Letter to Lacey: 5 years old

 photo MORETON-8_zpsfe3e1dc2.jpg

Dear Lacey,

Every year your birthday comes around, and every year I play a little game in my head. I call it the ‘This time back when’ game. It’s a little trip back memory lane that I think most mums play around the birthday of their children.

This morning I woke at crazy o’clock, also known as 3am. Sick of fighting the wake/sleep battle, I grabbed a blanket and headed for the lounge. Usually my early morning wake-ups go unnoticed. You and Dadda sleep on, like babies {well, babies that sleep that is}. This time Dadda came out to check on me. “You OK?” he asked, “You know this time five years ago you were in labour?”

And now this very time five years ago you were being placed on my chest. Your bare little body. The first time we touched. You cried. I cried. Dadda cried. We all cried.

It’s hard to remember life before you, Lacey. Was it quiet? Was it dull? How did we fill our days?

Life is different, I know that much is true. We still don’t sleep as much as we need or like, but that’s our life now. And you’re worth every under-eye bag. Because the good stuff far outweighs the bad.

The good is good. The way you write my name with such pride, for me. The way you can hear any music, and it doesn’t matter where we are or who is watching, you dance. And not just a little bop, but you throw yourself into it like you’re dancing for your life. Like no one is watching. The way you talk about your baby sibling with excitement. The way you love to hug. “Dad!” you’ll yell as he leaves for work, “I forgot to give you something!” And down the driveway you run to give him a necessary embrace. The way you ask constant questions, “Why does it rain? Why is the grass green? How? Who? What? When?” The way you have a beautiful heart filled with compassion. The way you make friends with such ease, and confidence. The way you embrace life with such enthusiasm.

It’s hard to believe that you’ve been here for five years, but at the same time it’s hard to imagine life before you too.

 photo MORETON-6_zps650df22f.jpg

Last night you decided for the first time ever that you’d go to bed without a fight, so you crawled under your blankets and waited for sleep to come {for the record, it didn’t… but at least you tried}. I overheard you singing, a little made-up song filled with happy words. I came and sat beside your bed, “Hello my little 4 year old. When you wake in the morning you’ll be my 5 year old. All grown up.”

“Talk to me some more Mama.”

So we talked. You told me where you want me to hide the presents, how you were going to be so big on your birthday and how your hair was growing so long now that you were nearly five. Simple conversations, but oh how I fought back tears. I have a five year old? I’m not sure how it happened but I do. And it’s you.

This time five years ago you made me a mum. I am forever grateful. Forever changed. Forever your mama.

I love you. Happy 5th birthday. May it be filled with rainbows, sparkles and lots of music.
Mama. xx

  • Al Hannah

    OMGOSH that is just delightful, and tearful. Don’t you just love how they (the children) say they are growing up because of their hair (very cute), or the “simple things” we take for granted – they see as the delights and ask for their presents to be hidden. It surely is the little things in life – I love looking at life through their little eyes – it’s just still so perfect and pure. What a beautiful share FMS – thank you so much. It’s just what I needed. Hope your little girl has a wonderful birthday, and that you delight in watching her open her gifts … it sounds like today will be perfect!!

  • Eliza

    Happy birthday to Lacey! :) lovely letter Chantelle! It’s moving.

  • wrinkleranch

    Thank you for sharing your letter with us. Next week my daughter has a milestone birthday, 13 years old. I can remember everything about her birth like it was yesterday and it is so have for me to belive I will have a teenager.

  • JosephWRichardson

    Beautiful, Chantelle. Just..beautiful. I know that you know the years pass faster as our babies grow older. But the time’s somehow deeper, too. More elegant thoughts, stronger emotions, larger trials and triumphs.

    It’s a lovely stroll. And she’s a lucky young lady to have you as her mum, walking beside her.

    Happy birthday, indeed.

    • http://www.fatmumslim.com.au/ Chantelle : Fat Mum Slim

      Joseph, always making me cry.

      Thank you. xxxx

  • http://www.facebook.com/sharon.triplett.98 Sharon Triplett

    Chantelle, I hope your family has a wonderful day today as you make many more memories
    <3 Happy Birthday Lacey!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/ladyameba Val Barrionuevo Momtchiloff

    What a beautiful letter.
    Thanks a lot for sharing the beautiful thing to be a mom. Happy birthday to the little one! and many many more!

  • http://www.facebook.com/srcabral Sara Cabral

    beautiful letter! I’m sure she will love to read it someday :)

  • Sarah – Style Unearthed

    Happy Birthday Lacey! I still remember when she was born, Telle, and how excited everyone was to hear her name and read your birth story. I hope you all have a great day celebrating x

  • http://www.facebook.com/Skylawest Helen Maydew Westre

    Chantelle, That so made me cry!! what a beautiful letter, i can only imagine in years to come when she reads the words, sentiments, inner feeling you wrote to her how her heart will burst with love and gratitude God bless you and your growing family. Thank you for sharing this will all of us xx

  • http://www.facebook.com/donna.hilton.18 Donna Hilton

    Wonderful words from a lovely Mumma to her precious girl. Hope you both enjoy this special Birthday, Lacey’s 5th and the last one where it will just be Mumma and her girl, as this time next year you will have a little one balanced on your hip as well

  • http://amandamaddox.blogspot.com/ Amanda M.

    My daughter will be 7 at the end of the month and I’m in complete denial! :) Happy 5th birthday to your big girl!

  • Linda – lulufroufrou

    Sweet Lacey… Happy Birthday Darling… so much beautiful hair now! Have a wonderful day and a fabulous party.

  • http://thisislemonade.wordpress.com/ this is lemonade

    So beautiful <3
    :')

  • Michelle F

    Happy Birthday, Lacey! 5 is a magical age. I have a 5 year old little girl (and a 10 year old), and if I had 10 lives to live over, I would choose them EVERY time. Yes, life is different with children, but for me, it is so much better.

  • Meggy B

    So very special and lovely you took the time to write it..something i must do for my babies, now children.. but another thing we must try and find the time to do as busy mothers..(not sure about the 3am idea!) Im still practising to “stop being busy”! x

  • Tammy Watson

    Beautiful…I cried…

  • Tessa_778

    I had almost the exact same conversation with my son the night before he turned 4 last week. So special. He told me where to hide his presents even. And he went to bed without a fight and ended up awake for ages and wanted me to lay with him. How funny that its almost the same.
    Happy birthday to Lacey! Hope she has a super wonderful day!

  • Emma

    I need a hankie! I’m a lurker; never commented, but this reminds me of what’s been in my head the last two weeks as my little just turned one.

  • http://www.stylingyou.com.au/ Nikki | Styling You

    Just so, so beautiful Chantelle. Happy BIRTHday to you x

  • Toni Lee

    What a lovely letter and thing to do. Happy Birthday Lacey. G.x

  • Claire Chadwick

    Just beautiful.

    FIVE is so lovely.

    Happy Birthday Lacey!

    Claire xx

    https://blog.scissorspaperrockdesigns.com.au/

  • Rainbow Hues

    Awww…it quite dampened my eyes too…I have a little 5 yr old myself. Absolutely true, how we forget what life was before they happened.

    Its a beautiful post…Thanks for this!

  • Gina S

    Wow. This nearly made me blub at my desk at work! It’s beautiful :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/sharrim1 Sharri McKay

    Oh Chantelle…. Yep what an awesome job we have in raring these amazing little people! They are the ones who really deliver the life lessons though aren’t they! They teach us so much about life, love, trust, contentment in the moment, laughter, patience,self control and so much about ourselves (even those things wede rather not know) but all in all it’s the single best thing being loved by a child and the privilege of watching them grow right before our very eyes! Happy 5th to your baby girl and happy days to you too! Thanks for your inspiration with fmsphotoaday and sharing ur life with all us mums out there! :)

  • jessi maddison

    xxxx happy birthday lacey!!! Good job mama!

  • http://www.facebook.com/emily.clements.395 Emily Clements

    Wow!! That was soo beautiful! It filled me with tears! Happy Belated birthday Lacey!

  • http://twitter.com/MonsoonPrincess Hollie Riches

    Not a mama, but gosh you know how to bring a woman to tears!

  • Erin

    Perfect. You hit the spot.
    My little girl will be one next month and I’ve decided to write to her on every birthday. Ill keep it in a book for when she is older. I wish I had started when she was born.
    You have a beautiful way with words.
    Happy birthday Lacey!

  • Clare

    Beautiful post Chantelle! Indeed what did we do with our time before these little people come along…. They change not only our lives forever but who we are as people….. They make us better.
    Happy birthday Lacey :)

  • michelle barrington

    Happy Birthday sweet Lacey. Congratulations Telle – we did it. We managed to both raise gorgeous little 5 year olds and I know there have been some days for me that I worried if Raya was going to make it (particularly with sassy 4).

    5 incredible years of constantly having your heart sing. When you think you can’t possibly love them more and they just continue to grow and blossom and enchant us even more.

    May her 5th year be filled with love, laughter, giggles, glitter, twirling, tickles and adventure.

  • Absolute Amy

    Such a beautiful letter Chantelle, my little girl Ava just turned two and I still can’t believe how incredible our life is now she’s here. It’s the most fun (and hardest work) my hubby and I have ever had! Amy x x

  • ClareB

    I’ve just read this and it truly made my heart smile. I too have a ‘just turned 5 year old’…
    What a special age indeed! Lacey is so so lucky to have you as her Mumma.
    Chantelle-you have a magical way with words.
    Thankyou for sharing this…xx

  • katja

    awww <3 happy birthday, baby lacey

  • Rosie

    I’m shedding tears here. Telle, we were in the same TTC thread in I-Do land. I remember when you fell pregnant, I remember when your baby girl was born. I can’t believe it’s been 5 years, Happy Birthday to Lacey. And today my husband and I celebrate the first of the ‘this time back when’ dates. It’s a year today since our precious little man was conceived (sorry, probably TMI!). You’re post reminded me to celebrate the miracles in life, they do happen.

  • John devid

    I love this child