Lessons in parenting

I’ve learnt a lot in the past 4 years. That I like sleep more than I realise. That love can be consuming and overwhelming. That as much as I want me-time, I’ll always prefer us-time. But the biggest lesson of all, I learnt over the weekend.

Four years ago I arrived at the hospital with my clothes, a baby ready to be born and contractions that were very ‘ouchy’. Also packed in the bottom of my bag was a sterilized box with sterilized dummies {pacifiers}. I was and probably will never be anti-dummies. The only problem being, my daughter was.

She hated them. Up until Lacey was about 2 she was a pretty unsettled baby. She hated sleep and got cranky pretty easily. I tried those dummies every week for the first year, hoping for a solution. Hoping that she’d take comfort in one, sleep well and be content. Just once she took one, at around the 4 month mark and she fell promptly to sleep. I thought I was saved. The next time I offered it, she hated it and didn’t want a bar of it.

Until the 14 month mark when I tried again, and she loved it. Loved it. I stopped breastfeeding then and she stopped using me as a dummy. She still didn’t sleep, but she settled more easily.

Just before her 3rd birthday I visited the dentist and he said that she really needed to ditch those dummies. He teeth were growing oddly and if I didn’t then she would more than likely need braces when she was older. I calculated in my head how many weeks until she turned 13 and wondered how much I’d need to start saving for those braces. Instead I decided that I’d let her have the dummies for a few more weeks, until I found the perfect time and then we’d ditch them.

I got a call from the dentist on Friday, reminding me that I had an appointment today. I cringed, felt guilty and canceled my appointment {I couldn’t make it anyway}. She still had the dummies and we hadn’t found a perfect time yet.

On Saturday I decided that it was time. I was ready to brave the tough times and ditch them. She certainly was too old for them, but as she still wakes various times each night … I was worried. What if I got even less sleep?

We wrapped the dummies up in pink paper, tied a big bow around them and wrote a note to the dummy fairy. We escaped down stairs for a bit and magically the dummies disappeared and in their place was a gift from the fairy, a cuddly toy dog named Tilly.

The whole afternoon I was emotional and near tears. It seems that candles on a cake and birthday milestones don’t make me realise how big my little girl is getting, but ditching the dummies does. I was also anxious that she was going to fret and be cranky all night.

She asked for the dummies, she cried for them, but nothing as bad as I thought it would be. She slept all through the night, without a peep and woke in the morning happier than usual.

The lesson I learnt this weekend? She’ll always surprise me. Always. Whether it’s pleasant or not, she is less predictable than I think. Just when I think I’ve got it figured, I’m surprised. I just wish I’d done it earlier.

54 thoughts on “Lessons in parenting”

  1. I love this 🙂 I am a soon to be mum from London and am looking forward to all that I will learn from parenthood not being one inch of what ' I think' it will be ya know? Looking forward to reading your blogs – and I love love love watching sex in the city re-runs!!

  3. I love this 🙂 I am a soon to be mum from London and am looking forward to all that I will learn from parenthood not being one inch of what ' I think' it will be ya know? Looking forward to reading your blogs – and I love love love watching sex in the city re-runs!!

  4. congrats on saying goodbye to the dummy, however I'd still save for those braces. My 10 year old son is just about to get his. He had a dummy when he was little for the first three years of his life and the dummy is not what made him need braces (small mouth lots of teeth caused that) $5,000 just like that, no warning, nothing just he needs braces and it will cost $5,000 and we'd like to get them on sooner rather than later… Goodbye Disney world…

  6. I am not a mother yet but I love reading other parent's stories on raising their kids and I love the idea of the dummy fairy! I hope you get more sleepy nights out of this (:

  7. So glad for you both that Lacey has surprised you!

    I agree with Deb though, do start saving for those braces. Daughter was a dummy-baby and had the small mouth / too many teeth issues too. We're post-braces now, but life is still full of surprises… just no dummies.
    Tasha xo

  8. So glad that the dummy ditching has gone well :)…your comment at the beginning “That as much as I want me-time, I'll always prefer us-time” definitely hit with me, might use it on hubby next time he tells me to just go and do whatever it is i want to do but can't quite tear myself away from my family. Our children are definitely a constant source of surprises, that is for sure! Tatum xx

  10. Carrie, now 27, did not like pacifiers at all, and still needed expensive braces……..TWICE!
    But I do remember the night we decided she could no longer come to our bed in the middle of the night……….

  11. My daughter found her first dummy at 2 when she stopped breast feeding. She gave them to the fairies at 3 with not too much hassle then she taught herself how to suck her thumb!! Now at 7 her big front teeth are coming through but she just can't give up sucking!! Good luck!

  12. Good on you for taking that big step. It's such a big deal for us Mummies isn't and sometimes, like you experienced, the kids are totally fine! When I took the dummies of my girls, I had the same dread that you described, was petrified of getting even less sleep than I was already getting, but like you it was an easy transition and much less traumatic than I had envisioned. Good on you Mumma!

  13. I was always hesitant to use a dummy until one night, when I gave it to my daughter and it worked and ever since that night, I did the same. At 18 months I decided it was time to get rid of it and we had lots of tears too but in the whole scheme of things, it was definitely easier to get rid of than I'd anticipated. Now with #2, I was once again hesitant to go down the dummy path but everything changes when you have more than one child and you just have to do 'whatever works for you' and so each night, out comes that dummy again 🙂 My husband keeps reminding me how easy it was to get rid of with #1 and he's right – if it works for now and helps our bub sleep, that's all that matters at this point in time I guess. Yay for Lacey getting rid of hers so easily x

  14. I really enjoyed reading this, brings back memories. My daughter now 6 was a dummy baby from week one! She loved that dummy so much that we had a number of them all over the house, in the car etc just in case. At 3 though the dummy fairy came and that was that. My daughter was fine, no tears, couldn't believe it. And interestingly enough two things we were told about dummies was they effect teeth and speech well my lovely girl talked early and hasn't stopped since plus has straight very strong teeth! My boy on the other hand never had a dummy, just hated them and he is the one with crooked teeth. G

  18. Telle, I went through the same thing two weeks ago. We told Carter the dummies were 'broken' and couldn't be used anymore. That they didn't work. He took them, put them in the bin, looked at us and said 'all gone'. That was it. I was so proud of him, but my heart broke a little inside. The last link to him being my baby was severed, and he really is my little boy now.

  20. I love this post! My daughter turned 2 a few months ago and I am dreading the day we take the pacifier away! She only has it during sleep but wakes up looking for it sometimes when it falls out of her mouth. I hope that our transition is as easy as yours!!

  21. Ditching the dummy was one of the most difficult things my daughter has gone through. Since the dummy ditch, she is sleeping so much better, and I dont have to constantly get up to soothe her back to sleep after losing the dummy. win win 🙂

  22. Funnily enough I too went to hospital with dummies all ready to go and my daughter had other ideas. She's almost 5 months and has also only taken the dummy once. It's so frustrating when we are out and she starts to get grumpy, it seems like all the other kids have dummies and she's just grizzling! Lol!

    • I think because the word “dummy” relates to the word “dumb” – not as in stupid, but as in mute or can't speak. Popping a dummy in babies mouths essentially renders them speechless! Well, the idea is to quieten them down, at least!

  24. My son also hated dummies but loved his thumb! A much harder habit to get rid of as you can't have the thumb fairy take it away! And he too will need braces because of the small jaw/big teeth scenario. However I have been told by his dentist that they won't even consider doing anything until he is at least 12 and has all of his adult teeth. Guess I have a bit longer to save (he is currently 10yo). Phew!

  25. My eldest son had two dummies, one for each hand and would swap them while he slept.
    Husband and I decided at the age of one the dummy was only used in bed and at the age of two it was a goner! As far as I can remember we did this, must not have been too traumatic as I cannot remember the throwing away of them.
    He is now turning 30 and doesn't hold it against me :0)

  26. That is such a lovely story, isn't it funny how we learn lessons in the most random way? I guess that's what makes life more interesting, a good dose of spontaneity 🙂 Parenthood is truly the most amazing journey xx

  27. My daughter developed the habit of throwing the dummy out of the cot because she knew I would come in to return it to her. One morning out of sheer exhaustion, frustration and near madness, I cut the dummy up with the scissors. In front of her. I know…Mother of the Year. She cried for three hours and then never mentioned it again…we have to trust them, don't we? Otherwise they are bound to discover we don't know what the hell we are doing most of the time 🙂

  28. My friend did the swap the dummy for a soft toy to cuddle at sleep time.Good idea to have a second one the same incase it goes missing or gets old and tattered.She learnt that the hard way.
    My girl didnt want a dummy but had trouble giving up the breast till someone gave me the brilliant idea of putting lemon on my nipples.Was so funny.She went to suck and went”oh yuk”.Waited then tried again on the other one.”Oh yukky” she screamed and that was that.Never went there again.
    I knew it was time for her but I still missed my baby.The hard fact I had to face was that she was growing up.

  29. My son was the same! I was so stressed about it. We left them for Santa last Christmas when he was just over 3. We all sat with a special gift bag, he had a sook of each one then plopped them into the bag. Santa then came and took them for babies who didn't have any dummies. He's asked a few times but we kept reminding him how lovely it was of him to give something of his to someone who has less than he has…works a treat!

  30. I love the fairy idea! I don't think I'll ever need to use it as Eli HATES his pacifiers. I started trying to give him one around four weeks and he spit it out then and spits it out now, at five months.

    Children are definitely surprising little creatures though. We're learning that already and it's only been a few months!

  31. We had a dummy fairy too!!! Our dummies were tied in the orange tree and when we woke up the next morning he had left little presents in the tree. Worked a treat.

  33. good read. i know there's so much more wisdom here, but you had me at “i wondered if i'd get even less sleep.” my daughter is only 2 and a half, but i fear i may never get a full night's sleep ever again!

  34. We did this too…though it was called a “ba-ba” and the ba-ba fairy came to collect it to bring it to a baby who really really needed it. Gosh, I almost had forgotten about that. You and your girl are an amazing pair!

  35. My daughter is 12, and she still surprises me! Just when I think I know how she's going to react or deal with something she shows me I really have no idea!! Parenting is a wonderful surprise every day, and it keeps me on my toes.
    Good on you for sticking to your guns and going ahead with the dummy fairy, Lacey is obviously a strong girl and will continue to show you different sides of her that you will always be amazed by!

  38. Oh! I'm so scared of giving up Charlotte's dummies. Thank you for sharing your story, the fairy method is awesome, I might just give it a try. She's 2 years 3 months right now…. not sure when we'll actually do it.

  39. I will happily give my children a dummy if it means they don't suck their thumb. Reason being – I am now an adult and still traumatised by my awful pre-primary teacher. She used to make the thumb-suckers wear a dummy around their neck so that the other kids could tease them all day!

    Needless to say I was a closet thumb sucker until I was six! Haha!

    Lou x
    http://www.foxywhiskers.com

  40. My son gave up the dummy over night as well. I couldn't believe it because he had reflux problems and was an unsettled baby. We RELIED on the pacy.. from month 2 to 1 year old until we tried it one night. He actually slept better after that. It was a tormenting decision to try it, thinking oh no, no sleep again and he ditched it like that. What can i say? never assume…!

  42. Oh thank you so much for posting this! My daughter is almost three and has a dentist appointment next week and I have been dreading it knowing she still uses her pacifier. Our dentist said she will work with us, and we can bundle up all the pacis and bring them in for the babies, but I have been dreading how the nights will go. You have relieved my worries so much! Thank you xo

  43. Oh Chantelle, your Lacey reminds me of my Emilu, she's turning one next month, and she's a restless sleeper, and unsettled most of the time. I call her my high needs baby and it suits her well. She never took to the pacifiers and I didn't insist precisely because of what you went through to ditch them. Anyhow, I remember a while back you wrote a post about your sleepless night I was still pregnant, and though oh wow I hope my child is not as restless as Fat Mum Slim's baby. But she certainly is unpredictable in her sleeping habits, and wants to be entertained the whole time. I'm just secretly glad that my child who's soon to be a toddler is not the only restless sleeper, it makes me feel less bad. But I do have a sweet arrangement: My husband and I take turns sleeping in the room to take care of her nights.

  44. What a wonderful post and thanks for sharing! I hope all continues to go well for y'all without them! I'll have to keep the fairy idea in mind when we go through that. Although since she's not here yet, we have a while! Blessings!

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