With her wedding only weeks away, my sister shared that she had learned a thing or two about relationships from a book she was given while we drove. She shared that each person in a relationship has a ‘love bank’ and at the start of relationships/marriages the bank is pretty full, but as the years go on the bank ‘funds’ can start to dwindle if the couple don’t tend to each others needs.
I love hearing about stuff like this. I love hearing about anything actually. So she went into more depth. Usually each person in the couple has top 5 things that they want from their partner, and those things contribute to the health of the love bank. A women might have affection at the top of her list, and perhaps hanging up the towels after a shower somewhere there too. A man might think having dinner cooked for him, or great conversations, or having his ego stroked are at the top of his list. I’m sure sexual satisfaction fits right in there somewhere as well! Before getting married it’s meant to be good to talk about the top 5 things that you want from your partner in order to stay in love.
After getting over the guilt of not preparing myself for marriage properly {eek, we just knew we wanted to get married, so did!}, I realised that we do pretty well at the marriage stuff and at times I’m sure the love bank is look a little dismal, but for the best part – we do OK. I think for me I’d have affection on my list and being heard. I like to know Hubby loves me and I like to know he’s listening to my rambles. Right at the top would be having him make me laugh. Lucky he has me in fits of giggles most days.
What would be on your list? What would you want from a partner? And if you’re married, did you read books or have pre-marriage counseling before the wedding? Did it help?
Is that the 5 Love Languages by any chance? We both read that book while we were on our honeymoon (7 years ago now!! How time flies!)
There is also The 5 Love Languages for Children too.
Sound advice in those books!
I was going to say the same as Photographer Mum – sounds like The 5 Languages of Love! Good book. And so much truth to it. Once we learn to speak each others language, it makes relationships a bit easier!
We are getting married in December – our best man's uncle is marrying us, he is a 'minister of theology' so is non-denominational (I'm Cathlolic, Mr is Anglican and we're getting married in a Uniting church by a Baptist raised minister!) He offered that as part of his 'service' to marry us we could do a series of 'grow and enrich' sessions with him, we said sure why not, it means that every couple of weeks for the past YEAR we have travelled the almost 2 hours to Melbourne on a Friday night after work. Not ideal. BUT it has been THE BEST thing we could have ever done – I SO look forward to our sessions with John, plus he and his wife have become great friends with us. We talk about all this stuff which we never would have thought to, not huge issues but it's so interesting! I don't want to get married because our pre-marriage sessions would end – ha!
Oooh I didn't ask what the book was called! Silly me. Will have to get it though, by the sounds of it. I'll ask her this week. x
We also read The 5 love Languages which I think is a really great read – helps couples understand why their partner doesn't appreciate their efforts – because they are speaking the wrong love language.Generally though after 5 years I think our Love Bank has regular deposits
Its an interesting idea and I like the idea of a bank 'cause you can take things out and then, over time, put things in. I think that as you grow older your 5 things change – what you wanted at the beginning might be different from what you want now, and then it might change again as you get older. For me, having failed dismally at my first marriage my second attempt is focussed on talking – whether it be about serious stuff, day to day stuff or about ridiculously stupid stuff I want my 'stuff' to be heard and I want to hear his 'stuff'…I also need the space to talk about what Im worried about and I also want to have a big cry and for my partner not to look for a solution or a 'fix' (like men tend to do sometimes)…I like looking after my husband – checking his OK and as we have both been single parents I like to tell him what a fab dad he is…and he is! Thanks
Yikes! I'm not sure about books like this… I'm not really sure about love banks either!! I think respect, consideration and fun are pretty key for me. You don't need a bank to tell you you're lacking in those sort of funds… x
A friend of mine calls this Love Language. Before she got married a priest they saw told her and her husband they needed to figure out what things they did for the other person that were Love Language. ie. Picking the towels up, or cooking dinner or giving a foot massage and making sure you realise that person's love language. Because we all have a different way of expressing it. I loved this idea and think it sits quite nicely with your love bank concept! Oh the joys of marriage 😉 x
Elizabeth Saxe Coburg-Gotha is an evil woman, why do we slave away at work our whole lives for money with her face on