gave me the best 40th birthday present, my now 3 year old LIttle Princess.
    Whilst I know she is my last – the shop was permanently shut down when Little Miss was born, I still feel that pang whenever I see a newborn or even a x month old.
    I always said I wanted 4 when I was growing up, but circumstances, ie not meeting the love of my life until I was 29 and him being four years younger, meant it took a few years for him to catch up to where I was in life and married and babies to happen.

    If I could go back tomorrow and have another, I would be there in a flash but Hubbie is done and physically so am I. I just have to get my Bubba fix from my younger friends who are just starting their families now.

  • tam

    My daughters are 7 and 4, often I have the thought ‘I miss my baby’ – and I don’t know if I miss my daughters as babies or if its another one that I’m yet to have.
    But I had terrible labours (think – 50 + hrs), and both my girls will nearly be ready to fly the coop when I’m in my early 40′s (think – time for me!) , so I have strong reasons for not wanting another!
    But what if i am missing a piece of our family!? Gah :(

  • Cara McKee

    I am done. I am over it. I see a little baby now, and I say how cute, and I give them a cuddle and then hand them back willingly, happy in the knowledge that I will be getting more sleep tonight than the new Mummy. No more.

  • http://the-travel-guru.com/ Roni Faida

    No, I’m not a mom and don’t have any desire for that but kids are totally apart of my life. I am an only child and my parents live 3,000 miles away from me. However, I have a network of friends that I couldn’t love anymore if they were blood. They have proven that they love and value me and their kids call me auntie which makes my heart swell immensely. The only thing missing from my life is a husband but until that time comes, I’m happy with the life I have made for myself, and the people in it.

  • http://www.findingmyselfyoung.blogspot.com.au/ Toni

    It took me nearly four years to get pregnant. We really want 3 children, but at the same time I’m well aware it may never happen again f newborn moment I can.or us so I’m trying to savour every

  • Kate

    Such a hard decision, I have a 22 month old and a 6 month old. Practically speaking we’re done but it is sad to think I’ll never be at this stage again :-(

  • Tanya

    You will know when your family is complete. Nothing to do with babies ( although a girl followed by a boy meant our family was complete). Anyway wanted to congratulate your hubby! I am sure all men know our tricks! I took mine into David Jones at Highpoint yesterday searching for some new clothes. Like you being home bound since Leulla’s birth and craving a manicure, I have been stuck at home and lost over 30 kilos while having my chemotherapy and am in desperate need of clothes which fit. So after my hospital visit yesterday, my hubby sat waiting patiently on the ‘husband chair’ as I tried on clothes. He sang out a couple of times was I nearly finished. I had taken in about 20 items. The other women in the dressing stalls laughed at him as I replied, ‘just a few more to try.’ Of course they had no idea of my health issues and how I hadn’t been shopping for months, they probably just thought I had a hen-pecked husband which is so far from the truth. I think he secretly enjoyed the attention and his reply was that research shows most men can only wait 24 seconds before they are bored with shopping! Like my husband, your your hubby did very well given he roamed the shopping centre for an hour, but it was so worth it for your well being.

  • ash

    you just know!
    i didn’t know my last would be my last….i always thought we’d sneak an other one in…but time got away from us and then one day my son was 5 and my daughter was 7 and i thought to myself….life is perfect…its easy….i have no desire to add to our family and the only time i go to goo about babies is thinking of my own two as itty bitties…thats how i know….i don’t feel incomplete, i feel sad that my babies have grown up and that i can’t have a re do with them but i don’t feel like is need to add one more…
    I’ve also gotten to the point where talking babies with friends is a little boring…i let them have their vent, i know how much we all need it! and i support them but i really don’t like hearing about it through a whole morning tea…i rather like hanging out without little ones around now….i’ve graduated to school mums and i rather like that.

  • Renée Harwood

    I flip-flopped about the whole “done” thing for a year or so. I wanted another baby, no I didn’t, then when I thought I’d made up my mind that our family was complete as it was, mother nature threw in a curve ball & I was unexpectedly pregnant with number three. Now I’m comfortable saying this is the last but I am definitely soaking up all that newborn goodness!

  • Amanda Ross

    Loved reading all the comments. I am 26 years old with a 5 year old girl and a 4 year old boy. They are 14 months apart and neither of them were planned. My little boy is weeks away from starting school and i had horrible PND after he was born. I have also worked incredibly hard to get my body to where it is. Hubby is completely done. No more. Ever. I feel like i could have another however i do not think i would mentally be able to cope (Part of me knows this is the reason hubby wont have anymore). I like that i do not have to get up in the middle of the night ten times. I like that they can talk to me and i can help them instead of them screaming at me and me not knowing what in the world im doing. I like we can stay out past 7pm. I like that when we go out all i need to bring is them and not a truckload of crap. My hubby and i have been through some very rough patches and i feel that the kids are old enough that he can do his sport and work commitments without feeling like his wife is at home in a ball in the corner.

  • Kate

    I have 2 perfect little boys – 4 & 7. I discovered my family was complete when Hubby insisted on getting the snip when Mr 4 was only 2mths old :(

    My body doesn’t much like being pregnant – my mind and heart do, but the body complains and revolts! I’ve lost 14-16kg with each pregnancy and developed DVTs and blood disorders; pre-eclampsia; and worse. But I love bringing life to be, I love my babies, and I always, always imagined I’d have 3. And at least one daughter. Despite all my pregnancy problems I would have gone again. To me it was worth it. To Hubby it wasn’t. The decision was taken away from me and I was very resentful for a long time.

    I adore where I am now with my 2 tho. We’re in a very comfortable place – they are pretty independent young people and I am so fortunate in sooooo many ways. :)

  • Bel

    I am 29 and I have an incredible 7 month old baby girl and she will be my one and only. My pregnancy and birth were textbook perfect (I had an elective Cesar), and she has been a pleasure from the second she came into our lives. I am also choosing to be a stay at home mum.
    I adore babies, but for us one is perfect. I want to be able to give my whole self to this little person, and provide her with the life we dream for her.

  • mary_j_j

    Ah, 45 here and I know that the babymaking window is closed. I did want another but after Master now-nearly-5 I was too tired to give it a burl straight away (as recommended by my Ob) so we waited, then tried for a while. I pulled the pin on it when I realised I didn’t want to be pg at 45, nor make it into the Women’s Weekly as a really old Mum. I love my two darlings and there will be a twinge for quite some time but they are perfect and lovely and life is good!!

  • Rachel

    Always wanted 4 children. Got married in my 30s and it took a lot of effort (ie IVF) and a number of years to have my two lovely boys (now 4 and 5 years old). I thought that this would be it and had come to terms with having no more babies. Very unexpectedly I became pregnant last year at the age of 41. Even more unexpectedly it turned out to be identical triplet girls. So yes pretty sure that our family is now complete!

  • Katrina

    I’m 28 years old. I have a 5 year old. I def want more children but I am also going through a separation. I cry sometimes thinking about getting older and not finding someone to have more children with. It hurts to think I may not ever be able to carry a child again….

    • simonise

      Don’t cry for What might not be. I was separated at 30 with two and thought I was done. Met the love of my life at 33 and hard my third child at 34. It was then hard to say no more as I love babies too but now at 43 I can honestly say I’m happy not to have anymore. You will find love again and the love of another baby.”..stay hopeful. Xxx

  • Cath

    At 43, I accept there won’t be another baby in my life, even if I did want one. I have just one son, now 7, and although there are moments when I feel a sibling for him would have been nice, I know that our family is complete – that it has been that way from the moment he was born. He is such a huge personality (let alone those of his bears), that it’s like having more than one kid most of the time anyway. Quite content to lap up my friend’s babies and then hand them back!!

  • toushka

    My family is complete. I still feel the pull of wanting another occasionally. But I know it’s only biology trying to trick me. Having another baby would change everything for our family. Too much. Definitely done.

  • Magdelina

    I don’t think I will EVER feel complete. I’ve always wanted 3, but my husband has always said 2. After my second was born even my husband was saying we have to do it again. 14 months in with no.2 and its been a rough rough road between sleepless nights, depression and the verge of separation, you would think that would cement the fact we would only just have 2, but I still long for another, I love love love my kids to the moon and back but I never ever pictured just 2, I still find it hard to, even on the toughest of days…

  • Lucy W

    I can really relate to this. I’d love another one but worry about my age and statistics. It’s so hard because I just thought after my second I’d feel complete but I just don’t yet.

  • http://www.dazeofmylife.com Corinne

    When I had two I always wondered about a third. I wouldn’t have minded just having two, but the doubt was always there. Now, I’ve got three and I KNOW our family is complete, without any doubt at all. Having such a dramatic, life-threatening third pregnancy probably also helped to seal the deal too!

  • judesmum

    I feel complete. Jude has just been here 5 months and I know he is all i’ll ever want or need. It’s hard when people have opinions as to why having 1 is unfair but i know the three of us are going to have so much fun !! This is not to say that if anything ever did happen again that I wouldnt be happy though !

  • Lucy

    I’m a baby lover, too. I’d have one around all the time if I could. I always wanted 4 kids, but my husband only wanted two, so we compromised on 3. I’m 33 weeks with our third & I really can’t believe this will be our last baby. I’m 32 now & I must say this has physically been the hardest pregnancy so far. I don’t know if its my age or because this babe will be our 3rd in four years, but physically I feel ‘done’ however emotionally I could keep having them. We’re going to look into becoming long term foster carers when this babe is a bit older & hopefully that’ll make me feel ‘done’.

  • http://claireyhewitt.blogspot.com/ ClaireyHewitt

    Yep. 2 girls just like you was perfect for me. I love that they have a sister to grow up with. I did strongly feel so in love with the baby moments at the time too, but you are forgetting the complete joy that every age brings with it. Now 7 and 4 my girls keep introducing me to brand new experiences with them. Things that would be restricted if we had a tiny baby with us too. Babies are lovely, but so are kids at every other age too, and imagine one day having grown up kids to go out to dinner with and share grown up things with. It is really all pretty awesome.

  • Vicki @ Knocked Up and Abroad

    I’m exactly where you are. 2 happy little boys and my latest just 5 months old. As I fold away the clothing he has grown out of, I feel a sense of sadness and I don’t feel ready to say goodbye to them forever just yet. I don’t feel like I savoured my last newborn enough for it be my last and yet in terms of practicality 2 is perfect and I don’t know if I could cope with 3….. ah…. I don’t know. How will I know? When will I know? I’m constantly thinking about it.

  • Karen Burkett

    i dont know if i will ever feel content to say NEVER AGAIN but my 8th little bub is 6mths hubby would like 2 more i have told him i think 1 more is it for me im 32 and always said i wanted to be done by 30 4 kids 2yrs apart was the original plan and after 4 bubs in 4 yrs yep i was done but my body had other plans and i fell pregnant with id twins when he was 5mths old and it changed my whole world i love that i have a big family 7 boys and 1 girl and would love to b able to give my lilgirl a sister but if it doesnt happen next time i know she has 2 amazing big brothers and 5 little ones that love her to death and i will b happy

  • Lisa Mckenzie

    My baby days are long over I turned 50 last week and my children are 23 and 25 a boy first then a girl ,but my 2nd child was a nightmare compared to my son so that put me off having another till she was 5 we tried for 8months or so and it wasn’t to be ( I had trouble conceiving) so I was happy with just 2 and now I am glad cause they don’t stay babies for long enough ,do they! Having 2 adult children is quiet enough and they get expensive as they get older,now I am looking forward to being a Grandma whenever that will be.
    I always say my nails will take 1/2 an hour too and they take way longer than that but it is worth it to get pampered by someone else for a change xx

  • http://iliska-dreams.blogspot.com.au/ Julie

    I am 45 and my body says done too old, but my heart, my soul and my arms crave for more. It took me 19 years to have two… so my head tells me to stop wanting more…but.but but but.

  • photosbyjaana

    I’m STILL trying to decide My first, who is almost three, was born with a heart defect and every single thing about parenthood has been different than we anticipated. I sometimes wonder IF I could do this again. I haven’t been so good at the sleepless nights and crazy days that we spend together. I sometimes fantasize that maybe I’ll have a little girl who is so well behaved and easy compared to my son. But I think we all know there’s a STRONG possibility it won’t be so easy. What if I have another with a heart defect (or worse?) Just not sure. I have had no clear answer. I keep feeling my family might not be complete, but that could just be selfishness on my part, wanting a “normal” motherhood experience. I know, I use the term “normal” lightly. All that being said, I sure wouldn’t trade my son for anything. He’s taught me more in 3 years than I would’ve learned in a lifetime on my own.
    http://www.thismomsgonnasnap.com

  • Cat

    I am 28 weeks pregnant with my first child. My husband and I have discussed how many we each want and have both agreed that 2 is a good number. We want 3-4 years between them so that I can go back to work in between kids. But I suppose we shall see how it goes with no1 in around 12 weeks :).