Letter to Lacey: Just thank you.

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Dear Lacey,

I burst into tears just now. I was driving along, just a minute from home. I was rubbing my belly pondering what a miracle it was that there was a fully grown baby inside me. That stuff never gets old. I grew a baby. It’s kinda magic.

Why the tears? I’m pregnant, so they are pretty good at just springing up on me and falling from my eyes. Hormones, I think they call it.

But there was a trigger, I thought of you. I thought of all these years we’ve been together. “You and I are sisters,” you said to me yesterday, “We have the same hair, the same skin, the same eyes, the same nose…” and you rattled off everything that’s slightly similar.

I’ll never forget that moment I became a mama. The midwife handed me your delicate little body, and I held you in my arms. Overwhelmed doesn’t begin to describe how I felt. I looked at Dadda, and we just cried. We didn’t need to talk or exchange words. We just both knew that it was momentous. You were here. Our lives had changed. We were a family.

I’m not going to say it’s all been rainbows and puppy dog tails. It’s been a ride. A bumpy ride of parenting and adventures. I know I should and could have done better. I’m not perfect. I know that you probably could have slept a whole lot more and cried a whole lot less. But we got there. And we’ve laughed along the way, and created some pretty amazing memories.

I know people say that when a new baby comes along that they can’t remember life before the baby was here. I don’t want to forget these past 5 years or have them become some sort of blur. I don’t want them to become the same for you either. I hope you remember how loved you are, and how you always will be. I want you to remember just how wonderful being a family of 3 was. And I want you to know that life as a family of 4 will be just as fun, a little different, but magic all the same.

One day I’m going to be an old lady. One day, not just yet. And we’ll sit together, you and I. Our hair will no longer be the same, I imagine mine will be an attractive shade of silver. Our skin will be different too, mine wrinkled with life and age. I know that I’ll thank you for everything, for making me a mama, the one thing I yearned for ever since I can remember. I’ll thank you for being the special little girl that made life a wonderful ride, richer and more beautiful just by you being in it.

Some day soon another baby will join us, and I might be distracted by a sweet little person who needs me more than anything, leaving little time for my big girl. But I want to always let you know that you are loved, with all my heart. My arms will always have room for you.

Thank you for making me a mama. Thank you for being your sassy little self who has challenged me beyond anything I could have imagined. Thank you for the past five years, and thank you for the so many years that we have ahead of us.

Just thank you.
Mama. xx

Comments

  1. Chrystal says

    I love this. It’s a little unsettling in a way though because my blog post for today is a letter to my daughter. She is starting high school on Wednesday and I felt compelled to write her a letter as she enters this next phase of growing up. I love your letter, though. It’s so sweet. I just love seeing mom’s experience motherhood at all the different stages. Sometimes I really miss the stage you are at, but most of the time I’m just enjoying my kids at all their ages that I could just burst from the happiness of it all. If you have time and would like to see my letter you can read it here: http://cricklepad.blogspot.com/2013/08/letter-to-michaela.html

  2. simone says

    Loved reading this, it was beautiful. I have a similar age gap between my children, I have a girl & a boy and I love it.
    And you are right, it is challenging, not all rainbows & smiles…glad you said that.
    Being a family of 4 is lovely, good luck!!

  3. Nicole Jackson says

    What a beautiful post Chantelle. I have tears in my eyes. Lacey is one lucky girl to have a wonderful mumma like you. And I’m sure this new baby will be loved and adored just as much xx

  4. says

    That’s beautiful, Chantelle. Just beautiful. It made me all misty eyed. Lacey is so lucky to have all these lovely letters – words to treasure!

  5. Lili Sulastri Zainal Abidin says

    So much love can be felt from the letter and beautifully written. Wishing you all the best for the second arrival.

  6. Alison says

    Once again, this post was like reading from my thoughts leading up to my second child’s birth. I felt so sad that my love could not possibly be spread further than for my first born. 8 weeks later and I am so in love with both my children that it can’t be expressed in words. Evie has been a great big sister to little Archer and she accepts that he needs me a little more at the moment. She is so excited to have a little friend to play with one day soon. All the best Cantelle x

  7. Katie Rainbird says

    I’m in exactly the same boat, I think part of why I struggle on my struggle days is because I’m trying to process the change to the four years I have had one on one with my girl. We are thick as thieves the two of us & it’s going to shake things up when a new gang member comes along! The only solution I have so far is to induct the baby into our club with as much intimacy as we currently have: and give my four year old a promotion to 2IC!
    Much love to you & your little wingman as the days ride out… Xx

  8. Becca says

    It’s worth every tantrum, every guilty feeling you will have, every time you second guess yourself and every time you believe you’re not spending enough time with her. To see the smile on her face when she sees her little brother/sister, to watch them play together, be silly together and even fight. I promise you, it’s worth it! xxx

  9. vegemitevix says

    Beautiful post Chantelle. I remember feeling this way as Number two and Number three joined our family, all those years ago. I’m feeling the passing of time today as I marvel at the fact that my three are now almost grown – 19, 17, 13 – and yet we are still friends. I blogged it in my recent post. Grateful much? You bet. Vix x

  10. Theresa says

    First time reader. Beautiful words and I love love love that photo, the balloons and countryside and your girl! I pray you have a long and healthy life and you DO get to sit together and muse life for a long long time. Heaven knows I miss my Mumma alot (other country). Go well.

  11. Kim says

    I always read, but don’t normally comment. This letter made me cry. I’ve only got one little one at the moment, but I know (or hope!) that there will be another one or two that will eventually be added to our family once the time is right. I can imagine feeling the exact same way as you now, and it just made my heart swell. Beautiful writing & best of luck with the new bub x

  12. Rene says

    Beautiful! The transition to having more than one child was really emotional for me. There was something really amazing about that life growing inside of me, but I also couldn’t appreciate ENOUGH the real treasure that I already had. This parenting gig is one that’s full of tears!

  13. sheree says

    Aw chantelle. My 2nd was born rather unwell and the day before xmas. We spent our first xmas day with our 2nd child in hospital. It was in noway the vision I had for the beginning. Our eldest shipped off to the grandparents to spend xmas alone without his parents. Nearly 2 years later those memory are still with me. I’d already felt guilty of the possibility of no time for number 1 but that completely threw me. Life is nice now. But at the time I felt sad.

  14. Clareb8 says

    Now you’ve got me crying. You have such a beautiful way with words Chantelle. I absolutely love this post and now can’t wait to pick up my baby girl from school this afternoon for a big kiss and cuddle with my first born. Thankyou for sharing. xx

  15. Linda Andonopoulos says

    Gorgeous… I miss your letters to Lacey. A big sister in the best job in the world though and she is old enough to understand that your time will be divided now. That’s the benefit of a big gap. All the best for the new exciting changes coming your way xx

  16. says

    I had a really big meltdown in the last week before Mia was born because we’d been this super-connected little family of 3 for nearly four years and I was so scared we were going to really rock J’s world. And then of course Mia just slipped seamlessly into our lives and J simply adores being her big brother. He also knows that he still rules the roost (right now anyway) so that helps too :)

  17. Alicia @Alicias little moments says

    just gorgeous! I remember feeling the same when our youngest came along, you really are a beautiful Mama, and all the best with a safe and quick birth xoxo

  18. Tanya says

    Chantelle, life will only get better with two darling children to share your love. Luckily for us love is not some finite quantity. Yes, you have a special relationship with your daughter which will only get better over time ( like a good red wine), however your newest addition to the family will take his or her place and fit in with you all, just as Lacey had to fit in to the life you and your husband had before she was born. Just enjoy each moment as they come because there are so many more moments that will surprise, delight and challenge you ahead!

  19. says

    Oh my. This is just beautiful Chantelle. You write so beautifully! Being a mother to two children is different from having one. It’s a whole more beautiful experience, and your heart just doubles ;) xxxx

  20. zeitverschwender17 says

    I don’t have the slightest idea of what it’s like to be a mother .. owning a pet is not even a little bit the same, I guess – but this made me cry a lot. I hope my Mum has such thoughts about the two years when we were only three and my little sister wasn’t born yet. I’m going to have to ask her … I remember I was a very, very jealous little girl and felt pushed aside when my sister was born. Since I’ve grown up realised that I felt that way, I’ve been feeling bad about it. About not loving my sister when she was a screaming little girl who kept my parents away from me and had to share my room and toys with. My sister is now one of my best friends and I love her more than anything. But I remember feelings of jealousy and anger and sadness when I think about the time when she was still so very little. Maybe knowing what my Mum thought will make me feel a little better about it.

    Lots of love
    Maria

  21. Samantha Hayden says

    That made the tears well up! It was lovely, hope you have printed it and kept it for Lacey to look at when she is older as well. Hugs xxx

  22. Karen says

    Beautiful words. Wonderful idea..you’ve inspired me to do the same for my son when my family of 3 turns to 4 next month. As yet, can’t imagine loving another child as much as I do my boy, but I know in those first moments when I hold baby in my arms – it’ll all be sorted – love at first sight (again).

  23. MRSCARLSON says

    beautifully written. I only have 1 baby right now, but i know that one day, if he is lucky we will give him a brother or sister…and i get sad/excited just thinking about it. I cried knowing that this is so true, the day you became a mother is life changing…and it was a very special day…yet, having another is also extremely special! I am looking forward to reading more of your journey with baby #2. Congrats.

  24. Kathy Ireland says

    Well, my little chicks are growing quickly. My first had his 7 years of being an only child and now that he is 22 years old and moved out (!!) my now 15 year old “baby” gets to know what it’s like to be the only child. And even though they are so many years apart, I know they miss each other ALOT! Lacey is SO lucky to be getting a sibling. Probably the most important relationship is the one you have with your sibling. Lovely post. Congratulations!!

  25. Mrl Jrb says

    My three children are five years apart. The love just grew bigger with my first when his sisters came along. What an exciting time for Lacy becoming the big sister. Looking forward to your announcement of little bub’s arrival. Thanks for all you do. <3

  26. Jules says

    A beautiful post! Lacey is a lucky girl to have a mummy who would bother to put her love in writing, never to be doubted or forgotten. Wishing you well as you introduce your new baby into your loving family. X

  27. Sarah Christian says

    Ah what a beautiful letter! I remember 6 years ago, laying beside my first born daughter, at nearly 9 months pregnant wondering how I could ever love someone else as much as her but my little boy came along and your heart just expands even more, to allow you to love this little person to the ends of the earth too. You become an even stronger family unit. We have another boy and another girl now so the 6 of us are this big chaotic, wonderful family unit. The house is always filled with laughter (and mess) and when one of the siblings gives another a helping hand, shares a toy or a kiss, you realise as a Mother what you’ve achieved (although by no means do I get it right all the time).

    I think in life if at all possible, a sibling is an amazing thing…they’re with you through thick and thin..in every aspect of your childhood….they know your secret family code….only truly understanding your weird and wonderful family.

    Best wishes for your new baby arrival…you’re right it’s a magical, magical thing! x

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