Is there anything uglier than a bully?
It’s ugly from the very inside, from the tiny crevices within one’s heart, to the very outer pores of someone’s skin. Ugly.
My daughter can be anything she likes. Anything. But if she ever lowers herself to be a bully, then I will come down on her like a tonne of majorly cranky bricks. I hope I never have to see that day, or be that pile of cranky bricks.
There’s a little boy who lives in our neighbourhood. The area we live in is really small and friendly, and not long after we moved in he came to visit. Just knocked on the door and asked to play. I didn’t know him, or his parents, but I knew that we were friendly and safe so I let him in to play. It ended up being quite a regular thing. He’d come and play with Lacey and her toys. They were the same age, and I loved that she had someone to play with.
It was all going swimmingly until one day I caught him attacking the dog. “Hey mate, we don’t do that in our house. Don’t hurt the dog please.” I thought it was a one-off, and let it go. I should have listened to my gut instinct and put an end to the play-dates. But let them play I did.
Then the next weekend he gave Lacey a Chinese-burn on her arm, and punched her in the face. I politely showed him the door and asked him to go home and never come back to play. I thought that was the end of it.
The next weekend it got worse. He came past with his older cousin and started yelling not-so-nice things out to Lacey, throwing rocks at our cars, and throwing large amounts of weeds into our trampoline. Frustrated and slightly upset, I sat Lacey down and talked to her about bullies and how their actions made us feel. You know, not good.
A few weeks went by, and it all seemed OK, until a dead magpie turned up in our trampoline. Again, thanks to the little boy down the road. So I mustered up the courage and talked to his mother, who offered no apology but listened to what I had to say {which I did calmly, albeit with a slight shake in my voice} and then closed the door.
I’ve been on the receiving end of bullying too. Man, it’s the pits. It was a few years ago I was bullied online. Oh, it was yukky. There were lots of tears and consoling by friends and family. I didn’t get it. I couldn’t understand why someone would be so cruel. I know I’m not the only one. There are many that use the bravado of typing crap about people behind the security of their computer screens. How big of them. They can hide from us, but they can never hide from themselves.
I read this news article yesterday, about a 13 year old who committed suicide. Truth be told I couldn’t even read the whole article because it made my stomach do flips and tears well in my eyes. It made me mad. Why are people so unkind?
Part of me feels sorry for the bullies. Imagine being them. Living that miserable existence, so horrible that they can only spew ugliness out at other people. I don’t know how they justify it to themselves. How they can go from saying/writing/doing horrible things one minute, and then tuck their kids up in bed with love the next. How would that feel? How do they justify their actions?
A wise little boy, who I used to nanny, once said something to me that was so wonderful and true, so simple and easy to follow: Treat people how you want to be treated. Wouldn’t it be great if we could all do just that? Is it really that hard?
And if all else fails, there’s karma. Thank you Lady Gaga. {Excuse the expletives}.
Love the quote!
sorry to hear that happened to you guys. Bullies are the worst but I believe that the absolute best thing you can do is confront the bully. As your daughter is so little, you have to do it for her, but she is watching you and will see that she shouldn’t let anyone push her around. Way to go!
I live in the community where this girl died and everyone is just so devastated. How did it happen? Why are bullies always winning? When will it end? But I must say thank you to her parents for coming forward and telling her story, too often it’s brushed under the rug and it took alot of courage for them to speak. Thanks for blogging about it, I’ll be sharing 🙂
Oh gosh, that must be devastating. The headline on that story was just so heartbreaking to me.
xxx
It breaks my heart every time I hear of a beautiful soul who have taken their own life as they see no other way out only that they no longer want to be in this world any longer. Our school community lost a lovely boy earlier this year, he was 19. Chantelle my hear goes out to you and I hope Lacey is ok from what this nasty boy has done to your family. And yes why are the bullies always winning?
Oh my!! That is horrible!! I was bullied all through high school. It is not nice. I think you handled it really well. You have to wonder what sort of home life kids like that have. Is he suffering some sort of abuse to make him act like that? Who’s actions is he copying? And if he is tormenting animals now, what might that progress to? It’s a worry. I hope he gets bored and leaves you alone or you have the courage to report it to authorities if he continues. Best of luck. xoxo
It raises so many questions.
Sorry to hear that you had a tough time. 🙁
I watched a great doco last night called The Anti-Social Network. It highlighted just how sick online bullies really are. Their lives are so meaningless that they simply have nothing better to keep them entertained than trolling.
I’m so sorry to hear about Lacey’s encounter with the boy down the street. I hope his mum does something to stop the behavior xx
I saw you tweet about that one, and it looked good. I think I’ll have to find it and watch it.
Thankfully it’s been a few weeks and we haven’t seen him. I think/hope it’s the end of it. x
Know exactly where you are coming from Chantelle, I have said the same thing to my girls and I would be absolutely devastated if they were to ever be a bully to anyone. Having been on the receiving end of bulling through high school. It stays with you:( Good on you for standing up for Lacey:) Oh and love the quote !!
What a wonderful (and heart wrenching) blog. Bullying can be soul destroying and unfortunately, is increasing every day. All we can do as parents is lead by example and let our kids know that bullying is not to be tolerated…
so well said.
Sorry to hear; love the Gaga quote.
So sad this has happened to you and your family Chantelle. Bullying is BULL SHIT! I often wonder how people get to be bullies? what is their home life like if they think it is OK to punch someone in the face?
Love the quote!
Chantelle I think you have acted very responsibly. I hope Lacey has understood and is processing it all okay. I am concerned about the little boy as well. There are all sorts of reasons why children would hurt animals and other children ranging from personality to victim of abuse and more. I hope someone is looking out for him too.
Oh my goodness…..that little boy is only 4 or 5 and acting like that?! Scary 🙁
You handled it well Chantelle. His parents need to wake up!!!!!
Bullying {especially online} is the biggest factor behind teenage suicide and that blows my mind. How do people seriously live with themselves KNOWING that THEY were the reason someone else is miserable…or worse…killed themselves. Ugh makes me shiver with fear of what my kids will face in their futures 🙁 I guess all we can do is bring up kids who would not get involved in bullying and guide with ways on how to cope with being bullied. Easy to say though!
Sorry to hear you had a bad experience online too. People really do think they can hide behind a screen and their words won’t come back to bite them. I’m a firm believer in Karma 🙂
Mwah
Claire xx
P.S. A youtube video that a few other bloggers and I made last year about teenage suicide: http://youtu.be/fXSRjC7I04w
It is always sad when our young children have that shine of friendship dulled by bullying. It is sometimes worse as an adult because surely adults know better? Good on you for speaking to the boy’s mother & I truly hope that is the end of it for your family.
As a child I was bullied during a time when my family life was falling apart (parents going through an ugly divorce). It was horrible and a very dark period in my life but as an adult I have realised that the one good thing I can take from it is I learned you need to speak up & stand up for yourself. As a mother I have had to relive some of those emotions as my daughters have been bullied. My now Miss 13 was bullied so badly at the age of 6yrs that she suffered from extreme anxiety & depression. We eventually had to change schools it got so bad. I look at her now & although the mark of anxiety & depression still lingers, she is so much stronger & surer of herself at 13yrs than I ever was. She is comfortable within her own skin, relishing in being ‘different’ & thankfully has a lovely group of friends who feel the same way about her. My Miss 11 has never fit in with her ‘friends’ at school & has had almost constant name calling, excluding & belittling for the past 7yrs. She has come home many a day from school in tears & inconsolable. My heart just breaks for her but I see this beautiful young lady developing who has the most amazing compassion & understanding of other peoples pain. She is always the first to console others and the first to stand up for others. She now confronts the bullies and question their motives and when they give a lame response such as ‘just because I don’t like you’ she tells them it’s not good enough. She is a fighter, not just for herself but for others too. All I can think is my children will grow up & change the world for the better because they have not let the bullies win. Those bullies will grow up and most likely stay bullies. I know who will have the happier life
Your attitude is amazing. What wonderful girls you are raising. x
Oh man. That is just awful Chantelle! I don’t understand it either, but the more I read about it, the more I think it’s come full circle, and usually it’s come from something they have seen or experienced. Well done on confronting him and his mother. But that behavior is simply unacceptable!!! X
Poor Lacey. Bullies are the worse, and what really gets me is when they don’t even realize they are being a bully.
We moved towns and schools when I was mid way through year nine/ For one group of girls I became that weirdo from the city. The verbal and physical bulling has stayed with me for life. I often wonder about those girls and what became of them.
I’d be calling the cops on that kid. vandalism, cruelty to animals, what’s next???
I worry about that. My husband is a cop… so we had decided if anything else happens we’d do something about it, outside of ourselves.
This is such a good psot! I think that especially online people are more ready to insult others because they’re not face to face with them but it’s just so stupid! It’s perfectly fine to have a different opinion on something and voice that but there’s jsut no sense in hating on anyone! Why waste your time on that??
xx Jenni
Ooooh, what a nasty piece of work he is. Bullying makes my blood boil. The injustice of it all! I hope he moves on to something else soonest. By the sounds of his mother’s reaction, it would be too much to hope he learns the error of his ways…
Why are people so angry at the world? x
I wonder the same.