Early one morning, before work, I took Lacey down to her place, the little pool at our local beach. We were the only ones there {quite a miracle on a warm morning in Summer in one of Sydney’s most populated suburbs}. The water was still and perfect. She splashed about as I watched on with a smile on my face. Mornings at the beach were good for the soul.
A lady, who must have been in her 60’s, waded into the pool and past me on the step. “They shouldn’t have dogs at the beach,” she muttered as she passed by. I assumed she was talking to herself, so let her continue.
“They’re not allowed dogs at the beach, and they shouldn’t have them. Don’t you think?” she asked heading back my way.
“Yeah, I guess that’s the rule,” I replied.
I’d entered into the conversation then, and was privy to all her life’s details. I’m a good listener. I don’t mind listening. So I did. I learned that she’d just got out of hospital three days before. She fell down an escalator at the local shopping centre. She showed me the stitches. My stomach churned. She told me about her children and her daughter-in-law who doesn’t eat enough and doesn’t know how to cook.
She told me about her mother and father, who live overseas and need to be put into care, a constant stress for her being so far away. She told me how she and her husband come to the beach each morning and leave by 8am so that they don’t have to pay for parking. She told me what she had for dinner the night before, where she lived and how she met her husband.
“Do you just have one child?” she asked, turning the conversation to me.
“Just one,” I replied, guilt creeping in.
“You need another child,” she informed me.
“We will, we will,” I promised.
“How old is she?” she asked, motioning to Lacey who was happily splashing about in front of us.
“Almost four.”
“That age gap is too big. They need to be closer together,” she said, in a matter-of-fact manner.
“What can I do?” I sighed, “I can’t turn back time. It is what it is.”
Her husband turned up from his morning walk and told her it was almost eight o’clock. She waded out of the water, grabbed her towel and said goodbye, leaving me to ponder the conversation she’d left behind.
Oh my! That almost sounds a bit intrusive! I can't imagine how I'd deal with that before 8am!
Everyone seems to have an opinion about having kids. Some people look quite concerned when I say that the one i'm pregnant with now may be my first and my last!
Oh that's sad, it just sounds like she is a miserable woman, and I think what a waste to be living her life in such a negative space. I get the same comment often from strangers about only having one child. The other day a friend of my MILs asked me 'Don't you like being a Mother? Why haven't you had another baby??' I pondered that for a few days, devastated to think somebody thought I didn't adore being a Mum to my beautiful girl. I wonder at what point their bitterness sets in? Do they even realise? I just can't imagine speaking that way at any age. When I'm older I want to be a lovely crazy woman wearing rose coloured glasses and telling younger people how blessed they are for the life they have ahead. x
I want to be playing bingo, winning toilet paper and eating scones.
The lady wasn't nasty, just inquisitive. I think because I feel so guilty that I've left it to so long the words stayed with me.
That guilt thing always gets me.
Think of all the extra time and love u have been able to give your daughter! There is no right or wrong way to have a family! U are making an amazing lfie and inspiring people every day which i am sure includes your daughter! If u choose to have another bubby it doesnt matter when that time happens! I think guilt may just be part of our mummy makeup though! trust me…if u have another baby, u will be so happy you have a mini helper beside you that understands whats going on!
I have 5 years between my chickens…it is what it is and my little man (who is 1 1/2) has the most divine curly haired whimsical sister any person could ever want.
I spent so long worrying that I had robbed her of a buddy in life but she has a gaggle of cousins and friends that she would never even notice that it could have been another way. If Lacey doesn't know any different then there is no issues x
I hope this random encounter didn't ruffle too many of your feathers, I hope you can see the amusing side rather than dwelling on the bluntness of an individual who knows nothing of you or your life. Meeting people like this lady only serve to remind me how lucky I am – i hope it is so with you too.
Oh definitely. The guilt lies with me, in that I've left it too long and that I should have had another baby earlier. To be honest work got in the way and sleep deprivation was a factor too. So I feel guilty, the conversation just stirred those feelings.
Oh honey – I used to let those conversations get to me ALL the time!. My babies are almost 4 years apart too, and I had people tell me a lot that the gap was too big. Little did they know that we had been trying for the past 15 months to get pregnant without any success. Luckily we did (obviously) and now we have our little girls, but try not to let ladies like this get to you.
As my dear old dad used to say, “Her mouth was in drive and her brain in park.”
Love this!
ha me too!
Love it. x
he was a wise man 🙂
I must remember that one 🙂
Don't give it another thought!
There are just some people who love to have an opinion on everything.
You do what's right for YOU! x
Thanks Lexi. x
i read some research once (of course now i don't remember where) that siblings 3-4 years apart get along better throughout life and have stronger bonds as adults. seems like it would be true since the competition factor would be ruled out with a 4 year time gap. at least that's what we're banking on!
I know exactly what research you're referring to, I heard about it on MPR. And I remember it was 3-5 years.
But that's just best *probability* of being great friends as adults, it certainly doesn't mean that siblings of different age gaps will hate each other.
Replying to correct — not “MPR”, “NPR”, i.e., National Public Radio (USA).
Oh gosh….you hardly got a word in with that lady! As much as I like to listen & meet new people & have a good ole' chat…sometimes I also like to just enjoy some 'me' time or 'family' time! I bet you were quite happily enjoying that morning & the peace of it…until she ratted your ear off 🙂 And as for the kid thing….do what's right for you & your family….1 kid, 6 kids….whatever. My brothers and I are all 5 years apart…so my oldest brother is 10yrs older than me. And we get on just fine :)) Ella is almost 4yrs older than Ryder & I'm so glad we left that amount of gap in between them….it's been wonderful. But everyone has their opinion on the subject & that swimming chatterbox lady just chose to dump hers on you! Keep smiling Chantelle x
I would not give her views another thought, everyone has their own opinion. I have 4 children, 13,11,9 and 4. The 13 year old and the 4 year old have a special special bond that will never be broken even with 9 years age gap their connection with each other is magic. There is no right and no wrong time to have another baby as long as there is love age is no barrier.
I'm normally just a lurker on your blog but felt compelled to comment about this post. Oh, the conversations I've had with strangers… one in particular sticks in my mind. I was in a doctors waiting room and got chatting to an elderly man. He was pleasant enough, until he asked me if I was married. Yes, I am, four years married. Then he asked me if we had any children. No, we don't. Well, did I cop a lecture from him then, to the point he was telling me that in his culture (he was Indian) if a wife hadn't conceived a child within the first year of marriage, the husband had grounds to separate from his wife. I did protest and try to point out lack of pregnancy could be due to infertility in the man, or both people, or that maybe a couple didn't have to have kids at all, but this was inconceivable to him. Ironically, when I was having this conversation we'd been trying for babies for two years. Still trying, one year later…
This stranger knows nothing about you, and your family, and what works best for you. She sounds like the sort of person that always finds something to complain about, rather than taking joy in life. Don't let her words get under your skin. Four years is not a big age gap at all between kids. If you want another baby, that's great. If you don't want another baby, that's great too. If you can't have another child for any reason, although that may make you sad, try and focus on the gorgeous little girl you already have who brings so much joy to your lives. Strangers are exactly that- strangers. They know nothing of your life. Don't let their words get to you.
Thanks Anon. x
I'm sorry to hear that. I've experienced it myself more times than I'd care to admit. My newest daughter is 7 months old…almost 5 years younger than her older sister. I almost didn't have a 2nd child because I thought the age gap would be too big. Boy was I wrong. And to think what I might have missed out on. I don't think people realize the damage they can do by making a comment like that. She knows nothing about your life. What works for one family may not work for another. And things happen when they're meant to happen. I'm hoping you've already forgotten her words….
It seems to me that no matter what stage in life we're at, people cause us to question our choices (or lack thereof) where they don't quite sit with either the sterotype/norm, or their own views for that matter.
I've found this with the “oh you've been together 10 years and you're not married” and now “oh you're married now so when will you be having children” and when I reply I'm not that keen on kids, the common response is “you'll change your mind” or “you're getting a bit older now so you should seriously think about that” and it comes not just from strangers but family members, my GP and others.
Most of the time these people think they're being helpful but all it does is continually force you to reassess your choices (or again, lack thereof depending on circumstances). The day my GP told me I was selfish for putting my career first (and not having children) I started to think I was a bad person but self worth for me is so important in having a happy life and my career is a huge part of that. Should I decide to have children later on, they're likely to be more fulfiled both emotionally and financially seeing their Mum is successful and happy and that I chose them – it wasn't just the “next stage of my life” or I had children because other people thought I should.
Maybe it's not a bad thing that they say the things they do – even when they're hurtful – maybe it helps us remind ourselves why we do the things we do or why we don't.
Sometimes we have to remember that maybe the intention is genuine but the effect on us may not be. But only we can choose how we react.
Lacey is one lucky kid to have you as a Mum – if I was her I might like to stay an only child and keep you to myself 😉
K, thank you a million times for this comment. Thank you.
My cousin has decided and known for a while that she didn't want children. I've watched other family members disregard her decision and say that she's going to either end up wanting them or regretting her decision. I've always respected her decision and never questioned it. I can understand the joy of having kids (as you know I'm a kid person) and the life without them too.
Anyways, I'm rambling. But thank you. xx
To me, it sounds like she was just really craving someone to listen to her, no matter what she was saying. And thankfully she stumbled across a good listener 🙂 I wouldn't worry about her words, I'd just hover on the fact that having you listen to her most probably made her day. That's a beautiful quality to have. I do wish I could be a great listener too. Working on it… xx
Looking back she was definitely happy to have someone listen. You're so right. x
Hello, That is what i had been thinking too Elisa:) Maybe she is lonely. Maybe she has regrets of her own. Anyway your choices are your choices and its you that has to live with them. To you, they are the right ones and it shouldnt matter what others think, however as a poster said earlier sometimes its good to take on others opinions and then just filter out what doesnt apply:)HAve a great week. May i just say that i enjoy reading your blogxx
oh dear! I'm amazed she got all that out before 8am!! from the minute she opened her mouth to complain about the dogs on the beach it was clear she just had to get something off her chest! EVERYTHING in fact :O and you were just the right person, in the right place and at the wrong time 😉 I'll bet you my bubblo-bill nose that she went home feeling refreshed and light (and her hubby probably can't work out why she's so happy today 😉 hehehe) and I'll guarantee she has no idea that you were left with your mind racing about all manner of things! I say look at it this way, you love your life and your family and that's all that's important!
It's funny how strangers think they can make such personal comments or ask such personal questions. It's the same with so many life stages – before you get married it's the 'is he going to propose soon?' question, then as soon as you are it's 'so when are you having babies then?' and so it continues. Do everything when it feels right for you I say! x
i will talk and listen to just about anyone. i see nothing wrong with people wanting to chat. it is what it is. you can choose to listen or not. i think learning to listen to people is good patience. her story gave you a story. i don't believe we have to always like or agree with what people say but by listening we are more than often open to new thoughts and ideas. you went away with thought and lacey enjoyed her swim. i see it as all good. xo.
I have 3 and everyone wants to know when the next one is coming. Other people always want to tell you what you should be doing.
Oh my chantelle! That poor lady was blessed this morning you listened to her. Funnily enough, she would have left this conversation feeling like you were the sweetest thing, and knowing absolutely nothing about you. Because it sounds like there wasn't enough time to ask! What a sad way she sees life through her eyes. You're such a sweet thing!
HA Telle you are like me, we must have something along the lines of “big sucker” or “too polite to tell you to shove off” written on our foreheads because I tend to attract a similar type. Next time you will know to arrive at 8.10am when she will be gone to avoid the parking fees lol
Well, we had a conversation about this last month via email, so you know that it is something that bothers me and that I think about every day.
(We have a 4 year old girl and have spent the last 3 years trying to have another baby, after 2 miscarriages and a stillborn baby I am finally pregnant again and now on full time bed rest until (fingers crossed) I deliver in September).
I used to (before I was on bed rest and allowed to leave the house) get asked almost every day “Is Sophie your only child?” and I would reply “No, I had another little girl who died during the birth” and that usually stops people in their tracks!
I guess you just just have to remember all the benefits of a bigger age gap.. Lacey will be so helpful once you do have another baby and you will have so much time to nurture that new baby when lacey starts school.
Xx
there are 4 years between my two and its perfect. She was old enough to help a bit, she was at pre school 3 days so I had some “just baby” time. Now that they are 6 and 2, they play beautifully together. perfect.
There are 6 years between me and my brother, and that worked out ok too.
There are six years between my dad and aunty – and my grandma was telling me just the other day how much she loved it – I'm considering a bigger break 'than the norm' between the second one I have (I'm expecting my first). I think it's nice to treat a child 'as the baby' for a good chunk of time. And just think of the help you could get with a newborn!
On another note – your pool mate sounds like a bit of a negative nancy…
I don't mind a conversation with a stranger. They say what they want, without regard to history or the future. Sometimes plain talking is good for the soul.
As you say, it is what it is. x
Hi Chantelle,
I love conversations with older women and funnily enough I just posted a blog about a chat with a swimmer in the change room.
I wouldn't worry about the child bearing advice, I'm sure that she meant well. (I have only one child and had many conversations along those lines from well meaning strangers).
You can read my blog if you like 🙂
On christmas day 2010, I was walking with my cousin back to my place with my parents dog. As we near my place, this old lady says, what a lovely dog! I said thanks, as you do.. Then she starts on how we should trim the dogs tail (chihuahua x cavalier king charles spaniel) then gets her comb for her hair out of her back pocket & start combing my parents dogs tail! Tells me that she lives just around the corner & she has the perfect scissors to trim the dogs tail!
I had to laugh! They always know best. x
Don't give it a second that!
What will be, will be.
I LOVE the 5yr gap with our boys.
All this time I had the perfect person to talk 5 year age gaps with right by my side!!
Thank you Tracy. x
i don't mind conversations with strangers, just like Maxabella said BUT don't begin to tell me what i “need”, especially if what i “need” i cannot and never will be able to have.
i've had strangers quiz me about the fact that Guv and i have been married for 12 years and yet we have no children – “how sad”; “but what will you do together later on in life, no children, no grandchildren” – it's as if i chose this life.
i used to explain, now i just put my protective shield up and say “no, no kids, just us, just how i like it” – it's not the truth but the truth is too hard to talk about anymore and honestly, it's no one elses business.
i agree with Chelle, make sure it's 8.10am and maybe next time you'll meet another stranger and the conversation will be one that brings a smile to your face 🙂
~x~
Sorry I had to laugh at that conversations, I've copped some doozies in my time too…….I had THREE under THREE (no twins either) and used to get all sorts of comments………..I firmly believe that “older” people get to a certain age and just don't give a shite about offending anyone anymore……………maybe its your reward for getting to 80??
Try to let it roll off you………….hard sometimes I know! xx
Great comment Jodi, and I think at the age of 80 they deserve it..
its kinda of weird when people get all funny about age gaps between children! Right now i am 34 weeks pregnant, and have not been able to walk or work or do much due to some pelvis problems and my son is 4 and a half. THANK FREAKING GOODNESS…its actually worked out perfectly! he understands whats going on and is excited, but he doesnt need me running around after him, he can help me out so much(maybe a little too much for a 4 year old) and i am not dealing with tantrums and a child running away down the street….my crutches dont go very fast!
I am so happy for the age gap! Also..what if u were someone that had trouble conceiving…people get way too intrusive at times!
I do enjoy conversations with strangers, i love to listen to stories and owninga shop i get so many awesome stories, and some not so awesome! and then there are always those people who dont know when to leave the conversation….these ones are tricky to deal with…I have had a woman stand next to my till for an hour and a half that could not understand that i was running my business just before xmas witha million other customers, and i had to almost ignore her just for her to kind of get the point to leave..she didnt! She was rude or mean she was nice…but some times a little social ettiquette goes a long way!!!
I am 13 weeks preggers with my second child, my first turned three in December, and to top it all I'm 41 – imagine all the comments I get!
I'm REALLY pleased my son will be almost four when number two arrives. I personally couldn't have managed with two close together, it was hard enough with one. All our families live on the other side of the world! Everyones situation is different, there is no right or wrong age gap (there are 9 years between me and my brother)
For goodness sake don't feel guilty x
Oh Chantelle… I am a cold, emotionless bee-yatch (ask my hubby and my mum!!) – but this post has me in tears. I so COMPLETELY understand your guilt!!
I feel guilty that I only have one child – and then I feel guilty that sometimes I want it to stay that way.
I feel guilty that after 5 years of trying we still haven't managed to give our little man a sibling – and then I feel guilty that sometimes I'm glad I don't have to “share” myself with another child.
I feel guilty that my body just doesn't want to cooperate – and then I feel guilty that I take my health for granted.
I worry that my son will forever be an only child – and then I feel guilty for worrying too much!
You know, this conversation doesn't even really matter. There is no cure for “mummy-guilt” – but there is ALWAYS a trigger… for you, this time, it was this lady. We don't need much stimulus – but there's always something (usually insignificant to other people, even other mums) that will be the trigger.
Just wanted to say “I get it.” xxx
Chantelle,
Just pass this woman off as someone who for a brief moment in time touched your life,you can either choose to find something positive in her words ( another subject for your blog that has bought forward so many people, some who never have spoken on here before ) or you can choose to let one part of the conversation bother you. Another person,( maybe myself ) would possibly have honed in on the fact that she comment on no dogs should be allowed onto the beach. I myself being a dog lover !! People often feel the need to sprout their words of wisdom to you but it is only yourself who either 'hears' them or lets them roll over themselves off into the space around. You and only you can make choices in life that are right for you at the time.
Chantelle, I am sitting here giggling. As a scottish woman from a small town the one thing I miss about living in Sydney is the lack of conversation. I laughed when I started to read some of the comments you received (all in the negative – I didn't read them all). I have a firm, my life my way attitude, but I love it when people spark up conversations and have opinions. Wouldn't life be boring if we all had the same opinion. I love that this woman talked to you, she was maybe lonely and grumpy by the sounds of her, but she was old and her opinions would be firm. Like many have said don't let her get to you but appreciate that she spent her morning noticing you – very often I feel invisible in this City.
As for age gaps, I wouldn't worry too much, I know families with small age gaps (me I had 3 in 3 years) medium (my sister in law has 4 years between her three kids) and large (my sister is 9 years my junior) all have their pro's and cons, but they (we) all love each other and have great relationships.
From your blog I get that your a great mum with a great attitude and you'll have another baby when the time is right for you.
Much Love Debbie
Interesting! I was just reading it thinking that we just never really know what goes on in the lives of the strangers we share the same air with….every so often we get a glimpse. I love hearing the stories of strangers and imagining their lives…
As for the child thing, I always tell people when they ask – miss A came out so perfect why would I mess with that! Usually they don't know quite what to say about that…lol
Sad … for goodness sake please discard her opinions and most of all disgard that guilt you're putting yourelf through NOW please!!!
She probably had no idea of what she said, imagine what's going on in her head with all the babble. Please, Please get over it and be your beautiful self. Let people have their opinion without taking it on board … moments like this will drive you nuts … you don't want to end up down there before 8am beating the parking charges now do you??? 😉
You know I believe God puts people in our lives for a reason. Even His timing means something. I don't think he would want you to feel guilty. Maybe he just wanted you to start pondering the question again now. It is easy to see the negative because we are human. I think it tells a lot about you that you gave that older woman your ear and your time you are very giving and very sweet. So many people are just lonely and feeling bad themselves that they need someone to talk to. I hope you have a lovely day. Thank you for sharing, I love your blog.
Chantelle I have 2 boys- one who was 9 in Feb & the other who turns 12 next week-EEEEKKKK. In December of 2010 we decided to try for another baby. It was completely out of the blue & I think it shocked us both to realise we were not done. I had actually told my hubby it was time for the snip!
I'm yet to have that baby, Ive had two miscarriages & we are still hopeful & trying, but I guess it's never too late, the gap never too large if you really want a baby. Don't listen to other people. They don't live your life, have your thoughs & only you & your hubby know when the timing is right.
Hi Chantelle.
having grown up in bondi i know those type of people. Can I ask was the lady russian? I have nothing against russians, I even have russian blood (my great grandparents were ukrainian) Thats just the image i get in my head, a lady in her black cossie in the pool.
ANyway don't worry, look that lady has x amount of children but seems to have bad relationships with them and seems alone and a bit unhappy with her lot in life. This is what i sense from your story.
she is alone as she needs to tell a total stranger things instead of her children or other family members.
Hi Chantelle,
I usually just read and enjoy your blog and others comments but I thought it should throw my 2 cents in on this one. My sister and I are 11 years apart, with no siblings in between. My mom was 29 when she had Melissa and 39 when I came along. She always says she waited until Melissa could babysit to have another baby 🙂 My sister and I have always had a great relationship(when I was in my mischievous 7-8 stage and she was in her moody teenage years maybe not as much) and the gap, I believe has made it even better. When I was young, she was old enough to take me to concerts and me my voice of reason from experience. Now that I am in my mid twenties and her in her thirties, we have almost levelled out and for the first time see each other eye to eye which is a whole new but great experience. The only thing I will say about a negative to our massive gap is that from about 8 to 15 I was in essence an only child to my parents as my sister was away at college and then moved in with her boyfriend. We always had a good relationship through those years but I didn't see her very often. The other hard thing for me to deal with is the fact that my mother had me so late in life. Both my parents retired when I was in grade school and now are in their mid sixties. I am not ready for kids yet at 23 but I somedays feel this pressure to have them so my parents can get as many years with them as possible. I don't want my kids to lose their grandparents at 8 like I did 🙁 Basically, what I am trying to say is everyone has a different story and different challenges. We can only do what feels right to us and know that everything happens for a reason!
How sad that this woman is judging you when she knows nothing about you. People don't realise their comments can be very hurtful! I have only had the pleasure of one gorgeous daughter, now 12 years old, and over the years have often had comments made to me such as “you're so lucky you only have one” “you're clever only having one child” “my children are driving me crazy, it must be nice only having one”. I always answer with “it wasn't my choice having an only child, i tried but couldn't have any more”. I find these comments extremely hurtful, judgmental, and so wrong! Little do these people know that I would have loved to have more children but couldn't, and the pain of infertility is always there and these comments make it worse!
I'm also a 'good listener'. Somehow the Universe decided to make us magnets for people who are 'good talkers'.
Please don't worry about the 'age gap' remark! Trust me, our sons are 8yo and almost-2yo. I wouldn't have it any other way.
I agree with Luna. My sister and I are 7 yrs apart. It doesn’t matter. Really, it doesn’t. You will have as many as you want when the time is right and when it happens it won’t be a problem, it will be perfect.
It sounds like she is a lonely lady. I'm sure (well – I HOPE) she didn't mean to offend/upset you with her comments. Sometimes it's those little throw away lines people say that really hit hard. It sounds like something my mother would say and if questioned she would say “what? what's wrong with saying that?” Older mums don't always get it.
My kids are 5 years apart for the simple reason my husband died when my son was 2. I then met a man that I never thought I would and had another – when my son was 5.
There is an age difference, they like doing different things, they like different movies and different food – so what – they love each other and my little princess has a lion of a big brother that will never let anything harm her.
Follow your heart, do what works for you – life is too short to feel guilty – especially over things that really don't matter.
Whatever you decide, whatever happens, your beautiful family will be just fine. x
Older people, huh?
They just … don't have a filter.
I read above that you thought she was nice, just curious. But wow. I am so super sensitive that it only takes little comments like that to upset me.
My husband's grandmother nitpicks at EVERYTHING I do as a Mother, & honestly, not much is good enough in her eyes.
And now two weeks ago, I returned to work full-time. And she is just so against this, & brings it up every time.
My MIL tells me not to worry though, that she has O.P.D 🙂
… Old persons disease 😉
You're beautiful. And a wonderful Mother. And could I tell you one thing?
I used to work at a mother & baby unit with some leading psychologists in regards to maternal & child health, & they ALL said the best age gap between 1 & 2 is actually 4 years. That is the optimal gap in regards to their development & wellbeing.
Of course it can be shorter or longer! 🙂
But I just thought I'd give you something nice to ponder 🙂
xx
I meant to say …
Best age gap between baby number 1 & baby number 2 🙂
Have a nice day xx
Hiya Chantelle. Some people are just jerks that need to get a leash on their tongues. Other people are awesome. Don't let the jerks get you down, they're just miserable in their own lives and feel the need to cut everyone around them down. And as for age gaps? I have two siblings, one is two years older than me, the other is five years younger. My older sibling and I have never been on the same wavelength, but my younger sibling is one of my best friends.
Cas x
I am glad that lady didnt come across me. I have guilty feelings everyday that I only have one child. Not my choice though through fertility problems. I am so sick of people judging others when they don't even know their story.
I feel guilty that I can't get pregnant. I cannot count the conversations I've had with strangers that have made me feel guilty about this fact – even though it was never their intention, or they didn't even know about my struggles.
I guess you can take away what you want from any conversation. Choose to take what you want.
I think that every family is perfect for them. Sounds like she was a nice lady who just needed a good chat – maybe needed a coffee date with a great friend, but instead happened to meet another wonderful family to connect with!
We have five boys and our first two are only 16 months apart. That was damn hard work, and many sleepless nights, and I cant remember much about it 🙂
All of our other boys were three years apart – much better as we only had one in nappies. You sound like that you are enjoying Lacey, and she is loved. That sounds like the perfect ingredients for happiness.
many things happen for a reason – maybe this meeting was brought about so you could understand how her family works for her!
Cheers
Lisa
Wow. I can't imagine that I would have acted positively to her telling me how I should live my life. It's frankly no-one else's business what kind of family dynamic you have.
My girls are 9 years apart. And I am glad I waited so long. It's a lot easier. And it doesn't hurt the bank. I tell you what, it sure does make me appreciate motherhood a lot more. I think it's just because she is old. Old people tend to open their mouth and speak words they honestly don't know that it could cause an impact. Yes, it is what it is. Times are hard right now and I think you are doing a fine job with one. When the time is right, you will be blessed with another 🙂
I was the youngest for 14 years and then my parents had two more children. I am very close with my younger brother and sister, and have been like a parent to them. My other sister is 2 years 5 months older than me, with a brother in between.
In my opinion there is no right age gap between children and sometimes I just wish that people would keep their opinions to themselves. 😉
Chantelle, I know that guilt well. I have just one child, he is 6 and I won't be having anymore, I am 44 and my marriage has just broken up. From the time my son was around 2 I have agonised with myself about him being an only child. I have been pregnant twice in this time but these pregnancies were not to be, and if I am honest I was a little relieved of that at times. I still worry and probably over compensate for him being alone. But really, he likes it, the only way he would want a sibling is if they are the same age or older than him and I can't do that obviously. I have lots of his friends over and keep him busy and he gets his parents one on one attention. It just is what it is and if this is the worst thing that ever happens to him I can live with that. There is no perfect family or perfect age gap other than what is right for you and your family. There is no guarantee that if there was a smaller age gap that Lacey would be any closer to her potential sibling(s). It is easy for strangers to have an opinion, they don't have to deal with the day to day of your life, they just get to talk and then walk away leaving you feel conflicted.
Maybe if that old duck had a dog she'd have more joy in her life. Just sayin'
Chantelle, dump the guilt and follow your heart.
Life does not always end up how we originally plan it to be.
As long as you are happy with your decisions that is all that matters.
I get the opposite of you. I get attacked for having too many!
You can never win with people no matter what you do.
You can only win when you follow your own heart.
Naomi x
Ha! If you had 3 children, she'd complain about how you have too many. I hear it all the time. Strangers who tell you too much personal information are complainers, mostly. Don't let it get to you.
People have opinions, good for us, the opinions of others don't really matter. 🙂
I just had to add (for a giggle) i have a friend who will turn 40 this year as well as her eldest turned 18 this year and her baby will be 1. In between she has 3 other children:) We have a giggle about it, my two are 18 and 16 and she is still going with a baby, we both appreciate our lives and neither of us would change a thingxx So each to their own.
Wow. How does she find it?
I used to find it funny when I was a nanny. All the mums I worked for were the same age as my own mum, and here I was looking after their wee babies when Mum had some very grown-up kids already. x
For what it's worth, I have five children with spacing of 2 years, 3 1/2 years, 2 years, and practically 5 years. I think the five year spacing is lovely! Two years apart was the worst, I think.
Thanks Tren. That's what I like to hear! xx
Humor me for a minute, Chantelle. I'm giving this comment thing a whirl, AND I've got a “what if” for you. Ready?
What if the woman you spoke to was an older, future you? Like, what if toward the end of your life you could go back to a time and place and have just one conversation with a younger you? And what if the rules were you cannot give it away that it's the future you–but still you had to be honest? And what if you were allowed to say something that could change your future for the better?
What would you say to the younger you? How would you say it? Would you leave your younger self feeling warm and fuzzy inside, or would you leave that younger you pondering, wondering, and contemplating the way-things-are-but-won't-always-have-to-be? What if one abrupt and seemingly insignifcant conversation with an uninhibited say-it-like-it-is wrinkled stranger could actually impact your life and story, for the better?
Sure, it wasn't. but what if it was? 🙂
Wow. I like the way you think!
I definitely don't think she was being rude, just sharing her thoughts. It was my guilt that made me not feel good.
But if it was an older me, I'd want them to set my mind ticking over and moving along. Life is short.
I love this Tim. Thank you. xx
Elizabeth Saxe Coburg-Gotha is an evil woman, why do we slave away at work our whole lives for money with her face on