New You.

‘I certainly didn’t stop being me the day I became
a mother, though I did lose myself for a little while … now you have to work out how be a mother and be you.’
Francesca Newby

After reading Francesca’s great article titled Feeling Fat I googled her and craved more of her work. We seemed to be from the same planet. I’m not sure what planet it is, but everything she says I seem to nod along to.

I discovered that she had written a book titled Maternity: Real Stories of Motherhood. It’s really good.

It’s funny because since Lacey has turned one I’ve had this odd feeling. The first few days after her birthday I woke up with an excitement within. You know the feeling you get when you wake up and it’s your birthday? Or when you wake up excited but you can’t quite remember why you feel that way?

I was trying to put my finger on why I had this feeling. Butterflies running around in my belly, a smile upon my face. I realised it was pride. I’d made it. I’d made it past the first year.

I always knew the first three months of Lacey’s life were going to be hardest. I didn’t really realise that it was going to be such continual, constant hard work. It’s good hard work, don’t get me wrong. I completely enjoy Lacey. It’s just that I think this whole past year has been a huge juggling act and a big roller coaster ride.

I made it through. Babies rely so much on their mothers for survival too. We’re their everything for so long. I was her everything. Her source of nourishment. Her comforter. Her pacifier. She was my everything. My every thought.

To know that Lacey made it to her first year healthy and brilliantly happy is something that I’m proud of, I guess. That’s probably a big part of it.

Also I felt like I could start being me again. She’s becoming independent with being able to walk, play with her toys, communicate some of her needs to us. I am becoming less needed as she becomes more capable of doing her own thing.

Francesca says: The birth of your first baby simply swallows you up and takes you into a different dimension. During the early months, or even years, you live in another place – you’re a citizen of baby-land – until suddenly one day, you find you’ve been ejected, spat back out into the real world. You’ve made it through the wilderness and everyone is, hopefully, still in one piece, but mothering no longer consumes your every waking, and even sleeping, moment and you’re faced with a tough transition. Now you have to work out how to be a mother and be you. You have to find out who you are all over again because no one goes through a shift as all consuming as becoming a parent and comes out the other side the same person they were.

How did you adjust to this new you? Did you feel the shift? I’d love to hear your stories. xx

Print : Etsy

9 thoughts on “New You.”

  1. My twins are 8 months old and not even crawling so they’re still very much dependant on me. So I haven’t felt the shift yet, am very much looking forward to it though!

  2. wow, what francesca says is so true…

    For me the biggest thing was tying not to feel guilty for also ‘wanting a bit of the old me back’. I think once you accept that this is actually a very natural shift, it feels a little easier.

    The best thing is when you get home after having been in the adult world again, your beautiful kids are standing there, waving at the door, even more excited to see you than you are to see them….

    p.s. love the blog, you have made it to my toolbar and I check your site several times a day for updates!!

  3. I got lost last year. So a lot of what Francesca said rings true for me.

    I had to make a conscious effort to get myself out of babyland otherwise my whole life was going to affected.

    We have 2 children both 3 and under, so not having time to think about myself for about 3 years definitely took a toll on me.

    I exist in 2 worlds now and I’m trying to make them work.

  4. It’s ironic you bring this up. I too am going through the “shift”. With my own business, however, this conscious decision to find more me time is frought with challenges! I have joined a gym and booked myself in for a hair cut and massage this week! Hubbie and bubs are away and it’s the first time I can think on my own since she was born 18 months ago. I miss them dearly but savouring the peace and quiet…and shifting time!

  5. The first birthday celebration is more for the parents than the child, that's for sure. Pride & happiness & relief at having made it through the first year (alive)!

    I'm still adjusting but being able to leave him overnight with grandparents is a huge blessing!

  6. Part of the reason I started a blog was to muse out loud my path to rediscovering my identity.

    Nappies, feeding and lack of sleep aside I think what I found most difficult in having a baby was adjusting to my new identity.

    Becoming a wife was a smooth transtion but becoming a mother was a whole new story. It is overwhelming to think I have a little person who will rely on me for the rest of her life. A huge responsibility. Am I up for the challenge. Will I be a good role model? I certainly hope so!

  7. Danielle – I wonder if you have to wait twice as long with twins? I hope you get some time out ASAP. xx

    Anon – A completely agree. As soon as Lacey leaves (or I leave) I miss her terribly. That intense feeling passes and I enjoy my ‘me’ time. When I return… that smiling little face just melts me!

    What is your site? Thanks for your support. xx

    Jaime – It would be hard to even think with two under three! Deciding what to wear would be beyond my mental capacity. xx

    Ivy – Yay to you time! Enjoy the massage and hair cut. xx

    Cin – That’s what it felt like last weekend. Yay for her turning one, but yay for us too. We did a good job. xx

    Kate – I think so. xx

  8. This post has left a little tear in my eye! I feel like the past 8 months of Isobels life has been like a magical love affair. We have gotten to know eachother day by day, minute by minute since I brought her home from the hospital. We have become one and it is amazing to think that I am her first experience of love. I know that I have changed and I might even get a little lost along the way but sometimes its necassary in order to find yourself again and to grow. I dont want to wish away a single second of Izzy’s time as a baby (“I cant wait until….”) but I really do look forward to her first birthday – we can celebrate how far we have come as a family and how we are all growing and changing (sorry about the essay!!!) PS – I am new to blogging and I am just loving reading yours and other posts. It is very inspiring and is helping with that shift (waking the brain up!!)

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