packed her little bag lovingly with everything she needed. Drink bottle, a little hat and some spare clothes. I tucked the enrollment forms into my handbag. I’d spent heartbreaking hours filling in all the details, as well everything I felt that they needed to know about her. Things she liked, things she didn’t. Food textures she tended to stay away from. Things, words, songs and cuddles that comforted her. I filled every inch of space on the pages with details about her. Things I knew and wanted them to know too.
My head thumped and my heart ached, and there was a constant lump in my throat. It was time. As we walked along I reminded her of all the fun stuff she’d be doing, the new little friends she’d {hopefully} make and reminded her of the toys, painting, activities and books that the kindy had. The constant talking was a distraction to stop the tears falling down my face and the anxiety taking over my body.
We opened the gate and I took a deep breath. It took all my might to not turn around and run back to where we came from. Where we’d be together and I could see her grow and care for her myself.
I knew she could sense my over enthusiasm. “Oh look!” I exclaimed, “Let’s hang your bag up on the hook with the elephant sticker. Isn’t he cute?”
I handed the teacher the forms hoping that she wouldn’t read them in front of me, and see how over the top I was with the details. Thankfully she didn’t.
I could feel the tears welling up, and the anxiety building so I crouched down quickly and held her little hands, “I have to go now. I have some things to do. I’ll be back soon though.”
She started to cry and I had to leave. I could hear the crying as I walked down the path with tears streaming down my own face. I knew she was in good hands, but I wanted to wrap my arms around her and take her back with me.
And now, this week, I will be doing the same with my own daughter, and I can only imagine it’s going to be a trillion times worse. Lacey is having her first day in care. She’s never been with anyone else except for with us, or with family {and she generally runs off with them without saying goodbye}. I can feel the tears starting already.
Do you have any tips for making the goodbyes easier?
Hon – it's tough! Usually their tears are temporary – so say goodbye and hide somewhere for five minutes whilst they calm down… it will calm you down too.
Don't stay too long with them, it makes it worse.
Remember that this is a part of them growing up, gaining some independence and although it's a tough one it will help her socially and you mentally.
Love to you lovely xxx
It certainly is hard, but in many cases it's harder for the parent than it is for the child. They are kept so busy playing and having fun that they soon forget that you aren't by their side.
I stayed a while with Keeli for her first couple of days at kindy. Just so she knew it was ok and so she could get used to her surroundings. It didn't take her long, and off I went with Keeli saying “bye” at me with a big smile on her face.
As for you: keep yourself very busy that day!
The kindy will call you if Lacey is too distressed.
Good luck xxx
My son started daycare when he was only 3 months old and that was so hard for me. Luckily my daycare is at work so I would go over at lunch time everyday and play with him. That definitely help me to transition from being at home with him all day to being back at work. Now he's in toddler and loving it. I bring some breakfast food in the morning, I try to spend a little bit of time with him until he starts eating with the other kids or playing with them and then I kiss him goodbye and leave quickly. He used to cry a bit at first but in a matter of 2 weeks he didn't really care anymore. And now pick him up from daycare is the best feeling, he screams 'maman' and runs to me like a crazy yet adorable little boy…
Good luck for this week, I'm sure Lacey will adjust just fine. They usually do much quicker than us 🙂
xx
Oh Chantele, I have no words. Only that it gets SO much easier.
It is over 5 years ago that Olivia had to spend a few days in child care. (I was on jury duty.) I cried buckets. But now all three of them go off to their respective schools, and kindys, and we are all so happy, that those tears seem a long time agp.
Huge hugs to you. She (and you) will both be fine. You will both thrive. xx
I started Miss A in childcare, two days a week, a couple of weeks ago… and she LOVES it. She runs to the door when I tell her it's a childcare day, and she runs inside without a glance back at me. And I have to drag her out of there at the end of the day. I hope Lacey enjoys it as much as that!
And as for me – those two days are just what I needed. Working from home is hard with a toddler around, so the peace and quiet to get lots done is amazing!
Good luck xx
timely post miss telle!!
i'm taking my twin girls who are a month younger than miss lacey to have a look at the kindy/childcare for next year today… they too have never been in care and although we wont be sending them until after the new year i can feel my anxiety building already… but they need to go and i need a day off from mummying to get some business stuff done
good luck…
shan xxx
Just remember that if she is upset it won't last very long and she will have a great time with her little friends. My son now wakes up everyday asking to go to daycare and cries when its not “Ninny Day”.
Slink out the door and avoid eye contact!
Amelie will always cry if I make a fuss of saying goodbye. On the otherhand if I leave quietly she'll continue playing quite happily.
hmmm, nothing makes it really better, but try to be REALLY positive….of course they feel that you do not like it…. they won`t too…
Making the good bye quick is nearly impossible in the beginning, but do not overdo it and stay for 1/2h… it will def not help!
one thing can help you: call the care 30-60min and check how it is going… so you know and you do not have to feel bad and wonder the whole time… and normally they get over it quickly and play!
Good luck and Take care!
Love from Amsterdam xxx
I understand completely. I went to pieces in the carpark the first day I left Carter. It's slowly getting easier due to the fact that he loves it now. It's definitely harder on us! Big hugs! xx
Oh no Chantelle. It sucks big time doesn't it. She will enjoy it in time and distraction is good. How many days are you sending her?
I started Oliver about the same time you are starting Lacey {he did go in the UK though but we stopped when we moved here} and he cried and cried. From the moment he woke up and he knew he was going to school. Now, he enjoys it. He started going 1 day a week and now goes 2 days.
Good luck.
Oh Chantelle my heart is with you. What an exciting time for lacey! This step is hard as im sure big school , high school will be too. I feel blessed that I am able to step back and let my boy go play, grow & learn how to make friends in a beautiful kindy. I believe a fun kindy day is a wonderful gift to be able to give him. My advice is hold your head high, walk with confidence & leave quickly! As you would know apparently its easier for them if mum appears fine with it all. Good luck! P.s. You will get sooo much done!
I haven't put Riley in care yet but I have had situations where I was going to work for the day and she was being looked after by someone else. Goodbyes are hard. And some of the worst days I've had are the one's where I've seen her crying her heart out at the window as I drive away.
One thing that I have found with her is preparing her beforehand for what is going to happen. So the day before I always talk to her about going to work and who she'll be spending time with and what she'll be doing. It seems to help.
When I put my first in daycare I made sure I lined up friends to have coffee with to distract me from the fact I had abandoned him! It's tough, but you know the basics, quick goodbyes, no tears in front of Lacey and trust your judgment that you have found a centre you like. Also know that her tears will most probably be done by the time you get in the car. And think of all the wonderful things she will want to tell you when you pick her up. Good luck!
When I put my second in daycare, I skipped out the door! LOL
What a big day awaits you, Chantelle. I know that the tears will flow from both yourself and Lacey, but in time she will be happier and so will you.
My only tip is a little technique that has worked for my little ones and I when they were around 2 years old. I purchased two teddies – mother and daughter. My child minds the mother teddy for the day and I mind the baby teddy. Mummy teddy needs to see everything at daycare and my child needs to mind her and make sure she's okay all day. I will do the same with baby teddy at my work. At the end of the day, they get to be together and tell each other all about their day.
x
Oh Telle I will be honest – it is damn hard to walk away and look back. I thought I would be fine as orientation was a big successs. As a teacher I had seen kids settle quickly once the mum left but when it was my baby it was a whole different ball game. She had been with us 24/7 while we travelled last year. I found giving her a toy to show the teacher made a big difference – a bridge between home and school. Also promising something we would do when I picked her up – and she never forgets.
The first couple of weeks it was tough but she has thrived and now she loves preschool
chantelle I can totally sympathise with you, i cried when I first left layla at preschool and the same when I left Jesse….. you would think it would be eaiser second time around but it's not. Remember Miss Lacey will love it and you will get all the things done you need to do so you will have more time to spend with her when she is home. Best advice is make drop off quick, don't hang around it just drags it out. good luck i will be thinking of you. xx
I feel the tears just thinking about my son starting preschool next year…we have orientation this week and that makes it so much more real!
Oh… I am in tears remembering my daughter's first day in day care. It broke my heart to leave her, she was so upset.
It's tough to leave your little one until you can see that they are finally enjoying it, and there are still days now that I feel guilty about going to work, even though she is happy to be at day care.
She will settle in – it may take some time, and eventually she will enjoy it.
Hopefully she will settle in quickly for you x
Oh…
I'm not a mum, but am a nanny too – I was reading this thinking, its silly but I feel all these things when I drop the kids I mind off at daycare.
They become so dear to you… i love them so much… i remember the first day looking at the clock all day waiting for pick up time.
…I cant't even imagine when its your own.
Oh Chantelle – Little Miss Lacey is starting kindy. I know exactly how you feel from when I took Nikolas on his very first day. He cried, I cried on the way to work and David cried when I was telling him over the phone :(. It's such a big step and you will find that Miss Lacey will love it and be even more excited to see you at the end of a kindy day – if thats even possible. Lets us know how she goes. Cassie x
Reading this retrospectively Telle, I so hope it went well. Bebito hasn't been out of our care apart from when he went to child care for a few weeks when I did some full-time work and he was 5 months old and even then, my cousin was there. I cried buckets of tears and have structured my whole life around avoiding care since then.