Letter to Lulu: On the day you start school

Dear Lulu,

I’m sitting in the dark right now, in the early hours of the morning, little knots in my tummy, writing you this letter. Today you start school. Today is the big day.

All of last year, if I brought up the topic of big school, you shut me down. “Don’t talk about it, please!” was your constant request. So I didn’t.

But now, you’re ready. Still hesitant, but ready.

I, on the other hand, am not.

You are my baby. Time is a thief. I can’t figure out where the years have gone, and how we’ve ended up here. I know people say that all the time, but I really can’t get my head around it. I am filled with so much emotion. Sadness, because you’ve grown too quick and you’re off to school {and I know from experience that from here the growing and changing just turns up a notch!}. I feel guilt, because perhaps I should have spent more time with you {although, I am not sure that’s possible – I have been by your side most of your life}. And pride, because you have grown into the most beautiful, kind, caring and inclusive little girl in the world. I know that you’re going to do so well at school.

I hope your teacher sees everything I see in you. I hope she sees how kind you are, how smart you are and just how special you are. You are special. I am going to miss you. You’re my little buddy, and I’m so used to having you by my side. I’m so used to your little hand reaching for mine as we go about our day. I will miss you, ever so much.

Today I might cry. Actually, I will cry. Hopefully once I’m back in the car and driving up the hill and away from the school. I will cry with all those emotions I talked about before; sadness, pride, and guilt. And I will eagerly await pick-up when you can tell me all the things you did, and the new friends you made.

Despite the emotions, I am excited to see what this next chapter of your life brings. You are destined for great things, I know it.

Lots of love,

Mama xx