44 thoughts on “From the battle lines of parenting”
Oh how I sympathise…. My eldest (now a very grown up girl) was also a rubbish sleeper for her first few years. At about 3 I told her that I wouldn’t come in to her any more unless she wasn’t well, in which case she could come and wake me. I left water on her bedside table, along with books, and a table lamp, and she got on with it. She wasn’t allowed out of her room, other than to use the bathroom. She stuck by the “rules”, and is still not a good sleeper even as an adult….. drives me mad even now when she comes to visit for a few days! 😀 My boys on the other hand…… could win gold for sleeping! Even from a week old I’d have to wake them to take the next sibling up, to school! And they are still exactly the same! lol Good luck with whatever you decide to try with Lacey; but don’t let her get to 16 and still be waking you in the night; you’ll have enough sleepless nights anyway by that age! 😀 Jude.x
Thanks Jude. She better be sorted by 16, or I’m going to need a truckload of therapy!
God I needed this post this morning!!!
My son is 17 months. He hasn’t slept more than three or four hours without waking in his life (and don’t get me started about the day time). I have resorted to letting him sleep with me; and while he still wakes the same, at least I don’t have to get out of bed! We have just got my daughter sorted (she’s three) so I realised that I haven’t had a good nights sleep in nearly four years. It’s all about survival at my place…
Sometimes you just need to hear that you’re not the only person who is doing what has to be done. So thank you for sharing.
Yes! That’s what I need. Most of my friends have babies/kids that sleep perfectly. So to hear that I’m not alone. There is so much comfort in that.
Big hugs. xx
It feels good to know that i’m not alone in the “survival parenting” I constantly try to be the mother i want to be but find myself in the moment trying to survive….i also feel VERY thankful now to have a child that sleeps quite a bit
I’ll get us t-shirts made. Survival parents ‘r’ us.
I am really go with the flow, until I need something changed! Then I try to work out a solution, and sometimes it works – most times it doesnt!! I cant function without my sleep, yet I have been in last few weeks because hubby works nighshifts and I dont sleep well when he is not home.
Have you tried a chiropractor appoint? We used a chiro for one of our boys when he was younger to help with sleeping – it worked well for while he was going. Maybe lavender? Maybe let her watch DVD? See – I go with the flow and work out whatever works at the time 🙂
Hope something works soon xxx
Hey Lisa, did you see a normal chiro or a specialist kids one? And did you have to have an Xray before getting chiro on the kids? I am SO doing this. x
Sorry – I have only seen this now 🙂
It was a chiro that hubby used first, and then our boys went to see him. No need for xray before hand as the Chiro (if they are a good one) will be able to see what is out of place by looking and watching your daughter walk. Hope it works 😉
Survival, Thom sleeps with me permanently now. He goes to bed cuddling me and he wakes up wrapped around my head, sleeping across the pillows. I wake up with a sore neck but then am smothered with kisses so that generally cheers me up. I know he wont always want to sleep in his mum’s bed so on the hard days I focus on that and know that he is happier.
I got a puppy a few months ago, silly idea to get him in winter when he doesnt want to go outside … he sleeps on my dressing gown next to the bed. I couldn’t take the whinging!
When they made us mums, you and I came from the same mold. Seriously. What a pair of softies! x
Oh dear I still don’t sleep well, but I wouldn’t blame my parents for it. Don’t think it’s got anything to do with their parenting so don’t worry! Keep on keeping on. This is such a poignant and moving post, I guess because sleep is such a deal for me. I’m glad to have had these words in my moment of sleeplessness – thank you 🙂
That is SUCH an interesting way to look at it. Of course she won’t blame me, but it feels like it’s all my fault. I hope you get some good sleep soon. xx
My child sleeps like a log thankfully, but my dog sleeps on my bed, head on pillow and he is a big dog…. so it could be worse at least you trained the dog! Note to self don’t let the puppy sleep with you because it is cute, one day it will weigh 30kg and take up more of the bed than you.
And the dog brreath! You’re a good egg Poppy. And can you imagine what your puppy tells the others dogs at the park? “Dude, I’m totally sleeping in luxury!”
Oh Chantelle having read your previous blogs about your sleeping battles with Lacey, I feel for you! I am not really in the same boat, my eldest, who is almost 4, was a terrible sleeper as a baby. It got really bad at around 17 months, if I remember correctly, and I was literally just surviving from one day to the next with little sleep. I was an emotional wreck. In the end after reading EVERY book in the local library on sleep, I decided to adopt Dr. Ferber’s approach to sleeping problems; I was very anti controlled crying/comforting (not against anyone else doing it, but didn’t feel that it was the right thing for me to do) but was at the end of my tether and needed the situation to change; it only took a few nights for my son’s sleeping patterns to improve, and the difference in his day sleeps changed too. So much better! He is a fantastic sleeper now.
My second child is a good sleeper, (I learned from my first what NOT to do!) apart from when she’s sick/teething etc. I think as a parent you just have to do whatever works for you at the time to stop you from being a mental case/sleep deprived/raving loony! There are so many ‘things’ I thought that I would never do as a parent, but now that I am one, it’s sometimes just easier to do whatever gets you through. Sleep deprivation is a beep!!
Good luck, hope the sleeping battles are over soon! xx
Oh I love your story! I’m scarred with the thought of another baby and going through the same thing. But you give me hope. What does Dr. Ferber’s book suggest? I’ve tried lots of books, but this worked for you?
Oh no don’t be scarred! I make out that I did everything ‘right’ second time round, but even though she was/is a better sleeper, I was still feeding her through the night for far longer than what I wanted to, but it was a way to settle her. I realised I was creating another rod for my own back so gave that up a lot earlier than with my first.
I think too, second time round I was a much more relaxed parent so wasn’t rushing in at the first cry or movement, which allowed her to resettle without me butting in. Also, with more than one child you can’t always be there 100% for either, so there were times when number two had to cry because I was tending to number one and vice versa. The relationship that they already have at nearly 4 years old and 17 months is so special and melts my heart. So even if I was worried about the whole sleeping nightmare repeating with child two, the bond between them far outweighs sleepless nights, grumpy kids, zombie mum…
Dr Ferber wrote in his book something that really stuck with me. He says that you wouldn’t let your child play with a sharp knife, so why would you let them continue to have atrocious sleeping habits? I think I decided there and then that I wasn’t doing my son any favours by letting him continue this bad sleeping pattern (which as I said was getting worse and worse as he got older) so I bit the bullet.
You go in at intervals to settle them but don’t stay too long, the intervals between going in lengthen until you’re at the set time limit for that night. I am sure the book addresses all types of sleeping habits and ages, but I may be wrong, it’s been a while since I read the book. Again I reiterate that I know this won’t work for every child, I actually didn’t hold much faith in the system working for my son, but it did and it saved me from spiralling further into a sleep deprived depression.
I am still sleep deprived, don’t get me wrong, I think maybe it’s just part and parcel of being a mumma, but it’s manageable and not as awful as before!
Sorry for the essay, I wish you ALL the best in finding a solution to Lacey’s sleeping issues, for her sake and yours!
My 16 year old did not sleep for the first 5 years of his life unless he was between his dad and me with his tiny hand wrapped around my hair. There was no escape. We tried different approaches and finally just choice to let him sleep with us until he went back to his own bed. He was five, Christmas was approaching and he learned that Santa checks your bed to see if you are asleep…he decided from that moment on to sleep in his own bed. Yes, I often had to stay with him until he was asleep but he feel asleep quickly. Joe and I decided when we had our son not to parent for an audience and do what worked for our family…which mainly means doing what works in that moment. Now that he is 16, I do go in and poke him once in awhile when he is sound asleep at 10am in the morning..when he hollers I smile…A Mother’s revenge is so sweet.
Ha! I love it. Lacey sleeps with us most nights, or will start off in her own bed and end up in ours.
Oh sweet revenge. I think I’ll do a bit of poking too!
Ha ha – I don’t have kids, but I can completely relate to the puppy training! 🙂 Sounds like you’re doing really well. Puppies respond very well to routine and feel safer when they’re in a ‘den’.
PS. Your post made me smile as it reminded me of when my 11 year old dog was this little – such wonderful memories!! 🙂
Oh, that’s sweet. We’ve been going to puppy preschool and it’s so awesome. I loved hanging with all the other puppies and learning basic, but essential tricks. x
I’m a midwife and before I had kids I thought I knew it all. I was so smug! I thought they must be doing it all wrong. Then I had my own non-sleeping kids and I just did anything I had to to survive. Now they are 6 & 7, I mostly sleep on my own, although bedtime is a long process. This week we got a new puppy and it all came back to me! Will I never have a sleeper? I understand exactly what you are saying!
So glad someone is going through the same thing. I thought for a moment that I was the silliest person on earth to inflict even less sleep on myself. Thankfully Bronte sorted herself out. I thought it was going to be a looooong road.
Bless you and your ways
Oh yes. My silly ways.
At least you have won with Bronte. I am the opposite, Miss 3 sleeps right through night and I stupidly caved to the puppy cries on night one and let her on our bed…… 7 years and 2 countries later…. she still sleeps on my side of the bed!!
Oh so sweet though. Go Miss 3!
BIG PICTURE ALL THE WAY!!!! I read this and cringe at the thought of how tired you are and the pain of waking up so many times, but it’s OK, you are tough too…in your own way 😉 xox
I cringe too! So embarrassing that I can’t get it right. And frustrating too.
Survival all the way!
My youngest only ever slept ON me for his first 15 months.
I live by the mantra “they all sleep eventually”…
Oh gosh, I can imagine the neck pain. I just think it’s funny that a switch will eventually go off and she’ll love sleep, like most teens do… and until then, I wait.
Big picture. In fact, growing up with several dogs and their litters as a kid taught me early on is that a few nights in the laundry crying is best for everyone, because it means they learn to be on their own. Same does for the kids (although they weren’t in the laundry, and there was quite a bit of patting going on … the kids, not the dogs).
I could not do that. You must be INCREDIBLY patient. Good luck with the pup, she’s a darling.
Maybe I SHOULD put Lacey in the laundry. 😛
I only have two fur babies, but we learned the hard way to be firm with them. Even though they’re cats, they bark like dogs when we don’t give them what they want! Cheeky buggers x
Animals! Seriously! 😛
You’re amazing at what you do and they will thank you for it over and over in their ways as they both grow!
Both my boys were horrendous sleepers and like another comment we took them to get their necks and backs checked with a specialist childrens’ cranial osteopath – my eldest fell asleep in the appointment and napped for 3 hours afterwards we took the next much younger and whilst he didn’t fall straight asleep during, the nights got better rapidly.
You’ve brought it all back to me – I hope you find your way x
Oh, I did see a cranial osteopath when Lacey was 5 weeks, but perhaps it’s time to go again. Thanks for this reminder. Will search for one near our new home. x
Because, I’ll also add, she had a nasty forceps birth that left her really bruised. Perhaps that is why. Just having an ‘aha’ moment! xx
I’m with Katybeth… I’m a maman of five. Two daughters, three sons, the last two sons, twins. All five spent their first two years in our bed, then the next 5 years in our bed at various times… There were times, though rare, when we would have 2 or three children in our bed with us and I would wonder at my decision. But, looking upon their sleeping forms would quickly dispel any doubt that was trying to niggle in.
The twins, slept with us every night until they were three… then they began sleeping with their older siblings, and coming down to us when they sisters or brother, “just weren’t enough.”
I guess I should add here that our children are… well spaced. Our daughter’s were born in 1977 & 1979, then in 1983 we had our son… Just before our daughter’s were to perform in the 1991 Macy’s Day Parade, I began feeling ‘off.’ Really, ‘off.’ And as it turned out, ‘off’ was not only pregnant, but pregnant with twins. So, the twins, also sons, were born in 1992.
I can hardly believe they are 20. Now… let me tell you why I think our Family Bed was a success…
Now, to this day… when our children need comfort, they’ll come home. I can’t count how many times over the years, I will wake in the middle of the night to one of our children gently whispering “Maman…Maman…” at my ear, and when I respond having them tell me a brief overview of what’s going on, as I pat the space beside me, and they curl their back against my belly, that once contained them. I stroke the hair on the soft spot behind their ear, listening to them cry, or tell me their joy, as we fall asleep.
Our eldest daughter’s, both married with children, parent the same… Our oldest daughter has three children, the 12 & 11 year olds rarely in the family bed for long, but the baby not quite 2 is always there…
Our second daughter’s daughter (6) has been sleeping in her own room for nearly 2 years, but still comes to the family bed, as she needs for comfort.
When I stayed with them last year for a month, our grand-daughter chose my bed over all others in the home… I was honored and blessed. To be so loved is amazing.
Sometimes, I wish I could crawl into bed with my Mama for comfort… I remember fondly the days, all those many years ago, (well over 1/2 a century) that I could, and it’s bittersweet.
Cherish your time with Lacey. For this time too, shall pass, and you will be left with only the imprints of memories, upon your heart.
Oh Gigi. Way to make a mama cry. This is beautiful. Thank you. xxxx
Maybe Lacey & Bronte could sleep together and settle each other?! =)
Oh Chantelle, I really feel for you! You may remember me complaining about Keeli’s lack of sleep? Well thankfully she is much, much better now. She still wakes early and goes to sleep early compared to many kids her age, but the waking during the night has considerably improved. Unfortunately I have no tips on how to help Lacey sleep.. I kind of gave up trying everything to get Keeli to sleep, and that’s when it all started to improve. Go figure!
On a side note: I am constantly asked when we’ll be trying for another baby, and my answer is always something along the lines of “I could survive PND again, and I’d happily do childbirth again, but I will not go through sleep deprivation again!” that is just pure torture!
Jay xxx
Survival!!! My son was not a good sleeper. Oh boy the bone seeping tiredness. I used to go to work on 4 hours broken sleep. I always put him to sleep in his cot and when he woke up hubby would bring him into me (I coped much better having him beside me than hubby as he was always worried about sqashing him) and I would pat and sing a very boring Old McDonald Had A Farm (because the song can go for a long time without you having to think much). I took him to see an osteopath because I had heard that can sometimes help. Nope. Apparently his Dad was like it too. Now he is a great sleeper. About time. But unless you have a bad sleeper I don’t think you really understand the survival mode and what you do to get by & ‘survive’. One thing I have always stuck to though is a routine. He adores reading a story before bed. Hubby and I are religious about taking turns to put him to bed. It really is a special time with them (well now it is). Thank you for sharing your story. I always felt very isolated and a somewhat failure because I couldn’t get my child to sleep through the night. Take care and be nice to yourself.
Oh how I sympathise…. My eldest (now a very grown up girl) was also a rubbish sleeper for her first few years. At about 3 I told her that I wouldn’t come in to her any more unless she wasn’t well, in which case she could come and wake me. I left water on her bedside table, along with books, and a table lamp, and she got on with it. She wasn’t allowed out of her room, other than to use the bathroom. She stuck by the “rules”, and is still not a good sleeper even as an adult….. drives me mad even now when she comes to visit for a few days! 😀 My boys on the other hand…… could win gold for sleeping! Even from a week old I’d have to wake them to take the next sibling up, to school! And they are still exactly the same! lol Good luck with whatever you decide to try with Lacey; but don’t let her get to 16 and still be waking you in the night; you’ll have enough sleepless nights anyway by that age! 😀 Jude.x
Thanks Jude. She better be sorted by 16, or I’m going to need a truckload of therapy!
God I needed this post this morning!!!
My son is 17 months. He hasn’t slept more than three or four hours without waking in his life (and don’t get me started about the day time). I have resorted to letting him sleep with me; and while he still wakes the same, at least I don’t have to get out of bed! We have just got my daughter sorted (she’s three) so I realised that I haven’t had a good nights sleep in nearly four years. It’s all about survival at my place…
Sometimes you just need to hear that you’re not the only person who is doing what has to be done. So thank you for sharing.
Yes! That’s what I need. Most of my friends have babies/kids that sleep perfectly. So to hear that I’m not alone. There is so much comfort in that.
Big hugs. xx
It feels good to know that i’m not alone in the “survival parenting” I constantly try to be the mother i want to be but find myself in the moment trying to survive….i also feel VERY thankful now to have a child that sleeps quite a bit
I’ll get us t-shirts made. Survival parents ‘r’ us.
I am really go with the flow, until I need something changed! Then I try to work out a solution, and sometimes it works – most times it doesnt!! I cant function without my sleep, yet I have been in last few weeks because hubby works nighshifts and I dont sleep well when he is not home.
Have you tried a chiropractor appoint? We used a chiro for one of our boys when he was younger to help with sleeping – it worked well for while he was going. Maybe lavender? Maybe let her watch DVD? See – I go with the flow and work out whatever works at the time 🙂
Hope something works soon xxx
Hey Lisa, did you see a normal chiro or a specialist kids one? And did you have to have an Xray before getting chiro on the kids? I am SO doing this. x
Sorry – I have only seen this now 🙂
It was a chiro that hubby used first, and then our boys went to see him. No need for xray before hand as the Chiro (if they are a good one) will be able to see what is out of place by looking and watching your daughter walk. Hope it works 😉
Survival, Thom sleeps with me permanently now. He goes to bed cuddling me and he wakes up wrapped around my head, sleeping across the pillows. I wake up with a sore neck but then am smothered with kisses so that generally cheers me up. I know he wont always want to sleep in his mum’s bed so on the hard days I focus on that and know that he is happier.
I got a puppy a few months ago, silly idea to get him in winter when he doesnt want to go outside … he sleeps on my dressing gown next to the bed. I couldn’t take the whinging!
When they made us mums, you and I came from the same mold. Seriously. What a pair of softies! x
Oh dear I still don’t sleep well, but I wouldn’t blame my parents for it. Don’t think it’s got anything to do with their parenting so don’t worry! Keep on keeping on. This is such a poignant and moving post, I guess because sleep is such a deal for me. I’m glad to have had these words in my moment of sleeplessness – thank you 🙂
That is SUCH an interesting way to look at it. Of course she won’t blame me, but it feels like it’s all my fault. I hope you get some good sleep soon. xx
My child sleeps like a log thankfully, but my dog sleeps on my bed, head on pillow and he is a big dog…. so it could be worse at least you trained the dog! Note to self don’t let the puppy sleep with you because it is cute, one day it will weigh 30kg and take up more of the bed than you.
And the dog brreath! You’re a good egg Poppy. And can you imagine what your puppy tells the others dogs at the park? “Dude, I’m totally sleeping in luxury!”
Oh Chantelle having read your previous blogs about your sleeping battles with Lacey, I feel for you! I am not really in the same boat, my eldest, who is almost 4, was a terrible sleeper as a baby. It got really bad at around 17 months, if I remember correctly, and I was literally just surviving from one day to the next with little sleep. I was an emotional wreck. In the end after reading EVERY book in the local library on sleep, I decided to adopt Dr. Ferber’s approach to sleeping problems; I was very anti controlled crying/comforting (not against anyone else doing it, but didn’t feel that it was the right thing for me to do) but was at the end of my tether and needed the situation to change; it only took a few nights for my son’s sleeping patterns to improve, and the difference in his day sleeps changed too. So much better! He is a fantastic sleeper now.
My second child is a good sleeper, (I learned from my first what NOT to do!) apart from when she’s sick/teething etc. I think as a parent you just have to do whatever works for you at the time to stop you from being a mental case/sleep deprived/raving loony! There are so many ‘things’ I thought that I would never do as a parent, but now that I am one, it’s sometimes just easier to do whatever gets you through. Sleep deprivation is a beep!!
Good luck, hope the sleeping battles are over soon! xx
Oh I love your story! I’m scarred with the thought of another baby and going through the same thing. But you give me hope. What does Dr. Ferber’s book suggest? I’ve tried lots of books, but this worked for you?
Oh no don’t be scarred! I make out that I did everything ‘right’ second time round, but even though she was/is a better sleeper, I was still feeding her through the night for far longer than what I wanted to, but it was a way to settle her. I realised I was creating another rod for my own back so gave that up a lot earlier than with my first.
I think too, second time round I was a much more relaxed parent so wasn’t rushing in at the first cry or movement, which allowed her to resettle without me butting in. Also, with more than one child you can’t always be there 100% for either, so there were times when number two had to cry because I was tending to number one and vice versa. The relationship that they already have at nearly 4 years old and 17 months is so special and melts my heart. So even if I was worried about the whole sleeping nightmare repeating with child two, the bond between them far outweighs sleepless nights, grumpy kids, zombie mum…
Dr Ferber wrote in his book something that really stuck with me. He says that you wouldn’t let your child play with a sharp knife, so why would you let them continue to have atrocious sleeping habits? I think I decided there and then that I wasn’t doing my son any favours by letting him continue this bad sleeping pattern (which as I said was getting worse and worse as he got older) so I bit the bullet.
You go in at intervals to settle them but don’t stay too long, the intervals between going in lengthen until you’re at the set time limit for that night. I am sure the book addresses all types of sleeping habits and ages, but I may be wrong, it’s been a while since I read the book. Again I reiterate that I know this won’t work for every child, I actually didn’t hold much faith in the system working for my son, but it did and it saved me from spiralling further into a sleep deprived depression.
I am still sleep deprived, don’t get me wrong, I think maybe it’s just part and parcel of being a mumma, but it’s manageable and not as awful as before!
Sorry for the essay, I wish you ALL the best in finding a solution to Lacey’s sleeping issues, for her sake and yours!
My 16 year old did not sleep for the first 5 years of his life unless he was between his dad and me with his tiny hand wrapped around my hair. There was no escape. We tried different approaches and finally just choice to let him sleep with us until he went back to his own bed. He was five, Christmas was approaching and he learned that Santa checks your bed to see if you are asleep…he decided from that moment on to sleep in his own bed. Yes, I often had to stay with him until he was asleep but he feel asleep quickly. Joe and I decided when we had our son not to parent for an audience and do what worked for our family…which mainly means doing what works in that moment. Now that he is 16, I do go in and poke him once in awhile when he is sound asleep at 10am in the morning..when he hollers I smile…A Mother’s revenge is so sweet.
Ha! I love it. Lacey sleeps with us most nights, or will start off in her own bed and end up in ours.
Oh sweet revenge. I think I’ll do a bit of poking too!
Ha ha – I don’t have kids, but I can completely relate to the puppy training! 🙂 Sounds like you’re doing really well. Puppies respond very well to routine and feel safer when they’re in a ‘den’.
PS. Your post made me smile as it reminded me of when my 11 year old dog was this little – such wonderful memories!! 🙂
Oh, that’s sweet. We’ve been going to puppy preschool and it’s so awesome. I loved hanging with all the other puppies and learning basic, but essential tricks. x
I’m a midwife and before I had kids I thought I knew it all. I was so smug! I thought they must be doing it all wrong. Then I had my own non-sleeping kids and I just did anything I had to to survive. Now they are 6 & 7, I mostly sleep on my own, although bedtime is a long process. This week we got a new puppy and it all came back to me! Will I never have a sleeper? I understand exactly what you are saying!
So glad someone is going through the same thing. I thought for a moment that I was the silliest person on earth to inflict even less sleep on myself. Thankfully Bronte sorted herself out. I thought it was going to be a looooong road.
Bless you and your ways
Oh yes. My silly ways.
At least you have won with Bronte. I am the opposite, Miss 3 sleeps right through night and I stupidly caved to the puppy cries on night one and let her on our bed…… 7 years and 2 countries later…. she still sleeps on my side of the bed!!
Oh so sweet though. Go Miss 3!
BIG PICTURE ALL THE WAY!!!! I read this and cringe at the thought of how tired you are and the pain of waking up so many times, but it’s OK, you are tough too…in your own way 😉 xox
I cringe too! So embarrassing that I can’t get it right. And frustrating too.
Survival all the way!
My youngest only ever slept ON me for his first 15 months.
I live by the mantra “they all sleep eventually”…
Oh gosh, I can imagine the neck pain. I just think it’s funny that a switch will eventually go off and she’ll love sleep, like most teens do… and until then, I wait.
Big picture. In fact, growing up with several dogs and their litters as a kid taught me early on is that a few nights in the laundry crying is best for everyone, because it means they learn to be on their own. Same does for the kids (although they weren’t in the laundry, and there was quite a bit of patting going on … the kids, not the dogs).
I could not do that. You must be INCREDIBLY patient. Good luck with the pup, she’s a darling.
Maybe I SHOULD put Lacey in the laundry. 😛
I only have two fur babies, but we learned the hard way to be firm with them. Even though they’re cats, they bark like dogs when we don’t give them what they want! Cheeky buggers x
Animals! Seriously! 😛
You’re amazing at what you do and they will thank you for it over and over in their ways as they both grow!
Both my boys were horrendous sleepers and like another comment we took them to get their necks and backs checked with a specialist childrens’ cranial osteopath – my eldest fell asleep in the appointment and napped for 3 hours afterwards we took the next much younger and whilst he didn’t fall straight asleep during, the nights got better rapidly.
You’ve brought it all back to me – I hope you find your way x
Oh, I did see a cranial osteopath when Lacey was 5 weeks, but perhaps it’s time to go again. Thanks for this reminder. Will search for one near our new home. x
Because, I’ll also add, she had a nasty forceps birth that left her really bruised. Perhaps that is why. Just having an ‘aha’ moment! xx
I’m with Katybeth… I’m a maman of five. Two daughters, three sons, the last two sons, twins. All five spent their first two years in our bed, then the next 5 years in our bed at various times… There were times, though rare, when we would have 2 or three children in our bed with us and I would wonder at my decision. But, looking upon their sleeping forms would quickly dispel any doubt that was trying to niggle in.
The twins, slept with us every night until they were three… then they began sleeping with their older siblings, and coming down to us when they sisters or brother, “just weren’t enough.”
I guess I should add here that our children are… well spaced. Our daughter’s were born in 1977 & 1979, then in 1983 we had our son… Just before our daughter’s were to perform in the 1991 Macy’s Day Parade, I began feeling ‘off.’ Really, ‘off.’ And as it turned out, ‘off’ was not only pregnant, but pregnant with twins. So, the twins, also sons, were born in 1992.
I can hardly believe they are 20. Now… let me tell you why I think our Family Bed was a success…
Now, to this day… when our children need comfort, they’ll come home. I can’t count how many times over the years, I will wake in the middle of the night to one of our children gently whispering “Maman…Maman…” at my ear, and when I respond having them tell me a brief overview of what’s going on, as I pat the space beside me, and they curl their back against my belly, that once contained them. I stroke the hair on the soft spot behind their ear, listening to them cry, or tell me their joy, as we fall asleep.
Our eldest daughter’s, both married with children, parent the same… Our oldest daughter has three children, the 12 & 11 year olds rarely in the family bed for long, but the baby not quite 2 is always there…
Our second daughter’s daughter (6) has been sleeping in her own room for nearly 2 years, but still comes to the family bed, as she needs for comfort.
When I stayed with them last year for a month, our grand-daughter chose my bed over all others in the home… I was honored and blessed. To be so loved is amazing.
Sometimes, I wish I could crawl into bed with my Mama for comfort… I remember fondly the days, all those many years ago, (well over 1/2 a century) that I could, and it’s bittersweet.
Cherish your time with Lacey. For this time too, shall pass, and you will be left with only the imprints of memories, upon your heart.
Oh Gigi. Way to make a mama cry. This is beautiful. Thank you. xxxx
Maybe Lacey & Bronte could sleep together and settle each other?! =)
Oh Chantelle, I really feel for you! You may remember me complaining about Keeli’s lack of sleep? Well thankfully she is much, much better now. She still wakes early and goes to sleep early compared to many kids her age, but the waking during the night has considerably improved. Unfortunately I have no tips on how to help Lacey sleep.. I kind of gave up trying everything to get Keeli to sleep, and that’s when it all started to improve. Go figure!
On a side note: I am constantly asked when we’ll be trying for another baby, and my answer is always something along the lines of “I could survive PND again, and I’d happily do childbirth again, but I will not go through sleep deprivation again!” that is just pure torture!
Jay xxx
Survival!!! My son was not a good sleeper. Oh boy the bone seeping tiredness. I used to go to work on 4 hours broken sleep. I always put him to sleep in his cot and when he woke up hubby would bring him into me (I coped much better having him beside me than hubby as he was always worried about sqashing him) and I would pat and sing a very boring Old McDonald Had A Farm (because the song can go for a long time without you having to think much). I took him to see an osteopath because I had heard that can sometimes help. Nope. Apparently his Dad was like it too. Now he is a great sleeper. About time. But unless you have a bad sleeper I don’t think you really understand the survival mode and what you do to get by & ‘survive’. One thing I have always stuck to though is a routine. He adores reading a story before bed. Hubby and I are religious about taking turns to put him to bed. It really is a special time with them (well now it is). Thank you for sharing your story. I always felt very isolated and a somewhat failure because I couldn’t get my child to sleep through the night. Take care and be nice to yourself.