Exhaustion.


The other day Lacey had a bit of a spill. One of the kids was playing with her, and scarily she fell from quite a height and her head landed on the hard stone floor.

I know kids have spills, I’ve seen plenty in my day. It was scary that she fell so far and especially onto such a hard surface. She cried for a while and a large bump came up straight away.

I know when it comes to head injuries that you can never be too cautious so I took her to the doctors. We had to wait a while because we didn’t have an appointment. Lacey was absolutely fine. Despite it being dinner time and nearing her bedtime she was loving being in the waiting room and playing with the toys. She decided to empty my handbag onto the floor, which left me feeling quite exposed as the room full of patients looked on. As long as she was happy, I didn’t mind… well until tampons started rolling all over the place. I had to draw the line, and pack it all up there.

The doctor checked everything. Her spine. Her limbs. Her little head. Her eyes. Her ears. She was happy and healthy. I just had to keep her awake for 4 hours and observe her. Easy.

I know the doctors pretty well at the surgery. I take the kids from work there and spent many days there when Lacey and Shane had whooping cough. The doctor asked how everything was going. I told her how little sleep I was getting. She kept asking questions and looking into my eyes, as if waiting for me to tear up. How are you surviving on such little sleep? How are you coping? It must be incredibly hard. Are you okay?

It is hard. I do miss sleep. I miss it like nothing else in the world. I would pay really good money for just one night of full, blissful sleep. But, as I told the doctor, I just can’t think about it. Thinking about it doesn’t make it any better, it just makes me feel more tired. I’m not sad about it though. Sure, I’m exhausted, and I look like crap most days, but this is my life now, and it’s not forever. I tell myself all the time: This too shall pass.

I only have to look at Miss Lacey and I feel so blessed. Those little giggles, the smooches, the hugs… it’s all worth it. It really is.

I had drinks with friends a few weeks ago and they were saying how exhausted Shane and I looked at Lacey’s Christening. They’d never seen us look so bad. It’s when I’m reminded like that, that I realise how taxing it really is. The kids at work often like to point out how dark the bags under my eyes are. Thank you kids.

I went to Borders the other day to look at another sleep advice book. I was hopeful, but it really is just the same information worded differently. It would be simpler if we were based at home all day, but we’re out and about all the time. Our routine is a bit shoddy.

The things that gets to me the most is that I am struggling to shift this weight. It slowly comes off, but mostly stays the same. I joined up to Weight Watchers a few weeks back. It’s cheap and easy. I have promised myself that I will keep turning up week after week no matter what, and I do. It’s embarrassing to turn up and stay the same weight, or have such small losses. At least I am there though. I know that you need sleep to lose weight and be healthy. I was reading an article the other day that confirmed that for me.

We try and get Lacey to settle at night, but she won’t… without a breastfeed. She will scream and yell for hours. I really mean hours. It’s pretty impossible. It makes the night seem very long.

The lady that wrote the sleep book that I read at Borders also does house visits. She will stay for three nights, and tells you to get a good nights sleep (or three) while she gets your baby into a good routine. I know I wouldn’t sleep well with Lacey upset in the room next door. It’s very expensive, but it’s something I would consider. We’ll try and tweak her routine over the coming weeks to see if we can fix it ourselves. If she gets to the ripe old age of one and hasn’t improved then it might be on the cards. We’ll see. xx

Photo : Etsy

20 thoughts on “Exhaustion.”

  1. Telle, do you know that it is virtually impossible to lose weight when you are sleep deprived. It’s like the body simply cannot take anymore stress and it wants to harbour that fat so that it feels safe and secure. Well that is my theory anyway! I get what you mean. The idea of 8 hours uninterrupted sleep feels like a forbidden fantasy…

  2. Have you thought of attending sleep school? We went with Chiara for a week stay when she was about 14 months old. Prior to going I was breastfeeding her to sleep to get her to go to sleep, she didn’t know how to do it herself unless we were in the car. During the night I was doing this 3-4 times. Anyway, it was life changing for us, I couldn’t recommend it more. She is now (25 months) and going down at just before 8pm and waking at about 8am, occassionly we have the early morning but it is very occassionally and we even have to wake her up some mornings. I wish we had gone earlier. I knew, I was tired but until I started to actually get sleep I didn’t realise how tired I was.

  3. my baby is almost 1 and has the same problem – can’t get her to sleep unless i breastfeed. unless she is totally exhausted or in the car she can’t get to sleep herself. though when she was younger she used to be able to and then something changed and that was it!
    i have also looked at this sleep lady and wonder if i should get her help too. i am up 2/3 times a night, haven’t slept properly in over a year…

  4. Oh my – poor Miss Lacey! I’m glad she’s okay though – a tough little princess!

    I hope you get a good night’s sleep soon, honey *hugs*

    xoxo

  5. have you tried the ‘baby whisperer’ method? put a mattress down next to the cot and keep lying her down when she stands up crying until she stops getting up and then she can fall asleep watching you sleeping on the floor next to her. she’s upset but she is not alone, your presence is a comfort but you are teaching her to sleep without the breastfeed. it takes a few weeks but is gentler than controlled crying, however I have heard sleep school realy really helps as well.
    good luck

  6. There’s a place in Perth called Ngala that helps with problems with sleeping and settling. I’m sure there must be something similar in Sydney. This is something that is paid for by the State Govt, and is nothing short of miraculous by all accounts. Good luck, it sounds like it’s time you took matters into your own hands.

  7. Elisa – I like your theory. It sounded very professional.

    Megan – I’ve sent you an email. I hope it reaches you. 🙂

    Dorsey – Love ya! Thanks for your support. x

    Sis – Mwah! I had no idea what you meant, and then Shane just pointed it out to me (ie spelt it out very clearly) – OMG!

    Katy – Thanks. xx

    Helen – I know it’s bad that you’re going through this too, but there is also a sense of warmth that I’m not alone. I hope you feel that too. Imagine if we could negotiate and get half price / two for the price of one?

    Kahlee – 🙂 xx

    Anon – I have tried lying next to her on the ground, but not sleeping. I make it to two hours of lying her down and letting her know it’s okay and that I’m there. But at two hours I cave in. It sounds like a good idea though. I might have to give it a try. xx

  8. Suze – They do have places like that here too, I’m sure. It’s just that I can’t take time off work to be there during the day… and I start so early too. It makes it a bit hard. I will have to look into it. I was going to try and see if it would magically fix itself by the time she was one. I love a bit of magic. x

  9. I thoroughly recommend – ‘Save our Sleep’ by Tizzie Hall.

    It was a decision we made (actually I did at 3am) when we said no more breast feeding to get to sleep! He was totally using me as a getting back to sleep tool!’
    It took 3 nights and then I had him sleeping 7 to 7am!
    It’s not a book that takes ages to read as it is broken up into sections – so you will be a pro in 2 hours or so!!
    It’s not for everyone, but we found it fantastic.

    My parents would laugh when they would look after lucas, as I had a running sheet of where he is at, at every hour but Lucas knew what to expect throughout his day and so did we.
    We are the busiest people in the world (so we thought), so having a routine like this I thought was going to be the end of the world as we knew it- but actually it was the opposite.
    Good Luck!!

  10. Kelly – I have that book and think it’s brilliant.

    How did you get your baby to sleep without the breast?

    Lacey fights and fights and fights. Did you offer a subsitute? Settle in your arms/cot?

  11. hey telle,

    hugs and kisses to miss lacey… and you cause i know its more stressful for the mumma than the bub usually!

    sorry about the whole sleep issue… you know it will eventually sort itself out… if you want to help make it happen you know you have to be committed – once you decide your doing it you cant give in even after 2 hours. all she learns is that if she cries long enough you will give in… next time you do attempt she will cry atleast 2 hours (but i guess you know that!). you would need to be home for a few nights and be prepared to get absolutely NO sleep at all. the most stubborn child gives in within the week but god thats a LONG week!

    the books are great but really those sleep programs are meant to be implemented before 6 months because after that the will of the child is just too strong… for a mum to hear the heart breaking scream is unbearable… i reakon get that lady in no matter what the cost!

    rowe x

  12. Yes I swear by it. I have another bubba that I will be trying it on later in the year. You are best to try something now though before Lacey gets too old and set in her ways – then it will be a battle of the wills.
    They say ‘sleep promotes sleep’ – it is so true.
    The above comment is correct though – you have to be committed. My turning point was getting up for the feed at 1am and then thinking the next one was to be about 6am onwards as usual, only to be woken at 3am! I was like pat, pat, pat, sssh, sssh, ssshh I’m not feeding you again surely…. and of course that was useless.
    That was the moment that I realised I was being used!!!
    So I let him cry! I know that may seem heartless to a lot of mums out there ( as no one can bear to hear their babies cry) – but for my own sanity I just had to. I couldn’t go on anymore during the days with broken sleep, and my days were getting harder to predict.
    (Not to mention I thought I better get him into some kind of routine before highschool!!)

    I would feed him at the beginning like normal and then I was waiting for him to wake during the night and hopefully put himself back to sleep. They seem to realise after awhile that they don’t really need the feed during the night, they just don’t know what to do with themselves awake.
    The first 3 nights were hell – screaming etc my husband and I took it in turns to sleep in the other room.
    When they realise that you are not coming in – then they go to sleep. We couldn’t believe it, I saw i similar approach on Oprah too, they had a hidden camera in the nursery and they watched the baby crying for attention, then it stopped for awhile and he was listening for the parent to walk in, he even gave a little smile – then realised that they weren’t so cried again!! Finally he put himself to sleep and then the pattern began.
    You have to be so strong though, and expect to cry yourself. Once you start you have to keep it up otherwise they will be more confused with the mixed messages.They are very smart little poppets!!
    (oh my god – look at my essay!)

  13. Oh, it’s what I feared. I hate the crying (her and me). It’s always so much worse in the darkness of night.

    I will have to do it though, and not give in.

    Last night she finally went to bed at 9pm and woke every hour until at 4am she decided she wanted to get up for the day.

    I think it’s time. x

  14. Ooooh yes yucko…. you know its time then.

    I also really recommend the Fisher Price ‘Aquarium’ it attaches to the side of the cot and it plays music for 10 mins. It has different functions and keeps them mesmerized watching the fish and bubbles for ages.
    We used it as a sign that its bedtime and this little music is a routine for sleeping.

    It is really cute when they get that little bit older and you can hear them during the night turn press on the music themselves. He would press it up to 4 times in a row sometimes – but at least he was going to sleep without me.

    We would take it on holidays with us and everything.
    Lucas is sleeping in a bed now (nearly 3yrs old) and and it is sitting on his bedside table. We call it his jukebox!
    Im buying one for Lachie the minute he is in a cot!!

  15. glad to hear lacey is okay!
    i hope things look up for you 🙂
    sorry i have no advice i am the most clueless person when it comes to all things babies.
    u must be really strong to work everyday on little sleep.
    after 2 nights of hardly any sleep im like a zombie.
    and then the only thing i do to help wake me up is sugar fixes. nasty nasty routine!

  16. I ha the same problem with my first baby so I know how exhausted you must be. I would breastfeed her to sleep and very carefully put her into her cot while she was asleep. She would then wake constantly and I would feed her back to sleep. When she was about 9 months old and I was practically insane from lack of sleep I finally found the answer. I would do the normal feed her to sleep routine, but then every time she woke after that my husband got up to her.It only took three nights of this and she started sleeping until about 6 a.m. Heaven! The hardest part was getting my husband to actually get up.

  17. I know these days can be exhausting, but don't forget to enjoy them too. My kids are now older and in college. What I wouldn't do to enjoy those moments again. Also, weight watchers is great. It really helped me.

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