Letter to Luella: Welcome to the world

IMG_2205My sweet Luella Blue,

I loved you before I met you. You’re the little bub that I’ve been dreaming of for years, and to have you here in the world feels like magic. I just want to soak up every single second with you.

Today is your due date, and I wanted to write this before all the details become a blur. I never want to forget what it was like meeting you for the first time, what it felt like to hold your warm body in my arms and the days that have followed afterwards… mostly filled with lots of baby-gazing. You are very loveable.

So, let me tell you about the day you were born, my beautiful girl.

Tuesday 20th August 2013

I was woken by your big sister who wanted me to resettle her. So I woke, and waddled out from our carpeted bedroom to the tiled hallway where my waters broke {so kind to save it for the tiles, thank you waters}. With your big sister I had already experienced contractions and I felt a pop when my waters broke. This time there was no pain, just a waterfall. Being more than a week away from my due date, I was surprised but excited. I woke Dadda, called the hospital and then got ready to go in.

“You won’t be staying,” the midwife on the phone said so not to get my hopes up, “We’ll just check things out and then send you back home.”

I tried calling Gaga 3 times, but she hung up every single time. I later learned that she thought it was her alarm. Eventually I got in touch and she came to stay with Lacey for the night.

I was really nervous about going to the hospital, and started to feel sick as we pulled into the car park. I think having the early visit was just what I needed though. It familiarised me with everything and I got to meet a handful of beautiful midwives with each visit. Alinta was our first midwife that night, and it was so nice that she’d keep on checking in on us through our stay and eventually get to meet you.

We checked your heartbeat and you were happy inside. Alinta told me what was likely to happen and that we had about 72 hours for you to make your way into the world until we had to do something about it. So home we went.

As we walked in the door at 3am Lacey had just woken and was so excited that she was going to meet you. She ran to the car and asked, “Did you bring home the baby?!”

Sadly there were still a little more time to wait, but that time with just the three of us was pretty special.

Lacey and I stayed up that morning, together on the lounge watching TV. I glanced over at her, so aware that our time us just two was nearly over. I won’t lie, I cried.

We spent the afternoon back in the hospital for a check-up, and you were still happy inside. Just before midnight contractions started to happen, some were 6 minutes apart and others 15 minutes. They were pretty intense. I called the hospital to let them know things were happening but I wanted to stay at home. I had an appointment for another check-up at 7am, so I’d either see them then or hopefully before.

Sadly, not long after that phone call the contractions fizzled and I was only getting them half-hourly and then by morning just hourly. It wasn’t even enough to be called labour.

Wednesday 21st August 2013

I woke early, disappointed that the contractions hadn’t intensified but still content with how everything was going. Despite the contractions I’d slept quite well and was ready for whatever the day would bring. Your Mama is a planner so I thought I’d go to the hospital, then off to an acupuncture appointment and then be back in natural labour by dinnertime.

At around 6am I had a slight bleed {later I realised it was a ‘show’} so we headed into the hospital early and set up in a birthing suite to monitor you again. Again, you were very happy inside.

We knew that we had to make a decision, whether to be induced and stop the waiting game or wait it out. The midwife the afternoon before had told us the stats – how many people go into labour naturally within the first 24 hours, then the next 48 hours… and I’d been thinking about it overnight. I’d heard horror stories about inductions and it added to my already mounting birth fears.

We had until 8:30am to make a decision, as at that time the consultant would come in and we’d need to let them know. I went back and forth. Some decisions are hard to make. As always I asked a million questions, and really I just wanted someone to make the decision for me. As I spoke with various midwives I tried reading between the lines and guessing what they thought was the best way for me to go. In the end I didn’t know.

One midwife suggested, “If it worries you, order an epidural when you get induced.”

So that was my plan.

We decided that we just wanted to meet you, to have you in our arms.

The birth

The consultant and registrar came to meet with us, and although the decision was ultimately mine it was nice to hear her be persuasive with what she thought I should do. The midwives had forewarned me that it would be that way, that they’d just push for me to be induced.

“OK,” I decided through nerves, “I’ll get induced.”

It was decided. The midwife and the doctors chatted amongst themselves, and I immediately started to cry. Overwhelmed, excited, scared, nervous… a snowball of emotions just hit me. It was happening. I was going to meet you. Finally.

They knew that I’d had a traumatic experience with your big sister, so they assured me that this time would be much better. I knew that it would be.

I realised that we can plan as much as we like, but it’s not always going to go the way we want. I never wanted to labour during the day. I don’t really know why, but I just didn’t like the idea of the world going on around me while I was birthing. I liked with Lacey that I was delivering her as the world slept, and my family woke to the news of a new baby. It was peaceful.

Our birthing suite looked over the car park and being a small hospital, I could see the world busily happening below us.

And I never wanted to be induced. It was something I wanted to avoid. But here I was giving birth in the daytime, and it was actually OK.

The midwife, Courtney, started the drip and we waited for the contractions. I politely asked if we could call for the epidural, but the consultant had said she wanted me to have 4 contractions within 10 minutes before that happened.

When everyone left the room I looked at Dadda and said, “I know what they’re doing. They’re going to get me so far in the labour that I can’t have the drugs. I’m not stupid.”

We laughed. And then we waited. We had two midwives throughout the morning and there was lots of laughing and the vibe in the room was lovely.

At 11am the contractions started, and they didn’t stop. I don’t really remember much. It was contraction on top of contraction. Dadda held my hand through it all, and as they intensified my grip got tighter. Once a rather painful contraction had finished Dadda complained, “Do you mind not squeezing so hard, my finger is kinda sore from weeding yesterday?”

I mustered up a laugh, and vowed to continue squeezing as hard as I needed, weeding injury or not.

At 12:15pm I’d dilated to 6cm and the contractions were close together so I asked for the drugs. I need the Anethetist. Pronto. The labour was intense and painful.

I think he’s just outside Dadda assured me. I knew that I wasn’t getting the drugs.

“I need to push,” I declared. Quickly followed by, “Where are the drugs?!?”

The Anethetist came in and sat beside me. And that sounds lovely and calm like we were about to have tea and scones. But it wasn’t. I was breathing through contraction on top of contraction, and all I could see was a guy in a white coat come in. He began to tell me how epidurals work, and how I wasn’t going to be able to have one. In my head I remember thinking, “I know how they work, I’ve had one before. They’re bloodying AMAZING.”

At this stage I couldn’t muster any words. Anytime anyone would talk to me, I’d just give a blank expression. In my head I was responding, but in reality I was just getting through the contractions.

While the Anethetist was rattling off other drug options and information, I just grabbed his hand and made him good for something. I squeezed his hand hard through the next contraction and may have also let out a scream. He quickly left after that.

The second midwife, Lydia, was called back and it was time to give birth. In my head as soon as I realised the drugs weren’t happening I had to change my mindframe. I went from being filled with self-doubt to being empowered. I told myself, “I can do this. I can.”

An old light fixture hung on the wall, it was of a waterfall. Despite being plugged into the power it hadn’t worked in forever. Apparently it used to make little bird noises. How tranquil. Placed over the walls were random photos of frogs. I don’t know why. Lydia told me to pick a frog to look at it. In my head I laughed, in reality I gave her a dirty look.

“No more fun and games here then,” she laughed.

I’m not sure if it happens for everyone, but contractions make everything intense for me. If someone is laughing, it’s quite possibly the most annoying noise ever. If Dadda was accidentally touching my leg, it was like he was bearing his whole weight on me. In those last few minutes of labour I wasn’t the nicest person. Thankfully I think I was forgiven. {The midwives promised I wasn’t bad at all, after I apologised a gazillion times}.

So I looked at that broken waterfall picture and I pushed. In my head I muttered ‘ouuuuccchhh!’ but in reality {Dadda told me} that I let out three primal screams that will stay with him forever. I looked at him and I could see he was starting to cry. In my head I urged him to ‘toughen up buttercup’ but in reality I looked straight back at that waterfall and pushed.

After just 1.5 hours of labour, you were here. Your sweet little body was placed on my chest. The cord had wrapped around your little neck so you were purple, but within minutes you were back to normal. I was in such a state of shock that all I could mutter was, “I did it. I really did it” over and over again.

Despite the birth being fast and intense, it was beautiful and peaceful. You were so calm on my chest, like you’d never been away from me. Like we’d always been together. Love filled that room right then. It was consuming and wonderful. That moment when we met, is just magic. Seeing the way Dadda just turns into a gooey mess of loved-up man is something I want to remember forever. Feeling those feelings of overwhelming instant love is something I’d love to bottle up and keep for eternity.

A few hours later your big sister came to visit, and that moment was pretty magical too. Oh boy, the whole day just was. It was all kinds of wonderful.

IMG_2469

Just the four us spent some time together, before anyone else came into see us. Lacey loved you instantly. We gave her a little gift that you’d picked just for her, and she was beyond excited. She says thank you. The next day she said to me, with completely amazement, “I have a little sister! And that makes me a big sister!”

Yes, that is true.

You are loved, my little girl. You are loved with all our hearts. And, by the way, that’s a whole lot of love.

♥♥♥

It was up to me to decide on a name for you, and I couldn’t for a few hours. I went back and forth between two names, eventually deciding that you were my little Luella Blue.

Luella is a name that I’ve loved forever, and it just suited you. And Blue, well that’s special. There’s a man that you’ll sadly never get to meet, who would have loved you to the moon and back if he were here. Your PopPop, Bluey, would have been one of your most favourite people in the world, but sadly he passed away a few years ago. We’ll tell you stories, show you photos and videos and Lacey will show you how his star shines right above our house each night.

Luella Blue, the world is more beautiful with you in it. Thank you for making me a mama for the second time. I promise to smother you with love and kisses every day for the rest of my life. You are the sweetest little being who I can’t get enough of. The midwives urged me to put you into your bed at night, but I couldn’t. “She’s just the sweetest, most chilled thing,” I gushed. They rolled their eyes, smirked and let us be.

Luella Blue, I love you,
Mama. xx

Welcome to the world
Luella Blue
August 21st 2013 12:39pm
3.095kg
48cm
{& super cute!}

97 thoughts on “Letter to Luella: Welcome to the world”

  1. Similar pregnancies, similar births! Just as beautiful, precious babies. Huge congratulations on the birth of Luella Blue. I had sweet little Finn Harry Fred a week earlier than expected (and naturally instead of the elective c section we had planned) on 31 July. I didn’t realise how much my heart could expand to love two beautiful children! Sam loves his brother to distraction & I love watching them together. After reading your post (which made me cry buckets!) I must blog my birth story. Like you my waters broke with no warning (in bed in the middle of the night), I had to be induced & had no drugs. Unlike you I was in time for an epidural but the damn thing failed! My God but it was hard work! Hope you are loving being a family of 4 and are getting some much needed sleep! xx

  2. Beautiful!!!! You are AMAZING Chantelle!!! I knew you had the strength in you as soon as we met!!! Thankyou for sharing this story!!! I L.O.V.E a good birth story!!!! Xx

  3. What a beautiful post, you are so blessed to have two beautiful little girls. Wishing you all a fantastic life.

  4. I love your beautiful story! We all have stories for the birth of our children. The fact that you wrote it down is delightful. You shared it with us and that is so loving of you! Your children are blessed to have you to call Mommy. I can only imagine what a sweet husband they call Daddy. I am thankful to know you and your foursome, even if from afar! My friend has written letters to her daughter since she was born and gave them to her on her 21st birthday. Her daughter just moved out on her own, and she is, again, writing letters to give her on a special day. Wish I had done this, just the sweetest! Thanks for letting your fans share in your joy! HUGS and butterfly kisses to you all!

  5. Wow Bawling my Eyes out, This reminded me so much of my own 2nd baby. Such a Beautiful letter xoxox

  6. Big congrats, yes I remember that moment when you get told, “you won’t be having any drugs” . Why do they do that? Isn’t that lying ? Lol.

  7. Oh Telle!! What a story! I have little tears rolling down my cheeks… I am just SO very happy for you. Enjoy those cuddles and squishy kisses. xxxx

  8. Love the way you write and this story is beautiful ! I always am curious as to how people come to choose the names for their children so it was great to find that out …lovely name 🙂 Congrats to your little family .

  9. Oh Chantelle…when I saw this post come up onto my feed I so wanted to read it but a part of me didn’t because I knew I was going to be a tearful mess (tears of joy of course) at 9am in the morning….needless to say I read it crying and feeling so many of your emotions…it was just beautiful…congratulations to all of you…what a beautiful letter – wow imagine how amazing it will be for her to read when she is older…I absolutely love your chosen name and the ‘Blue’…all so very very special just like her ! Well done – you did it !!! Sending you lots of love and happiness !!! Thank you for sharing this intimate letter – what a beautiful start to my day…Hx

  10. Pass the tissues please! Lots of crying in the comments (me included). Oh how I love birth stories, especially since I’m too old to write another one :p I wish you and your lovely family all the best. No matter how many kiddos there will be, you will have enough love for all of them, don’t worry. Absolutely love the name you chose, knowing the special meaning now, it’s even more precious. Thanks for sharing x

  11. You have me in tears and I am so touched by all you have written. Enjoy your precious little people and your family of four. So special and adoring. Wishing you all the best with loads of love (even though I do not know you) but that is how I feel so much joy and happiness for you all. V xo You also bought back the joy of the times I had my beautiful daughters

  12. Oh Telle, I’m in tears reading that! You are the most amazing woman and I remember reading you were worried that you wouldn’t have enough love to give to Lacey and the new bub. Anyone that knows you knows what an impossibility that is, you have love seeping of your pores. Again, congratulations, and what a beautiful birth story. Much love to you all xxxx

  13. Many happy tears for your beautiful story, Chantelle. I loved her name from the first moment I read it, but the story behind it is just heartbreaking and heartwarming all rolled into one. Enjoy your precious girls.

  14. What a beautiful recollection, thank you so much for sharing. Your daughters are absolutely gorgeous and so lucky to have such a beautiful Mama. Congratulations.

  15. And now I am in a flood of streaming tears. Luella Blue will treasure her beautiful letter to read over and over throughout her blessed life.

  16. Oh Telle! So so beautiful! And the tears came springing to my eyes as soon as I realised who ‘Blue’ was for…what a wonderful way to honour him. Enjoy every moment with your two precious ladies x

  17. OH such a beautiful birth story!! Thank god I Had my tubes tied as this has just made me so emotional and clucky again!! # is enough for us though so ill just have to live through the emotional joys and fears of other pregnant/birthing mumma bears! xx Congrats again on your beautiful family!

  18. Beautiful story! Loved sharing in your birth through your writings. Two super precious daughters to love and snuggle with. You are Blessed!! xxx

  19. Such a beautiful story but laughing at your primal screams as it reminds me so much of masons birth where I yelled at the midwife I need an epidural even though I had already started pushing, I also screamed a lot which hadnt happened with the other two kids and mark annoys me soooooo much when I’m in labour just him looking at me drives me crazy!!!! Welcome to the world Luella you sure are super gorgeous, I hope we meet one day soon. Enjoy every minute Telle, baby gazing has to be my favourite thing to do. Xx

  20. crying………………….so beautiful! good on you for writing it all down now because you forget all the little things. So sweet…just enjoy it all. She is so beautiful:)

  21. I was in this same chair at the hospital when I heard Miss Luella had arrived and I am sitting here today reading this and I’m sure the nurses are wondering why the tears ….again! Any minute now they’ll be over

  22. I am newly Pregnant and Hormonal and I weeped reading this and am so Excited to experience becoming a Mum again. Thanks for Sharing she is just Beautiful xo

  23. OMG…tears gushing down my cheeks as I read that post and memories relived of my children’s births. Beautiful words and a lovely and very special account of Luella’s entrance to the world. Best wishes to you all on your new little addition…wonderful news!

  24. Gorgeous post. Like everyone else I cried and it brought back wonderful memories of giving birth to my two, especially as we are about to celebrate our sons first birthday! My how quickly time flies second time around. Congratulations and enjoy every second, especially the middle of the night cuddles!

  25. Thankyou for sharing your Birth story and what a beautiful keepsake for your precious Daughter Luella Blue,Congratulations be happy and enjoy the early days x

  26. Your letter melted my all body, mind and soul! Actually, you’ve inspired me to write a letter to my bubba in future. How sweet and thoughtful idea!

  27. Congratulations on your empowered birthing and lovely baby girl. I was induced too, in France, with twins. Increasingly intense contractions with no pause from 9am till 5pm when i got the epidural, my babies arrived a little after midnight after a bit of complications but no C-cut. I really felt “dis-empowered”, medical stall ( in a school hospital) was no help. But what matters is healthy babies. Just, congrats on your birthing and magnifique bébé. Such a lovely name too!

  28. Heart-meltingly gorgeous & beautifully written! Love just oozes from your words!
    Congrats to your beautiful family <3

  29. Amazing Chantelle! This piece of writing is absolutely gorgeous. I have always wanted to be a Mama and this is inspiring! This is just beautiful. Sitting at my desk crying right now.. I love this, love this! Congraulations to you all for welcoming in such a gorgeous little lady xxx

  30. I lived this three times plus two when they didn’t make it. Birth is the most truly amazing experience and now in my 60’s I can recall every moment, every pain and every joy of every birth. Make the most of this joyous time with your family of four. Your story will be well guarded for her future and she will always know how much she was loved from the first moment. Well done!! X

  31. Congratulations! What a beautiful name for a beautiful baby!
    She must smell soo soo good! Sorry, I am addicted to that newborn smell!

  32. Thanks for sharing this very personal letter to your newest little creation. Something that Luella will cherish in the years to come.

  33. Hi Chantelle, beautiful letter to your beautiful princess. As you know from my posts here, my eldest daughter fell pregnant around the same time as you….her prince was born Monday August 26 at 4.09 am, 4.325 kgs, and 53.5cm. His name is Ace Brian. I am yet to meet him but am going to do so on Saturday and I can’t wait. Much love to your new addition and your family xx

  34. Crying. Just couldn’t help it! So beautiful how even with the pain and the tension the world seems to love the mothers so much! Congrats!! Luella Blue and Lacey are beautiful!

  35. Congratulations! I have just recently found your blog and I already feel like part of a family! And I love your first words after LB was born. So many people say they said hello or I love you to the little. I said, “I JUST PUSHED A BABY OUT OF MY VAGINA!” So there you go. Kisses from Minnesota!

  36. That is just so gorgeous! Thank you for sharing and congratulations on your little addition to your family x

  37. So beautifully written Chantelle, funny how our stories are very similar to an extent. Except as they put they were putting the drip in for the induction the midwife asked if they had finished breaking my waters (mine just broke at the top back) after she did this 35 mins later Caitlin was born. I had a completely natural birth the first time and planned the same the second time but asked for the gas. It doesn’t really work if you are too tired to hold the tube to your mouth! 🙂 Congratulations again, both your girls are just beautiful and being a mummy to two girls is the BEST! Enjoy.

  38. Oh, Chantelle, how beautiful! What a special letter that will be around for sweet Luella to read later in life. I adore all of this, especially the meaning behind her middle name. I’m all teary-eyed. 🙂 xo

  39. Such a beautiful story – thank you for sharing! I cried & cried & cried until I had no more tears. I am due with number 2 in 8 weeks – scared as hell about the birth & acutely aware of the limited & precious time I have left ‘alone’ with my 23 month old little boy. Welcome Luella Blue, you’re one lucky little bubba x

  40. What a beautiful story. I sit here with tears in my eyes after reading that Chantelle. It was just lovely. Welcome to the world Luella Blue – you will certainly be very loved xx

  41. Your post brought tears to my eyes! Particularly the part about the significance of Luella’s second name Blue. Such a beautiful acknowledgement, I am sure that star is shining a little brighter in the sky right now watching over your newest edition. You did well Chantelle, what a lovely story! So happy for you and your family. Congrats again. xx

  42. thanks Chantelle for sharing your intimate moments – but ones so familiar all us mums can relate too. Yes, tears falling on the ipad! congratulations on your new beautiful daughter. No doubt you’ll laugh and cry through the adjustmentsto becoming a family of 4. You’ve reminded me of my own second child daytime induction ( Elliana was born at 1pm with ‘The View’ playing on the tv- yes I know, why??? Didn’t anyone consider turning it off?). It was much as you described your birthing story , especially the soft gorgeous ‘loved up’ time with hubs and older child. Enjoy your precious family.

  43. What a gorgeous story! I wanted to call my daughter Luella but we ended up going with Imogen. I love the middle name too! Congratulations to you and your family.

  44. this made me laugh and cry at the same time.. and i’m working as i’m writing this by the way! Congrats! love from the Philippines!

  45. I am sitting here early in the morning, my husband and son are asleep, I’m waking early be aside I’m pregnant, I did the last time too. I have tears pouring down my face, my nose is dripping and the residual mascara from last night is turning me into a panda. So beautiful. I’m excited but nervous about having another child and how it affect us as a family unit of 3… Eeek! Congratulations to your family x

  46. I can hear that little rhyme at the end being sung over and over to her as you sing her to sleep. What a beautiful letter. I love these notes to your children. And she’s absolutely perfect. xxx

  47. This is an awesome part of your life and I thank you for the opportunity to be able to read about it. Lovely, and again, CONGRATULATIONS xx

Comments are closed.