The Help

This post is sponsored by Nuffnang

I can remember the day I moved out of home. My parents drove me the three hours it took to get to the big smoke, we picked up a new car for me {my first foray into personal debt} and we ate lunch at a cafe near my new home. I could feel that my mum was anxious too, and as we said our goodbyes I got teary. I could feel my mum was close to tears too.

I walked up the long, steep driveway with my overnight bag on my shoulder. I was moving in, but I couldn’t bear to take anything more than a week’s worth of clothes with me. I was just eighteen, naive and unsure of what I was getting myself into. I knocked on the door and made my way inside the huge house with all the lights. All eyes were on me. The mother, the father and the three children looked me over, and up and down. The mother welcomed me as well as she could. It was a feeling that I would feel more than once. Being welcomed into a family as the nanny. Feeling like ‘the help’.

Each day I would rise early and take care of the children. Each day I’d take care of the house, traipsing up and down the series of staircases with the bundles of clothes and cleaning products. As much as I tried, as did the family, it never quite felt like home. Every night I’d retreat to my room to avoid the uncomfortable feeling of being an imposter. Being privy to the family conversations, the arguments between parents and feeling like the odd one out.

Months after arriving on that doorstep, taking the leap into independence and adulthood, I found another job which I hoped would be more suitable. Still a nanny, but I’d hoped it would be less about being ‘the help’ and more about being part of the family.

I slowly learned over my 12 year career of being a nanny that there were differences between being ‘the help’ and being the nanny. Families that wanted ‘the help’ wanted me to be most visible when they had guests, as if to impress their wealthy friends. They’d flaunt me to their guests as I served them dinner on the balcony overlooking the ocean. “Chantelle is such a great cook,” they’d brag as if I couldn’t hear them. Just the day before they’d belittled me for not preparing the vegetables to their liking. Being a nanny was being part of the family. They sent me home when they hosted parties. They wanted to spend the precious time they could with their kids. They appreciated me, and the fact that I adored their children and they adored me in return.

No matter how irritating the parents {my employers}, I always loved the children. They didn’t know the difference between ‘the help’ and ‘the nanny’. They just wanted to be loved. And I did. I loved them very much.

The last two families that I nannied for were the perfect families. They didn’t care how I could clean, or want to use me to impress their friends. They just wanted me to love their children, to take care of them the way that they would if they were spending their days with them. So I did.

I was there for all the good stuff. Watching them evolve from baby to toddler, and then to child. I got to see the first awkward steps, the new words and to be part of their everyday. It was the everyday that I loved most. Just to be part of their everyday normal lives. I loved being a nanny. It made my heart sing.

Over the 12 years of being a nanny I grew from being a teenager myself to a 30 year old woman. In the same time I also became a mum myself. I knew that eventually I’d have to grow up and get a real job. After helping raise 11 kids, I knew that I’d need to get an adult-type job.

On my last day ever as being a nanny, I cried for most of the day {and the month leading up to it too}. The kids did too. I never got to properly say goodbye to the parents. We wrote our words in a card to each other. It was too painful to look at each other and say farewell. It was heart-wrenching to walk away from the children you’ve spent most of your days with, knowing you’ll always have them in my heart … but not to be there for the everyday. The good stuff.

*****

While in America I was one of the lucky first people in the world to see the new movie The Help (watch the trailer here). I watched it again this past weekend at an event. Both times I cried lots. The parts that ached my heart the most were bits that reminded me of being a nanny. I don’t want to give any of the movie away, but will tell you this: take tissues.

I don’t usually do sponsored posts, but this is one that I had a soft spot for and couldn’t say no. Thanks to the guys at Nuffnang I’m giving away double passes to see the movie The Help, as well as a copy of the book for three lucky winners. To be in the running simply answer the following question: When is the last time you cried, and why?

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67 thoughts on “The Help”

  1. Is crying with laughter allowed??? If yes, then the I cried the other night while listening to my boys (almost 5 & 7) in the bath already discussing length and size!!!!

  2. The families that you were nanny for were so very lucky to have you in their lives 🙂

    The last time I cried was only yesterday. I dropped my 18 month old daughter off to daycare. It was her fourth visit, I am getting her used to it before I return to work. She cried, I cried. It is hard 🙁

  4. Those families are so lucky to have had you for a nanny. I just know you would have been wonderful.

    Last time I cried…. hmm probably the other night when I finished reading the Harry Potter series again. Sigh, yes I know, very pathetic. I haven't read the last book since I first read it in one sitting and even though I knew the deaths were coming they still really got to me.

  6. On Friday mornings, my 15-month girl goes to occasional care for a few hours – which she loves! I normally sit in a nearby cafe, reading, knitting, enjoying doing nothing. But, without fail, I ALWAYS get teary during this time!

    Whether it's something I read in the newspaper, a sad chapter in a book, or even watching an elderly man looking lonely, drinking his tea, Friday mornings are guaranteed 'tear times' for me.

    Since I'm not normally a teary person, I can only muse that it is because my hormones, my subconscious, SOMETHING, recognises that I am away from my beloved 'baby', and things effect me more in that brief time.

    I can only imagine how mothers feel if they are away from their baby more often, through necessity. It is so, so heartening to hear that beautiful, kind and warm women like yourselves are out there helping these women – caring for their children as if they were your own, allowing the mothers peace of mind while they are away from their children xxx

  7. The last time I cried, and I mean really cried was on Tuesday afternoon when we had to have our very sick cat put to sleep. I cried making the decision to do it. I cried watching my 11 yr old daughter sob with heart-break and I really cried when I saw my 13yr old son bring our cat to the spot we had chosen for him to be buried. You see, my boy had bundled him up so caringly and lovingly in a towel and carried him to his resting spot with such tenderness that it made me sob and sob. Now I'm crying again….

  8. I shed a tear yesterday when I was watching one of the Season 1 episodes of Grey's Anatomy where Meredith has to go have a cry and Derek follows her and does the whole McDreamy routine… Yes I am way too emotionally attached to Grey's..

  9. the last time I cried was reading this post. It brought back all those feelings and emotions of when I was a nanny to a little girl 7 years ago. I was her nanny from 3 months old until she turned three! 5 days a week 11 hours a day. I agree with everything you say about families, nannies and help I loved her soooo much and felt such a special bond, I couldn't do it again as it hurts so much to love them and let them go. thankfully I am now a mum to a sweet three year old and he's not going anywhere.

  10. I cried yesterday when a mean man yelled at me on the phone at work. It may have also had something to do with the fact that I'm coming off processed sugar cold turkey…

  11. … When I re-read the book recently. Yup, The Help was my favourite book last year and I read it AGAIN a few weeks ago in anticipation of the movie. That's how excited I am about it! It is a brilliantly crafted book. x

  13. I cried when I put my teen age daughter on a plane to visit relative interstate. I have no idea why. I was perfectly confident about the whole thing then lost the plot at the last minute. Must be a cutting the apron strings thing.

  14. Chantelle, you write so beautifully. This was a really emotive post. You sound like you were a wonderful nanny and those families were so very lucky to have your warmth surrounding them for the years you worked with them. Last time I cried, was a week ago today. Suffering the crippling effects of food poisoning, nursing my sick one year old, while my three year old demanded “make my lunch” and “stop sitting on the chair Mama”, I broke down. Large, long sobs. I hadn't cried like that in ages, but somehow, I just couldn't help it. I was struggling. The tears passed as quickly as they came though. No harm done :o) xo

  15. You are SO right, there's a big difference between being “The Help” and being the nanny. I've worked for both types of families and I never even recognised why they were so different until now – you've hit the nail on the head.

    Last time I cried? Last night. I am such a sook and I cry far too often. xx

  16. I also cried reading this post. I'm such a sook.
    I am close to tears most nights lately while trying to settle a very uncomfortable baby that seems to always have the flu.
    I usually cry while watching some ridiculously emotionally manipulative show on TV. I cry when my son does something cool or when he kisses me good night. But I think the last time I cried real tears, that uncontrollable sobbing type crying, was watching the news about Christchurch and feeling so far away from home.

  17. Oh way too easy! I last cried this morning when I had a tiny little tiff with my best friend in the universe. We were supposed to take the the kids for a walk and she did the last min. can, i hung up on her. She called back and we both cried before laughing at our stupidity. I love that girl crazy. Maybe she and I could see the movie together… but there is not way in hell i'll read her the book 😉

    xo em

  18. I cried reading this post, as I too spent many, many years as a nanny and I 'felt' every word you just wrote.

    I moved on from nannying when I fell pregnant with my son and have since spent many an hour wishing I had someone like me to help me with him and around the house, LOL

    The movie The Help touched me too, tissues definitely needed!

  19. I cried when i watched my eldest son go to Brazil to represent Australia and again when he got home a week ago. I seem to cry at little things too like listening to your little girl talk away to herself.. makes my heart melt

  20. The last time I cried was last Tuesday.
    I had dropped my daughter off for her first day at a new daycare centre, and I stopped outside where she couldn't see me so I could watch her.
    Seeing her being brave and introducing herself to all the kids, taking the first steps to make new friends – I was so proud of her. I don't know why I expected her to play by herself but she blew me away. Makes me a bit teary thinking of it now!

  22. I just read The Help last weekend – I couldn't put it down! It was such a great book and I can't wait to watch the movie.

    I think it is really thoughtful how you wrote this post and made it so personal to you, but related to the movie so well too.

    Good job!

  23. Oh, I just wrote a book on your comments section and then my server went down. Doh!

    Love what you wrote, you write so well.

    The last time I cried was watching a DVD with hubby two nights ago called The Way Home. True story of a group of people running away from communism during the second world war. So amazing, so sad, so hard.

    We know nothing of the pain of war torn countries. Haven't we got it soooo good?

    Anyhow, I cry a lot since becoming a mum. Apparently, that's quite common!

    xx

  25. i just cried like 5 minutes ago at my sons reaction to a birthday present his dad is bringing him home today! his birthday was over 2 months ago and my Aunty has something for him that is too big to send, we dont know what it is, but when i said “daddy is bringing home a special present from Aunty Kerrie and Uncle Brad “his excitement was pure joy and almost embarresment, he had tears in eyes and they were so real and so happy it made me cry!
    mind u i cry at the Nikon camera ad every bloody time…i cry easier at ads and things than real life!

  27. What a wonderful post 🙂 The trailer looks amazing – I can't wait to see it!

    The last time I cried, they were happy tears. I was visiting my baby brother (now 21 – oh my!) who has been studying Musical Theatre in Western Australia (I'm in NSW). for the past 3 years. I went over there to see him as the lead role in his final performance before he graduates. He has just been offered a role in the musical WICKED which is touring ASIA next year. He's gone from someone who was completely ridiculed all through school because “boys don't sing & dance” to following his heart & passion and becoming an absolute success. I was so proud of him, I cried 🙂

  28. The last time was a few weeks ago when I finished the book ” A fine balance” by Rohinton Mistry. I cried so many times I couldn't read the words, and would have to calm down to get back to the story. The book has stayed with me and always will. It's one of those life changing things you read and I highly recommend it. It made me appreciate my life and how lucky we are in this country. And made me realise that you don't need material things and money to be happy. You just need a positive attiude. Life might knock you sideways, but you can regroup and start again-no matter what.

  29. I gave birth to my long awaited second son a month ago, so there have been a lot of tears of late.
    I cried tears of joy when i first held him.
    I cried tears of frustration my first week home from hospital because of feeding problems.
    And I have cried in the middle of making dinner for no particular reason. Gotta love those hormones 🙂

  30. I am an absolute cry baby and I cry almost everyday. The thing that made be bawl yetesrday though was a blog post that included an open letter to a judge. Heartfelt, open, and gut-wrenching.

  32. The last time I cried was embarrassingly on stage giving a speech for my Year 12 care class last year. I had had this care class since Year 8 so I was very attached to them. Half of them were special needs. I'd like to tell you it was just a few tears but it was not. Infront of the whole school and their parents i bawled my eyes out while talking about my lovely students. I take my job as a care teacher very seriously. I feel like a surrogate parent to these kids. I give advice, ask how their week/ weekend was? I check their uniform and hear their problems. Sometimes I am the closest thing these kids have to a parent. So you can see how attached I get to these kids. This year I also have a Year 12 care class; I have promised myself that I won't cry. I can cry at the drop of a hat too; mostly sympathetic crying though.

  33. my teary episode is a very sad one i'm afraid, i'll keep it short and sweet for fear of bursting into tears again!
    hearing take that 'back for good' on the radio in the car! the last time i heard it before that was at my best friends funeral. a sudden bereavement that to be honest has had me in tears everyday since 🙁 x

  34. The last time I cried was actually today. There has been a lot going on for me emotionally lately and I'm recovering from surgery and today it all just got a little too much, so I had a bit of a cry. I must admit though I cry quite easily. It is how I release stress, but I also cry when something really great happens too! I am DYING to see this movie and winning these tickets is probably the only way it will happen right now!

  35. Hi there,
    I cried recently when I was watching a tv segment talking about a 10yo boy who during his life had dressed up as a girl and played with dolls with his parents support. Then when he was ten he told his mum that he couldn't do it anymore (being a boy) and the mum said that everything would be okay. What a loving and supportive mum and what lovely simple words which I'm sure made a difficult conversation so much easier.
    My heart just ached and I wondered what I might have said and done if one of my children had said that to me.

    Xx

  38. What a gorgeous post Chantelle. I loved reading your posts when you were a nanny and I love reading them now. What lucky children they are to have had you in their family.

    I cried this morning when everything got a bit too much. The twins woke up 4 times last night and I had next to no sleep again! Nine times out of ten I am ok but today I was SO TIRED! I am ok now though now they are in bed for the night and I have read my 3 year old a story and she has just put ME to bed. “I love you everyday mummy, dream of ballerinas and lollies ok!”

    Hayley

  39. Beautiful beautiful post Chantelle.

    The last time I cried was last week at Packed to the Rafters when Rachel left for New York. And this wasn't a little tear, it was a full of bawl. It reminded me of a few years ago when I did the exact same thing (except to London) and how Mum and I (who have a relationship just like Julie and Rachel) pretended like I wasn't really leaving. I tear up even now when I think about it.

    And yes, I'm way too invested in a tv show. 😉 I cry at so much these days! 🙂 xxx

  41. The last time I cried was on the 18th August. it was 7 years since my daughter was born sleeping, and I try so hard to be strong throughout the rest of the time, but on that day I allow myself some time away from my other 2 children and my husband to light a candle, write her a letter and have a bit of a cry.

    I love your blog 🙂

  43. Reading about your experience as a Nanny caused silent tears to fall as it reminded me so much of my years as “The Help”. Not sure why I alllowed myself to be the doormat for so many years- I guess it was the love for those smiling little faces that met me each morning who also loved me too but dearly longed for the love and attention of their parents. I often wonder why some people have kids if they aren't willing to cherish and adore them?

  44. I had happy tears this week when my friend, who has been told twice she's infertile, announced she was pregnant with her much-wanted second bub! So exciting. Thanks for sharing – it must have been so heartbreaking to leave those kids behind – I can't imagine 🙁
    Nicole x

  45. The last time I cried was watching a YouTube clip that is currently circulating about a flashmob proposal and immediate surprise wedding! So mch emotion and vein that clip, just beautiful!

  46. 2 nights ago…after a MUCH NEEDED conversation with my mom. and since then my life has been so much happier. 🙂

    ps my mother-in-law let me borrow her copy of the help and i can easily say it is one of my favorite books. i'd LOVE to own a copy and see the movie!

  47. I relate to your post Chantelle! I am a Nanny too, and I relate to your experiences! Luckily, the families I've worked for, have been so great, and I'm still in touch with them now.
    But I don't really consider myself 'The Help'. Even though I guess in a way, I am. But I just think of myself as the Nanny. And that seems good to me.

  48. Oh i cry almost every day, i miss my husband so much & more, the children who he is missing out on growing up, fast, like high school already??!! I will be crying tonight when he walks through our door, just in time for father's day, he's that kind of awesome with brilliant timing, then he's off to war, just like that. Cuddling our son, plaiting our daughters' hair, then away doing his job, could not be further removed from my reality of raising 4 children in harmony with love.
    I can not wait to see The Help, it looks BRILLIANT. I can not ever imagine treating anyone like a slave or beneath you, rather than with you. My sister did some Nanny jobs & she has all the same stories as you. My first born had a Nanny, trust me, i worked for her!! She was perfection, retired peadiatric nurse, waiting for grandchildren, my beautiful baby girl was in the best of care, set me up with the right skills to be a fabulous mum of many, love Posie

  49. Since becomming a parent I cry at the drop of a hat or more likely the sound of my children playing, laughing, crying.

    Although the last time I cried wasn't because of my kids, it was during Packed to the Rafters when Rachel and her mum couldn't say the words they needed to say but then Rachel sent her mum a text saying 'Love you xxx' and they both started crying.

  51. I cried today- happy tears 🙂 After reading a gorgeous comment left on my blog reminding me to love myself more.
    Hope you are having a gorgeous weekend x

  53. I saw the movie Friday night – that was the last time I cried.
    Now that it's Sunday and I got through a whole day without crying – I'm both surprised and impressed!

  54. I'm a cryer… i never used to be but since becoming a parent i'm a regular old teary gal. Seeing my kids take their first steps, say their first words… My 2nd (and only daughter) is in her first primary school performance this month and i know i'm going to need tissues… mostly because not only is it going to be her first but it will be my oldests last primary performance as he heads on off to high school next year.

  55. I didnt just cry I sobbed watching the press conference for the house fire Family in Queensland who lost 11 of the nearest and dearest, 8 children,sooo sad 🙁

  58. I cried again this afternoon as I sat with my 16 year old son as he sobbed about our 13year old golden retriever dying yesterday. We have done nothing but cry this weekend as we grieve about “Callum” and celebrate his life

  59. Hello Chantelle,

    Thanks for the chance to win this book and tickets. The movie sounds like you will need some tissues.
    I cried a little tear this morning after speaking to my youngest daughter who is in New Zealand for her Gap Year.
    Happy days.
    Bev.xoxo

  60. I shed a few quiet tears last week as I watched my daughter at her first “big school” open day. The tears were a mix of pride, anxiety and just plain old mummy tears!

  61. This morning – I am ten and a half weeks pregnant with twins and am seriously so sick it is killing me. I know it will be worth it to get not just one but two bundles of joy but it is just all a bit too much at the moment.

  62. I just cried reading your post. It touched my heart. I relate as I have a nanny right now at home with my daughter. My little 16 month old is at home being cared for by the nanny. She is good nanny and I have learnt not to worry about the state our home is when she leaves, the used plates in the sink, toys everywhere, old toast on the floor. What matters is how she looks after my little girl when I am not there.
    We share her with another family and I work two days a week. She takes the two little ones for walks and is with them monday and friday while i teach at University or do research at university (what I should be doing right now). I think she is good and I would rather her look after my daughter than clean the house or put dishes in the dishwasher.

  63. Last time I cried was last night during the movie, 'Wit'. It's an Emma Thompson film about cancer, and having recently lost my brother-in-law in the same way, it was all a bit too much for the husband and I! We're both still blotchy this morning!

  65. Hi Chantelle, I am a new visitor to your blog, but I really enjoyed reading about your experiences as a nanny.
    I have been planning on seeing “The Help” and it has had such great reviews.
    I have cried in the last two days. 🙁
    Especially on Sunday, my Dad has been gone for many years now, but I still miss him so much and always will……..
    Then, yesterday a friend asked me to go to the movies with her and see “One Day” and it was a bit sad in parts as well, a lovely movie, though.
    Bye for now, Sandy.

  66. Oh Chantelle, you would have been an amazing Nanny! The kids sure were blessed to have you!

    The last time I cried was this morning when I dropped my dog off to the vet to get “snipped”. Then previously was last night watching my poor big girl (almost 7yo) sick with a cough and fever and all achy. She doesn't often get sick, but when she does it knocks her over really hard. It's so hard to watch our precious little ones suffer isn't it?

  67. Um, I'm pregnant, so I cry ALL THE TIME!! Haha. No seriously. I cried because I couldn't turn the oven on on Monday, because I my stuff got broken in the move on Tuesday, and because I watched the trailer for this movie today!

    talia.carbis (@) gmail.com

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