I’m writing this from the airplane as I fly home {a good distraction from my persistent fear of flying}, Lacey is by my side, as is my mum and my big sis. It’s been a long week or so. It was tough to leave Hubby behind, and my mother-in-law too. It was hard to take the first steps back into my real world.
I still feel numb. I feel like I’ve been keeping it together for my little girl, my husband and his mum too, although tears still escaped. The past week and a half I’ve been on auto pilot, organising the funeral, making endless phone calls and waiting for the day of the funeral, as well as fitting in work as well. Today it’s hit home that he’s gone, and we don’t get to have him in our lives anymore. My heart is aching.
It feels incredibly dramatic to write these words, when he was my father-in-law, and not my own blood family member. But it was like he was. I adored him. I loved the way he loved my husband. I adored the way he was besotted with my daughter. I loved the way he loved me, like I was one of his own.
I could tell you in so many ways why and how he was amazing, why our hearts ache so much so, but my words would never do him justice. At his funeral yesterday, we could feel the love. The church was full with those he touched. Men he served with all lined up to lay a poppy on his casket, already draped with an Australian flag and his medals. We played True Blue as they took his body from the Church. We all got teary as they drove away with him.
He was 70, but he still had so many more years in him. He was meant to see Lacey grow up. He was meant to meet more grandchildren. There were so many more stories I was yet to hear. We weren’t ready to say goodbye.
Two days after he passed away I was at his home alone, working. A little willy wag tail sat at the window beside me tap, tap, tapping. I ignored it for a while, trying to get some work done. And he kept tapping, as if to get my attention. Eventually he did. I looked at him and smiled. He stopped.
The next morning, he walked inside. This little brave willy wag tail. Right into the kitchen where we were preparing breakfast. Later that day he sat on the deck near us as we sat enjoying the sunshine. Each day he has been around, flying from fence to fence and cheekily getting close to us.
As we drove to the airport this morning, I was crying, looking out the window… and there he was, our willy wag tail. “Did you see that willy wag tail?” my sister asked.
“Uh huh,” I nodded through salty tears.
The priest we had for the funeral was a colourful character. We met him the week before as we were preparing the details. He was eccentric and comforting. He ate biscuits and drank coffee, and I was intrigued to have met my first priest and be sitting right beside him, listening to him speak. He said in the service that if there was one thing we should take from this, the passing of someone too young to go, was that life is simply too short. We shouldn’t hold grudges. We should love and forgive. It’s been playing over in my mind ever since. Life is too short. Way too short.
Life won’t be the same without Bluey. My Hubby has lost his best mate. Lacey has lost the love of her life. Pam has lost her soul mate. I’ve lost a great friend. I know we’ll be okay. It’s just gonna hurt for a little while. xx
Oh Chantelle that is so sad. I'm so sorry for your family. Life is definitely far too short. Take care lovely. xxxxx
Your beautiful post is making me cry. I feel for your loss. He sounded like an amazing man. You were so blessed to have known him, to have loved him. He will live on in your husband and in Lacey. I still miss my Grandpa so much, and it has been over 6 years since he passed away. He never met my children, but I tell them about him, what he was like.
Big hugs xox Cat
I had a persistent butterfly visitor after my gran passed. I liked to think it was her, letting me know she was OK. Hugs…
You have not been far from my thoughts this week and especially yesterday – I was wondering how you were all going 🙁
Life IS too short. You are so right there. xxxx
Beautifully written. Life definitely is too short. Not a day goes by where I don't think of my grandparents who I was so close to. Ride the wave of grief and know he'll be watching over you all proud as punch. xxxxx
I think in Aboriginal culture, a willy wagtail has some significance when a loved one has passed away. It's funny, my Aunty had one that always hung around her house that she called 'Albert' after my Pop who has passed away. When my Dad died two years ago, suddenly two willy wag tails would always visit her.
Take care Chantelle xx
What a beautiful post. Life is too short to hold grudges and it's so sad that it takes somthing like losing someone special to remind us of that. My heart aches for you and your family.
Sorry for your loss Chantelle. I am a newish reader of your blog and love your writing, your heartfelt and brave post gave me goose bumps. Take Care, Leesa
Oh Sweetheart..Im so sorry to hear of your Father Inlaws Passing…I know this must be such a hard time for all the family..and I know its hard to really let it all out yourself when you are trying the be there for everyone else.
Im sure he knew ..and felt..just how much you all loved him. I think that little willy wagtail is definitely there to let you know..that although they are gone..they will always be around to make you smile. Sending lots of love and positive light your way sweety xxxx
it will take time for sure telle. life is too short and 70 is not old.
much love to you all especially shane.
xxx
big hugs to you all, I'm so sorry. It always feels so unfair. I learnt after my mum passed away to do whatever you want to do, be happy and remeber life is precious. wishing you all lots of strength
corriexxxxxxxxxxxxx
A terrible, terrible time for you, your husband and his family.
You're right…70 is so very young. I never thought of my parents as 'old' until they reached their 80s.
Thoughts and prayers with you, hon.
xxx
Sending you love and hugs, Chantelle. What an amazing man to have known and loved. And what an incredible message to receive from him, in your little willy wag tail. Remember Bluey's love, and revel in it xxxxxxxxxxx
I'm sorry for the loss of your FIL, Bluey.
It's amazing about the willywag tail.
Thinking of you and even little Lacey.
My nephew was her age when my Dad died 5.5 yrs ago and he still remembers Poppy. More because we openly talk about him.
It's terrible to say goodbye to a parent (my dad was only 63) and he never got to meet my boys.
HUGE hugs, funny you mentioned the bird sighting…we had a willy wag tail come to my nans wake, then every few days one kept appearing out of the blue.. when i moved to qld i lost willy wag tail, but he has finally found us and comes and sits on our pool fence every morning.
xxxx
Oh Chan.
Bless the little wag-tail.
xoxoxo
Oh honey I read this in tears. I can't believe how close you all were to him. He sounds like an extraordinary man and the world is poorer now he is not in it.
Love to you sweet.
xoxox
Oh Chantelle, this post is so beautiful, yet filled with such sadness. It moved me to the core just reading about your last couple of weeks. 70 is much too young and I feel for you and your family as you work through the days/weeks/months ahead. Big hugs xoxo
Wonderful words of love for your father in law. Taken too early… The shock and loss is awful for your whole family..
So sorry…. Denyse xx
Really great blog. My friends referred me your site. Looks like everyone knows about it. I'm going to read your other posts. Take care. Keep sharing.
Im so sorry for your loss, Chantelle.
You are extremely lucky to have had such a loving relationship with your FIL. I wish I had that with mine.
I'm thinking of you xo
Your words are beautiful. You have an amazing talent with words….it is a gift.
I hope your sadness diminishes and you are left with beautiful memories.
Chantelle, I am so, so sorry for the loss of your beloved father-in-law. He sounds like a wonderful man. Thinking of you, xxx
Thinking of you and your family Chantelle. And a great message to share with us all – life is definitely too short xx
No doubt it's going to hurt honey.. for a long, long time. No denying it. Just please, please take comfort & solace in the fact you still have you loving husband, daughter, and dear Pam to help you through – as you will them.
Thinking of you xx
This is beautiful. I'm sure Bluey would be so happy to have such a beautiful tribute written about him. You were so lucky to have him in your life. And likewise, he was lucky to have you xxx
Beautiful words. I so am sorry that your heart is heavy and you have all had to say goodbye to such a wonderful man. He will always be with you all. xxxx
So sorry to read of your family's loss of such a loved man. xx
Beautiful post that I'm sure comes from so much heartache. May you and your family keep close the wonderful times you have shared together.
Elise x
We played True Blue at my FiL’s funeral too Telle, and your words brought tears to my eyes again. The grief fades with time but it’s still always there. Take comfort in your loved ones, and embrace the little things, and take care of yourself. Big love
A x
Sending you all continued hugs at this sad time.
Take care. x
Oh Chantelle! I have been so busy lately and haven't been keeping up with my blog reading. So so sorry to hear such sad news. It must be a very hard time for you all. If you need anything please let me know. The offer still stands for a chat ANYTIME you need. Take of you. Cassie x
Telle, just catching up. So very sorry to hear of all of your loss. You know how lucky you were to have him in your lives and it will hurt for a long time to come to lose such a wonderful man from your daily life. Thinking of you all. xxxxxxx