I’m married, hubby chased me because I just wasn’t that into him early on. I kept thinking “who is this weirdo who keeps calling” but he won my heart. After that, there were no games, we were honest, together and loved each other!
Nope, no games here! We were engaged within 3 weeks of going out, married 11 months after meeting. Celebrate 13 years together & our 12th Wedding Anniversary next month.
We saw no point in waiting, when you know you know. If you want to be with someone, why play games? If you love them & want them in your life & vice versa, make it happen.
Everyone said we wouldn’t last, I’m beyond happy, despite everything we’ve been through – and it’s been a lot – that we’re proving them wrong.
I am listening with full attention to this one i am recently single after 18yrs with my first highschool sweetheart.So bring on the advice i am so scared about getting out there again
I am married. It will be 18 years come November 11. We dated for 8.5 years before we got married. We were high school sweet hearts. The first few weeks were crazy. I was not intending to fall in love at all I just wanted to have fun, but I fell hard and very quickly. So, did he. As of now we’ve “been together” for 26 years. It’s amazing how fast that time has gone.
My advice to others about making a relationship work is to stop listening to all the old adages and find what works for you and yours. What works for others is not necessarily going to work for you. For example, my husband and I have gone to bed angry. We never promised not to, because I am a person who NEEDS SLEEP and going without it because we’re angry is NOT going to put me in the frame of mind to solve the problem we’re having. I do best when I’m rested and have had some down time. My husband also needs time to cool off so for us going to bed angry is a must some times. This does not work for everyone, some feel it makes the problems worse and interferes with intimacy (and I’m not just talking about sex here). For them that is probably the case.
But, after all these years I love my husband more each day and am so thankful and happy with my marriage that there are no words for it. We are closer and share more intimacy than most couples I know so what we’re doing is working for us.
So again, stop listening to others. So asking others and figure out what is going to work for you. Oh, and keep in mind that men and women speak different languages.
I’m married – for 20 years. And no games here. I think being honest and open is the only way to go. If you aren’t honest, you’ll end up in a relationship that is the same, dishonest and that’s where the trouble begins. A relationship can still fail when your honest but it’s less likely to end up that way and if it does at least you know you did your best.
My husband and I had a bit of a whirl wind romance. We had both recently broken up from our respective marriages when we got to know each other and found common ground in that. We simply followed our hearts. We knew people would think it was ‘too soon’, but sometimes you just have to and you know it is right. Here we are almost ten years later. Still crazy about each other (and sometimes crazy at each other) but our hearts are still in the same place. You have the right advice and really the only advice worth giving: follow you heart x
Absolutely cannot stand those girls who make their fellas “work” or “fight” for them. It’s degrading. (And those two creatures not worthy of the name Woman who wrote The Rules books should be shot dead.) I’ve been with my guy since 1999 and married to him since 2008. We started off as friends which (for me, or so I thought) developed into deeper feelings within about 6 months. Then the bastard admitted that he’d felt the same way for ages and was just waiting for me to say something. ARGH!
So then it was a case of “how do we make this work?” as he was in Perth and I was in Melbourne – yeah, we met before internet dating was cool and normal. Everyone warned me that he could be an axe murderer. After 18 months of fun but ultimately heart-aching trips back and forth across the country, he packed up and hoisted all his worldly belongings east. If that doesn’t prove he loves me, I don’t know what does.
My point is we didn’t listen to anyone elses advice on how a relationship should work. We respected one another, we were patient with each other, we communicated and didn’t just talk at each other – especially as sometimes talking was all we had. The first few weeks after we realised there were feelings there between us there was the lovey infatuation stuff but because we were already such good mates, everything fell into place and it’s been that way pretty much ever since.
Follow your heart, be honest, be yourself, respect each other. That’s pretty much all you need to do.
Guv & I met in 99 via the net as well but in England. I was south of London, he was north of Manchester and we did the commuting thing back and forth every weekend for 3 months before I chucked my job in and moved up with him.
And like you guys, we didn’t listen to what everyone said we should be doing [like how aghast everyone was, when we got engaged 3 weeks into our new long distance relationship, oh the horror – you can’t do that!]. Every relationship is different and you have to do what works for YOU as a couple, so what anyone else thinks and says!
I have been with my boyfriend for almost three years. We were friends for three months then we started going out. We both fell really hard and fast. I never play games with him.
I’m married – my husband was/is one of my best friends and we were friends long before we ever moved to dating but it was so natural and we were so comfortable with each other that we hardly thought of all of that ‘should do’ stuff. I’ve been in a few relationships and in my experience, any time there were any games involved, the relationship fizzled quickly.
My Lovely Husband and I did this really awkward wooing dance around each other for about a year after we met. We both knew we liked the other one but both were afraid to say anything or do anything about it. We’d meet up with friends and without, we’d talk, we’d drive around, we’d send long late-night emails to each other. Eventually it all coalesced but those first months were somewhat torturous.
I’m engaged, and have been for about 4 years. When I met my fiance I had been single and celibate for 2 years, I had given up on finding a man, told God if he wanted me to get married he better drop a husband in my lap, and was imagining myself as the crazy cat lady with chintz sofas, doilies, and a book collection the local public library would envy. I have a lot of history, things I am not proud of, so I spilled my guts on the first date. I liked him and I didn’t want to like him more and have him dump me because of my history. I figured if it were too much for him, we wouldn’t have a second date. Happily, that was not the case. I was tottered between giddy and cynical the first few weeks. He did everything right, but I was sure he was putting on a good front. We are both older, mid 40’s now, but neither of us played games. It is like Mark Twain says, “If you tell the truth, you never have to remember what you said.” Same with relationships…if you are yourself, you never have to worry about keeping up an act, or a behavior that is not part of your nature.
Fell in love in days. Surprised me. No games. Just a realisation that (against the odds) we’d be a “we” for a long time.
its funny the word ‘expert’ because people like to attach it to others as a way of finding out the little things that will give them success. I’ve been married twice and my single late 30s friends sometimes ask how I made it work second time around, i can only be the expert on my own experiences….sometimes life just happens and when it does I dont think you need games x
I love your advice! I am married (coming up to 10 years). There were no games, but a lot of confusion. I was not aware that he was the one. It came as a bit of a shock really, but those initial weeks were still full of butterfly’s, me talking incessantly and spending many hours/days together cocooned in our little bubble. It was really, really nice….and still going strong 🙂
I have been very happily married for over 11 years, together for nearly 16. From the moment we had our first kiss under the clothes line in the backyard at my house warming party (so romantic. lol), we’ve been together. We never dated, we just knew. I remember those first few weeks, meeting for lunch in the Botanic Gardens…I was so excited and nervous to be spending time with him, I could only manage to eat 1/2 a sandwich. Awhhhh…
I cannot stand the idea of playing games with people and I think it correlates with a person’s maturity or lack thereof. I met my husband in a dodgy London hostel. When I first met eyes on him I chased him. Such was the environment you had to get in quick! Anyone new walking through the door was fair game. And I could see he was shy so I invited him out as a group and then we had a few more of that with friends disappearing at the last minute. Still no action! tension but nothing! I then decided I could not be more obvious in my attentions so I backed off , went on a holiday to Scotland, friends got in his ear and we met up the first weekend i got back and walked to the local kebab shop after a night out and the rest is history!
When I meet my partner, I knew. I just knew he was going to be dangerous and that I was going to fall in love with him. Dangerous, because he is so much younger than me (15 years), dangerous because he was/is too good looking, dangerous because I was a single Mum and used to my life, dangerous as I was worried he would hurt my heart. So I ran. I wasn’t playing games, I ran because if I stayed I thought I would be hurt.
But he followed, and in Justin’s quiet steady way he allowed me to trust him and to fall in love with him. Now six years later we are still together and parents to the most gorgeous son.
I actually pursued my husband. We’ve been together for 19 years, married for 13 with two kiddies to show for. He’s my first everything and couldn’t imagine NOT being with him. I think there’s a lot to be said for going what you want – little games may be thrilling but you have to know the limits. Great post! <3
I ended a long term relationship earlier this year. (5 years). It was my first relationship and so far, the only one. I don’t believe in playing games though…I reckon what you said to your friend is true: Just be yourself. I have other friends who do play games…who have advised me in the past to play ‘hard to get’ and all of that. I just can’t do it. I value integrity and I behave accordingly. If I get into another relationship, I still plan on being me…
I’m in a relationship and spent the better part of the first few months getting to the “we” part and now I’m not so sure. It isn’t perfect but it’s good. I’m definitely in no position to give advice other than to keep the lines of communication open always
I’m like you – married my first serious boyfriend. High school sweethearts. I also get asked for advice and I have to laugh – what am I going to say? Go back to high school? Start playing volleyball?
We’d known each other for a while (there were only 70 or so kids in our year level), so the first few weeks should have been great. But we got together, and then three weeks of school holidays started. He didn’t call. I thought he didn’t like me. Turns out he was nervous and did the chicken out thing while dialling. A lot. Add that to the fact that he was super cool and I was (and still am) a geek, and you’ve got the beginnings of another Hollywood teen movie!
No games from me. Wouldn’t know how. I can’t lie, can’t pretend, can’t hide anything. And wouldn’t want to anyway.
I’m in my third, and final, relationship! We met online via a friend (who was my best friend but grew up with him back in Mississipi). We talked for nine months before seeing eachother in person. We’ve been together in person for 5 months now and are doing great! I have to say that going from a virtual all phone-texting-internet relationship to a real live person was a really huge difference for me…but I like the real live man much better than my phone! 🙂
Helen
Blue Eyed Beauty Blog
Exercise Encouragement Group blog
I married my first serious boyfriend right from first year uni – we’ve been together 11 years and married for almost 5 and now have our first baby on the way 🙂
I actually asked him out in a very nervous, what-if-he-thinks-i’m-too-forward kind of way and somehow we were ‘together’ after that first date. There was no games, just a journey we took together over the years even when things were in the fluttery stage (I remember the tingles my hands would get in anticipation of meeting him, these days my heart still skips a beat :P).
He’s my best friend and I think that friendship has held fast over the years 🙂
oh the first few months are definitely the most exciting!
im in a relationship of 4.5 years, and like you, its my first proper boyfriend and i really think he’s ‘the one’ although we’re not at the stage of living togther, getting engaged, etc etc.
i had already known him for about 7 months before we got together (we worked at the same place) and the first few weeks were just hanging out every saturday night, going out together with all his friends, me being shy, etc. but no we didnt play games…it was pretty clear that we both loved eachother, we said the big “i love you” after a month lol 🙂
I had been single for a few years and had just vowed to my friends to stay that way, having found the peace within me to be happy living my single life, when I met my husband. We had studied in the same polytech, but in different programmes, so it took us a two week study trip to another country to actually meet. I showed all my best sides on the very first day of the trip (being grumpy when I don’t get food, showcasing a major head ache, not minding my words when talking, being annoyed when everyone else wanted to hit the pubs and all I wanted was to have something, anything, to eat after a long day!). I wasn’t looking to meet anyone or get involved, and was dead set against any holiday romances, but very soon into our two week study programme I found myself seriously infatuated with him. Coming back home was a nightmare for me, as he was only just getting out of a non-working relationship, living in another city and raising a kid on his own and everything felt so uncertain from my point of view. But I was already falling in love with him, and he felt the same way, so somehow we made it all work and we became “we” very quickly after that.
4 months later he sold his apartment and we moved in together in my city. While packing for the move, he proposed to me and we got married 2 years later. I feel my hubby really is “the one” for me, I’ve been in a relationship before and done the dating routine during my single years, but nothing’s ever felt anything like this before. We have deep friendship, mutual respect and we accept each other despite our flaws (or because of them).
This could’ve never worked from the beginning, if I’d tried to play games or be something that I’m really not, so the best advice anyone could ever give to those asking, is to be 110% yourself. And like you said Chantelle, follow your heart. It’s only the real thing if the other person accepts the real you without games or wanting to change you – and at that point you don’t have to think anymore, because your heart will show the way.
I don’t think playing games is a good idea – how long do you keep playing after you’ve caught them? I too am married to my first serious boyfriend…… 37 years this year (I was a child-bride… :D) I wasn’t sure to start with but he was, and made sure he was just “always there”. Suddenly – Wham! I knew too, luckily – it could have got annoying, couldn’t it? lol
Now you’ve forced me to think about it… he’s my best friend; we disagree but don’t argue; he’s still “pursuing” me, can’t go more than about 4 hours without calling me on the phone (even before mobiles/cell phones!); NEVER complains if I spend money on me (although to be fair – he spends faaaaar more than I do! lol); lets me choose the holiday location; still surprises me with little gifts; He doesn’t have a “romantic bone” in his body, but it doesn’t matter because our relationship works in so many other ways. You just have to be you; anything else is going to be difficult to continue for the rest of your life, isn’t it? Good Luck to your friend; if he doesn’t like her for who she is, he doesn’t deserve her anyway.
Jude.x
Test
I am dating my best friend from high school after a 30year friendship and both our marriages are over. We hadnt spoken for 15th years. We just clicked all over again and are insanely in love. We both admittd to loving each other then and never speaking up we are the happiest we have ever been. This is what was mising all these years. Absolutely honesty free from judgment and completely trust in another person. Our kids are happy for us too.
I’m not sure how to respond to that. I think when I was younger and didn’t know any better I bumbled along and just did whatever I needed to do to achieve the ‘we’ stage. I was immature, but I wouldn’t translate that to ‘game playing’. I don’t believe in playing games or in dishonesty. I wear my heart on my sleeve; my life is an open book. I’ve never understood relationship strategies; my ‘strategy’ is to just be me and to get to know him and to enjoy it. I’m currently single, very much by choice; I have a huge move coming up; an international one. When I move to Sydney in Jan, I’m planning on dating again. 🙂
Hubby and i went to high school together. We *got together* in 1986 🙂 We have been married since 1989. Im his first girlfriend and he absolutely worships me ( i don’t mean to brag or be disrespectful…sometimes it drives me crazy how much he loves me:) but not in a possessive way:)
He is my soul mate and best friend, i couldn’t imagine life without him
I have been blissfully married for over 14 years to a man I met on a blind date and was married 47 days later. All things are possible!
I’ve been engaged for two years, and we’re tying the knot next weekend. We’ve been dating since I was 18 and he was 20, but have known each other for about 5 years before that. You’re absolutely right – the best advice is JUST BE YOU! If you play the games, you end up becoming some other person, and live a lie the rest of your relationship (which probably won’t last very long). I remember the biggest thing that attracted me to my man in the first few weeks was that I felt completely myself around him, and I didn’t have to act a certain way or check myself, and he was good with that too!
XO
anikohar
bacheegsandlove.blogspot.com
Hi! I am in a relationship for nearly 5 years now and had lots of relationships before that. My theme has always been: no games. Because if I man likes me the way I am its fine – if not alright too! Games are maybe fun for a while but you’ll never get a real longterm with certain games or rules.
Really I had A LOT of relationships and non of them lasted that long as the one I have now and the reason why is simply because I feel at home with him. I feel like I belong with him. It was from the first week on … never felt that before so I am guessing it must be right! Don’t get me wrong I am a child of divorce so I am not believing naively in “forever” but at the moment it feels absolutely right!
hope that helps your friend! NO PLAYING GAMES!
Also what I loved was the book: He’s just not that into you! Great book and sooooo true!!
xoxo
Hi, I’ve been in a relationship technically for nearly 2 years now but it wasn’t made public or official till April of this year. So I feel like my perspective is becoming relatively common where someone (doesn’t matter the gender) doesn’t want to put a label on whats going on or rather is looking for something easy going and casual for the time being for whatever the reason. (i.e. in my case a former break up from 2 years back that left him feeling like he didn’t want to fall in love again or at least not for a long time). It started out casual and just for fun. But once I got to a month and a half I started to wonder where I was going with him. When I asked he said “I thought we were dating”. This was news to me. Haha.
By the 3rd month it always seems like it should be the “shit or get off the pot” moment but instead of pushing I was patient and just staying exclusive. We didn’t’ establish it but I felt like I wanted to be exclusive. By 8th month I started to get restless. I had asked friends who were in relationships how long it took them to make it official. They told me now a days its the 8th month mark since people tend to fear commitment in my generation now. So here I was at the 8th month and I got restless. I allowed myself to have a moment of weakness and I kissed someone new who was interested in me. It was a mistake I still regret because all though technically I was free…my heart wasn’t. (no matter how frustrated I got).
And what timing because as soon as the holiday season came our relationship slowly became more public. We held hands in public, I was introduced to his friends, and I was showing him off to mine. By the new year it was clear he wasn’t interested in casual anymore and I knew he was planning the right time to make it official. Before it happened a HUGE heartbreaking road block hit when I found a booty call text conversation on his phone one morning. It was the most devastated I had felt in a long time and it took a lot out of me to logically analyze what had happened and to forgive it. That event changed everything for me, because it was his opportunity to unconditionally commit and also mine. A month later he finally made it official and I’ve been happy the entire time. On top of that I have never looked at his phone since and never felt the need to.
So the first OFFICIAL months of our relationship have been straight forward and filled with love since its had to over come a lot of obstacles and time to even get to where we are now.
Wow I can’t imagine it taking THAT long… It’s always been official within 1-2 months for me. And that’s been with all 3 boyfriends I’ve been with.
I would have been super uncomfortable with this. I have never heard of people waiting eight months to be exclusive. I don’t mean to be nasty at all – I just would have felt like the person in my life was taking advantage of me.
Well I’ve been with my hubby for 24 years but happily married for 21!!! In the beginning it was full of love, butterflies and excitement and with 5 kids now, I have to say that we are more in love and excited for one another than ever. I know it may seem strange to some to read this but we really are that perfect matched couple and I cherish this daily. We still have our disagreements from time to time like any normal couple, but making up is always the BEST!! 😉 xx
I made my current boyfriend of nearly 3 years wait a month before I went on a date with him. It wasn’t really on purpose but it worked in my favour. He kind enjoyed the chase and it kept him intrigued. The first time he asked me out I just said “Maybe..” and walked away. He was gob-smacked.
My husband and I knew we would marry just weeks after our relationship began. Like you there were no games, just love. It was such pure love right from the start. Our marriage is built upon common ideals and friendship. You need to be friends to stay in a relationship so do as friends do. Go out and have fun, don’t forget to nurture that friendship if you want to keep the relationship. Without the friendship you can disconnect and lose touch with eachother…
Well…. that’s what I think anyway hehe
I don’t believe in games. I prefer the straight-to-the-point approach.
Im in the uncertantity stage, madly feeling butterflies but lessons learnt from previous relationships, I’m in no rush to make him “mine”.
Its a mutal thing and I’m 100% sure we’re exclusive, we’re just not labelling it yet.
He doesn’t go a day without calling me, we have mutal friends, I can han comfortably with “the boys”, we see each other twice a week… It’s motoring along nicely and I’m enjoying being in the now.
I met my boyfriend on the internet and from the first meeting I knew he was the man of my dreams and I could not wait to spend the rest of our lives together, it will be 4 years at the end of October. I met him when I was 36 and he was 44 so being older and a little bit wiser helped, no mind games just pure honesty. It was love at first sight. We knew right away that we would be living together within the first 6 months and we were, then a year later we bought a house together and then 2 years after that we sold it and moved to Toronto Ontario where we are now starting a new chapter in our lives.
I was careful when I met my fiance. He actually thought I was playing games – the truth was that I was terrified of getting hurt and was doing my best to maintain a barrier that would protect me. It lasted about a month and it’s been game-free since then – we’re getting married in June and we got together in November ’10.
Thank you Dr Ishvara! The love spell worked and he returned to me. You are a marvelous, wonderful, stupendous, shocking and extraordinary person with so much talent. You have a gift like no other I have seen. You are an amazing person with a beautiful soul and inner balance that shines on all you meet. You surpass any and all other gifted individuals I have ever met. Your Spell is so accurate it is incredibly unbelievable. Your wonder-working magical know how of the universe and its laws are magnified within a structure so unique it’s impossible to find anywhere. Again, thank you for everything! And thank you so much for the happiness you brought upon me we are so much in love again. if your ex leave you alone and you find it so difficult to go back you can contact this man! ishvaratemple@yahoo.com
I’m married, hubby chased me because I just wasn’t that into him early on. I kept thinking “who is this weirdo who keeps calling” but he won my heart. After that, there were no games, we were honest, together and loved each other!
Nope, no games here! We were engaged within 3 weeks of going out, married 11 months after meeting. Celebrate 13 years together & our 12th Wedding Anniversary next month.
We saw no point in waiting, when you know you know. If you want to be with someone, why play games? If you love them & want them in your life & vice versa, make it happen.
Everyone said we wouldn’t last, I’m beyond happy, despite everything we’ve been through – and it’s been a lot – that we’re proving them wrong.
I am listening with full attention to this one i am recently single after 18yrs with my first highschool sweetheart.So bring on the advice i am so scared about getting out there again
I am married. It will be 18 years come November 11. We dated for 8.5 years before we got married. We were high school sweet hearts. The first few weeks were crazy. I was not intending to fall in love at all I just wanted to have fun, but I fell hard and very quickly. So, did he. As of now we’ve “been together” for 26 years. It’s amazing how fast that time has gone.
My advice to others about making a relationship work is to stop listening to all the old adages and find what works for you and yours. What works for others is not necessarily going to work for you. For example, my husband and I have gone to bed angry. We never promised not to, because I am a person who NEEDS SLEEP and going without it because we’re angry is NOT going to put me in the frame of mind to solve the problem we’re having. I do best when I’m rested and have had some down time. My husband also needs time to cool off so for us going to bed angry is a must some times. This does not work for everyone, some feel it makes the problems worse and interferes with intimacy (and I’m not just talking about sex here). For them that is probably the case.
But, after all these years I love my husband more each day and am so thankful and happy with my marriage that there are no words for it. We are closer and share more intimacy than most couples I know so what we’re doing is working for us.
So again, stop listening to others. So asking others and figure out what is going to work for you. Oh, and keep in mind that men and women speak different languages.
I’m married – for 20 years. And no games here. I think being honest and open is the only way to go. If you aren’t honest, you’ll end up in a relationship that is the same, dishonest and that’s where the trouble begins. A relationship can still fail when your honest but it’s less likely to end up that way and if it does at least you know you did your best.
My husband and I had a bit of a whirl wind romance. We had both recently broken up from our respective marriages when we got to know each other and found common ground in that. We simply followed our hearts. We knew people would think it was ‘too soon’, but sometimes you just have to and you know it is right. Here we are almost ten years later. Still crazy about each other (and sometimes crazy at each other) but our hearts are still in the same place. You have the right advice and really the only advice worth giving: follow you heart x
Absolutely cannot stand those girls who make their fellas “work” or “fight” for them. It’s degrading. (And those two creatures not worthy of the name Woman who wrote The Rules books should be shot dead.) I’ve been with my guy since 1999 and married to him since 2008. We started off as friends which (for me, or so I thought) developed into deeper feelings within about 6 months. Then the bastard admitted that he’d felt the same way for ages and was just waiting for me to say something. ARGH!
So then it was a case of “how do we make this work?” as he was in Perth and I was in Melbourne – yeah, we met before internet dating was cool and normal. Everyone warned me that he could be an axe murderer. After 18 months of fun but ultimately heart-aching trips back and forth across the country, he packed up and hoisted all his worldly belongings east. If that doesn’t prove he loves me, I don’t know what does.
My point is we didn’t listen to anyone elses advice on how a relationship should work. We respected one another, we were patient with each other, we communicated and didn’t just talk at each other – especially as sometimes talking was all we had. The first few weeks after we realised there were feelings there between us there was the lovey infatuation stuff but because we were already such good mates, everything fell into place and it’s been that way pretty much ever since.
Follow your heart, be honest, be yourself, respect each other. That’s pretty much all you need to do.
Guv & I met in 99 via the net as well but in England. I was south of London, he was north of Manchester and we did the commuting thing back and forth every weekend for 3 months before I chucked my job in and moved up with him.
And like you guys, we didn’t listen to what everyone said we should be doing [like how aghast everyone was, when we got engaged 3 weeks into our new long distance relationship, oh the horror – you can’t do that!]. Every relationship is different and you have to do what works for YOU as a couple, so what anyone else thinks and says!
I have been with my boyfriend for almost three years. We were friends for three months then we started going out. We both fell really hard and fast. I never play games with him.
I’m married – my husband was/is one of my best friends and we were friends long before we ever moved to dating but it was so natural and we were so comfortable with each other that we hardly thought of all of that ‘should do’ stuff. I’ve been in a few relationships and in my experience, any time there were any games involved, the relationship fizzled quickly.
My Lovely Husband and I did this really awkward wooing dance around each other for about a year after we met. We both knew we liked the other one but both were afraid to say anything or do anything about it. We’d meet up with friends and without, we’d talk, we’d drive around, we’d send long late-night emails to each other. Eventually it all coalesced but those first months were somewhat torturous.
I’m engaged, and have been for about 4 years. When I met my fiance I had been single and celibate for 2 years, I had given up on finding a man, told God if he wanted me to get married he better drop a husband in my lap, and was imagining myself as the crazy cat lady with chintz sofas, doilies, and a book collection the local public library would envy. I have a lot of history, things I am not proud of, so I spilled my guts on the first date. I liked him and I didn’t want to like him more and have him dump me because of my history. I figured if it were too much for him, we wouldn’t have a second date. Happily, that was not the case. I was tottered between giddy and cynical the first few weeks. He did everything right, but I was sure he was putting on a good front. We are both older, mid 40’s now, but neither of us played games. It is like Mark Twain says, “If you tell the truth, you never have to remember what you said.” Same with relationships…if you are yourself, you never have to worry about keeping up an act, or a behavior that is not part of your nature.
Fell in love in days. Surprised me. No games. Just a realisation that (against the odds) we’d be a “we” for a long time.
its funny the word ‘expert’ because people like to attach it to others as a way of finding out the little things that will give them success. I’ve been married twice and my single late 30s friends sometimes ask how I made it work second time around, i can only be the expert on my own experiences….sometimes life just happens and when it does I dont think you need games x
I love your advice! I am married (coming up to 10 years). There were no games, but a lot of confusion. I was not aware that he was the one. It came as a bit of a shock really, but those initial weeks were still full of butterfly’s, me talking incessantly and spending many hours/days together cocooned in our little bubble. It was really, really nice….and still going strong 🙂
I have been very happily married for over 11 years, together for nearly 16. From the moment we had our first kiss under the clothes line in the backyard at my house warming party (so romantic. lol), we’ve been together. We never dated, we just knew. I remember those first few weeks, meeting for lunch in the Botanic Gardens…I was so excited and nervous to be spending time with him, I could only manage to eat 1/2 a sandwich. Awhhhh…
I cannot stand the idea of playing games with people and I think it correlates with a person’s maturity or lack thereof. I met my husband in a dodgy London hostel. When I first met eyes on him I chased him. Such was the environment you had to get in quick! Anyone new walking through the door was fair game. And I could see he was shy so I invited him out as a group and then we had a few more of that with friends disappearing at the last minute. Still no action! tension but nothing! I then decided I could not be more obvious in my attentions so I backed off , went on a holiday to Scotland, friends got in his ear and we met up the first weekend i got back and walked to the local kebab shop after a night out and the rest is history!
When I meet my partner, I knew. I just knew he was going to be dangerous and that I was going to fall in love with him. Dangerous, because he is so much younger than me (15 years), dangerous because he was/is too good looking, dangerous because I was a single Mum and used to my life, dangerous as I was worried he would hurt my heart. So I ran. I wasn’t playing games, I ran because if I stayed I thought I would be hurt.
But he followed, and in Justin’s quiet steady way he allowed me to trust him and to fall in love with him. Now six years later we are still together and parents to the most gorgeous son.
http://iliska-dreams.blogspot.com.au/
“No games, just love.” That’s great!
I actually pursued my husband. We’ve been together for 19 years, married for 13 with two kiddies to show for. He’s my first everything and couldn’t imagine NOT being with him. I think there’s a lot to be said for going what you want – little games may be thrilling but you have to know the limits. Great post! <3
I ended a long term relationship earlier this year. (5 years). It was my first relationship and so far, the only one. I don’t believe in playing games though…I reckon what you said to your friend is true: Just be yourself. I have other friends who do play games…who have advised me in the past to play ‘hard to get’ and all of that. I just can’t do it. I value integrity and I behave accordingly. If I get into another relationship, I still plan on being me…
I’m in a relationship and spent the better part of the first few months getting to the “we” part and now I’m not so sure. It isn’t perfect but it’s good. I’m definitely in no position to give advice other than to keep the lines of communication open always
I’m like you – married my first serious boyfriend. High school sweethearts. I also get asked for advice and I have to laugh – what am I going to say? Go back to high school? Start playing volleyball?
We’d known each other for a while (there were only 70 or so kids in our year level), so the first few weeks should have been great. But we got together, and then three weeks of school holidays started. He didn’t call. I thought he didn’t like me. Turns out he was nervous and did the chicken out thing while dialling. A lot. Add that to the fact that he was super cool and I was (and still am) a geek, and you’ve got the beginnings of another Hollywood teen movie!
No games from me. Wouldn’t know how. I can’t lie, can’t pretend, can’t hide anything. And wouldn’t want to anyway.
I’m in my third, and final, relationship! We met online via a friend (who was my best friend but grew up with him back in Mississipi). We talked for nine months before seeing eachother in person. We’ve been together in person for 5 months now and are doing great! I have to say that going from a virtual all phone-texting-internet relationship to a real live person was a really huge difference for me…but I like the real live man much better than my phone! 🙂
Helen
Blue Eyed Beauty Blog
Exercise Encouragement Group blog
I married my first serious boyfriend right from first year uni – we’ve been together 11 years and married for almost 5 and now have our first baby on the way 🙂
I actually asked him out in a very nervous, what-if-he-thinks-i’m-too-forward kind of way and somehow we were ‘together’ after that first date. There was no games, just a journey we took together over the years even when things were in the fluttery stage (I remember the tingles my hands would get in anticipation of meeting him, these days my heart still skips a beat :P).
He’s my best friend and I think that friendship has held fast over the years 🙂
oh the first few months are definitely the most exciting!
im in a relationship of 4.5 years, and like you, its my first proper boyfriend and i really think he’s ‘the one’ although we’re not at the stage of living togther, getting engaged, etc etc.
i had already known him for about 7 months before we got together (we worked at the same place) and the first few weeks were just hanging out every saturday night, going out together with all his friends, me being shy, etc. but no we didnt play games…it was pretty clear that we both loved eachother, we said the big “i love you” after a month lol 🙂
I had been single for a few years and had just vowed to my friends to stay that way, having found the peace within me to be happy living my single life, when I met my husband. We had studied in the same polytech, but in different programmes, so it took us a two week study trip to another country to actually meet. I showed all my best sides on the very first day of the trip (being grumpy when I don’t get food, showcasing a major head ache, not minding my words when talking, being annoyed when everyone else wanted to hit the pubs and all I wanted was to have something, anything, to eat after a long day!). I wasn’t looking to meet anyone or get involved, and was dead set against any holiday romances, but very soon into our two week study programme I found myself seriously infatuated with him. Coming back home was a nightmare for me, as he was only just getting out of a non-working relationship, living in another city and raising a kid on his own and everything felt so uncertain from my point of view. But I was already falling in love with him, and he felt the same way, so somehow we made it all work and we became “we” very quickly after that.
4 months later he sold his apartment and we moved in together in my city. While packing for the move, he proposed to me and we got married 2 years later. I feel my hubby really is “the one” for me, I’ve been in a relationship before and done the dating routine during my single years, but nothing’s ever felt anything like this before. We have deep friendship, mutual respect and we accept each other despite our flaws (or because of them).
This could’ve never worked from the beginning, if I’d tried to play games or be something that I’m really not, so the best advice anyone could ever give to those asking, is to be 110% yourself. And like you said Chantelle, follow your heart. It’s only the real thing if the other person accepts the real you without games or wanting to change you – and at that point you don’t have to think anymore, because your heart will show the way.
I don’t think playing games is a good idea – how long do you keep playing after you’ve caught them? I too am married to my first serious boyfriend…… 37 years this year (I was a child-bride… :D) I wasn’t sure to start with but he was, and made sure he was just “always there”. Suddenly – Wham! I knew too, luckily – it could have got annoying, couldn’t it? lol
Now you’ve forced me to think about it… he’s my best friend; we disagree but don’t argue; he’s still “pursuing” me, can’t go more than about 4 hours without calling me on the phone (even before mobiles/cell phones!); NEVER complains if I spend money on me (although to be fair – he spends faaaaar more than I do! lol); lets me choose the holiday location; still surprises me with little gifts; He doesn’t have a “romantic bone” in his body, but it doesn’t matter because our relationship works in so many other ways. You just have to be you; anything else is going to be difficult to continue for the rest of your life, isn’t it? Good Luck to your friend; if he doesn’t like her for who she is, he doesn’t deserve her anyway.
Jude.x
Test
I am dating my best friend from high school after a 30year friendship and both our marriages are over. We hadnt spoken for 15th years. We just clicked all over again and are insanely in love. We both admittd to loving each other then and never speaking up we are the happiest we have ever been. This is what was mising all these years. Absolutely honesty free from judgment and completely trust in another person. Our kids are happy for us too.
I’m not sure how to respond to that. I think when I was younger and didn’t know any better I bumbled along and just did whatever I needed to do to achieve the ‘we’ stage. I was immature, but I wouldn’t translate that to ‘game playing’. I don’t believe in playing games or in dishonesty. I wear my heart on my sleeve; my life is an open book. I’ve never understood relationship strategies; my ‘strategy’ is to just be me and to get to know him and to enjoy it. I’m currently single, very much by choice; I have a huge move coming up; an international one. When I move to Sydney in Jan, I’m planning on dating again. 🙂
Hubby and i went to high school together. We *got together* in 1986 🙂 We have been married since 1989. Im his first girlfriend and he absolutely worships me ( i don’t mean to brag or be disrespectful…sometimes it drives me crazy how much he loves me:) but not in a possessive way:)
He is my soul mate and best friend, i couldn’t imagine life without him
I have been blissfully married for over 14 years to a man I met on a blind date and was married 47 days later. All things are possible!
I’ve been engaged for two years, and we’re tying the knot next weekend. We’ve been dating since I was 18 and he was 20, but have known each other for about 5 years before that. You’re absolutely right – the best advice is JUST BE YOU! If you play the games, you end up becoming some other person, and live a lie the rest of your relationship (which probably won’t last very long). I remember the biggest thing that attracted me to my man in the first few weeks was that I felt completely myself around him, and I didn’t have to act a certain way or check myself, and he was good with that too!
XO
anikohar
bacheegsandlove.blogspot.com
Hi! I am in a relationship for nearly 5 years now and had lots of relationships before that. My theme has always been: no games. Because if I man likes me the way I am its fine – if not alright too! Games are maybe fun for a while but you’ll never get a real longterm with certain games or rules.
Really I had A LOT of relationships and non of them lasted that long as the one I have now and the reason why is simply because I feel at home with him. I feel like I belong with him. It was from the first week on … never felt that before so I am guessing it must be right! Don’t get me wrong I am a child of divorce so I am not believing naively in “forever” but at the moment it feels absolutely right!
hope that helps your friend! NO PLAYING GAMES!
Also what I loved was the book: He’s just not that into you! Great book and sooooo true!!
xoxo
Hi, I’ve been in a relationship technically for nearly 2 years now but it wasn’t made public or official till April of this year. So I feel like my perspective is becoming relatively common where someone (doesn’t matter the gender) doesn’t want to put a label on whats going on or rather is looking for something easy going and casual for the time being for whatever the reason. (i.e. in my case a former break up from 2 years back that left him feeling like he didn’t want to fall in love again or at least not for a long time). It started out casual and just for fun. But once I got to a month and a half I started to wonder where I was going with him. When I asked he said “I thought we were dating”. This was news to me. Haha.
By the 3rd month it always seems like it should be the “shit or get off the pot” moment but instead of pushing I was patient and just staying exclusive. We didn’t’ establish it but I felt like I wanted to be exclusive. By 8th month I started to get restless. I had asked friends who were in relationships how long it took them to make it official. They told me now a days its the 8th month mark since people tend to fear commitment in my generation now. So here I was at the 8th month and I got restless. I allowed myself to have a moment of weakness and I kissed someone new who was interested in me. It was a mistake I still regret because all though technically I was free…my heart wasn’t. (no matter how frustrated I got).
And what timing because as soon as the holiday season came our relationship slowly became more public. We held hands in public, I was introduced to his friends, and I was showing him off to mine. By the new year it was clear he wasn’t interested in casual anymore and I knew he was planning the right time to make it official. Before it happened a HUGE heartbreaking road block hit when I found a booty call text conversation on his phone one morning. It was the most devastated I had felt in a long time and it took a lot out of me to logically analyze what had happened and to forgive it. That event changed everything for me, because it was his opportunity to unconditionally commit and also mine. A month later he finally made it official and I’ve been happy the entire time. On top of that I have never looked at his phone since and never felt the need to.
So the first OFFICIAL months of our relationship have been straight forward and filled with love since its had to over come a lot of obstacles and time to even get to where we are now.
Wow I can’t imagine it taking THAT long… It’s always been official within 1-2 months for me. And that’s been with all 3 boyfriends I’ve been with.
I would have been super uncomfortable with this. I have never heard of people waiting eight months to be exclusive. I don’t mean to be nasty at all – I just would have felt like the person in my life was taking advantage of me.
Well I’ve been with my hubby for 24 years but happily married for 21!!! In the beginning it was full of love, butterflies and excitement and with 5 kids now, I have to say that we are more in love and excited for one another than ever. I know it may seem strange to some to read this but we really are that perfect matched couple and I cherish this daily. We still have our disagreements from time to time like any normal couple, but making up is always the BEST!! 😉 xx
I made my current boyfriend of nearly 3 years wait a month before I went on a date with him. It wasn’t really on purpose but it worked in my favour. He kind enjoyed the chase and it kept him intrigued. The first time he asked me out I just said “Maybe..” and walked away. He was gob-smacked.
My husband and I knew we would marry just weeks after our relationship began. Like you there were no games, just love. It was such pure love right from the start. Our marriage is built upon common ideals and friendship. You need to be friends to stay in a relationship so do as friends do. Go out and have fun, don’t forget to nurture that friendship if you want to keep the relationship. Without the friendship you can disconnect and lose touch with eachother…
Well…. that’s what I think anyway hehe
I don’t believe in games. I prefer the straight-to-the-point approach.
Im in the uncertantity stage, madly feeling butterflies but lessons learnt from previous relationships, I’m in no rush to make him “mine”.
Its a mutal thing and I’m 100% sure we’re exclusive, we’re just not labelling it yet.
He doesn’t go a day without calling me, we have mutal friends, I can han comfortably with “the boys”, we see each other twice a week… It’s motoring along nicely and I’m enjoying being in the now.
I met my boyfriend on the internet and from the first meeting I knew he was the man of my dreams and I could not wait to spend the rest of our lives together, it will be 4 years at the end of October. I met him when I was 36 and he was 44 so being older and a little bit wiser helped, no mind games just pure honesty. It was love at first sight. We knew right away that we would be living together within the first 6 months and we were, then a year later we bought a house together and then 2 years after that we sold it and moved to Toronto Ontario where we are now starting a new chapter in our lives.
I was careful when I met my fiance. He actually thought I was playing games – the truth was that I was terrified of getting hurt and was doing my best to maintain a barrier that would protect me. It lasted about a month and it’s been game-free since then – we’re getting married in June and we got together in November ’10.
Thank you Dr Ishvara! The love spell worked and he returned to me. You are a marvelous, wonderful, stupendous, shocking and extraordinary person with so much talent. You have a gift like no other I have seen. You are an amazing person with a beautiful soul and inner balance that shines on all you meet. You surpass any and all other gifted individuals I have ever met. Your Spell is so accurate it is incredibly unbelievable. Your wonder-working magical know how of the universe and its laws are magnified within a structure so unique it’s impossible to find anywhere. Again, thank you for everything! And thank you so much for the happiness you brought upon me we are so much in love again. if your ex leave you alone and you find it so difficult to go back you can contact this man! ishvaratemple@yahoo.com