I was here.

The other week I drove to my editor’s house for a work meeting. I’ve done the drive a heap of times before. It’s quite a busy road, with a tunnel, lots of traffic lights and usually a bunch of traffic.

About 25 minutes after I left my house I arrived at hers and parked in her parking lot. I thought back to the drive and could hardly remember any of it. How did I get here? I couldn’t remember the tunnel, how many lights I’d stopped at or any other specific details. It wasn’t that I’d blacked out, but I just wasn’t present. I was in automatic the whole drive.

I find this in life too, sometimes. All of a sudden, without me noticing, I’ve been married for almost 7 years, am a mother of an almost 4 year old and we’re in the year 2012. How did I get here?

Not long after I turned 22 I did a self-development course and this was one topic that was covered heavily. Brian, the leader, said on the first day, “Have you ever driven somewhere and not remembered the drive?” Everyone nodded.

The whole course was about living your best life, unraveling the past and embracing the future. I loved it. Back then I was traveling quite lightly compared to my mates doing the course. They’d sob through sessions and I’d quietly unravel and observe from the sidelines.

My ma mentioned to me last week in a conversation we were having that not everyone wants to improve their life. Naively, I’d never pondered that before. I’m always on an Oprah-like journey of self-improvement {sometimes it works for me, sometimes it just plain exhausts me}. Doesn’t everyone want to be their best self?

On Sunday, while Lacey and I danced around the living room to the music channel, a song brought me to tears. It’s Beyonce’s I was here. She starts by saying, “I searched all around the world and I found myself.”

Amazing, isn’t it?

I know I won’t leave a mark like Beyonce has, but I will leave the world a little better for being here. Now I just need to remember to be present, so I can remember the ride.

Are you present as you travel through life? Do you try to live your best life?

47 thoughts on “I was here.”

  2. Wow, what a great post! There have definitely been times when I've wondered how I got here – both literally in the driving sense, and also in terms of where I'm at in my life. It's a weird feeling.

    This year I've been trying to focus on being present. Not looking forward or focussing on the past, but just to enjoy being HERE right NOW.

    Love that Beyonce song. xxx

  3. Oh YES. I often get to the end of the day and wonder what happened. It may be the result of mothering three kidlets under five, or it may not.

    My 'word' for 2012 is intentional. I want to be more intentional about my everyday. More present. Remember the drive.

    And you can't go wrong with Beyonce, can you?

  4. We sadly recently lost a friend, she was in her early 30's we are still devasted…. what struck a cord with me was a poem printed inside the pamphlet at her funeral service, it was called “The Dash”. We all have a year in which we are born and will have a year in which we die.It can be printed just like this 1977-2011, it's not the dates that matter but that dash and what we do with it.

  6. Oh! What a beautiful and perceptive little post. I totally get what you are say. I often have that feeling like I just woke up one day with 3 kids. Like I almost time travelled to my future – I do remember the past 7 year but it often seems a bit blurry (sleep deprivation will do that). So important to be present for the journey of life. Thanks for sharing this.

  7. This is so true. Being busy should not be an excuse. Having 'no time' should not be an excuse.

    I recently got roused on by a member of the medical profession when I said I was feeling tired and exchausted because I was a working mother. Her answer? 'Thats your excuse is it? Then do something about it.' Being in the 'here' and appreciating my family and my work and my health is what I need to do about it.

  8. This is a lovely observation. I'm always looking to the future and looking forward to 'better times'. It can be hard to live in the moment. Thank you for the reminder.

  9. She's my favourite artist, amazingly talented. Her work has touched my life.

    I sometimes listen to her album when I drive to my mums each Monday. My mum is suffering with breast cancer.

    I LOVE to sing along to my favourite females' albums (and James Morrison at the moment too!) 'I Was Here' ALWAYS gets me choked up.

    But just before I arrive at my mums Run The World comes on and reminds me that women are ,so strong and that I can be strong for my mum.

    Music is tremendously powerful.

    I noticed you had 'be present' in your Manifesto and that stood out to me.

    Sometimes we're so busy, we're thinking about the next day or the day after that or the weekend ahead.
    Have you ever spent a day with someone then you can't remember what they were wearing? (that came about when I lost a relative in a shop and didn't know what colour coat she had on) The point is, I was thinking too much-rather than giving my attention to the company I had. I need to 'be present' more.

  10. This is the soul reason I started my blog. For me, life was work, being a mumma and a good wife – where does that leave the person that I was born, the person without the titles – Hayley??? Being the best I am is being aware of who I am, not just the roles i play. So now I write about the things that affect me personally the laughter, love, the good and the bad.
    Your daily inspirations are gold x.

  11. That really hits deep. Im sitting here crying now!

    Such a beautiful song and message.

    I try to be active in my life to make sure i am living it the best I can and leaving memories for the boys forever. I don't remember much of my childhood, and my Mum blames that on herself for drifting through life.

  13. Oh my goodness i am still crying….
    Thank you for sharing.
    Truly have forgotten how I got 'here'.
    I forget myself and plunge into my days without looking what I do, how I interact, love, care, laugh and appreciate who i am.

    Is that just limited to Mums or women in general?

    I'm going to watch it again. x

  14. I love this. I can't imagine someone now wanting to better their life though! That is pretty sad.
    But I have been there with the driving! Not necessarily that I can't remember the drive, but I'll be driving and I'm surprised I'm where I'm at on the road. I don't pay much attention. Which is bad, since I don't want to get into an accident! I have to work on that!
    But I love that 'I Was Here'. Need to remember that too!

  15. I was just thinking of this yesterday..of how I think I am starting to tune into daily delights and happenings.

    As for the previous years, well, I cant remember a thing…and I put this down to being too focussed on my goals and seeing everything else as obstacles.

    I have only just started to get back on the self improvement bandwagon after a few years of self defeating, so relevant to the stage in your life!x

  19. This post rings so true to me. I can often drive the whole way into town and not remember how I got there.
    I am forever setting small goals to achieve a better me, not always succeeding but trying all the same.
    Thank You.

  23. I've just finished reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp, a dare to live fully, right where you are. Very powerful and profound and on the same theme of living your best life, being present, enjoying what you have right now. Great post.

  24. I get that floaty feeling all the time. I often got told I needed to be grounded and spread some roots.

    I am trying to live in the moment and be in the moment and so far it is working beautifully!

    I find that meditation helps to ground me for the day.

  25. I get it. 100%. All of a sudden I've lived in Hong Kong for a year. All of a sudden I'm about to give birth to my first child. How did that happen? I TRY to be present but sometimes the rollercoaster just takes over and time slips away, without malice or intent. It just slips away.

    Great post. Thanks for the reminder. Beyonce rocks my world 😉 xx

  26. Beautiful post – and what an amazing song that is. Tears in my eyes now.

    I'm very guilty of this; I drift away and I'm living in the future without seeing today. Mindfulness is a huge part of each day for me now, and I have to remind myself all the time to just be here and enjoy the day for what it is.

  27. Was watching B on Sunday too…fantastic song…Im more in the present now…but lost a few years along the way…when everything was such a rush! We will leave our marks in our own way for sure….our kids for starters 🙂

  29. Great post. I need to be more present in my life. I've never quite got the hang of mindfulness but I think I need to try again.

  32. Such a thought-provoking post, Chantelle. I used to be much more into self-improvement. Now I'm more into acceptance. I feel that acceptance is getting me much closer to my 'best life'. x

  35. Great post Chantelle. I'm trying to be more present and focus more this year – rather than splitting my attention to so many different facets that I 'forget the drive'.

  36. great post – I like it very much. And yes, I´m trying my best too. Somedays it´s easier, some days it´s harder…but finally I found myself too – and I love it! have a beautiful day today. And really, i love your picture challenge very much. maybe you like to have a look in my blog. greetings from germany, geisslein

  38. Is this the poem? If not it is still a good one…

    The Dash Poem by Linda Ellis

    I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of a friend.
    He referred to the dates on her tombstone from the beginning to the end.

    He noted that first came the date of her birth and spoke of the following date with tears,

    But he said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years.

    For that dash represents all the time that she spent alive on earth
    And now only those who loved her know what that little line is worth.

    For it matters not, how much we own, the cars, the house, the cash,
    What matters is how we live and love and how we spend our dash.

    So think about this long and hard; are there things you’d like to change?
    For you never know how much time is left that can still be rearranged.

    If we could just slow down enough to consider what’s true and real

    And always try to understand the way other people feel.

    And be less quick to anger and show appreciation more
    And love the people in our lives like we’ve never loved before.

    If we treat each other with respect and more often wear a smile,
    Remembering that this special dash might only last a little while.

    So when your eulogy is being read with your life’s actions to rehash
    Would you be proud of the things they say about how you spent your dash?

  42. Oh, how this post moved me!!!!
    Thank you for it from the bottom of my heart!
    I quit my job back in September because I am in search of my “best life”.
    Life is constantly evolving and changing and I am always preparing myself to catch the next wave of it. I just always have to remind myself to be present too. 🙂

  43. I'm a bit behind in my blog reading for the past couple of weeks but I'm so glad I read back to this post Chantelle….you TRULY gave me goosebumps! Also, the poem Lipstick and Licorice spoke of, was just as thought-provoking. Thank you! xx
    PS Just for the record Beyonce (if you're reading this ~ LOL!!!) – you have already left your mark on the world. You are inspirational…

  44. I love this post, thank you!

    Are you present as you travel through life?

    Yes! At least i'm trying to be. But man, time does fly…

    Do you try to live your best life?

    I'm currently travel the world to find myself
    so i will say YES, a hundred time yes and i love & enjoy every seconds of it.

    I've just found your blog trough Instagram and i'm so happy! You definitely made my day 🙂

    Julie

    http://cansouplover.blogspot.com

  45. I love this song! It brings so much inspiration and hope, and it definitely makes you want to live the best life you could possibly have. As you only have one shot at it you might as well make it a damn good one.

    I think you've made your mark in life. You've given birth to a beautiful girl and provided inspiration to strangers on the internet. I think we often undervalue ourselves and the things we do, sometimes we just need to step back and observe our life and think “Heck yes! I'm awesome” 😀

  46. That was a really great post. I'm a new reader of your blog and love your attitude. I don't suppose you remember anything about the name or facilitator of that course? I don't know how long ago 22 was for you! 🙂

  47. Being present is HARD! I'm trying to work on that.

    I'd never considered that some people might not want to improve. That's probably true though. I'm constantly trying to improve myself! Lol.

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