Oh she’s sooooo cute, I just want to take her home.
I started to reply with my stock standard comment: You can have her for the nights….
When in buts Judy*: Ohhhh nooooo Barbara, no you don’t want to take her home. I was at lunch the other day and there was this mother and she had a small child. She was going to take her to lunch with her. And… I said oh no you can’t have lunch with that small child. She obviously didn’t know that you can’t do lunch with a small child. And… I desperately dry retch if I’m on a plane and I see a parent with a small child coming towards me. I say to myself, please not me, please not me, please not me. Thank god for ear plugs. One time I was at the airport and I realised that I didn’t have earplugs. I had to buy a pack of 100, that was all they had. They really drown out all that awful small child noise. Most of the time I sit at the pointy end of the airplane anyway….
And I don’t she came up for a breath. She just went on and on with her tyraid. It was Judy vs Small Child. The race was about to start so I just tuned out and blocked Miss Lacey’s ears. Thankfully she didn’t realise that she is a small child, and Judy didn’t want her anywhere near her.
I moved away too. I don’t know why. I was a bit offended. Does she realise that her bigger boy was once a Small Child? Was he really that bad? She really didn’t want to have anything to do with anyone younger than him. Oh well.
A little while later it was time for us to leave. The car park was full of parked luxury cars as well as other parents trying to find a car spot. I got to my non-luxury vehicle and popped a very tired Lacey in her car seat.
I put the keys in the ignition and it wouldn’t start. I tried again, no luck. A lady in a Juicy Couture Velour tracksuit approached me and said: Are you leaving, or not?
I replied: My car won’t start.
The Tracksuit Lady stomped her foot and exclaimed: Oh, Shit!
And it wasn’t an Oh, Shit! of the poor lady with a tired baby on a muggy day stuck in a car park with a car that won’t start kind.
It was a self-pitying where the heck will I park my luxury vehicle now kind.
I figured out that it was something wrong with my key and a few moments later the car was running and I was out of there. As I drove away I realised that I should have introduced her to Judy. Somehow I think they would have really hit it off. xx
*Names completely made up just for the heck of it.
