e’re elbow deep in the terrible twos. Crying has gone from mid-range sobbing, to high-pitch shrieking with feet stomping and body thrusting thrown in.
Cyclone Lacey can upend a room in one mean swoop. She’ll move chairs to climb to where she needs to be. In most cases it’s our book case or kitchen cupboards. She’ll scale walls, tables, ovens… anything.
She has to be touching me all. the. time. When she sleeps, when she’s awake, when she eats, when we drive {she’s been pretty much like this since birth, but hey… I forgot to mention it}.
I’m exhausted all the time from keeping up from her, and I wish I could teach her about personal space, because at the moment… I have none. Zero. I go to bed when she does… I wake up when she does. I’m tired of the yelling, the demanding, the constant neediness, the having to watch out for our little destroyer.
There are tantrums about getting dressed, about having a bath, about dinner, about putting shoes on, about taking shoes off. There are tantrums about getting in the car, about getting out of the car… there are even tantrums about having a blanket on at night.
And thankfully she doesn’t just save the tantrums just for me. She treated Ma {Gaga} to one the other day. Lucky Ma.
On Saturday after playing playdough and building blocks, I decided to get the paint out. It was only 9am and I’d already played everything, had a work meeting over Skype and showered {with Lacey watching, of course}. So out the paints came. Within 3 minutes she’d trod over all the paintings and walked them through the house. Disaster. Little blue footprints everywhere.
But I love her. I do. I just can’t wait for this stage to be over. Already.
Do you have any tips? Do you know how to deal with the terrible twos?
I have no specific advice, Chantelle, but I promsie you it does pas. Gradually and painfully, but it does pass.
I once went to met with Steve Biddulph and he told me that when they look you in the eye and give you “attitude”, this is the exact moment that you need to remind yourself, and them, that YOU are the parent, and YOU are the one in control. YOU are the one that needs to set the boundries of what is tolerated and what is not…..it is what they are waiting for you to do. Apparently.
I know how you feel! Keeli is just like that too. It's driving me nuts! I can't do anything without my little shadow. And the tantrums…. boy, I can't wait to see what other people can suggest. I'm all outta ideas already. Hope it gets better for you real soon. xxx
i am going through the same thing with tommy and as much as i love him..the lack of personal space thing is DRIVING me C R A Z Y! He will hardly sleep on his own at all.. a few hours a night. He always wants his hand under my arm.. he constantly wants to be held or wants to stand next to me etc etc…
Ok i am not helping you with advice.. but i can say from experience with zac. the phase does pass! I have to keep reminding myself of that too! Tommy is also known as destructo boy.. He can mess the house up within the space of 5 mins and has the ability to destory toys, books etc that Zac NEVER did!
Hmph! VENT OVER!
xxx
Loving the art!
Millar had some tantrums over having a shower a few months ago. We used a sticker chart and whenever he had a shower without tears and tantrums he would get a sticker. It worked wonders. We have used the sticker chart for dinner time and are beginning to use it for toilet training. Millar is 2.5 and I am pretty lucky that he doesn't have tooooo many tantrums – also the 1 2 3 magic thing worked wonders for random tanties about nothing.
It does pass, but then they turn 3 & thats a whole other story.
I don't have any tips for you, but I can tell you I've seen my 2 1/2 year old niece throw some whopper tantrums this weekend and I am not looking forward to that stage with Charlotte!
This too will end (repeat x infinity)
Arg, the twos. That age where they start to realise that they have power. All bubbas are different, of course, but my Tips for the Testy Twos that worked for me are:
1. Set firm boundaries. You're the boss, not them. This is what we do and this is what we don't do. Set the boundary and then don't be afraid of tantrums, just let them happen. If you get scared of tantrums, they will never end because they will know that they get the power they want.
2. Ignore these tantrums. The quicker they realise that acting like a pork chop doesn't get them anything, the better. It's difficult, but patiently waiting for them to stop the shenannygoating works pretty well. I have been known to step over a squirming, screeching child and walk away (as long as I'm certain that she's safe, of course!)
3. Reward calm behaviour. If you're going through a batch of lots of shrieking and carrying-on, make sure you stop praise the quiet times lots and lots and lots.
4. Always remember my favourite saying: this, too, shall pass…
x
PS – we also use 1 2 3 Magic around here and it's brilliant.
Fantastic picture, Lacey is very talented. It is terrible hard at times but it does get easier the older they get.
Oh, I so hear you. It's a challenging time, isn't it? We have the same things as you do – over and over and over. I get sick to death of repeating myself, of time out, of saying “No”. The tantrums are hideous. I'm sure the neighbours think I'm some sort of awful parent, what with all the screaming, and me losing my temper. And it doesn't matter how good a day we have, at 4.30pm there is a melt down from both of them. Right while I'm cooking dinner. I guess we just ride it out as best we can.
Once when Noah was winding himself up into a particularly nasty tanturm, I waited until he piped down a bit and said “Oh my gosh, did you see that?” and ran out of the room. “Quick, Noah, come look. There are dinosaurs outside the window”. End of trantrum. The catch is that I'm now forced to visit the dino's multiple times a day. I've also found this to work with little pink rabbits, big blue butterflies, and green wombats. They all live in our house.
The other thing I've tried is bribery. If we're going to the park on Saturday, then I'm cranking that one out on Monday.
The personal space thing is my biggest irk (that and whining). I honestly do not know what the answer is there. Sam is going through his 9 month attachment freakout so I'm a bit stuck with that one. Noah is nearly 3 so I've started teaching him about personal space. He's learning, but it's a slow process. I'm pretty straight with him. I tell him that I don't feel like being touched just right now and that if he can stop until I've finished doing what ever it is I'm doing, then we can have cuddles.
None of these are full proof, but occasionally they work. I'm told it passes too, some days I just can't wait.
Oh dear…. All I can say is 'I am hearing you sister!'. We haven't even hit two yet and I can safely say that I have the little boy version of your little Lacey! Eeeek!! I have taken note of some of the very good advice in the comments above. As I sit here typing this comment with a child grabbing at my shirt screaming, I am in no position to give you any tips! May the force be with you my friend, god knows I need it!
What can I say my girls are now 3 and just 5, and they are still going through this stage. I just take 3 deep breaths and try and remember that they will soon be grown up and won't want so much mummy time. xx
i am dealing with terrible 2's as well, there is nothing you can do but wait till it passes, my other 2 skipped terrible 2's and had terrible 3's..
Good Luck x
I feel for you !
We are also launching into terrible twos (again) – and its easy to forget that while they don't verbalise very well, they completely comprehend everything we tell them.
1 2 3 Magic has kicked in this week – he gets it after just two trips to the corner 🙂
Good luck with Miss Lacey.
PS – Terrible Two, Ferious Fives, Stroppy Sevens . . . I'not sure phases stop they just morph into another one . . . distraction is a handy diffusion method at our house
I don't know how Chantelle but you have an uncanny knack of emulating EXACTLY what I want to say and what I'm going through.
What you have written is like a documentary of my current time with Acacia.
It's like you have had camera's on us. Umm you don't have camera's on us do you hahahahaa.
All I can say as someone feeling your pain is that I try …TRY to take a deep breath and count to (at best) 5 before I react… it kinda works and I think I have a certain face when I do this as Acacia seems to know what's coming and that she's overstepped the line.
The other thing (and I can only go by my one and only) is that ignoring works best. Ignore the whining (my biggest challenge) ignore the tantrum….. just walk away. Easier said than done … oh I know… but it works for mine. We now have a couple of tantrums a week instead of a day : ) Hope something of this helps as I so understand. Now, I'm going home to check for hidden cameras hahha : P
xoxo
I so feel for you, Sadie is a couple of months away from being two and the “terribles” have been with us for a while.
I've found the art of distraction a big help, there's always a mysterious pussycat or birdie lurking around. Sadie also went through a biting phase a couple of weeks ago and I started using the naughty corner. The threat of the corner usually upset her enough to stop the shitheaditis but then she would cry to be hugged so who knows how helpful that is.
I guess we just need to keep repeating the mother mantra
“this too will pass”
We're fully entrenched in the Terrible Two's. Ellie has moved on to the Terrifying Threes and Kahlei, while she's still a few months from two, has taken Ellie's place. I would have liked a bit of a break between, but oh well.
Everyone has said what might work… it's just a time we have to struggle through, I suppose.can
sending you wishes for strength, patience, and rest 🙂 If all else fails “this too shall pass” has a bit of a hypnotic effect when I am at my wit's end xx
Chantelle, I feel for you. Read you post and was keen to see what suggestions you got. My daughter turns two in two weeks but we've been experiencing tantrums for a while now.
Ladies, what is 1,2, 3 magic?
Wow, it's been fantastic reading everyone's stories and knowing that there are so many people out there going through exactly the same thing. It really helps when there's other who understand huh!
So lets, just for a minute think about this from a 2 year olds perspective. Wouldn't they like someone to understand how they feel too? What do us 'grown up's' do when we are feeling frustrated, don't get our own way or life just seems so unfair? We usually call a friend and vent. Or get on a parenting blog and we vent. One way or another, we let it out and boy doesn't it feel better when we do!!! A two year doesn't have the verbal or bloging (lol) ability to do this. The venting comes out in the stamping feet, the full blown tantrums and crying and sobbing. It's their little way of letting it out and trying to be heard and understood. They grow out of it eventually because they learn to use their words, but at 2 or 3 they need to find other ways. In my eyes, as long as they are not hurting themselves or others then let them go for it. Hell, get down and join them! And watch the look on their face when you do! No longer are they alone, feeling like no one understands. We don't want our children to keep in that anger or feel like they can't get rid of it! To us, they are having a tantrum about something so trivial, but to them it's “end of the world” stuff. I think disregarding their feelings, ignoring them is basically letting them know that their feelings don't matter and that we don't care. Imagine what it would feel like. Pretty crap. Now imagine if every day we (us adults) were constantly being told what to do? Do this, don't do that, hurry up, get in the bath, go to bed… etc, etc… after a while you'd get rather resentful wouldn't you? Being told what to do is status quo for a child. It's never ending. A lot of children protest because they are trying to feel in control and wanting to make decisions for themselves. I agree that children LOVE routine and to have boundries but I also think within that should lay some flexibility for them to learn to think for themselves rather than constantly being told what to do. It's a vital life skill that they need to learn. Giving children choices is a way this can help. “Which smelly shoe would you like to put on first?”… it'll make them giggle and they get to feel like they have a say. Anyway, back to tantrum throwing… If you don't like the type of tantrum they are throwing, the next time you get mad show them how to do it. Say “I am mad, mad, mad” and take 10 huge, deep breathes in and out (like your in labour)…. teach them how to blow out the anger. Ask them “is there anymore left?”… and if they say “YES”…. say “quick, quick”…. “keep blowing till it's all gone”. Find a way to teach them how to express their anger in a way that's acceptable to you and works for them too. Over exaggeration works a treat with this. “Wow, your so angry I think your going to blow the house down” (etc) usually gets a giggle.
Anyway, just little suggestions that you may or may not like the sound of… I just found it works. At the end of the day when a child feels like it's understood life becomes a whole heap easier for you and whole lot happier for them 🙂
One little thing which I find helps is lots of warnings about upcoming transitions between activities and lots of saying out loud what your expectations are of an activity or situation before it begins. I find Immy is even more demanding if I am on the computer and she is waiting. One thing which I try to do is play with her for 10 minutes or so and then excuse myself to go and do a task, telling her I will be back, and then re-entering the play a short time later. I keep repeating this process and get my work done in fits and starts.
And when you are having a really hard day – escape! Get out of the house to give both of you space – to a park, the beach, wherever. Good luck, be brave, you will get there.
Some great advice here already. I'm sure you don't need any more! My 2yr old has been having some tantrums lately. I don't think it is as bad as others though… because I also have a 6month old and so she has been learning that it isn't always about her. She has her moments of course but I find that ignoring it/time out / or showing some sympathy /empathy helps… or providing a distraction.
She drives me crazy sometimes but boy can she melt my heart just as quickly!
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