“You have eyes just like Mummy,” she whispered in her lovely little caring voice. “I can tell you’ve both been crying.”
And then the tears fell, as they had been for days, only this time I couldn’t keep others from seeing them. I had no control over the sadness, it had control of me.
I couldn’t imagine not hearing their stories, seeing their sweet faces, hugging them or laughing with them every single day. To imagine for just a moment ached my heart. And the tears fell again. Yet I continued to torture myself by playing memories over and over in my mind.
Over eight years ago I arrived on their doorstep to meet with their family: a chubby, smiling toddler and two beautiful girls, who were checking me out as their potential carer. It was meant to be, and before long I was sharing the weekdays with them, getting to know their quirks and growing to love them with all my heart.
Before long a new baby joined the family, and she had my heart from the beginning. She had a little magic that’s never been lost.
Driving to work each day was a joy. In fact it felt a little odd to even call it ‘work’. I got to play, laugh and smile for 10 hours a day {the dirty nappies, tantrums and troubles seemed to disappear somewhere far away}.
We’ve been through so much together. We’ve become family, and eventually my own little Lacey would be part of the crazy, the chaos and the love.
As I drove to ‘work’ last Friday for the last time, I couldn’t breathe. It didn’t feel real. Tears blurred my vision and my heart pounded. The kids cried with me, and we laughed about all the good times, all the laughs we’ve had {of which there have been many}. We wished for time to stand still, with one eye on the clock. We tried to make it our best day ever, but our sadness got in the way.
Eventually it was time to head home. With tears falling, an arm full of hand-written cards made with love and a heart full of memories, I drove away for the last time, with the kids running up the road after me. They waved, and I sobbed.
I know it’s not goodbye. I will see them soon. But I know that when you leave a family, things change. They get more freckles, they grow, they find new love, and new people to laugh with {in this case it will be with my Lil Sis – lucky girl}. But I will see them soon.
As one door closes, another always opens. So with my tear soaked face {yes, I’m crying as I write this} I take a step into my new future. Thank for your kind, kind words on Friday. I get my emails in my Blackberry, so through the day your comments would come through and definitely helped me get through the day. Thank you.
So what will I be doing if not nannying? As of today I’ll be embarking on a new role as Kidspot Community Editor. More about that some other time though.
I hope your weekend was lovely. I’ll be back just after lunch with Point & Shoot. I thought I should explain why I was so sad last week first. Once again, thank you.
Oh you clever girl. Tears here, too.
You were in my thoughts all weekend and
I hoped with all my heart that your sadness was fixable. While it's not exactly fixable it is a sadness that will lessen with time and I am sure you have a gagillion memories with those lucky kids that will quickly fill up the sad spot.
And congrats on your new role, how exciting I can't wait to hear more.
PS So glad I read this BEFORE I got ready for work, otherwise I'd be fashioning panda eyes for the rest of the day. Sweet sweet words xx
I always get a little sad whenever I leave a family, but I've never been with any family long enough to feel the sadness that you did. At least you know they're in good hands and you'll get to see them again really soon. And huge congratulations on the new job! x
Oh, how heart-breaking!! Even though you won't see them every day, you will see them grow and change. Nothing has been lost forever. Feel blessed to have been such an important part of these kids lives, and leave them in good hands while you go confidently into your exciting new future!!
Oh, that's heartbreaking. Hopefully you get to catch up with them soon. Can't wait to hear about your new role – how exciting!
bawling here.
It's such a tremendous step for all of you but a brand new life for you too.
Lots of love my friend. xxx
*hug* but yay at the same time. I was really worried about you for a moment there.
Thanks so much girl. Each day gets easier, which I'm so thankful for as it means less puffy eyes and a happier mama. x
Great to have you back Chantelle! It must have been a very sad time for you, I bet they were family to you! But congratulations on your new venture & job….what an amazing change that will be! Enjoy the ride…you deserve happiness!
xo.
Chantelle. That was so beautifully written and so honest. How lucky that family was to have you.
What a lucky family to have had you for so long and now to have your sister. They are going to miss you a lot and you them but you have an amazing opportunity. Well done to you for doing so well and trying new things. All the best with the new job. Lou.
i thought about you all day friday… i knew exactly how you would have been feeling and i cried reading your words just now…
i was only with them a few months and the kids touched my heart but i had you to look after them and i knew they were in loving hands! thank goodness you have jenna and you know they will still laugh, love and be loved… you will see them and they will never forget you! you have an exciting journey ahead… i cant wait to follow your new adventures! rowe x
That was so beautifully written; a special time to carry with you through life 🙂
Congratulations on your new role, what a wonderful opportunity!
I feel for you after the birth of my son I had to say good-bye to the family I had looked after since the oldest was 15 months ,she is now at school, and for the first few weeks felt really lost. It gets better and no matter their age they will always remember that bond you have created with them…forever!!
It's amazing that you can write such beautiful words when your heart is breaking. This in itself is one of the many reasons your new job sounds like it will suit you to a T.
You've made such a wonderful impact on the kiddies' lives – this is SUCH a wonderful gift you have given them as they start their lives.
Only good things should ever happen to YOU because of this 🙂
Elise x
What a beautiful post. How lucky is that family to have had you for 8 years!
Now Kidspot get lucky. Their gain.
Oh tears.
Wow that would of been the hardest goodbye I would of been a total mess too, at least you can still hang out with them..And good luck on the new role, just another step in your life..Thinking of you.
xoxo Daneve(Ah-Tissue)
Oh Chantelle, my heart goes out to you. The children sound lovely, I can see how special they are to you and how much you will miss them. Congratulations on your new role at kidspot.
Great post Chantelle, straight from your heart! Yes Kidspot are very smart gettng you on board. Here's to your new career!! You will be brill.
Aw, they will miss you so much too! But onwards and upwards, new job and a new challenge. I know you will do a fantastic job at Kidspot!
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It's always sad leaving a family you've worked with for years, the main family I was a nanny for years ago… their youngest who was a newborn is now nearly finished high school! Time flies, and they will always remember you and you will all treasure the memories 🙂
Congratulations on your new job and welcome to my corner of the world – I'm a CM over at Y! 🙂 It's a brave step and there's a fantastic world out there with social media etc, you will love it.
I am finishing up with my 'family' at the end of the year – it seems too close for my liking! Eight years is a lifetime considering I have been with my 'family' for three. My little Monty-zooma is becoming a big boy though and is off to school and to conquer the world.
Kidspot are so lucky to be getting you! Dream big in your new career, Chantelle. If you bring even a tenth of the love you had for your old one you will be a superstar!
Aww Telle.. I cried reading your post. Those kids were so so lucky to have you as their nanny for so many years :o)
As a muumy-nanny myself I know how close you get to the little friends you make. They will remain friends for life xx
How Heart breaking…you leaving is giving someone else the opportunity to shre memories with them now…and thats a gift xx
good luck with your new venture x
8 years is a very long time and they would be like your own.
At least you know they are in safe hands with little Sis.
Looking forward to hearing about your new job.
Oh, Chantelle! This resonates to well with me. I had to say good bye to my Dad two weeks ago as I moved back from WA to NSW and you've summed up exactly how I was. Down. Right. SAD! Thank you for this post xxx
That must have been so hard saying goodbye 🙁 What an exciting new adventure you have ahead of you 🙂
I've never met you in person but I was worried all weekend!
As challenging as this time must be for you, I'm very excited (and relieved for you. I'm afraid I thought something much more horrible had happened to you!
All the best with your new adventure, I hope you can share more soon.
Jo
xx
Congratulations on your new role.
x
that is huge.
wish you all the best.
Oh, I have tears. You remind me of when I left the child care centre which I had started and run for six years, broke my heart. At least I had a new baby to console me and you have a fab new job! Congratulations 🙂
I started to read this at work, but I got teary in the first sentence and decided I'd save it for home. I'm glad I did… The tears!
They'll forever be part of your life, my love – I'm glad you're feeling a little better today, and that they have your sister!
Love x
Awww how sad : (
But its never goodbye …. just until next time.
Your very brave and I wish you all the success for your new venture. How does that saying go??? Someone's loss is another's gain…. well I don't agree…… they have both gained for one has had you in their life and one is about to learn about your life = both have gained and you have too xxxxx
awwwww you made me cry! Wow that is a long time with the one family…..
but I know you'll love working from home!!!
my desk is my kitchen counter where I can supervise everyone!
corrie:)
I was a nanny in London for 2 years and with the same family for 18months- I didn't live in but went everyday, the baby was only a few weeks old when I started and sayng goodbye to them all, parents as well was devastating… my heart broke seeing the baby for the last time…I hear your pain. x