Letter to Lacey: Thirty Eight Months


{On the morning of the funeral}

Dear Lacey,

I wish we could turn back time. This month has been a heartbreaking one. You lost your beloved Pop Pop. He was your best mate, and you were the apple of his eye. He adored you. He was so proud of his little Lacey. There are things that I want you to know that you probably won’t remember. He was always thinking about you, like when he renovated his back deck he thought about you. He asked the builder if the fencing was safe for his granddaughter, and he had a special gate made just for you.

When it came to Christmas he would decorate the whole house, just for you. Last Christmas he had decorations everywhere, for his beautiful granddaughter. There were stars, sparkles, tinsel and flashing lights. He did this for you.

He loved choosing presents for you, and he never tired of your energy and enthusiasm. He was never mad, never frustrated, always patient. He would hold your little hand, and explore the back garden with you every day when we visited, both of you in your gumboots. You’d feed the horses, look at cows and every afternoon you’d feed the birds out on the grass.

Last Christmas he bought you a little quadbike in bright pink. Even when he was sick on his birthday and taken to hospital, he thought of you. “Did you get that bike down and charge up the battery for Lacey?” he asked us.

Pop Pop had pictures of you by his bed in hospital. He would wave goodnight to you each night and call you Twinkle. He was trying to get better for you, and for us. Words will never be enough for me to tell you how much he loved you, but he loved you to the moon and back. He truly did. He’d be so sad that he’s not going to be able to see you grow up.

On Pop Pop’s last night, Dadda, Nanna and I had to say goodbye. I held his hand and asked him to look after you. I know he could hear me and I know he will. He’ll always be with us, always in our hearts.

Right now you don’t really know what’s happening. Some days you think he’s in hospital and others you know he’s a star in the sky. I still see you every day with a sad little look on your face, and you look at me and say, “I sad Mama. I miss my Pop Pop.”

We all do. We always will.

Love Mama. xx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06708412469263850143 Mel

    Just lovely

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/13205159281866934702 jody

    Oh Chantelle, that is so sweet and heartfelt.. I'm sure Lacey will love looking back, reading what you wrote for her, you can feel the love in your words.
    x jody

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15849163903759164196 Anna White

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15849163903759164196 Anna White

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15849163903759164196 Anna White

    Chantelle….that is just so beautiful…although lacey is just too young to be losing her pop pop..I hope that she grows up with still holding little fractments of memories of their time together. Sending you both big hugs xx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/11526632640608597064 Jane

    I'm all choked up reading this. She'll be able to read this letter when she's older and remember her Pop Pop in the most beautiful way xxx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01600872527811517269 Tiges and Weince

    Such a great letter to Lacey, my heart aches for you both & goosebumps were all over my arms while reading. Luckily we have memories & you're creating beautiful ones for your bubba xx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04660326954591560370 E.

    What a moving post. Thank you for doing this. I'm sure Lacey will appreciate it so much.

    My mother died a few years ago. Girl Child (7)has now spent more time without a Gran than she had one for she seems to have lost most of her memories of her.

    I'm very sorry for your family's loss.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02190695242707409677 Ms Styling You

    Oh, Chantelle. This is such a beautiful post. It's so challenging to try and keep the memories alive for our children – but something we need to do. xx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12353429172423773430 Linda @ stuff i like

    Oh my goodness that photo of Lacey and her grandfather is gorgeous. I love how she is looking right into his eyes. Precious.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/11376257965628432266 Alicia (Sweet-a-Licious)

    Such a beautiful letter for Lacey – you got me all teary eyed!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17842359489025911386 SD

    Wow. That was devestatingly beautiful. So rich with real emotion, the love is palpable. You're giving lacey an amazing gift with these monthly letters – i'm inspired to do the same with my children when I'm a mother one day.
    Thank you for sharing this with us.
    x

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01955912299442971932 House of Prowse

    Hi Chantelle, I'm new to your blog. This was lovely and made me sniffle and teary eyed. We're lucky enough to have my grandparents around and this is a good reminder that they're not here forever. No one is here forever. Thankyou for sharing. x

  • http://lifeinapinkfibro.blogspot.com Life In A Pink Fibro

    There are tears here. A fitting tribute.

  • http://sparklesays.wordpress.com/ Traci

    This is so beautiful and will become a treasured memory for Lacey.

    It brought tears to my eyes and brought back memories of my own Pa.

    Grandparents are very special people x

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/13151973819133926868 Mama of 2 boys

    Chantelle, this is beautiful. It made me cry and one day Lacey will be so appreciative that you recorded all of these memories… these feelings, for her.
    Gorgeous photos of two very special people.
    You are a fabulous writer xo

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02784071989878460396 IAMJOROSS

    What a lovely touching post…Aahh.

  • Hayley

    I have tears rolling down my cheeks. Just so beautiful xx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15761220164069379437 Maxabella

    So touching. What a beautiful letter. x

  • Anonymous

    aww thats the sweetest that made me cry! she'll look back on this one day and be so proud that she had so much love from her pop pop

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17117597052289647895 MichVee

    I just wanted to say a big thank you for allowing me to read that; it was such a heartfelt message and sad, but lovely to read about such a pure love. x x x x x

  • Anonymous

    While this time for you and your family is so tough, I just wanted to say that the WRITING that you are producing over the last couple of weeks is amazing. So heartfelt, so beautiful and something I hope you are really proud of.
    That photo is remarkable. I just love the look on Lacey's face.
    Elise x

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/10636733684319754731 margie uk

    Couldn't read the last paragraph through my tears. How lucky is Lacey to have a mommy who writes so very beautifully. Lacey is a very fortunate child to have so much adult love in her life. Her Pop Pop will always be watching over her. My granddaughter lost granddad last year when she was 3yrs. My daughter in law talks about him all the time and when they want to talk to him they let a balloon go in the garden with a message for granddad. She talks to us about her other granddad in a very matter of fact way that brings tears to our eyes. She is very happy with the situation.

  • http://www.minimusthave.com Kellie (minimusthave)

    Oh, just beautiful Chantelle. Had to read it twice as tears were flowing. What a very special relationship they had.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06617996527795957547 {Crafty Girls}

    Hey Chantelle, That is such a beautiful letter to Lacey. Her Pop Pop sounds like an exceptionally special man.

    I lost my father February last year, when our youngest was just 8 months old. Still breaks my heart that she will never get to know him, nor him see her grow up.

    *hugs*
    xx

  • Marsha

    Beautiful, just beautiful. What special words you have written in Lacey's letter to honour the special bond between them. xx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17764322643677104765 Abbie

    You conveyed what he did so eloquently on your post. YOu daughter when she reads will know how much she was adored by her Pop Pop.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16245856446134052411 Jessica (Fruit Loop)

    Chantelle, this made me cry. So many people I know have lost loved ones recently and it breaks my heart. I'm sure you and Shane will make sure Lacey never forgets her Pop Pop. xxx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02436348521918462663 i-mumma

    Such beautiful words for your little girl to treasure. xx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/05140427951482257147 rowe timson

    its so terribly sad… lacey knows she was loved and how amazing to have someone that special in your life… to feel that loved, even if it was only for a little while! you never forget that sort of love! hugs to you all, rowe xxx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/18042186263254321638 Leimay

    With tears in my eyes at the loss you have gone through this month i just had to let you know my little story.
    My princess now 5 asked me just this week if i missed Poppy Slee and told me with tears in her little eyes how much she missed him. Poppy passed away when she was 1, a week after she turned 1 and the day before her big brother (and Pops best mate) turned 7. There was no real trigger for it, she must have seen something at the market that reminded her even after 4 years of him and although she usually smiles when we talk about him this time it was something she was missing, not just him but a feeling she must have shared with him.
    I'm sure in Lacey's own way she will remember her Pop Pop and with the wonderful memories you will all share with her of him he will never be too far from memory.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02167267576456836722 Chantelle {fat mum slim}

    Thank you everyone for your kind words. xx

    @Rowe: I just loved that you said that, “you never forget that sort of love”.

    @Leimay: I am overwhelmed with emotion at your comment. I can't even explain it, but it really moved me and I felt ill and happy at the same time {I think because it's so what I wanted to hear – so happiness and sadness whirling around inside me}. I hope she does remember him. I will do all I can to make him live on. That's the hardest thing for me, as well as seeing my beautiful husband so broken and sad too.

    Thanks again everyone. x

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15128706568848285409 Tara @ Our Whirlwind Adventures

    Beautiful.
    I've only just got through this after three attempts and still ended up blubbering.

    Just, beautiful xo

  • http://www.whatsfordinner.com Lizard Lizzie

    Elizabeth Saxe Coburg-Gotha is an evil woman, why do we slave away at work our whole lives for money with her face on

  • Kate

    Thank – you Chantelle, for the happy-sad tears. x