I was talking to a friend the other day about something that happened, it involves Facebook and the real world.
On a side note: Isn’t it funny how things that happen online still aren’t always considered real? Like the blogging friends I have… Hubby will say is that a ‘real’ friend? Umm… pretty much met them a few times, talk to them all the time and even holidayed with them. I saw them. They’re real.
Moving on.
My friend recently realised that a friend of hers had unfriended {defriended?} her on Facebook. Nothing happened to sour the friendship. It’s not like she’d borrowed a pair of her favourite shoes and never returned them {which is totally unforgivable, mind you} but at some point the unfriend button had been clicked and it was… over. {Cue dramatic music}.
But then the real world mixed with the online world, and they ran into each other on the street. Of course, they exchanged pleasantries, said hello, talked about their kids and then went on their way. But it raised questions, were they friends? Or unfriends?
For me, Facebook is more work than play. I’ve seen people announce {numerous times} that they’re cleaning out their friends list… and only some will make the cut. It’s like an episode of Project Runway: You’re either in, or you’re out. {Cue dramatic music again}.
There seriously is nothing like the real world, real laughs {not LOLS}, real people, real conversation and real realness. But Facebook has it’s place….
I have unfriended people… Even work people. I had one guy say one time “come on I have 55 work friends and none of you will support (blah blah blah) come to my (blah blah)” I can’t remember even, I was all “delete”… I don’t need people making me feel bad that my life doesn’t revolve around them… He asked me at work days later “hey I thought we were FB friends” I simply replied “yeah, we we’re, hmm.” And he is not the only one. I want Facebook to be fun and a share for all who are close and far. I don’t want / need high school drama. I have never announced I was deleting people.. That is weird me me.. Like it is an honor if I pick you to stay my friend!!?! That to me sounds very selfish. I don’t want people to maker feel bad when I didn’t oblige to them.. They surely didn’t buy raffle tickets from my kids soccer event, or like my pregnancy announcement, or send me any extra candy crush lives… So I won’t let them make me feel bad! So that is my pregnant crazy rant…! HA!
Honestly, Facebook has become so ingrained in culture, I think it’s short-sighted to think of it as “not real life”. What we do online can affect someone just as easily as what we do in person. Imagine someone standing on a street corner announcing that they were about to cut people out of their lives and think about how that would be perceived. If you wouldn’t do it on a street corner, don’t do it on Facebook.
I’ve been on both ends. I’ve deleted people…. But mostly ones who are non-stop spammers, or serial whingers (“oMg Y dOeS nOoNe lUv Me?” those types!) Most people I will keep on there, unless I’m certain I won’t run into them, or simply, the “genuine” friendship is superficial/all over red rover.
That being said, I work with a particularly cliquey group at work who seem to get off on being nasty and exclusive, and they’ve recently blocked me for no apparent reason. They’ll smile at work, but not say hello… in fact they hardly speak. Interesting when it’s a school environment and you need to teach children not to bully or exclude others from games, huh?
But yes, I’ll unfriend people, however not for no reason – it’d have to be if they were clogging up my feed with ridiculous spam or diary entries.
I’m thinking of unfriending my cousin because he often puts vulgar pictures and videos up on Facebook but of course i’m not ‘unfriending’ him in ‘real life’ because he’s my cousin and I’m still going to see him at family functions and things. And he’s a nice guy he just chooses to put odd things on Facebook.
I don’t know if it was your intention Chantelle, but OMGoodness I am sitting giggling my head of!! This post was so funny! I don’t take FB too seriously but in saying that I believe that I have some very real and true friends that I have made but never personally meet via the computer…. As for the shoes… Well, I’m with you! That’s the big issue here!!…. Never lend you amazing shoes to anyone!! LOL!
Thank you for seeing the humour in it. Sometimes it doesn’t translate!
Maybe this is a chicken way out of it, but I don’t delete people. I just change the settings so I don’t see their posts. Mainly, I do this because I genuinely like the person in person, but I don’t like the things they post on Facebook. Then, if I want to see what they’ve been up to or look at their pictures or whatever, I still can, but I’m not bombarded by their political posts or what have you that I’m not interested in. It works for me.
Yes ~ ~ this ~ ~
I do this sometimes, too.
Yep. I do this for my very large extended family.
I think that’s smart. I tried doing it once… but it overwhelmed me.
I have changed settings on people, too. You can also set FB to block certain aspects of your profile or things you post from certain people. I did that a lot when a coworker asked to be my friend and I didn’t want to say no, but I didn’t feel like I knew her very well get either.
I have UNLIKED businesses that will not include us MOBILE PHONE USERS IN THEIR COMPS. As they will not change the old ways of doing competitions but crap on using excuses.
Seeings facebook users are 60%+ rising daily compared to computer users 40%- daily. ALL MOBILE USERS shall unlike them as protest. It’s alright for us to LIKE their pages but are only in it to get higher likes & are not LOYAL TO US AT ALL.
NOW these stupid tags which have never WORKED for us users, are still being locked out!! :'(
Plus whatever facebook does to their so called updates doesn’t help use users like it has computer users as we just DO NOT have a lot of these functions nor can we fix them no matter how we set up are pages.
Especially Rafflecopters, for instance if they jave on the front open up either facebook or email address, if you are already logged into facebook mobile users automatically defaults to facebook email address, inwhich WE DO NOT AUTHORISE then we get emails enewsletters sent to us that we did not request. This is different for computer users of course. Some businesses are now including in the rafflecopter for us to include a contact email address & contact phone number that helps us mobile users heaps.
BOO to those who do not listen to me when i notify them that this happens they totally ignore me so i UNLIKE them especially for their rudeness.
I have also requested that those who get together doing competition especially rafflecopters considler the defaults of these comps & put in these contact email address that we mobile users want. Some have started to do it but there are still heaps of problems with facebook everyday no matter what.
Thank you for listening to my voice as i speak on behalf of ALL MOBILE USERS. … cheers! <3
Having run competitions on Facebook for businesses – I know the issue that you’re talking about – and it’s often hard to change the mechanism. Some things are so backwards, unfortunately.
I have deleted some people from Facebook. Most were people I went to high school with, no really friends. There was only one friend I unfriended who used to be my really close friend. I unfriended her because, we had ended our friendship pretty much(her doing), and it just hurt to see photos of her and her family, and my commenting on maybe, one or two, and not really getting a good response afterward.
I’m not sure if she even realizes that we’re not friends on Facebook anymore, but she hasn’t tried to be friends with me again, so I’m assuming she doesn’t care either way. So I made a good choice.
Sometimes I just alter what of theirs ends up in my feed. Others I have “unfriended” because I made my facebook page far more personal than it used to be. That being said I can’t even remember the last time I posted on facebook. I can see why some would take an fb unfriending very personally, but I think if you take it that seriously then you might need to consider whether you are staking more claim in online friendships over in-real-life relationships. Sometimes you’ve got to walk away from the computer and actually LIVE.
The last sentence = spot on.
I have ‘unfriended’ and then blocked my adopted daughter. She thought every comment I made on a status was about her. And anytime I commented on any of her status she would get all huffy and offended. To be able to go on with not being upset everyday I just took her out of my Facebook life. How did this work out for us?? Don’t know. She hasn’t spoken to me since. Sad isn’t it that people on Facebook are still like being in junior high school.
My heart aches for you… 🙁
I’ve been ‘unfriended’ in a friend list cull by a person who is still in one of my FB groups. She made a big announcement about it, and said she was only keeping those she was close to and that it wasn’t personal (which seems contradictory, really). And fair enough, she’s not my kind of people either, but it’s the term ‘friend’ that makes it feel very personal when you’re un/defriended.
Yeah, there’s a whole lot of intention behind it that raises questions, I guess.
I blocked someone at work and see them daily… she even asked me if I was “taking a break” from facebook. I simply didn’t want her seeing my stuff any more, it was like she was stalking me and frankly, I don’t like her. We worked closely together last year and it was the worst year of my life. Just because we work together, doesn’t mean we have to be facebook friends. I think she has realised now that I’m back on facebook (i never left!) but hasn’t said anything. I’ll be quite honest with her if she ever does ask, that I just want to keep some things private from work and she is part of that.
I have done a cull once, and have had it happen to me. I don’t really care. It’s their prerogative to do that. My own sister in law did it to me, but I am sure she still spies through my brother and her niece who I still have. Doesn’t bother me. Her news feed was full of woe is me crap anyway… she’s that type. I do have facebook friends that I have never met in real life, but that doesn’t bother me. I know them through other forums, discussion boards and such. One day we might meet.
I’ve often thought of canning facebook altogether (and have had a week hiatus once) but its really part of my routine now, and I worry that I will miss too much. Some friends I know have, I don’t think I would be able to. addicted? maybe.
What happens when you see your sister-in-law in real life?
Interesting question. Because she is a passive aggressive type, she does all her snarking and bitching behind my back. When we see each other IRL, she can be either downright rude, maniacally happy and OTT, or normal. Actually never normal, because she is incapable. There is always an underlying current of crazy. I think she has undiagnosed bipolar with psychotic tendencies but her immediate family refuse to do anything about it and enable her and foster it almost. It’s all very sad really but I try and stay out of it otherwise she takes it out on my brother.
Sounds like it’s good to have distance. That’s totally toxic. Poor you.
I don’t know if you’ll ever check this again, but my sister-in-law did that to me and you are out-of-line and obnoxious to talk about people like this on-line. You are worse than what you think of her and I don’t even know her. I teach Special Education, and if you ever read this, please keep your mouth shut in the future about any disabilities. What my sister-in-law did was unacceptable and ignorant…. and there are plenty of studies now that prove this. You are undereducated, snarky and RUDE.
I have unfriended people, with no big announcement. I have been unfriended. I have “made the cut” through multiple ‘announced’ unfriendings, LOL! I have HEAPS of friends I have only yet met online, but I hope to meet many in person over time. We have interests in common. When people I actually like start posting negative or inappropriate updates, I just block their feed and no one is hurt. We’re still “friends”. ;-). I have NEVER borrowed shoes, let alone not return them…
My Facebook friends list is a carefully selected group of people who I choose to share my news in this social medium. Over the years, my reason for keeping a Facebook page has changed and evolved. When I first started using Facebook, it was “the” thing to do, and I went about “friending” everyone I knew, and looking up people from my past. Family, friends, old friends who I’d lost touch with, old classmates, work friends, old work friends, even exes who I was still on friendly terms with. I’d put everything up on Facebook, and I’d immediately “friend” people who I’d met on a night out so I could put up and tag photos of us, merry and silly after quite a few drinks.
These days, I’m more reticent. I don’t feel the need to share everything with everyone I am connected to on Facebook. I’ve suffered a bit of backlash from family and friends for being a bit too forthcoming with my thoughts, and to keep the peace, I censor myself these days.
My main reason now for being on Facebook these days is to keep our very large extended family and good friends who live overseas up to date with the news and happenings of my little family of 3, and to be kept in the loop with the news and happenings in their lives. I’m lucky to see a lot of my Facebook friends in real life too – it’s nice to see their photos and they love seeing mine.
I have removed all my work friends from Facebook. They don’t need to be part of that world. I don’t want them to part of that world. There are some things that should be kept separated, and I feel my work and home lives need a line in the sand.
I think that’s a really good idea about separating personal life and work. How did you handle it? Were your colleagues upset by it? Also are there any work colleagues who have become real friends that you kept? Sorry for the questions but this is something I’ve been considering for quite a while. 🙂
None of my work friends even knew I “unfriended” them on FB. I got asked the other day by one of my colleagues why she hadn’t seen me being active on FB for a little while, and I just told her that I’d been busy with things at home. That reason seemed to go down quite well.
I am good friends with 3 people from work who I’d seriously consider adding on FB. If I ever left the organisation, I’d add them immediately. I see these ladies at work all the time, and I’m more than happy to show them all the photos I post on FB as they are stored on my phone. I just feel they don’t need to see what I’m thinking while I’m sitting in my living room or what I’m seeing while I’m on the bus.
I have ex-colleagues who I am still friends with in real life and are part of my FB world. I am fine with ex-colleagues being on FB. I just have a problem with current colleagues seeing my FB page.
One more thing – I have friends who do regular “culls” and say so on FB. I cull my lists too, but I never announce it. I don’t see the point of announcing to the world that I’m doing a bit of “maintenance”. I mean, seriously, it’s like telling everyone that you’re about to / have just cut your toe nails. People don’t need to know that!
Thanks Gloria 🙂
Smart thinking. 🙂
That sounds so familiar!! I used to add everybody until I started getting weird messages from people I didn’t know. Then I blocked my facebook to public and now I am only adding people who I really know, not just random.
I live in the States and all my family and friends are in Poland where I come from, so I really want to keep in touch with those I miss.
Some people are completely different online than they are in real life. I will happily unfriend anyone that is a dick on the internet, but keep in contact with them face to face where they behave better.
That also counts for people who just post things I have absolutely no interest in. I have no time to wade through shitty updates that aren’t relevant – that’s not what I use social media for!
I love your honesty! How refreshing. 🙂
It’s not always appreciated, but at least no one gets confused about how I feel 😉
I recently defriended alot of people I went to school with – at the time a couple of years ago i had friended alot of people as i was organising a school reunion but now its a privacy thing whereby they are still aquaintances that i know and might run into and exchange pleasantries at the shops – but i don’t think they are entitled to knowing my every photo and post uploaded.
Instead of unfriending and offending anyone, I tend to mark them as acquaintances and then make all of my posts and photos etc visible to friends but not acquaintances. Hopefully that way nobody’s feelings get hurt. 🙂 xoxo (PS. I would never borrow anyone’s shoes because my feet STINK!! Don’t tell anyone. It’s so embarrassing.LOL)
I’d share a handbag, but never shoes. I’m a size 11, so no one shares the same size as me anyhow… kinda grateful for that.
I’ve never announced a clean up or anything. I have several people on my Facebook friends list from the blogging community and other such social medias. I also have family and friends from all over. I have been unfriended by some, and have unfriended a few. It’s usually because they turn into judgy mcjudgsters or try to cause drama on my Facebook page.
Oh, and do to having a very large foot, I don’t get to borrow shoes and accidently forget to return them.
I’m a size 11. Are we the same size?
I’m 11 wide to 12 wide depending on the shoe.
My wardrobe is always open to you, my friend. 🙂
Oh yes, the unfriending dilema. I have a family member that I was friends with on FB. I made a comment one day about people in general, and she felt personally offended by it. She got all upset, posting the typical angry FB rants. But she kept going with it. Whenever I would post something on FB, she would post something negative in return. I wanted to get away from it, so I unfriended her. Then her husband started posting about it too, so I unfriended him. It was like I couldn’t get away from it. I never said anything to either of them personally, but they decided to wage this war against me because of one generic comment. Whenever we see each other around the holidays and family gatherings, it’s always a bit awkward. They never speak to me directly, but they will speak to my husband just fine. If I try to speak to them, they act as if they didn’t hear me. Like I’m invisible or something. It’s very frustrating.
Amanda, that stinks. Sorry you have to deal with those issues. Sounds like they aren’t very mature if they pretend not to hear you or act like you are invisible. And attacking someone publicly (on your wall for everyone to see) is not right either. If they really had issue with your comment, why not send you a personal message and discuss like adults? People get so worked up over the littlest things. Again, sorry for your situation. Hope it improves.
Oh gosh, that’s toxic. You don’t need that. 🙁
I have a very dear friend who has borrowed my flat shoes when her heels are too drunk to stumble home!!! She swaps back – coz I make her take back her drunken heels coz I can’t walk in them either!
As for unfriending on FB – I have unfriended and blocked some relatives ( my mother & half sister I blocked) – I don’t have a relationship with these relatives in the real world so maintaining a non relationship on FB was too ridiculous! I don’t like being gossiped about and in families gossip always gets back to you totally distorted!
True friends never need unfriending & I only have true friends friended!
I have also blocked some strange FB ‘people’ on my business page – I make sock monkeys and other handmade gifts – I say ‘people’ coz the 2 most recent were sex pages one promoting toys & the other I didn’t go past the profile pic! Needless to say not the sort of likers I wanted commenting on a cute sock monkey!
Mogg so true, my twisted sister blocked me on FB, yet periodically gets people on her list to befriend me to spy on me. I am wise to the ploy so never accept their request.
I’ve been unfriended and have unfriended people. I pretty much use my FB as a way to keep up with people from high school, that way I don’t have to go to the 10 year reunion. (I already know who has kids, I already know who gained weight= no reason to go) but there’s actually a late night talk show in the states that actually created a holiday out of it as a joke. National Unfriend Day (by Jimmy Kimmel) is November 17. 🙂 https://www.facebook.com/NationalUnFriendDay
I just laughed hard. Thank you.
I didn’t go to my reunion, I pretty much knew everything anyway. 😛
I actually had a rather nasty incident last year that I still haven’t recovered from. A very very close friend of mine made an announcement on FB that she was deleting her Instagram account because of the ownership of photos law thing that happened late last year. I wrote a comment on her post and told her not to delete her account because the whole internet was shitting itself over nothing and that she’d lose her followers to her business and it was a waste of a valuable audience. She pretty much hasn’t spoken to me since because I was being ‘unprofessional’ and ‘condescending’. Mind you this was on her personal wall, not her business page. I think different people use the internet VERY differently and it causes huge problems. I must have wrote that same paragraph ten times that day, telling people to calm down and not delete their accounts but it struck a serious nerve with her and we literally haven’t spoken since despite numerous apologies from me. Facebook is a weird place where the rules are invented and constantly changing. I don’t like my personal FB and wish I could have a business account with out it.
That’s such a sad loss.
I’ve been caught up in accidental drama through typed words, and I just think it wouldn’t have happened if we’d just picked up the phone and said what we had to say. Typing takes away the tone and the intention, and perhaps that’s what happened there? So sad. 🙁
same here, I wish I was able to only have my business page, too.
I’ve unfriended people on facebook, people from school I’m no longer in any contact with, or acquaintances who I don’t want knowing the things about my life that I share on facebook. A couple people I’ve kept on my friends list just to keep peace with them (relatives we’re not good terms with), but put them on a strictly limited group and I usually never share anything visible to them. I’ve even had to completely block one person on facebook, my step sister who I have absolutely no contact with. She kept messaging me constantly about who I am and it’s not my place to tell her, it should be my dad’s business to tell her if he sees fit for her to know she has a half sister. But quite basically, my circle on facebook works the same as in real life, there are people closer to me who know more, and then there are those I would say hello to on the street, but not tell them anything about my life. This is a very interesting blog topic, Chantelle, and it’s interesting to see people’s different views on this!
I wonder what people do see when they’re on limited profile. I’ll have to test it. 🙂
If you select the arrow beside the Activity log button, there’s a “view as…” option. Just type a name that’s on your limited profile list and ta-da! It’s also a good way to make sure from time to time that your settings are still working as you want them to, and facebook hasn’t changed something overnight without you noticing the changes 🙂
Donna Hilton I have only ever deleted one person from Facebook and it was after we were at a party and he publicly declared I had a ‘problem’ with Facebook. I went home and deleted him straight away but not so much from anger but more because I realised we both had very differing views on the use of Facebook. I felt it was better to just not use the same forum. i am not aware if anyone has deleted me. I would have no issues if they had as someone else’s opinion of me is really none of my business! I can’t say there is never anything my friends say or share that I don’t disagree with but if I don’t like it I skim past. We are all entitled to our views. Funnily enough, when I joined Facebook I had a strict policy that I would only ever ‘friend’ people I actually knew but it was FMS that changed that view for me and made me realise that the definition of ‘friends’ is what you want it to be. My friends list has swelled and my support network is stronger for it. For some, I understand, this is a real connection to the World that they may not otherwise have. it is really all in our control and used wisely is a brilliant tool.
I love the friendships I’ve made from my blog, and think Facebook is a lovely way of staying connected. Part of me craves more privacy, because I have strong introvert side… but it’s my new normal. 🙂
I have unfriended a lot of old classmates…people who only friended me when Facebook was the new “thing” just to up their friend count. Admittedly, I confirmed them to up mine, too, but that was years ago. Things have changed since then, and I have weeded out my list. Now, if I am friends with someone from my school days, it’s someone who was my friend at some point or someone I at least talked to from time to time and enjoyed being around. I don’t like being friends with old classmates just because we went to the same school.
I’m also friends with some co-workers, but I filter my posts so my co-workers don’t see too many of my personal posts.
I have several friends I’ve never met – friends made online, but we share common interests, and I could see myself being friends with those people in “real” life, too. One of my best friends is someone I met online (I commented on one of her movie reviews on Amazon.com and we became facebook friends within a matter of days), and we have never actually met in “real” life, but we Skype and send each other gifts back and forth, talk on the phone, etc. We’re like long lost sisters, and we’ll eventually meet one day.
I have defriended when people’s posting has been offensive. But usually I just change the settings. A good option is to create a list of people who can only see the posts you specifically tag them in. Handy for work colleagues
I have unfriended a few people but only because they showed themselves to be stalker-y or were inappropriate in some way. When I post a status I have my friends split up into two categories because my friends are many and varied in age and some of the things I say and do I refrain from showing to one group of friends (my older friends in the 50+ crowd, some family and business contacts who are friends) but all of my other friends see everything. I have many friends I have never met – we actually met through a mutual love of Terry Goodkind (author of the Sword of Truth series) and have remained in contact with each other every day for more than twelve months, there was over 1000 of us in the group and we have broken down into smaller groups. Facebook is a strange beast but everyone can adapt the settings to suit…. unfriending seems to be a last resort for most people I know.
Reading through all this makes me feel better. I was unfriended by a dear friend who took my morning (which was all day every day) sickness as a peronal attack….yes wtf??
I missed her engagement party due to being violently ill…but only 7 weeks pregnant and hadnt told anyone as of yet…so then came the defriending and game playing!!
Im still hurt by it as i suffered big time during my pregnancy….a friend was what i needed!!!
Friendship was indeed over once defriending occurred….she literally blocked me out! Mind u i have come to the conclusion people who cant function and deal with hurdles in relstionships in real life use facebook as acover….and are totally not worth it!!!
Facebook is where i contact most people through private messaging and instagram is where i share my private photos!!!
Luckily ive learnt who my real friends are…real and in facebook land!!
I was going through some health issues and decided to unfriend a lot of people on facebook. It wasn’t that I was sharing my issues on facebook, but I decided at that point that I only wanted people on my facebook that were actually my friends. It was awkward at first because I would see a lot of the people weekly that I unfriended but eventually I got over it and realized that I don’t have to be friends with everyone that sends a request, or because we go to the same church, or for any other reason than we are friends.
When I see people say that they are making the cuts, I wonder, am I going to survive? Which in the end, I’d probably never notice either way 🙂 I’ve never unfriended anyone, because there is a great ‘block’ tool that you don’t have to see anything they post if you don’t want too 🙂
It’s interesting that the topic of unfriending and stepping away came up this morning in my feed. I’ve been feeling irritable with my Facebook friends lately…not really due to anything anyone has done, just my own unsettledness, I suppose. My patience with people who post “cull notices” has never been strong. If I want to unfriend someone, I do it quietly. Cull notices are all about attention and being begged not to unfriend. On some of my less friendly days I’ve been tempted to post that I’d love to be unfriended from someone so overly-dramatic. :/
The issue of Fb friending vs. real life can be awkward, though–funny how much emphasis we place on an electronic connection, isn’t it?
I have de-friended people on facebook multiple times throughout the years ( Facebook really has been around for a while now hasn’t it!!)I set myself a few superficial rules, first not to have more than 300 friends- I dont think that I could really be a ‘good’ friend to that many people & second I always ask myself ‘would I stop and talk to you in the street or would I run and hide?’ If i wouldn’t want to talk to you in the street why would I share my life via Facebook with you??
And no one ever borrows my shoes…they are size 13! You would swim in them chantel! Xx
My Facebook friends list has been a sticky subject, mostly in my immediate family. I have NO qualms about immediately deleting someone for too much drama, too much politicking, too much description of their child’s toilet training, too much Jesus-ey-ness (not my thing), but it’s tougher when it comes to your family. I tried just hiding their posts, putting them on limited profile, and editing every single photo I put up for content: does this have alcohol in it? show someone at a party or concert or generally having too much fun (must be on drugs), and it was exhausting. Finally, after about 2 years of that, to try to keep peace in my family, I was verbally attacked on my father’s facebook wall by my father, brother in law and cousins, and basically called a prostitute because at the time I lived with my husband before we were married. we were also told we were both going to hell because of our political beliefs, and lack of spiritual compass. I was devastated, and knew I couldn’t subject myself to any more of this. I mean, this was in public view: the whole world could just see that my father called me a whore. I unfriended all of them- all of the religious nuts in my family, everyone i’d been bending over backwards for, who obviously thought I was dirt. My father apologized to me, a few months later, and said he feels like it’s better that we aren’t facebook friends, too. It’s easier for us to be friends in person now, if we don’t see each other’s opinion on things that we disagree on, daily. And for my other relatives, we were never really close anyway, so they probably never noticed.
I had a friend defriend me after a blog post i wrote. She left a hurtful comment on my page and then defriended me instead of just talking to me (in person) about the post. (we kissed and made up) I also had a friend defriend me because I became good friends with two old friends of hers. It is kinda petty. The only time I have defriended someone is because i can honestly say i no longer know who they are, how we met and why we were facebook friends. They probably didn’t even notice we were no longer “friends”
Yes, I have “unfriended” a couple of friends and have been unfriended for reasons I don’t know and try to find out. My reasoning is because my friend gave me a job to watch her daughters (again) and never got back to me on my start date. I tried calling her, messaging her through emails and on Facebook, but never heard from her. I denied another opportunity for work to my commitment to her and NOTHING came of it. We had been friends for a long time, I was really hurt and very surprised she didn’t contact me. Not long after I “unfriended” her, she shows up at my house with her girls like nothing never happened. We had friendly chit chat, but I was still very hurt and mad at her. I didn’t want to start anything in front of the children. She mentioned how another friend had unfriended her and didn’t understand why. I knew she was hinting, but it would have gotten ugly and I wasn’t going to do that in front on her kids. When she left she said, “we need to get together this week, I’m off work and have lunch, we have some things to talk about”…I said, “yes we do and I’m looking forward to it”. Three years later I have yet to hear from her or see her. I did re-friend her because she asked again, but I hide all her posts. It hurts, but what can I do, I feel as if I’ve done all I could to save our friendship. I love those girls and miss them dearly.
The one I unfriended…he was just a bit disrespectful to someone I love dearly and decided I didn’t want that in my face. I know I could have hid him too, but what’s the point.
Great question and sorry if I wrote to much.
Capture life,
Kathy
I have the same boundaries with facebook as with my own life…it is all about respect…if i don’t want some as a facebook friend…that is what “unfriend” means…friends, family members, work colleagues etc…i don’t announce that i am unfriending anybody i just do it…one thing i cannot take is when you send someone a message and they take weeks to get back to you or they just answer with LOL…if you were speaking to them face-to-face…you wouldn’t just say LOL for every response…i think that is rude…i answer other fb friends messages asap and if i can’t type much it the message requires a longer response then i tell them i will get back to them very soon…i have unfriended friends, work colleagues, family members etc…i want friends i can be myself around and post whatever i want…if anybody doesn’t like that then they too can use their “unfriend”…i live a guilt-free life…i also love the “block” button…very handy when someone has forgotten their manners
I remove people from previous work / college people I totally can not stand any more. I dont care if I run into them again. If i do not like them spamming ym page , I remove them.
I set up a while ago several lists, dividing my fb friends up into categories. Most of my everyday posts go to the list of people who share daily on FB and who I want to interact with, including sharing photo’s. Occasionally I share to all my friends and family what I want everyone to see including workmates. So, there has been no need to unfriend anyone. I have made some wonderful friends through FB, mostly girls I went to school with over 25 yrs ago, who have come together and reconnected. We get together in “real life” several times a year and have a hoot of a time!
Hi. My facebook is for people that are genuinely part of my life and want to know my life and share theirs. I am not interested in lurkers, colleagues who b**** behind others backs, having the largest number of ‘friends’ on fb. The people I have are people I genuinely want to know about. I have been on both sides where a friend at work was making nasty comments about another persons online dating page. They got deleted. But on the flip side I asked my brother in law to update his settings so I didn’t get every one of his comments (many which are racist and offensive – but I didn’t tell him that). I had updated all the settings I could and I still got everything from him. And he didn’t discuss it with me and just deleted it. I was very awkward at New Year when I saw him, but nothing was said and he gave me a big hug. I think the biggest thing about FB is people forget to think or filter like the would in the ‘real’ world. PS. love your blog and photodays
When I left my husband in September, it was because he was downloading photos of other men (yes, the kind without clothes… I don’t want to get too graphic here). I was so hurt, upset, angry – I was posting on FB, because I felt that was where my friends were. Well, that was where HIS friends were also… we had “mutual friends”. Bad, bad, bad. I had to delete a lot of people I THOUGHT were my friends, but were not – they were his. I sent all of them a private message telling them WHY I was unfriending them – they needed to be there for him, and I needed people who were there for me. Wow, you should have seen the horrible messages I got – Proof that they weren’t my friends in the first place. I now make sure I know the person, that I like the person, and that I TRUST the person before they make my friendship list. No, I can’t brag I have a huge FB friend list, but I DO know I have people there I want, and groups that I want – and I can trust them. (and yes, now I watch what I post there too!) It’s been a rocky road, but I do know if I see anyone I unfriended, I can look them in the eye if I did meet them in the “real world” – but most of them are over 850 miles away, and I definitely don’t ever plan on living back there again!
I have unfriend, and been unfriend.
I choose to unfriend a few, well they just didn’t add a lot to me or my life, so negative people, out they go. I have been unfriend, because I think differently, or because of my beliefs, so cest’ la vie. Life goes on.
I rather have a few good friends than a lot of bad or not good intentioned people in my cyber life.
This is obviously a very hot topic. I have not unfriended anyone but have blocked someone whose comments were always full of bad language. What I don’t understand is how a lot of people feel the need to constantly post their whereabouts – I don’t need to know that so and so is at the supermarket and then they are having coffee and then they are on the bus. Get the picture? It seems to me that a lot of young people (20+ who should have more sense) don’t realise that the world is reading their rants about the bad behaviour of their friends, their arguments with their family, etc, then get offended when others make comments on their posts. What a funny world we live in now.
I ‘unfriended’ an old school friend that I never see or talk to anymore. To be honest she was a nasty person at school and after she announced on Facebook that she was sleeping with someone’s husband I deleted her. A few months later she comes into my work place and after some standard pleasantries she asked why I deleted her. Way to make things even more awkward. I just told her “we never see or talk to each other anymore, it’s as simple as that”. I’m glad I don’t have her in my life anymore.
Another friend told me that a girl she ‘unfriended’ came to her house and banged her front door down demanding to know why she was deleted!
I used to be super conservative with who I friended on facebook but more of my business is no online focused and I’m finding people I have very little contact with are wanting to be ‘personal’ friends. If I’ve emailed back and forth a few times and I feel as though I’d be happy to share some additional details about my life with that person then I may accept their friend request. I very rarely send requests unless I’ve met the person in the flesh!
Re clean ups, I love your comment about project runway! In my mind if you need to schedule f/book clean ups then you need to re think your frivolous acceptance policy for random people you don’t know!!
I unfriend the lurkers, creepers and people who send friendship requests, then never interact. I just culled my list yesterday. I unfriended about 25 people who never comment or like my posts. What’s the point? I’m a culinary student who absolutely loves to cook. I cook seven days a week, and I try out new recipes every day. Yes, I take pictures of my creations, and yes, I post them. I’m not talking about the everyday run-of-the-mill poor quality food photos taken with instagram in poor light with horrible composition. I know what I’m doing with a camera. I have a lot of friends who like and comment on my pictures, but I know it annoys a lot of other “friends,” but I often wonder if people fail to realize that 95% of what they post is just as annoying and narcissistic (purely in the pop-psychology sense) as the next person’s post. “Hey, look at me; I need to be validated!”…whether it be through endless pictures of their children, how far they ran, their “witty and wise” internet memes, whatever place-of-the-moment they’re checking into, what they’re wearing, whatever piece of news they think everyone should care about, their vacation pictures, pets, pinterest pins, where they’re eating, with whom they’re eating, blah blah blah, etc! I mean really. Know thyself and own it. We’re all annoying.
I did a big clean up once after someone who I had added on Facebook through my blog sent me a message saying had popped down to a shopping centre that I was catching up with friends at to bump into me, then go nervous and didn’t say hi. They even said they’d bumped into me, I’d been really polite and they were still too shy to say hello and went home again. It just felt a little too stalky {even though I’m sure they meant well}.
I announced that clean up because I removed almost every person I’d adding via blogging or social media mostly. I wanted to let them know that it was me not them, that it was about security and I hoped that it wouldn’t make us awkward in the future. I weighed up the possibility of someone finding it {me} all a bit too dramatic against someone feeling bad because they didn’t know why I’d removed them.
Mostly if someone is bugging me on facebook I hide their updates. Way less awkward than the unfriend. 😉
I actually was unfriended by a friend. I was shocked a little, but I just met her few times so I really don’t care about she unfriended to me. maybe she doesn’t need me in her life. never know.
I also unfriended my ex-boyfriend on my facebook. because I don’t want him to see what is going on my life on facebook.
I have around 50 friends on my FB, maybe it is low number.
There are few friends of them, I really hung out often.
Sometimes I don’t understand why I need FB even I can contact other way to my friends.
FB is just only way to show how my life is good to other people.
Sometimes I tired of seeing other’s happy moments when I feel low down.
While many in and on FB have hundreds of “Friends” I discovered I cannot handle the ‘chatter’ of so many people especially people I do not know. My list is small. I ‘cleaned-up’ my list a while back. The criteria for deleting people I know and almost know was if they responded to my comments, even a simple, ‘like’ kelp them in my list. What I noticed, there were about 10 people who never communicated with me. One was from church who I see all the time. Two months after I ended a non existing friendship, she messaged me asking why! I explained she never commented nor even ‘liked’ my comments, which, by the way is a polite acknowledgement among real friends. At church, she’s too busy with her friends for me. I would never announce I was deleting people from my list. I am not that pompous!
When I started work
When I first started work at my new job I waited a while before I wanted to get socially involved online with people at my job and then I started to get involved online. At first, I started facebook friending a lot of people at work and researching more and more people at work. I added a couple of people and then it became awkward during work because all I could think about was if I was their Facebook friend or not and I couldn’t even concentrate on my job – all I was thinking about was about our status on Facebook. It became a really big distraction for me at my job, so what I ended up doing is deleting all of the people that were in my same area of work on Facebook in order to stop thinking about it.
I think it helped a lot because it gave me time and space to just focus on work and not on my relationships with people outside of work. Now, about 5 months later since the whole episode where I un-friended people at work, it still makes sense not to get back into it, but a part of me wants to reach out and become socially involved with the people at my job. What I always say is that you learn from what your problems were in the past, and I have learned a lot from this and social media. I think the key is that you can’t over think it and you have to be comfortable with your self on social media first and then be okay with connecting with people at your job, etc.
I know this is a fairly old thread, but I wanted to post & get some advice. I have been married to my husband for 4 & 1/2 years. He has a huge family and I can honestly say, most of them are toxic, dysfunctional people. We try to keep our distance, but we allow them on our personal facebooks so that they can keep in touch and see pictures of our son (4 years old). I recently looked at my sister-in-law’s facebook page to look at my niece’s pictures and see what all she had been doing. She is the sweetest, cutest girl! Anyways, Lol. I couldn’t see anything for a few select pictures that she lets the general public see, so I got on my hubby’s page to see if it was the same. You can see everything on his page. So, I’m the only one blocked from seeing stuff, but she wants me on her list… we have never had any fights or falling-outs and I can’t figure out why she has done that. I asked her if she had a problem with me because if she did, I wanted to fix it and make amends. She said no. The only reason why she blocked me was to keep my other set of in-laws (her adopted dad) from seeing her stuff. I told her that I would never show them pictures of her & her family if she didn’t want me to. It’s her personal stuff, not mine to share. She laughed it off & didn’t elaborate. Couple months later, I cleaned out my list and got rid of the other set of in-laws off of my page… for multiple reasons, and she still has me blocked after I told her what I did. I thought she would be happy and would allow me to see updates, etc.. Still nothing. She is a very passive aggressive person & very jealous, but I don’t know where it stems from. Holidays and family gatherings are usually pretty pleasant and everyone gets long. On social media, that is a whole other story, I guess. I always wanted to have a sister-in-law who would be a near & dear friend, but she is wanting it to stay the same. I feel like I’m not good enough for their family sometimes, but I honestly do try to be there for them & to be liked, and make my husband happy.
Well, you sound like one of the loveliest person ever. I consider myself to be a nice person. I consider others before myself, always. I would do anything for anyone. Sure, I’m human. I stuff up, but I care a lot about other people. I think you’re the same.
So of course it hurts when people do stuff like that, I’ve had it happen too. Actually one workmate deleted me completely and I couldn’t understand. We’d never had any experience that was negative. I’d supported her and helped when I could. But maybe something about me annoyed her. I don’t know.
I thought about that for longer than I should have. I tried to make sense of it, and I just couldn’t.
The reality is, what people think of us is none of our business. It’s also not our problem. And lastly, it’s about them, not us. That’s been my biggest learning curve of my 30s. It’s not about us at all.
I know it’s family, and it’s absolutely crappy that it’s not how you dream it to be, especially when you’re bring a beautiful relationship to the table, and you care A LOT. Unfortunately we can’t change people, we can’t change the way they see us, or feel about us. From our end, all we can do is take a deep breath, accept how things are, and let it go.
As long as you know you are a good person, that’s all that matters. She’s got her own crap going own, so let her be. I like to pretend that the FB relationship doesn’t exist so that I can continue a healthy relationship with them in real life.
It’s not easy, but it’s kinda essential for your own happiness. xx