used to be a chronic sufferer of the disease to please. You wanted it, I’d give it to you… at whatever cost it came to me. I would be constantly doing, giving, being at a sacrifice to my self, and my happiness.
I don’t know how it happened, or when it happened, but somehow I was constantly sacrificing myself for others, and the others had no idea that I was doing so. I was suffering from the disease to please.
I’ve slowly recovered and allowed myself to say no, when I’ve wanted to say no. Sometimes. Sometimes I still say yes, when my mind is saying no.
Last Wednesday I visited the local Farmer’s Markets as I do most weeks. We had nothing planned for dinner and whilst there I thought I’d find something to have. I saw mince on sale and planned on heading back, but first I needed to grab some supplies for work, including ham. I like the lady at the place that sells ham and pork products. She’s super passionate and I like that in anyone. She’s filled with energy and super friendly. I like that too.
After ordering the ham I noticed a roast in her cabinet and enquired about the flavour. The lady picked it up, started telling me about the lemon and oregano she’d marinated it in. As she was talking she was wrapping it up. She told me how she made the same one for her partner the weekend before, how she’d picked me the smallest one and lastly as she puts it in front of me she says, ‘Oh, and I slaughtered it myself’.
And then, ‘that will be $56 please’.
I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t really even want the pork. I was just enquiring in a friendly manner, and was about to pay top dollar for a piece of meat I never knew I wanted or need. So I grabbed the money from my purse and paid for the meat. My disease to please kicked in, and was the new owner of a piece of pork. A tiny piece of pork, mind you.
I’ve never ever paid so much for a piece of meat before. Ever. And I don’t plan on doing so ever, ever again.
Sometimes it takes little speed humps in life to remember where you came from, and where you don’t want to be again.
I took myself and my newly acquired pork home*.
*And then I completely destroyed it in the oven.
Do you suffer from the disease to please? Or are you recovered?
Goodmorning,
Great post Chantelle. I had to giggle a little about the Pork coz something similar happened to Hubby & I on our honeymoon! We simply commented on some live lobster & how good they looked at a fancy restaurant and before we knew it…it was on Hubby's plate & we were $180 poorer!!!
But yes…I suffer from Disease to Please too! I think I'm in recovery though! I've always suffered it…even as a little girl! I hate to disappoint! But after a pretty stressful year last year and a lot crap going on in my life, and me trying to always 'please' everyone through it – I promised myself that 2010 was going to be the end of that! I now speak up my opinion a little more, I say NO when I want to more often and I put myself and my family first before ANYONE! I follow my gut feelings and I try to live with no regrets 🙂
And it helps to have positive blogs (like this one) to read every morning 🙂
Have a great day x.
Oh man, I never gave it a name name, but yes, yes I do! It'll be no consolation to you, but I'd have done exactly the same thing with the piece of pork scenario.
There have been brief episodes of recovery, but they've usually occurred while I'm having a bad day and not in the frame of mind to care how well behaved I am 😉
Great post! And $56 for pork?! WTF.
Yes, I am also a long suffering victim of the disease to please. I hate saying “no” when I have no concrete reason.
I'm getting better though. We just have to remind ourselves that the world won't end if we just say NO for once, and do exactly what we want to do instead.
Hello, my name in Tracey and I'm currently suffering from a terrible reoccurrence of the disease to please.
Doctor Chantelle, I have been working 8am to 2am most nights (including weekends) out of the 'good nature of my heart' because I can't bear to think that work will go unfinished because I'm going on annual leave. I mean, the nerve of me wanting to take allocated leave! How terrible of me, right? I've been punishing myself since the day I notified my boss 2 months ago. Today is my last day before I start leave tomorrow and I have come to a point where I am exhausted and mad at myself that I couldn't of done 'more' than I have been. I should of kept working past 2am straight to 8am, to make it a full 24 hours, silly me.
I have a terrible terrible disease.
p.s. When you see me next week, don't be surprised to see bags under my eyes that rival any airpot luggage claim in the world.
p.p.s. I'm about to go tell my boss that that's it. I can't always say 'yes' and there aren't enough hours in the day. I can't be sorry about that.
I also have been a longtime sufferer of the disease to please. Growing up in a domestic violent home, I didn't want to do anything that would cause more violence and so, I was always the 'good girl' and said yes. Always. To keep the peace, to make people happy, to avoid confrontation. It became such a habit, that even now at 31 years old, I cannot say no. I'm scared that if I do say no then, 'they' won't like me or it will make 'their' life harder or I will make 'them' angry, or gasp, maybe even cause confrontation! I wish I could say no.
Oh I hear you… I'm getting better, but I still mostly say yes when what I really mean is no… Baby steps!
Most definitely a recovering People Pleaser. There are still periods of relapse though. Especially when the in laws are involved. On my own, I would have gone home with that pork too.
That's a hilarious story that I completely relate to!
I've become so much better in the last few years at saying no, but there is one place left where I find it so difficult – with my hairdresser!
I love him and think he's fabulous, which means I cannot say when he suggests a lovely conditioning head masque and recommends I buy Moroccan Oil (fantastic by the way)….which meant my last haircut cost $174!!!!
I haven't been back for six months for fear of the dreaded disease raising its ugly head again!
I love that you have named this infliction! My hairdresser would have to be my main concern, when she says “oh doesnt that look great?” I say yes it does, instead of saying “what the … have you done to my hair – it looks like a helmet?”
Somehow I dont think we ever grow out of this disease… we just want to please.
Sad I know – but true at least for me 🙂
How apt the timing of your post is. I've just recently written one about my realisation of my need to please at the expense of myself. Thanks for helping me remember that I'm not alone. x
OMG I got a great little giggle out of this story. I can see it happening – I went to the organic market at Pyrmont one morning and bought a $40 piece of duck in very similar circumstances – luckily for me they gave me two dozen organic free range eggs for free – cause that totally made it worth it LOL
I mostly try to please with friends and family though – always saying yes but this year I have made a conscious effort to reverse this trend. I still feel bad but saying no has been easier.
I am a chronic sufferer, on the road to recovery but prone to relapses :-/
Oh noooooo! You should have told her 'no'!! Easier said than done, but I have been in this situation and have told them that I didn't want it, i was just asking. So much easier than having to beat yourself up later. I feel for you. I hate when people do that!
Wow, that's a lot of money for meat!! I definitely can relate to this though. I'm always constantly stressing myself at work because I want to make sure I please everyone I work for. I need to stop doing that.
I can completely relate to this post – it's exactly the kind of thing I would do.
I know my weakness for it now, so I try to avoid situations where I will say yes, while really wanting to say no. I just find it so hard…
Oh Chantelle, i am so with you, i am a complete sufferer of the disease to please!!! I totally had the same situation yesterday i went to buy a leg of lamb to roast and paid $33.50 for it!! My mother freaked out when i told her she told me to take it back and ask for a smaller one but no not me i just didn't due to my disease…and i also did the same a couple of weeks ago buying a present to say thank you and it backfired on me, no ones fault but my own…so i totally get this disease am trying hard to say no and sometimes i do and sometimes not and i have all sorts of guilty feelings when i say no but i know i have to get through this and next time it will get easier…i have so much empathy for you right now!!xxx
Great post! This happened to me a few weeks ago, I was shocked with the price got to my car and sat there for about 5 mintues thinking 'how could this cost so much?'. Made myself go back in the shop and ask! Was not fun, but I felt better doing that than paying a fortune :). Wont be shopping there anytime soon though!
Wow thats heaps for a small. but I've paid $75 for two 3kilo roast beef. I was in shock then.
Oh, no you poor thing! I wonder if you are an eldest child, I think we often have an over eager 'desire to please,' I know I certainly have *sigh*
Wow. That is a fancy pork.
And yes, I also suffer disease to please. I have actually recovered slightly, but only in the past few months. After a series of events when I put myself out for someone over and over, only to have a passing 'thanks' and other friends telling me I was a doormat (clearly very good friends to be that honest!), I realised I had DTP. And I hope I am still getting better.
Dying to know if the pork was $56 worth of amazing taste?
I am a sucker for the please, i am everyones taxi driver for that reason. must stop!
In recovery but would have bought and destroyed (not on purpose) the pork just like you did.
I used to be a YES person. For everything, money, rides, time…everything. In the end if you don't learn to say NO the universe will keep presenting you constant opportunities to teach you to say NO.
I had this terrible affliction for a very long time, and despite suffering the occasional relapse, I am definitely on the road to recovery.
Unfortunately it was the loss of my beautiful son that made me re-evaulate my priorities. Thankfully you, and many others have realised what a problem it is without the associated tragedy.
Not that I mean to bring you down. I love the story about the pork. Sounds very familiar.
Elizabeth Saxe Coburg-Gotha is an evil woman, why do we slave away at work our whole lives for money with her face on