Think about unicorns instead

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I don’t like birds.

Oh gosh, how many posts have I started with that sentence?

I just don’t like them. All those feathers, and feet, and beaks, and unpredictable flying and landing.

Worst of all is the dirty ibis. It scavanges for food and is a dirty pest. And hey, it ain’t pretty either, right?

I don’t like that bird most of all.

And yesterday I killed one.

I didn’t mean to. I was mortified. Still am.

I was driving home from doing the grocery shopping. I was traveling below the speed limit, because I’m bordering on being a grandma. I could see a big white bird flying in from the right hand side, and thought it was getting terribly close to the car. So I did what any normal person {ok, not normal, anyone shit-scared of birds} would do. I ducked and closed my eyes.

Let’s remember that I was driving the car. I was in control of a vehicle, with closed eyes. Awesome.

The bird hit the roof of the car with a huge thud and sadly immediately passed away.

I called Hubby. “WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? WHY ME? WHY NOT YOU? OH MY GOD I’M FREAKING OUT!”

Lacey piped up, with such calm and collected wisdom, “Yep Dad, she’s totally freaking out.”

We drove home and I continued to freak out.

“Mama, you should go home and cry into your pillow.”

Thanks Lacey. That’s how all life dramas should be dealt with right? Where does she get this stuff from?

I continued to freak out for the 10 minute drive home. And by freak out I mean internally, quietly, mentally go over the whole experience again and again whilst feeling like vomiting.

“Mama, stop thinking about it. Think about unicorns instead.”

And then for the last three minutes of the trip she asked me over and over again, “What are you thinking about now?”

“And now?”

“What about now?”

Each time I made something up. “Seeing Dad.” “Luella” “What I had for breakfast.”

All lies. I was thinking about the bird.

There’s no happy ending to this story. The bird didn’t regain life. I didn’t think about unicorns. But I did think about how much my little girl is growing up, and that I’d very much never, EVER like to go through that same thing ever again.

Please.

photo credit: TexasEagle

9 thoughts on “Think about unicorns instead”

  1. Was your car okay? Wow that makes me sound heartless, but I know the bird wasn’t okay lol, but what about your car? They can do serious damage! Lacey is amazing, that is incredibly smart and beautiful of her to tell you those two pearls of wisdom and keep asking you! Psychologist in the making? xx

  2. My Eldest daughter would totally understand your fear she is the same, she was swooped by a nesting magpie many years ago and has never recovered.
    As for me I love birds, but I love Lacey’s idea about thinking about Unicorns! So precious!!

  3. Aw out of the mouths of babes! I once had to mow down some ducklings on the freeway at 100km/h – had no choice as there were cars in both lanes, bad weather and I was in the wrong place to pull over. I saved the mother and a couple of babies, but I felt really bad! My friend (and former colleague) never lets me forget! Each time her and my brother see those moving compilation videos of people doing amazing (and probably dangerous might I add) things to save ducklings, I get tagged on Facebook just to rub it in! So mean haha.

  4. Even though I am a Bird (sorry born with the name, even Robyn as a middle name), I agree with you on those ibis – not a fan of the dirty bird. But once ran over a mynah bird, by accident of course. I felt sick at the memory of the bump over it. It was even on the road to check on its dead partner! I apologised to the Bird God for days afterwards while being secretly glad it was a pest type bird and not one of those lovely cockatoos or galahs. Bird racist, that’s what I am – as well as a murderer.
    And anyway, what was an ibis doing trying to take on a car? Just glad you didn’t take out anyone else when your eyes were closed!!
    x unicorns forever x

    • p.s. Just checked your FatMumSlim post on Dec photo a day – by Birdy Num Num Designs!!! That’s my tag – must have a word. Knew I should have copyrighted it years ago.
      x Becci Bird!!! of Birdy Num Num

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