There are a group of women around the world, all united in a way that they probably wish they weren’t. They don’t gather together for therapy. You wouldn’t know they belonged to the group just by looking at them. These women are mums, mums who fear red lights, mums who strategically plan trips so they encounter the least amount of stops, and these women have heightened anxiety on trips that take more than 10 minutes to travel.
These women are parents of babies who cry in the car. I am one of them.
Lacey hated the car all the way until after she was one year old. We rarely went anywhere more than twenty minutes from home. I had to gear myself up to actually want to go anywhere. Being in a car with a screaming baby is stressful. So stressful that you consider running red lights and mounting median strips just to get to where you need to be. You don’t and you wouldn’t, but the thought does cross your mind.
Luella hates the car too. How I got lucky with two little car haters, I don’t know. And I’m the sort of person that likes to get out and explore every day. There’s not much you can bribe me with to get me in the car with her. It’s stressful. My Big Sis recently asked me to spend a night in Byron Bay with her, in a hotel that I’ve been dying to visit. I didn’t even entertain the thought. Car trips are down to only the essentials – school pick-ups and supermarket visits.
I had to make a trip a few weeks back to visit a friend, so I wrangled Ma into helping me. We decided she’d sit in the back seat and calm her while I drove. After that excruciating trip Ma was damaged. It’s stressful.
I’ve tried everything. I have a sound machine that plays white noise to keep her calm. No luck. I’ve had her adjusted at the Osteo. No luck. I’ve changed the padding in her car seat. No luck. I’ve sung, I’ve put a mirror, I’ve sat with her, fed her, tried to entertain her, and even most recently someone recommended getting one of those earthing strips that you put behind the tyre to stop the static. No luck.
So, if anyone needs me, I’ll be here at home, where babies don’t scream and there are no red lights to be seen.
Do you belong to the kids who cry in cars club? Do you have any magic solutions?
photo credit: Thomas Hawk via photopin cc
Proof that what works for one, doesn’t for another! Riding in a car was one thing that worked for screaming, un-appeasable (sp???), sometimes sickly chillens.
http://www.northsideofthecountryroad.com
Oh hun, that is awful! My too slept within seconds of getting in the car, even now if we are driving both children (age 22 and 15) will fall asleep!
I’m with you Chantelle. My 13 month old still hates it. My mum lives 10 minutes drive away and even that trip can be incredibly stressful. I get road rage and old ladies doing 20 under the limit cos HELLO MY BABY IS CRYING, MOOOOOVE! Sometimes she cries so much in the car that she chokes and vomits. Hubby sits in the back with her when he is around and tries to entertain her. Even being forward facing makes no difference. Sometimes plying her with 20 types of foods (rusks, popcorn, apple pieces etc) helps but yeah… I have a car-hater too. I hate driving anywhere!
Haha. I thought this was a post about mums crying in cars. That’s the club I belong to. Dear Boy seems to like it well enough but I’m a habitual car wailer – for whatever reason – no sleep, sad song, horrible news – because it feels safe and contained and there’s no risk of the neighbours coming and knocking on the door to see if I’m okay. I still fear the red lights but mostly because people who pull up next to me sometimes look a bit fearful of my red-faced, open-mouth tragedy-mask face.
i’m with you sister!
Yes. It’s a terrible club to be in and both my kids wanted in too. It would have been okay if we didn’t live in Central Queensland. Hours from anywhere… In car DVD players were my lifesaver.
A friend’s baby cried in the car from the day after he was born till last weekend, a period of seven months. During the weekend my friend and her husband bought a new car and suddenly; a silent, sleepy Patrick. The new car has tinted windows and that is the only thing that my friend can see that is different. I guess whatever is aggravating the baby is something we can’t sense: a sound or a smell.
Wow.
I can’t believe I am not alone!
Frankie only tolerates the car if it is CONSTANTLY moving, so … yes indeed, I HAVE entertained the thought of running red lights just to keep her settled!
I recently drove an hour to my Aunty’s house, but it was only because Dave was away for the weekend, & I couldn’t bear the thought of 3 nights of putting two kids to bed (yes, according to your instagram trolls, I’d be ‘a weak bitch’). So … I drove that HOUR to my Aunty’s, & I paid $30 in tolls to take the trip that had NIL red lights & just unstretched freeway.
Dave was LIVID over paying $30 in tolls, but if he wants to drive an hour with screaming Frankie, I’ll gladly pay him $30!
Thank God for social media, because I’ll be at home with my non screaming children too.
P.S Max was the ULTIMATE crying in car baby. It ONLY got better when we turned him around to face us. We did it slightly early (still by legal requirements), & the first tool who questioned whether I’d turned him too early, I legitimately had to HOLD myself from sucker punching her in the face.
Only people in the ‘cry in car baby’ club understand.
It’s heart palpitating stuff!
Our second child was a screamer…. and I got my first ever speeding fine! Her dada picked up a few while she was a baby too. The jury is out on our current babe… he’s a 50/50 – fingers crossed things get better not worse.
Mine hates red lights she screams like shes dying, but as soon as we go shes fine.
I feel your pain! Miss M was exactly the same and it was horrendous, no less because when I went back to work she had to do the commute with me as well! Its exhausting. I’m really hoping number two isn’t the same!
It once took us 7 hours to get from West End to the Gold Coast, as ‘Salina’s father believed in stopping the car if the baby cried AT ALL and she was overtired and not good in the capsule (life became WONDERFUL when she got to be forward facing).
This child has been relatively easy – whether it is because we are older and realistically I have another TWO sets of very capable hands – or Paris is a completely different child to her big sister – I cannot complain (touch wood).
Mine have/had dummies so I never had much trouble with crying babies, sorry I can’t help more.
Mine have all had dummies, first 4 always went to sleep in the car, but no. 5 who is almost the same age as Luella, screams his head off with the dummy in!!
Oh, Chantelle, I can so identify with that. Both of mine were car haters and I suffered many a stressful trip with a screaming baby. Unfortunately, I had to make some long ones and I have no idea how I survived. Thankfully they do grow out of it, but even now I think twice about going anywhere that’s more than two hours away. I wish you strength and patience.
I had pukey-crying-baby with no2 when it came to the car. The pukey was mainly down to an undiagnosed lactose intolerance, but I reckon that motion sickness played a part too. Magic happens when you turn them forward! {PS Is she the same in the pram??}
I am so sorry! I cannot identify with this at all. If it wasn’t for the car, I don’t think my second would still be here! He wouldn’t sleep unless he was in the car. I remember one night in particular when hubby was working interstate and I was left alone at home with two under the age of 2! I had the older sound asleep in her cot and the younger trying to scream a hole to China, so I bundled him up into the car and drove around the block about 87 times trying to get him to sleep and stopping each time around to run in and check the older one was still sleeping well. I’ve always loved my cars, but that night, I was ready to divorce hubby and marry it!
Good luck with it, and try online grocery shopping to cut that trip out as well <3 If they don't like being in the car, for sanities sake, avoid if at all possible!!!
I’m an unfortunate member of this club! It can be very isolating. I get anxious when people invite us anywhere. First thing I think is “how far!”. My son was terrible (just awful) up until about 4 months, which coincided with us going to sleep school. Post sleep school he was having two great day sleeps and sleeping through so he was less tired and cranky during the day. Car rides became slightly more bareable. He’s still not a fan of the car, but it’s more he starts whinging after about 30-60 mins now, not screaming. I wonder if he’ll improve more once he goes from rear facing to forward facing? People keep telling me so!
OMG – my babe used to HOWL in the car, she HATED it!!! I have no idea why – all I could put it down to was that she was scared. We both used to bawl our eyes out every trip! I think she didnt grow out of it till she was big enough to be turned around forward facing, she was and still is TINY (now 10!) so it was a loooooong time before she turned around! Keep feeding that liitle babe up and get her turned around asap! good luck xo
And just like everything else in parenting, you think it’s only you who had the problem, until you discover a whole other world of people! Sady, I have no advice at all, because NOTHING worked with my daughter, until one day at about 6 months old, she just suddenly stopped… Don’t get me wrong, I was very happy she suddenly chilled out but I would have loved to have known why?! Here’s hoping your beautiful babe does the same very soon!
If it’s maybe to do with facing the rear, have you thought about getting one of those baby car mirrors that attach to the rear headrests? We have them in the UK – they’re supposed to be angled so you can still see your rear-facing baby in the back from the driver’s seat but if you angled it so she could see herself or a bit of what’s in front of her, it could maybe distract her? Here’s hoping!
I had many moments of being in tears myself whilst driving around a screaming baby. Makes for a very stressful time… However I know what my childrens problem was. 2 of my three children were silent refluxers and hated anything that crunched their tummies as it made the milk come up (and go back down) worth checking if she has a little reflux. The baby seats crunch their tiny tummies. Mine were most comfortable in the pack on my front. Worth thinking about. It is truly awful having a car screamer. Wishing you all the best
Oh I’m with you here too! My third is now 20 months and goes between grumbling and full on screaming on the car! I have wondered whether its motion sickness, boredom, not liking the restrictions of the car seat, endless possibilities. The fact is she just hates travel. A pain in the backside when there are 2 hours of school runs in the car each day… I don’t know the answer, I hope she grows out of it soon, but if you do find a magic solution please share it! xx
Oh I feel your pain 🙁 My first daughter hated the car so much, she would scream hysterically & work herself up into such state. No one really understood what it was like, they all just kept saying ‘but kids love the car, it helps send them to sleep’. I did the same as you, just avoided going out too much as we tried almost everything & nothing worked. Once she was big enough to face forwards we got the DVD sets for the car that goes on the back of the seats. Best investment ever! Luckily my second daughter had no issues with being in the car & happily just sat there or slept. I finally understood what everyone meant when they said that kids love the car. Good luck 🙂
I don’t want to laugh, but I must, because I know exactly how you feel! Both my boys hated the car…. well the car idling at a stop light. When I knew one was coming up, I would slow down to see if I could roll until it turned green. Unfortunately, this wasn’t any better than the stopping. With my second one, it turned out singing was the key (sorry to hear you tried that with Luella and it didn’t work). We made a song out of his name (Caleb). So it was just a sing songy song with pauses and pitch differences, but it worked (thankfully). It was actually sang so much that my three year old memorized it in a few days. Hehe. But hang in there! It’ll be over soon. I promise!
Ryder was the same!! It made everyday life quite hard because we had to spend a lot of time in the car {working from home needing to run errands, big sis kindy and ballet drop offs etc} I tried everything too. I spent many a moment, pulled over on the side of the road settling and/or feeding him, while the patient 3 year old sat & waited. One day I offered him a bottle of formula before we headed out instead of breast and to my surprise he didn’t cry in the car. I think the formula filled him up that little bit more and stopped a hungry / motion sickness feeling. Because once I continued this pattern – car trips became easy and enjoyable and scream-free again :))
I’m not telling people to stop breastfeeding, simply sharing what worked for me and my bub 🙂
My friend also installed a portable dvd player that her bub could see – that worked for her VERY fussy, scream-in-the-car baby. Again, this suggestion doesn’t suit everyone and their parenting methods, but it worked for her and when something works and gives you peace, I’m all for it 🙂
Good luck Chantelle.
Claire x
Lilly was the same and still doesn’t do well on distance car trips. Took us until she was 18mths old to realise what she was actually experiencing was car sickness but of course she couldn’t verbalise it. I Feel your pain Telle, I do!
Maybe,have you though of Car sickness my daughter hated the car and I later discovered she got car sick.Though as your little Luella is too young really to do anything about it xx
Omg I so could have y every single word of that myself. My 14wo dd is the same. Wr have tried osteo, chiro, rattles, singing, dvds, feeding before, naturopathic remedies for travel sickness, , larger carseat etc and NOTHING has worked. I go out every day in the hope she starts to get used to it and her behaviour changes but its not to be! Last thing to do is turn her seat and we still have 3 months before that can happen.
Yep. Totally get this. My baby HATED the car capsule for some reason from about 6 weeks until about 16 weeks (he’s 7.5 months now). I remember those days of dreading going anywhere because he would just wail hysterically and I’d be so stressed. We limited outings to the shops and back. If we had longer trips, I’d have to sit in the back with him and distract him with a toy and Tiesto on the radio lol. We couldn’t figure it out – but in the end it was because he outgrew the infant insert (he got too warm) and we needed to adjust the straps – he hated the feeling of being boxed in. He had silent reflux too so I think the position he was in (kinda curved) made it worse for him too. I hope things get better. xx
I am totally with you darling. My 10 month old hates the car, reading your post I felt a lot better knowing that I am not the only one who would rather stay at home than dealing with the “car screamers”.
My 4 month old hates red lights and so yes that makes me part of the kids who cry in cars club. We have an hour round trip to drop my girls off to school due to us moving away from the area but due to the amount of lights going the standard way we go the “country” way to avoid most of the lights. Once my buggalugs is asleep though he only has a 60% chance of waking up and sensing a red light. When he’s awake he starts crying if we go from an 80 zone to a 60!
Yep, both my kids hated the car. The eight month old is a little better these days and the three year old is fine in the car now. But birth to six months was hell!! When they could turn to face forwards that really helped. Now our eight month old enjoys watching Peppa and Ben and Holly on a tablet (in a holder on the back of the seat in front). I laugh to think that before kids I smugly said “my children won’t watch TV before they’re two”. Ha! Anything to keep the peace, especially on the hour drive to my parent’s house. I hope things get better for you soon x